Thursday, September 30, 2010

BOOK REVIEW: The Undead That Saved Christmas


The Undead That Saved Christmas is an anthology of stories, poems, carols, AND comics written by horror fans for horror fans that was collected and assembled by anthology editor and book reviewer Lyle Perez-Tinics. Or as I like to call him: Da MAN!

I’ve been following Da MAN! and this project for a few months now. What this project is (or was and will be) is that Lyle set out to do something unique and truly great for society. Put together a book of short stories, carols, and comics encompassing zombies…and Christmas. AAHHHDDD that is fucking awesome. But the thing is not only does that make for a captivating read but this book is also giving back to this world after zombies have taken so so much.

The Undead That Saved Christmas is proof that Horror Fans are the BEST Fans. This book set out to do two things…add more zombies, gore, and Christmas to our lives…AND put presents under trees for foster kids at Christmas. Proceeds from this book go to the Hugs Foster Family Agency to help buy presents for kids this Christmas. Now THAT is what horror is all about. Also the gore, nudity, blood, guts, eye gouging, elf torture, and brutal murder. But mostly giving.

Man this poster gives me such a hard on. This is such a great tribute to Scanners.
AND the story fucking OWND.

I have tremendous respect for this book and what it sets out to do. So much respect that I even submitted a story for this anthology that got rejected (Probably due to intense awesomeness…besides this will give me something to blog about this Christmas) and I hold no ill feelings towards that. Lyle (Da MAN!) is a great guy and his intentions are above the normal capacity for mere human thoughtfulness. Also, he was kind enough to send me a screener copy (MY FIRST SCREENER COPY! WOOO!!) to review for him and also to help promote the book.

So lets review and promote baby!

This story is every bit as amazing as the poster depicts.

You can tell this thing was put together with serious reflection. He didn’t just throw the names of stories into a hat and pull them out, there’s enough combination between stories to keep this book moving. You’ll read a story about a Frozen Elf Zombie and switch to a serious Family death Zombie story. It just goes back and forth instead of the stories being bunched together so you absolutely love the first half and hate the second. It makes the pace of this thing go very quickly.

The stories. Oh LAWD! the stories. There are a couple dozen stories in this thing…maybe more I don’t have the book in front of me…but I loved ALL but like two. And those two didn’t suck or anything, they just weren’t as good when compared with the rest. And it also has to do with my dislike of first person written stories. I just have a hard time imagining it, it's just not my thing. (And that's ok, it's not bad, it's just not for me.)  Novelists and filmmakers really need to read this thing. There’s more originality, hilarity, and amazingality in this book than anything big publishing/Hollywood has been putting out lately. The stories range from just ridiculous fun to serious of the serious. All of them truly unique of one another.

One story in particular…"Brains Like Figgy Pudding" was just fucking great. It had me rolling through the whole thing. Not only was it a great story but it’s structure stood out from all the rest. The chapters went along to the theme of The Twelve Days of Christmas and the story was told in reverse. Each chapter leading up to the beginning and each chapter throwing you for a loop. I didn’t see any of that shit coming and I loved it. The humor thrown in was just genius.

Then just when your getting sick of reading stories…it ends. But it’s not over, oh no no, then we move on to Christmas Carols and some original poems. There’s a few pages of these, all of them are pretty amazing. But from there we go to my favorite part…the comics. There’s like 5 or 6 of them…all of them very well drawn. The last one was just the most fantastic thing I’ve ever read. I don’t even want to spoil it a little for you, I was laughing to hard it made me cry. I loved it!

Pictured: Santa about to get PWND!
Also one of the better "serious" stories in this thing.

Ok so now that you know this book is awesome, go buy it. Even if your not sold on what I just told you, buy it anyway and help put some presents under some kids' Christmas tree this year. Every bit helps and you’ll be getting something kick ass in return as well.

You can find more information on The Undead That Saved Christmas’ facebook page or you can check out Lyle’s book review website, Undead in the Head, I’m sure he has some details about this thing on there.

One last thing, if you enjoy writing and missed this opportunity, not to worry. Da MAN! will be doing this again next year with The Undead That Saved Christmas Vol 2 AND The Undead That Saved Christmas: Vampire Edition! BAM…your mind is blown.

The Slumber Party Massacre is coming back to DVD baby!! with a free Pillowcase!!


ALRIGHT! A bunch o titties and slashing. It doesn't get better than this!

I've been wanting to buy (and watch) the Slumber Party Massacre movies for quite some time. (There are 3 of them if you don't know) I think I've seen some bits and pieces of them here and there but it'd be nice to sit down and watch them all. I've heard that basically what you see is what you get with these movies....boobs, blades, and blood. The three 'B's of slasher movies. Good enough for me!

And it's Roger Corman so it will be spectacularly bad.

From the Press Release:

Stay up all night with the films that put a new twist on the slasher genre. Along with Halloween (1978), Friday the 13th(1980) and Prom Night (1980), Slumber Party Massacre (1982) helped define the slasher film ethos of the 1980s. Put together by first-time director Amy Holden from a script, titled “Don’t Open the Door," by feminist author Rita Mae Brown (Rubyfruit Jungle), the film was an immediate hit for Roger Corman's New World Pictures, eventually spawning two sequels. 
 
Here, for the first time, all three Slumber Party Massacres are brought together in one DVD set, due to drill its way into your heart on October 5, 2010 from Shout! Factory, in association with New Horizons Picture Corporation. The 2-DVD set includes The SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE: Special Edition, SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE II, and SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE III, as well as such killer all-new bonus features as a three-part documentary, "Sleepless Nights: Revisiting The Slumber Party Massacres," a photo and poster still gallery, and an essay on the Slumber Party phenomenon, "Close Your Eyes For A Second ... And Sleep Forever." A must have collection for all slasher fans and collectors of Roger Corman’s Cult Classics, own the complete set for $24.97 SRP.

Thanks in part to a brilliant marketing campaign pushing a feminist angle because the film was written, produced and directed by women, the story of a girls’ basketball team drilled to death at their celebratory slumber party became a staple in mom-and-pop corner video stores of the 1980s. Bulked in with the “best” of the early slashers, The Slumber Party Massacre (1982) had a secret weapon: a wicked little brain and a dark sense of humor layered between the three nude scenes and one very brief sex scene. The girls take on the masculine roles (playing sports, working as telephone repair women, basketball coaches, carpenters and always willing to fight back against the “Driller Killer”), while the somewhat effeminate boys made the stupid decisions typically played out by women in the subgenre. Additionally, the boys died more violently on screen than their counterparts.

In The Slumber Party Massacre, 18-year-old high schooler Trish (Michelle Michaels) decides to invite her high school girls' basketball teammates over for a slumber party. What she doesn't know is that the girls will get an uninvited guest -- Russ Thorn, an escaped mental patient and murderer of five people who's weapon of choice is a portable power drill.

The only sane survivor of the first incident, Courtney (Crystal Bernard of "Wings" fame), dreams of the driller killer returning in the first sequel, Slumber Party Massacre II (1987). She can't help shake the feeling that she and her friends will be viciously tormented by the killer. Her nightmare becomes reality when the killer returns, reincarnated as an evil rocker with a deadly guitar, who goes about slaying more teens.
The final installment, Slumber Party Massacre III (1990), is a reimagining of the first film, but with more gore and violence. After a relaxing day at the beach, a group of teens decide to have a slumber party. Their boyfriends predictably show up to scare them, but there is something much scarier lurking in the shadows as the group starts getting attacked by an unknown killer with a fixation on drilling.

Disc 1
The SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE: Special Edition (1982)
Disc 2
SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE II (1987) and SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE III (1990)

Special Features:
• New anamorphic widescreen transfer (1.78:1) of “The Slumber Party Massacre” and “Slumber Party Massacre II”
• All-new three-part documentary: "Sleepless Nights: Revisiting The Slumber Party Massacres"
• Photo and poster still gallery
• Theatrical trailers 


THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE
Starring Michelle Michaels, Robin Stille, Michael Villella, Debra Deliso, Andree Honore
Produced and directed by Amy Jones
Screenplay by Rita Mae Brown
Director of Photography: Steve Posey
Edited by Sean Foley
Music by Ralph Jones
Co-produced by Aaron Lipstadt
Rated R


SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE II
Starring Crystal Bernard, Patrick Lowe, Kimberly McArthur, Juliette Cummins, Heidi Kozak, Joel Hoffman, Scott Westmoreland. Featuring Atanas Ilitch as the Driller Killer.
Written and directed by Deborah Brock
Director of Photography: Thomas L. Callaway
Edited by William Flicker
Music by Richard Cox
Production design by John Eng
Special makeup effects by James Cummins
Produced by Deborah Brock and Don Daniel
Executive producer: Roger Corman
Rated R


SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE III
Starring Keely Christian, Brittain Frye, M.K. Harris, David Greenlee, Brandi Burkett, Hope Marie Carlton, Maria Claire, Maria Ford
Directed by Sally Mattison
Written and produced by Catherine Cyran
Director of photography: Jurgen Baum
Edited by Tim Amyx
Music by Jamie Sheriff
Produced by Roger Corman and Catherine Cyran
Rated R


Total running time: 241 minutes
Special features are not rated


If you have ever tried to BUY these movies anywhere...like ebay...then you know that they are ridiculously overpriced. There was a Slumber Party Massacre collection out already but there must have been a small amount produced because the collection runs like $50. Or if you wanted to buy them separately $20. Fucking outrageous! I'm a cheap bastard (and a poor one) so I've just been dying to come across these somewhere for like $15. And that will happen now that these things are going into production again.

You can check out the Shout! Factory store for details on how to buy this amazing collection. ($18 plus shipping) And for a limited time if you buy the collection they're giving out a free pillowcase with your order. And it looks pretty splattertastic.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Chromeskull: Laid to Rest 2 - Quite possibly the greatest movie title of 2011.


So I had a choice today. Report on Vampire Summer Camp or Laid to Rest 2. Just thank your eyes and fragile brain that I made the right choice. It's very possible that VSC will implode the universe. It's an almost certain theory.

So Laid to Rest came out...last year I think and now there's talk of a sequel. These "talks" seem like a sure thing and I don't see why it wouldn't be. I'll be honest and say that I don't entirely remember the first one, I think I was kind of in and out during the whole thing, BUT what I do remember is pretty awesome. Lots of cool kills, stars John and Sarah Connor from TSCC (Terminator TV show), and it had a pretty sweet villain.

Which is what Laid to Rest 2 will focus on. The killer. Chromeskull. Motherfuckin Chromeskull. He's a dude that hacks and slashes his victims with a video camera attached to his shoulder recording it all. So its kind of like if Predator had a chrome mask and his shoulder mounted laser weapon was a Sony Handycam. Also he was human and murdered people for fun and not sport. And there was no Arnold Schwarzenegger.



I liked Chromeskull. I thought his "look" was spectacular and quite scary. I think under the mask he was pretty grotesque, like Jason. But I loved the shoulder camera and his overall outfit. He was kind of like a preppy killer. Always perfect and clean. No tattered rags or anything.

Set to star in this movie are Thomas Dekker (returning from the original and star of TSCC), Brian Austin Green (wow, could they really pick up any more TSCC actors...they should get Summer Glau while they're at it), Michael Biehn (OH SHIT! I'm seeing this movie. Aliens! YES!), Jennifer Blanc (I have no idea who this is but I'm sure we'll see her naked), and Halloween Horror veteran Danielle Harris.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that this movie is going to kick ass. It has a fantastic killer, a great story (the first didn't say much about the killer if I remember right), a shitload of nasty gore, and an amazing cast (Michael Biehn Bitches!). I'm looking forward to this, should be one hell of a ride.

Bloody-Disgusting is reporting that filming on this movie to begin November 1st. They are shooting for a Halloween 2011 release.

Monday, September 27, 2010

The 31 (Baddest) Days of Halloween: Countdown begins Friday!!


Halloween is descending upon us rapidly. It’s that time of year to wrap up the yard work and stock up the pantry full of canned goods to survive the annual winter zombie assault. It’s also that time of year that the stores churn out Horror movie goodies, Horror movies flood the theatres, and it’s also that time of year that us Horror fans like to express ourselves and our elite love of all things Horror. Lists will be compiled, “The 31 Days of Halloween”, Horror Movie Marathons will run rampant, limitless quantities of candy will be consumed…

…and I will do no fucking different. Halloween is my holiday. (MINE!!) For many others they can’t wait for Christmas or one of those other sissy holidays but for me Halloween is where the evil is and where I will be. I love Halloween: the spirit, the atmosphere, the weather, the movies, the candy, another installment of Saw. (I really do look forward to it…you all know by now my love of punishing myself) So it is of no surprise that I will celebrate this festive time of year with a countdown my own. I will countdown 31 movies throughout the entire month of October leading up to the intense (and highly anticipated) Halloween Horror Night All-Day Movie Scarathon. On Halloween.

A lot of people like to countdown 31 of their favorite Horror movies or the all time scariest movies. Not here. Only the baddest of movies in existence live here.

As I pondered what kind of bad movie list to put together, the perfect idea came to me. If you’ve been reading some of my posts over my short time blogging then you are aware of my love of Full Moon and of the owner/operator Charles Band. So for my inaugural list I will present to you the 31 Greatest Bad Movies Charles Band Has Ever Produced! Or as it will be known: The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Charles Band.

Or something like that.

But in case you are completely clueless on who Charles Band is and what the fuck a Full Moon is, allow me to explain. Charles Band has produced, directed, or written well over 200 movies. All horribly awesome. The man started making movies in the 70’s which led into the epicness of his career in the 80’s. During that time, he started Empire Pictures which churned out TONS and TONS of awesome horror movies. Empire eventually fell (ironically) and then in the early 90’s Full Moon was born. Full Moon partnered with Paramount to churn out a bunch of low budget straight to video horror/sci-fi movies. During the early 90’s into the late 90’s they put out a shitload of spectacularly bad movies. It wasn’t that they sucked, they were just so fucking insane and out of this world that they were the single most entertaining pieces of shit that you have ever seen. And for several reasons you wanted more. If one of the movies Full Moon put out was even remotely successful there were tons of sequels made for it. All of them infinitely worse (but BETTER! depending on your point of view) than the one before it. But eventually Paramount cut the cords on Full Moon in the late 90's and they pittered away for a few years. They still put out movies during that time but they were on a horribly subpar level when compared with the mid 90’s greatness. So subpar in fact that Charles Band changed the name of the company to Shadow Entertainment because of how unlike Full Moon these movies were. Well just recently, in the last…oh 4-5 years, Full Moon has returned and is making a HUGE comeback. Charles Band, being the ultimate badass that he is, stepped back INTO his company. He became more involved with Full Moon’s projects: writing, producing, and directing a lot of the features. And since that time the quality of badness coming out of Full Moon has risen 2000%. (It’s a real statistic…probably) New ideas for insane movies have risen, better and crazier sequels have surfaced, and the future is looking brighter and brighter with each passing day.

That is Full Moon. That is Charles Band. He is my hero. (perhaps the greatest hero of them all) He is doing what I want to do with my life. He makes bad movies FOR A LIVING. He owns a castle in Europe. They go there to shoot movies. He travels the world shooting movies. Bad movies...around the world. He has a close relationship with his fans. He’s constantly having contests for what movie they should put on Netflix or what should the next sequel be called in whatever franchise. He does regular podcasts on the Full Moon website updating all of us Full Moon fiends of the goings on at HQ. Someone pitches him an idea for a killer Gingerbread Man movie starring Gary Busey…and he says that’s fucking awesome. Charles Band and Full Moon Features have more entertainment value and originality per minute than anything Hollywood has to offer. And for that, I dedicate the month of October at Mr. Gable’s Reality to Charles Band and all of the amazingly horrible movies he has made.


To compile a list like this took some effort. Not so much figuring out which movies I love the most but widdling a list of well over 200 movies down to 31 took some time and reflection. But in the end, I’ll be counting down 10 movies that I HAVEN’T SEEN but look incredible, 11 movies that are just fucking awesome, and then I will end the month off with my Top Ten Charles Band movies. So WHY am I including movies that I haven’t seen? Because I can…and I also know that of all the movies that I have seen of his I know there are more out there that are far more incredible. And for our mutual enjoyment they will appear on this list. Also, the problem is that now a days a lot of these films are really hard to find. The chances of them being on Netflix are slim, even though I know Charles Band is doing his best to get them onto DVD but until that time I’m stuck with what I see on YouTube and hoping to find it at a used VHS store.

And all of this will be leading up to my annual Halloween Horror Night Movie Marathon. It’s a little something I started 7 years ago and I hold close to my heart. Basically, it's that day of the year when I take a chance on movies that I've really wanted to see but for some reason just couldn't bring myself to actually see. And I make a day of it. I haven’t worked out all the details yet this year but you’ll be sure once I do that you’ll be the first to know about it.

And finally I want to throw out a big thank you to all who are reading this. It’s really incredible to know people out there care enough to read about the shit that I write about. Who knew all this crap would be interesting to anyone else? I especially want to thank the (currently) 13 followers I have and the countless phantom readers out there. (From around the globe even!) Your support means the world to me and I hope that I am in some small way adding joy and (just terrible) knowledge into your lives. Thank you. Thank you so fucking much.

Look for the badness to begin this Friday, October 1st.

- Mr. Gable

Strip Club Slasher premiere on 10/27!!


Strip Club Slasher. What is not to love there? Strip...good. Club...pretty good. Slasher...I'm there. I think it goes without saying that this movie will have lots of boobs and blood...and probably some bloody boobs.

I've been with this movie since its original concept. Strip Club Slasher is made by Not For The Squeamish Productions, an independent MN Horror company, and being a MN resident I've had my eye on them for some time. It's been a long time, probably over a year, since I've heard any news on this movie. But finally it looks like its completed and ready for a premiere!  I can't wait, the title should give you a pretty good idea of what this movie is about but if you need a synopsis, I'll give you one:

A seedy, small town strip joint takes a down and dirty donkey punch after one of the girls get's brutally murdered. Fearing that the killer may be targeting the local talent, the authorities shut the place down while they investigate the crime. Sad and scared, the other girls decide to spend the weekend together to reflect on the loss of their friend and to keep each other safe. Sex, drugs and rock and roll ensue before everything comes to a scream filled halt when a madman starts picking them off in a brutal display of blood drenched depravity!
So it looks like we'll get a little bit of strip club before we get any slashing. That's alright, I'm ok with some stripping and then some pillow fights in the woods. It's like its something they pulled from my dreams. My horrible twisted amazing dreams.

So where can you check it out? The Mounds Theatre in St. Paul, MN that's where. Here's the release on the Strip Club Slasher website.
Just in time for the 2010 Halloween season be sure to join the NFTS Productions gang for a double dose of Minnesota Horror featuring the long awaited "World Premiere" of STRIP CLUB SLASHER alongside our "Evil Dead meets Blair Witch" inspired feature OFF THE BEATEN PATH to finish off this one night of terror that just cannot be missed!!!

$8 at the door or $4 with a discount flyer

Location:
The Haunted & Historic
Mounds Theatre
St. Paul, MN 55106
www.moundstheatre.org
No news on whether they plan to tour it around the country to just go to DVD from here. I'm doubtful of a tour so my guess is to keep it locked here for any news on the DVD release. Check out the Strip Club Slasher website for more information on the cast and crew, production stills, and other news about this fantastic movie. What could be better? Oh yeah, the trailer.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Couple of websites you need to know about...and Netflix update.

I will be watching this sometime this weekend.

So there are a couple of websites out there catered to the average theatre bound crowd. I've known about them for awhile but I also know that they are kind of new so perhaps YOU don't know about them. So I will share them with you. Right.....now.


Movie Stinger.com is a database of post-credit scenes. So let's say you want to go see Resident Evil: Afterlife but you hate sitting through the credits to see if there's a little extra gem waiting at the end....you go to MovieStinger and it'll let you know. OR if you went to the movie and left early you can go there to see what you've missed. And then be pissed about it.


Are you one of those people that ALWAYS buys that big fucking cup of soda and then guzzles it down before the opening credits? And then you suddenly realize your in a 3 hour movie with 2 hours to go and you have to pee like a racehorse? Well worry no longer, Runpee.com is here for you. Runpee is a database of times informing you when the best times to get up and go pee are during any movie currently in the theatre. So let's say you went to go see Devil. You wouldn't but it's just a hypothetical situation. According to Runpee.com at around the 48 minute mark you have about 4 minutes to go pee right after you see the old lady in the elevator hanging. I would think this whole movie would be a good time to go pee but that's just me.

Also Netflix update.

This is just something I thought I'd let you all know about since I love my Netflix and love zombies...especially Romero zombies. As of yesterday George A Romero's new movie Survival of the Dead is up on instant view for all to see. Check it out, I know I will be. I've heard mixed reviews, none of them loving it, but I will be watching this regardless.

It's Survival of the Dead, why WOULDN'T I WATCH THIS? Oh right, Sharktopus is on. Sorry SotD.

SyFy Saturday Schedule 9/25/10


It must be the end of the week and therefore time for another bad movie marathon on SyFy. For one reason or another, my eyes opened wide and I believe a hint of joy gleemed from the outer edges of my eye balls once I saw this list. It's not that these movies are amazing, they're ALL recent SyFy original movies, but it's just the fact that they're all together in once long string of shittasticness. I'm excited. But it's a damn shame I'll be too busy DRINKING ALL DAY to watch any of these. Although drinking all day and watching these movies DO go hand in hand.

So for all the alcoholics out there, clear up 20 hours on your DVR's and get ready for SyFy's giant sea creature mash up destruction kill day!

All times are EST.

9-11am: Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep (directed by the guy that directed The Gate!)
11-1pm: Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus (complete win, a must see classic)
1-3pm: Dinocroc (Holy shit, Charles Napier is in this.)
3-5pm: Supergator (I've heard terrible things...but that's a good thing. Can't be worse than Supergirl.)
5-7pmSpring Break Shark Attack (Never heard of it but with a title like that it has to have boobs. oh right cable, fuck.)
7-9pm: Lake Placid 3 (Actually pumped to see this. Michael Ironside. Check out the trailer here)
9-11pm: Sharktopus (Good god this has to be awesome. IT HAS TO BE! Seriously...check out the trailer below. Eric Roberts stars...first the Expendables, then SHARKTOPUS!)
11-1am: Dinocroc vs Supergator (well you saw their independent films...now watch them kill each other for the title of worst sea creature killer of the day!)
1-3am: Sharktopus (It has to be awesome, so watch it again.)
3-5am: Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy (Ooooo....Jeffrey Combs. Stay up late, it's probably pretty good.)

A pretty good day. I enjoy classic 80's/early 90's bad movies myself but this recent string of crap out of SyFy is pretty hilariously bad so it could be a good day to just melt your brain.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)


The above poster is not the poster for the movie. It is in fact Milla Jovovich leaping into my mind and fucking the shit out of me in my dreams. With all the explosions and zombies to boot.

So...Resident Evil: Afterlife. That was something wasn't it? Did you see it in the theatre yet? If you plan on seeing this at all I would advise you to see this in the theatre. This movie was made specifically to play with 3D technology and once its on DVD it's gonna blow harder than Megamaid at a stag party.

I saw this at the theatre last night. Completely of my own free will. I was actually kind of excited to see it. I've seen them all in the theatre so I might as well stick with tradition. And I've grown accustomed to really horrible, god awful painful movies...so this couldn't be all that bad. And it wasn't. There's lot to love and a lot to hate about this movie. Allow me to explain...

But first, Milla Jovovich.

I will start with what I liked about this movie. Because it comes down to two things. 3D and Milla. First the 3D ride was insane. This film was visually very appetizing to the eye. The opening sequence was full of action and 3D goodness and from there they piled on all kinds of crazy shots specifically to show off how awesome they are at making 3D. Like the scene where she's wasting zombies and everything slows down to show you the bullet exploding through the heads and their brains getting splattered on your face.

I'd like to splatter something on your face.

Which brings me to the only other thing that I liked about this movie...which is abundantly obvious...I love Milla Jovovich. Ever since I saw her in The Fifth Element I've been hooked. And it's really crazy because she is not even my type of girl. But for one reason or another (probably all the ass kicking and sci-fi nudity) I love this woman. I like her acting, her voice, her body, her presence, her face, her body, the way she waves the gun in my face showing her love for me. She is amazing and if she is in it, I will watch it. Even if its The Million Dollar Hotel. I'd do anything for you Milla. ANYTHING!

And now for the bad stuff. Excuse me while I take a deep breathe...

What the fuck was going on exactly? The story really made no sense. I know OF the bad guy, Wesker. I kind of remember him from the games but I'll be damned if anyone ELSE knew who that was. He just existed. And was bad ass. I guess that's all that mattered. And for the most part the story was simple...just kind of a failed rescue attempt. Again...this was just to make use of the 3D.  But they could have had a little more DEPTH to some of the characters. And I don't mean the humans. Why the fuck were the zombies different? I know the virus mutates but you could have solved that whole problem by stating, "Oh my god, they've mutated." But no, they just exist. Like everything else in this movie. And that giant axeman. He just appears out of nowhere. His only purpose is to rip off the pickaxe throwing scene from My Bloody Valentine 3D. Where actually throwing an axe made sense.

Resident Evil. I know this has been said before...for every Resident Evil movie...but I'll address it again. This has nothing to do with the games. The characters are VAGUELY based off the characters in the game. They more or less just took their names. There's just enough similarities to keep nerds interested. That's really all. I'm pretty disappointed of the complete oversight of Leon Kennedy. He's my favorite character and he's appeared several times in the games...but not in the movies. They must be saving him for something incredible. That has to be it? Right? No...I know. I shouldn't get my hopes up like that.

Then there is the little thing that bothered me about the Milla Jovoviches. Not Milla, she's perfect but the several hundred copies of herself. I was eyegasming for the entire time there were hundreds of Milla's on the screen...but I thought that they weren't used to much potential. The way the third one ended...openly (like this one)...I thought we'd be in a for a sick ride with tons of Milla's killing everything and bringing down Umbrella once and for all. What we get instead is just a pretty kick ass action scene...and they're dead. So all that intensity and excitement from the ending of part 3 is all over within the first 15 minutes of this movie. At least they wrapped it up instead of ignoring it but I wanted more out of that. It just seemed like they ended part 3 that way...and then decided to do part 4....and then it was like "oops! what the fuck are we going to do about all those Millas? We can't do an entire movie that way! I know...big action scene and they all die."

The characters. It was kind of ironic to see Kim Coates in this movie. Not only is Resident Evil a pretty textbook big budget bad movie but they cast this guy...the guy that was a part of Waterworld. and Assault on Precinct Thirteen. and Battlefield Earth. OTHER big budget bad movies. (That I secretly like...don't tell anyone) Apart from that guy, who I actually cheered for, the rest of the characters were just fodder for the feast as far as I'm concerned. And that's exactly what they were. Their parts were minimal, they did maybe one task that gave them mild credit to their existence, and they died spectacularly. Which, for me, would be a dream come true were I to be cast in a movie.

There is one character I would like to talk about. Luther...played by Boris Kodjoe. Or as I will refer to him as...the black guy. Every horror movie has one, it's like a horror quota...we need ONE and only ONE black guy. Either he's dead first or he's the hero. In this case...I just don't understand. It's not that I hated his character, it's not that I hate him for his acting abilities - I actually was really happy to see him here, I think he's great! - and it's not that he overplayed his blackness because he didn't...until the end. (The rest of this paragraph is pure spoiler. I gave you fair warning.) So somewhere near the end he is pulled away by zombies...screaming. Presumably dead. Then the movie comes to its climax, jizzes on our faces in glorious 3D, and its over. The day is saved. EXCEPT we cut to a nearby sewer drain...and there's the black guy shooting zombies and running away. And acting REALLY black. Overplaying it. Motherfuckers and all. He was so cool headed and awesome before this scene. I actually hated he died and then I saw he survived and I instantly hated the guy for it. I respected you man, what the hell? I know what it was, and I even said this in the theatre. It's like Paul W.S. Anderson killed the black guy and then realized that people will probably think he's racist so at the last minute he shot an extra scene showing the black surviving miraculously. It made zero sense and just killed the entire vibe of the ending.

God now all of you are going to think I'm racist. I'm not, I just hate that Hollywood has to stereotype ethnicities so bad. Can't all characters, even the non-white's, just act like....ummm...Americans? Or like real people?

But anyway....I just lost 3 readers. Back to the movie.

And more Milla. God look at those eyes...she wants me.

So would I recommend this movie to anyone? Yes, I believe that I would. All I ask is that you lower your expectations and just enjoy the sweet sweet Milla...I mean action. Please see it in the theatre before it disappears to DVD. I know they have 3D televisions now but lets be honest...you don't have one. And neither do I. So see it the way its intended to be seen and enjoy it. It's a hell of a ride. And there's no need to even pay attention so if you miss something....it's not important. Or they purposefully left out ALL details for its existence. It's fun, It's crazy, It's Resident Evil. Nuff said.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus Production Stills! (with Urkel and Robert Picardo!)


Still no official poster so this will have to do.

Eh, bad movie news is kinda slow this week so thought I'd post some production stills from the upcoming highly anticipated Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus. (Anticipated in the circles that I run anyway)

This movie is for America.

Here is the Asylum's official News Release regarding MS vs CS.
Principal Photography on MEGA SHARK VS CROCOSAURUS has just wrapped and the first images from the film can be seen here.
The anxiously awaited sequel to MEGA SHARK VS GIANT OCTOPUS features Jaleel White (pictured) and Gary Stretch as a Navy scientist and a big game hunter who must set aside their differences to destroy the giant prehistoric creatures who are wreaking havoc on the Earth.
Robert Picardo and Asylum alum Sarah Lieving also star.
MEGA SHARK VS CROCOSAURUS will be released on December 21, 2010.
It’s our Christmas present to the world.
"Our Christmas present to the world." Wow Asylum. You really think a lot about yourselves don't you? I highly doubt there'll be lines of people outside Best Buy trampling each other to make sure they get their copy before Christmas.

Urkel, "What do you think Jeff Fahey?"
Jeff Fahey impersonator, "I think the Asylum are dicks sir."

But at least fortunately this WILL be out for Christmas in case anyone wants to actually buy it. And that only means I have to wait 3 more months before it graces Netflix instant watch. And then you'll be damned sure I'll be first in line for that travesty.

Quick! We have to save this parakeet from the Mega Shark. And some other giant creature. Maybe a Croctopus? A CyberYeti? I haven't actually read the script yet.

STOP! I am Robert Picardo. Star of Star Trek: Voyager and Stargate: Atlantis. I am here to bring order and redemption to this horrible movie. I'm probably only in this movie 5 minutes but that's long enough to get Mr. Gable to watch it. And the rest of America. Cuz I'm motherfucking Robert Picardo. The GREATEST BALD MAN IN EXISTENCE!!

You can check out The Asylum's official website for more production stills. They're more or less what I've already posted here. But there is more Urkel to be had.

The Gable Collection: Newest Additions 9/22/10

Welcome to another thrilling installment of The Gable Collection. Here I just display some recently purchased pieces of crap for all to see! I mostly buy them blindly and I take a huge risk to my sanity in even attempting watching them. But I do it for you internet, it's all for you.

I'll be keeping this short this week, I'm fucking busy trying to catch up on writing, working on the house, AND getting ready for Gablefest (true story) that I won't be able to make this week as amazing as the last 2. So that being said...


I'll be honest, I bought this only because I'm trying to collect all of them. I have no fucking clue what to expect. I've only seen the first two (and own them...along with 3 & 4 and now 1992) and I thought they were pretty good. After that I've just kind of kept my eye out for the others as I travel the second hand stores.

I looked this up on IMDb and people seem to like this installment. It seems interesting enough, the cover is pretty sweet, and it was done by the director of Hellbound: Hellraiser 2 so I'm sold. I thought Hellraiser 2 was an excellent sequel. Hopefully he can do the same with this one.

I won't get around to watching this for while, I still need to find Curse (which I've heard is just dreadful), Dollhouse, and A New Generation. Once I find those then you can bet your ass I'll be doing an Amityville week. And it will be spectacularly bad. I can't fucking wait.




What could possibly have attracted me to Rottweiler? Could it be dogs? No. Could it have been Robots? No. Could it have by Robot Dogs. Hell Yes! Also this is directed by Brian Yuzna. I wouldn't say that I'm a big fan of Yuzna but I enjoy most of his work. He loves gore and craziness...and so do I.

I couldn't pass up on this film. After reading some internet reviews I'm kind of pissed that I own it now because everyone says its horrible but I'll still hold out a little hope that there's some kind of cinematic redemption held within these 90 minutes. There has to be. Even the worst of films have at least SOMETHING that is worth noting.

Eh, the cover looks kinda cool. That's something isn't it? ISN'T IT!?



Oh my God, that's my first time watching the trailer. *facepalm* Already there's several scene's that make absolutely no sense to me. Like how the hell does a CYBERDOG have trouble breaking through a door? It would appear to be impervious to FIRE but shitty panelling doors he has trouble with.

Must be used to doggy doors or something. I'm still gonna watch it though...probably wasted.


And now I present to you my first BOOK entry into my newest additions of The Gable Collection. I don't "technically" own the book just yet...partly because it isn't printed yet. But what I do have is a screener copy. Holy fucking shit right! ME! Somebody sent me a screener copy for review. That's awesome.

I've been following this project somewhere in the middle of its submission phase. Lyle Perez-Tinics, the guy that put this whole thing together, asked a bunch of people to write some short stories including Zombies and Christmas. And what he got was a SHITLOAD of short stories, poems, carols, and comics. And clipart...you should see the clipart. It's quite amazing.

The greatest thing about this book is that its all for charity. Proceeds from this baby will go to help kids get presents for Christmas. Proving yet again that horror fans are the best fans.

So it goes without saying that I am in the middle of reading this thing and I am truly impressed. It's fantastic. Keep it here for a review in the near future.

Go to Undead in the Head for more information. This is the anthologist's book review website. You can also search The Undead That Saved Christmas on facebook. That's probably a better choice...he updates constantly so you can be assured to get your copy fresh off the presses.

God dammit this thing is fucking awesome.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Killjoy 3 Trailer is here!! (Get excited, seriously)


Oh shit! Get ready cuz there's more Killjoy coming down the pike!

You don't know what Killjoy is? Well neither do I really. I know the first two were done in that period of early/mid 2000's Full Moon Features. Full Moon was awesome in the 90's...back when they had Paramount throwing money at them. But then they lost them and things went downhill. But just in the last couple of years they've really started kicking ass again. It's has nothing to do with money or anything but the fact that Charles Band has his hands deep into his own company again has really put a lot of life into the films they're putting out.

So what have we gotten with the new Full Moon? A new Puppet Master: Axis of Evil, Demonic Toys 2, Evil Bong 2: King Bong, the upcoming Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Clever, and now Killjoy 3. I know those are all sequels but you gotta start somewhere. I'm hoping for a new crazy series to start up.

Ok, I'm done rambling about Full Moon now. I love them and I think you should too. They're full on independent and their films are absolutely insane. To justify that claim, I present to you the Killjoy 3 trailer...



This looks really cool. I fucking love that opening line from Killjoy, "Your ass is mine!" God damn it that's awesome.

I love the story, the ridiculous set up, and the insanity that ensues. I can't wait to see this. Charles Band posted on his facebook that this will be available everywhere December 14th but a Killjoy Box Set will be available for purchase this Halloween. (of which I can assume won't ship until Christmas) And on that subject...every holiday Full Moon Direct has a huge sale on their inventory, definitely worth checking out.

Monday, September 20, 2010

BOOK REVIEW: Darkfall (1984) by Dean Koontz


I am what I like to call…a novice reader. I am so far behind on reading that I doubt I’ll ever catch up. Up until a few years ago I hated reading. It was a chore, it was boring, it was stupid. But then I discovered there was a whole section of Star Trek novels at the bookstore. And then I began to read.

What does this have to do with Dean Koontz? Nothing. But what does matter is that I am a new fan of the Koontz. I recently read his novel, By the Light of the Moon and I really loved it. I thought it was well written, well organized, and one hell of a story. The ending left me wanting more but overall I loved it. So from now on, I am a fan.

So I went back to the bookstore looking for more Koontz. I’ve seen the movie Watchers, based off Koontz, and was kind of looking forward to reading that (cuz I’ve heard that the movie butchered the shit out of the book) but instead I found Darkfall. What drew me to the book was this simple synopsis:
"A blizzard brings a city to a standstill - and ushers in an evil that defies imagination."
Hell yes! I love snow, I love evil, and I love defying the imagination. Let’s do this.

I typed "defy the imagination" into Google and this is the result. Sorry everybody.

So the prologue had me shitting my pants. I’m not even into this thing 5 pages and I’m scared shitless. It’s like 3 in the afternoon and my pants are full of mud. That’s awesome Koontz, thank you. The prologue is full of terror and gore. It’s basically about some little creatures in the shadows with silvery eyes mutilating gangsters. And it is amazing.

From there the story goes into detective mode. As a lot of great horror stories do. Two cops are investigating the murders from the prologue. Turns out there have been a few of these murders recently…all connected to known criminals. That’s pretty cool I thought. Some creatures in the night offing bad guys. Sweet! A “good” kind of evil.

The evil creatures make there appearance known here and there throughout the book. They murder a few more bad guys and then the central focus shifts from the unknown to partially known. Voodoo. This book is about voodoo. Yes, you’ve read that right. Fucking voodoo. Thank you Koontz, this is fucking AWESOME.

There’s a period in the book where Dean Koontz gives us (the audience) a deep lesson on voodoo. He teaches us all about the herbs and spices necessary to contact whatever god you want. He teaches us all about certain types of gods, their names and their purposes. We learn all about the good voodoo and the bad voodoo. It is kind of interesting but at the same time it sidetracks from the kick ass killing. But whatever, it draws you a little further into the story. I just thought it could have been a little less.

Somewhere around the first third of the book we meet the main villain. One bad voodoo dude. If you haven’t read the book I don’t want to spoil the motives of this man’s actions. He is pretty evil and I did like him but towards the end he turns into a big pussy.

Oddly enough, this is how the bad guy is described in this book.

Oh also it’s snowing. It’s snowing through the entire story. And unlike this paragraph, Koontz describes it very well. I don’t know how many times I could describe it snowing outside but Koontz found several hundred ways to describe it. Snowing. And there’s a love story thrown in there too. Not that it matters or anyone really cares but it’s there nevertheless.

The thing I loved most about this book is how it played in my head. I could just imagine this being turned into a movie…and how absolutely bat shit insane it would be. The “horror” of all of it would really look like shit on the big screen. It would be laughably bad. Don’t get me wrong, the book is well written and the story doesn’t come off bad but there’s just so many scenes that would just look so stupid on screen. Words describe it so much better than film ever would.

The reason I say that it would be a great bad movie is basically because of the little monsters. I thought I had them figured out from the beginning. But once they were finally revealed to the audience they were completely different than what I thought they’d be. It wasn’t just one kind of monster, it was several different kinds. And I could just about imagine what they would look like on the screen. *snicker*

The central focus with this novel seems to be Good vs Evil. (please for the love of everything click that link, you won't be disappointed) There are lots of stories out there (all of them) that use this as their foundation but Darkfall uses it to an extent that I have never seen before. (fucking voodoo man!) I really liked how the “good” and the “evil” came to a head at the end. I won’t give away the ending (Good wins, you know it does, it always does) but it was pretty sweet. And gory.

The book is really good and I would suggest it to anyone looking for a cool story involving voodoo, little monsters from hell, and a nonsense love story. I thought the first book I read from Koontz was better than this one (that's strange huh? Usually the later novels in a author's career turn into crap but he's actually getting better!) but I thoroughly enjoyed Darkfall. It’s short, approx 375 pages, so it’s a pretty quick read for anyone who’s not me. I’m a horribly slow reader. Just, just so terribly slow.

You can buy it on Amazon…or just go to a used bookstore like I did, I’m sure there’s several copies sitting on the shelf. It's a pretty old book, over 20 years old now so there's several different versions to find.

Puppet Monster Massacre. F*ck yes.


There's 2 things this world needs more of. Puppets and Horror. Enter: The Puppet Monster Massacre. Check out the trailer below. It looks like the Muppets...with blood.



Oh shit! Was that Nazi puppets I just saw!? This movie is going to be awesome! Evil Nazi puppet scientists murdering innocent people in a castle. I love it. Charles Band, eat your heart out. Here's the synopsis...

"A group of teens are challenged to spend a night in the Wagner mansion on the edge of town. Little do they know the owner (Dr. Wolfgang Wagner) has concocted a monstrosity in the basement and plans to make the hapless teens the creature's first big meal."

Oh shit! Teenagers!? Yes! This keeps getting fucking better! So...from what we've seen, it's safe to say that this movie will be following your classic 80's slasher type formula...and adding in monsters. If this movie doesn't have some kind of a puppet sex scene I'm going to be massively disappointed. There had better be some puppet titties too. Big ole humps of socks floppin around. That'd be amazing.

I think this movie has the potential to be just outlandishly amazing. I hesitate so say that this might be along the lines of Team America of the horror genre but that's kind of what it is. Not as dumbed down of course. They actually look like they're gonna try to make a decent movie out of this while not taking itself too seriously.

Check out the official website for the first five minutes of the movie and for more information on the cast and crew. There isn't much there right now but I'll be watching it closely, I'll be sure to let you all know when to expect to see it in theatres...err catch it on DVD.

Later everyone, have a great Monday.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Just when I thought I was done blogging for today...

...I find this! HAHAHAHA Thank you internet. Thank you so much.

I think Satan is stalking me.


Satan, seriously dude, what’s up? Why are you stalking me? I’ve busted you TWICE in the past week eyeing me. That time I was making a right turn to go into work and you inhabited the body of that black guy. Then he shot evil stares of death through my window and rearview mirror straight into my heart. I felt you. I know it was you.

And just now, on my way to Jimmy Johns (I only ate it cuz they had dollars subs…suckers) you took the form of a pierced lip little emo bitch riding a Mongoose bicycle. Why are you staring me down like that? Do you fear me? Are you trying to kill me with eye bullets? You know you actually have to project something for it to kill me. Maybe your just trying to “will” it. Think hard enough and maybe I’ll just die.

Well you know what buddy, I can’t handle your shit any longer. I thought we were cool but I guess I was wrong. I watch all those horrible movies as a loyal servant of your evil army. I enjoy the death and blood of strangers. But yet you turn on me. ME!? I will tolerate it no more.

Fortunately I think this is dead.

That’s right bitch, LOOK AT IT. It makes your eyes bleed doesn’t it? DOESN’T IT? I bet you fucking like that don’t you. I see how you are, you sick bastard. Fucking take one of these.

This is a picture from Wishmaster 3: The Gaymaster.

A ha! I see now that your defenses are starting to buckle. Perhaps you’d like to apologize? Maybe you just want to talk. Well talk to this dicklips.



OH GOD! MINE EYES! I’ve blinded myself and probably everyone reading this. See what you’ve done. I hate you. Go to hell. Oh wait…

Alright, let’s talk. So what’s up Satan? Why are you on me all of a sudden. That’s twice now in the last week you’ve sent up two of your minions after me. I drive past them and they just stare me down. It’s like straight out of a horror movie. You know what I’m talking about…that horribly clich├ęd scene when the main characters drive past a creepy dude and he stares at them…cuz he's creepy. That’s exactly what its like.

And I know how these things end. I’ve seen enough shitty movies to know that not long from now I’m going to be having sex with some chick with huge breasts and then hot spears of fire will be shoved into my ass making me explode. Painting the walls red. With blood. My blood. Because I’m dead. FUCK YOU SATAN.

So let’s talk deal. I’ll stop doing whatever the hell it is that I’m doing that’s pissing you off and you just call off the dogs. There’s no need for this to get out of hand. I’ve watched every Bruce Campbell movie to date and I have a sure knowledge of how to defeat you. Chainsaws and one-liners. So don’t push it man. I want to be friends, so let’s be friends. Take my hand…


…AND DIE!



May God have mercy on your soul. And for the poor bastard that was inevitably murdered by a pack of Re-Animator fans after watching this music video.

SyFy Saturday Schedule 9/17/10


Get your DVD-R's ready, this Saturday looks to be pretty awesome. They must've started reading my blog because they went from shit Saturdays to amazing Saturdays. Thank you SyFy. But anyway, it looks like this Saturday's theme is SEQUELS. Normally that's a bad thing...but they picked a few good ones and there's a few that I haven't seen so I'm kinda pumped to actually watch them. Now if I can find time...

All times are EST.

9-11am: Leprechaun 2 (Haven't actually seen it and I want to really bad. Now if I'm not horribly hungover)
11-1pm: Boogeyman 2 (I've heard great things about the sequels...the original kind of sucked.)
1-3pm: Lake Placid 2 (SyFy original...CGI Alligators...crappy acting. But it's a lot of bad movie goodness)
3-5pm: Joyride 2: Dead Ahead (Another that I haven't seen that I'd like to. It's probably terrible but that's ok)
5-7pm: Wrong Turn 2: Dead Ahead (This movie is pretty sweet but that's because it has a ton of gore. I'm sure they'll cut a lot of it out. But Henry Rollins is in it so it's kind of worth it)
7-9pm: Final Destination 2 (Not my favorite Destination but this movie does alright)
9-11pm: Vacancy 2: The First Cut (Another that I want to see. Thank you SyFy, now I don't have to waste my money)
11-1am: The Midnight Meat Train (So ends the sequels but holy shit this movie is awesome. Saw it in the dollar theatre on opening night. I've never looked back)
1-3am: Autopsy (This movie looks good...I THINK I've heard good things...might be worth it. If you're up late)
3-5am: Rest Stop (I've heard this movie is ok. It gives an effort but that's about it.)

There you go everybody! Time to get caught up on all the sequels to good movies that you really didn't want to waste your money on but secretly know you're dying to watch. Let's do it!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

PSA: All 4 Critters movies together on one DVD set!

If there's anything I like to do at Mr. Gable's Reality it's that I like to make sure that you know all about the baddest of bad movies, about their DVD releases, and how to buy them for as cheap as possible. Because we all know these things aren't worth more than $5 a piece. But it's their value...or lack thereof that makes them so special.

While researching Critters I came across this picture.
It is my DUTY to post it here for you. Enjoy!

So you've seen all those 4 film pack movies floating around Wal-Mart and Target haven't you? Well here comes another one. Critters. All FOUR Critters. In one easy to watch set. That's awesome. I like the Critters movies even though they drastically fall in quality and fun the farther along they go. Which is why I am really happy for this. It doesn't cost much (about $12 on amazon) and it has all four movies. Each movie on its own can run you about $6-7 on ebay so that's a huge savings. Basically you're buying the first two that are really awesome and getting the last two shitty ones for free. And that's all I've ever wanted. Thank you 4 Film Pack, thank you.

I have no idea if this is on sale at Target or Wal-Mart but you can find it at Amazon. (click the link to buy, you know you want to.)

I was going to post the death of the Easter Bunny from Critters 2 but I found the music video from the original Critter's movie soundtrack. We both know that it deserves to be here.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Gable Collection: Newest Additions 9/15/10

Welcome again to another round of new movies I’ve added to my collection. I spend many hours browsing through pawn shops, second hand stores, and garage sales looking for long forgotten pieces of crap I can give a good home. I almost always buy a movie blindly, basing my purchase on my knowledge of actors, movie companies, or by just how cool the cover art looks or how horrible the synopsis sounds. And without further delay, the Mr. Gable Collection presents…



OH FUCK YES. There isn’t anything about Maniac Cop that isn’t amazing. As a friend of mine likes to put it…Tom “Freakin” Atkins. That man is a god amongst men. Night of the Creeps, Halloween 3, The Fog. I love him and I can only assume he loves me. AND if that isn’t enough there are TWO chins in this movie. Bruce Campbell (if you don’t know who that is I never want to talk to you. Please see The Evil Dead and then you can rejoin my blog) AND Robert Z’Dar. I don’t blame you if you don’t know who Robert is. He mostly had a lot of supporting and background roles but once you see him you’ll never be able to forget him. You see Robert has this deformity that makes his head look like a giant scoop of ice cream. His chin is fucking HUGE! Amazingly huge. I think they should have just forgone the Maniac Cop and had a chin duel. That would have been epic.

This what the first draft for the Clash of the Titans remake looked like.

But the reason I purchased this DVD was simply to upgrade my VHS. Not that I hate my VHS, I love my VHS. But when you can get the DVD for the price that I got it for, I couldn’t resist. And besides…perhaps my old VHS will end up in a contest here at Mr.GR, wouldn’t that be just shitty! Cuz that’s how things are done here.





Man that looks terrible doesn’t it? I honestly have no idea what to expect out of this. There was one lonely night a couple weeks ago where I was browsing around for movies. And I had just reconnected with Watchers 3, which is a really bad Predator rip off. So I searched the internet for other Predator rip offs. That search led me to Robowar (of which I did a review) and Interceptor Force. Even IMDb labels it as Predator 3: Interceptors. I’m kind of pumped to watch it…mainly because of Ernie Hudson (you know…the ghostbuster…the black ghostbuster…OH you know what I’m talking about now) and Brad Dourif. Or as you may know him as…that creepy dude from Critters 4, I mean Alien: Resurrection, I mean Progeny, I mean the voice of Chucky. Ah, that’s better. At least we don’t have to see his face in Child’s Play.

I want to have your children.

I really don’t mean that, Brad Dourif is amazing. I buy LOTS of movies just because his name is on the cover. (see Death Machine). But anyway…back to Interceptor Force. The story pretty much copies that of Predator and the alien looks like it has the ability to turn itself partially invisible so it looks to be a pretty awesome Predator rip off. I’ll be watching it soon, keep your eyes peeled.

I could only find the German trailer for this movie. So...umm...enjoy...I guess.






There’s so much win in this movie I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t know if YOU would call it win but for me…oh god….seriously I’m fucking salivating. I think I may have to make love to this DVD. Just a moment, I’m pretty quick.

Back. This movie stars two of the greatest horror badasses ever to exist. Jeffrey Combs. GOD IF FUCKING LOVE YOU JEFFR- sorry. sorry. caaalllmmming…. Jeffrey Combs is Herbert West: The Re-Animator. That movie (and its sequels, for what they are) is in my top movies of all time. I can’t get enough Re-Animator and I can’t get enough Combs. I am also a Star Trek nut and that guy just appears randomly EVERYWHERE. He’s awesome…and a very good actor. Seriously, watch his movies, they’re really good. I suggest The Frighteners, Fortress, and obviously Re-Animator.

Only good things can come from this.

And...Andrew Divoff. You may know him as that foreign dude with the eye patch on Lost. But I know him as…the Wishmaster. A dude so evil that evil is pissing its pants. He basically plays the same kind of role in this movie as in Wishmaster…just without all the cool make up. This movie is also directed by Brian Yuzna. I think in my honest Gablepinion that Yuzna is a love him or hate him kind of a guy. At least his movies are. I personally really like him. He puts on a decent show and likes to put in lots of gore. I like that. And he was also a part of making the Re-Animator trilogy a reality. And for that I will forever be in his debt.

Oh, I was so wet for the cast I forgot to mention the movie. It’s mostly about satan and his Wolverine rip off minion. There’s a love story and Jeffrey Combs. That’s really about it. But I’m ok with that. I watched this movie a number of years ago and remember loving it so I’ve bought the DVD now and hope that my memory hasn’t deceived me yet again. It happens sometimes. I blame Port Royal Rum. That shit will kill your brain. But it’s all I can afford so I will have to make due.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Help Fund the Zombie Movie SEVERED!


I am a huge supporter of independent...everything. Independence is where originality, creativity, and most importantly...HEART live. It's these forms of media that people really give it their all and do the best they can to make something amazing and wonderful.

Now there's a project underway that needs our help. SEVERED! They want to make this movie but they just don't have the money. So they're rallying the troops and hoping to pledge $8000.00 to get this thing made. It's not a lot of money and if we all just put in a few dollars it wouldn't take too many to reach that goal. It's a zombie movie made by zombie fans what more could we ask for?

Oh I know...your name in the fucking credits. Pledge enough and you'll get your name in the credits, get a copy of the DVD, and a free tshirt. That's fucking awesome.  Here's the synopsis....
Severed is the story of Markus Pendleton, a soldier struggling to cope with the loss of his family and one of the last surviving members of the human race. Several years have passed since zombies overran the planet. Now, small pockets of humanity fight to stay alive in barricaded camps or farms.

Pendleton’s wife and daughters disappeared a year ago during a zombie attack. While most people believe they are dead or worse, Pendleton holds on to the hope that they are still alive. It is this hope that keeps him going every day.

And hope might be on the horizon for humanity as well. Scientists among the farms have developed infection-resistant fetuses, bioengineered human beings that are not susceptible to zombie bites or fluids. Over thirty-thousand fetuses reside in hidden vaults underneath the farms. These three farms have become the three most important locations on the planet.

When a massive zombie horde is spotted heading towards their farm, Pendleton and a small group of soldiers are dispatched to guard an entry-point in a remote section of the exterior wall. Reinforcements are on the way from Command, but it will take several days for them to arrive. Pendleton and his comrades must guard the gate at all costs.

A freak accident after the group’s arrival at the gate leaves Pendleton cut off from the farm and guarding a massive hole in the wall…alone. With the zombie horde bearing down on him, Pendleton must fight off sleep-deprivation, starvation, and even his own mind in order to keep the zombies from reaching the farm. But when Pendleton realizes his wife and daughters might be somewhere in the horde, he must confront a horrifying reality in order to save the human race…
It's got a lot of drive doesn't it? Check out Hayes Hudson's House of Horror for all the details on this project.  Check out Shattered Mind Studios for more information on the studio. Go to the film's KICKSTARTER page to donate. Let's do this thing.

CHAIN LETTER brings the PAIN! (starring Brad Dourif)


So this movie is banking off ALL of us that receive those annoying "pass this on or die" emails or texts. It's a terrible plot but what more do you expect from a slasher movie? All you need is SOME reason to gather a bunch of teenagers and then you need SOME reason for SOME dude to run around killing them all in crazy cool ways.

But anyway, the clip below pretty much has me hooked. I'll be watching this regardless of what anyone else says about this. This movie stars B movie veteran Brad Dourif. That guy that's the voice of Chucky. You know...that psycho doll from the Child's Play movies. Oh yeah! You remember now. Good.  AND this movie also stars one of my favorite 80's badasses Keith David. He was in The Thing and They Live. He's fucking awesome, so I'll be watching this. Maybe Roddy Piper will show up and they fight again randomly. Maybe the killer IS Piper. Oh god, I just spoiled this movie for the internet. OR...everyone will be running to see it now. Cuz Piper rules.



HOLY SHIT! AWESOME!!!!!

Check out the official website for the trailer and other cool photos. And look for this to hit theatres October 1st.