Sunday, October 31, 2010

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Charles Band #1 (bitches)



It's October and with it comes a huge list of epic greatness. In case you haven't read the intro to this thing, I'll be counting down 31 of the greatest Charles Band movies. Keep your internet dials tuned to Mr. Gable's Reality DAILY for new and exciting Charles Band goodness. I began this countdown with TEN Charles Band movies that I have yet to see, then I explored ELEVEN films that personally learned the art of Kick Ass! from Charles Band, and now I present to you, the loyal Reality fans, THE TOP TEN CHARLES BAND MOVIES OF ALL TIME! Let's do this thing...

The 31 Greatest Bad Movies Charles Band Has Ever Produced #1

Before I unveil the #1 greatest Charles Band movie of all time, I wish to say a couple of things. First...thank you all so much to my followers and loyal phantom readers. Although this blog is basically brand new and I have no fucking idea what I'm doing...it's really amazing for me to know that so many of you give two shits about the shit that I talk about here. I never knew that so many cared about horrible movies. Also, thanks to all of you that followed the countdown and a special thanks for those of you that commented. VINCENT! That's 90% you buddy! I fucking love talking nerdy, and I love talking Full Moon. You gave me both. So finally October is done...but I'll be damned if it'll go out with a whimper. Here it is, ladies and gentlemen...The Single Greatest Charles Band Movie Ever Known To Exist...

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The Trailer:



Oh Fuck Yes. That's Tim Thomerson and Helen Hunt. God dammit this movie is awesome. There's so much Tim Thomerson WIN in this movie that it will nearly make your head explode.

So this movie is all about Tim Thomerson in the future...joined alongside the majority of the cast of Zone Troopers...and Tim...aka JACK (MOTHERFUCKING) DETH...is sent back in time to track down some dude. Along the way he kills lots of Trancers...or zombie dudes. And it's fucking amazing.

If you've read this blog...or this countdown...you know I have a serious hard on for Tim Thomerson. Not in a gay way...well maybe a little...but he is just so fucking awesome. Zone Troopers...Dollman...Trancers 1-6. He is just so powerful and awesome. And this movie, this series, DEFINES who Tim Thomerson is. The ultimate badass superhero.

So for being the most magnificent piece of art that has ever made sweet love to my eyeballs, I give Trancers the NUMBER ONE spot on the 31 greatest Charles Band movies of all time. I hope you have enjoyed this list and everything associated with it. It's been quite the challenge to blog consistently every day to make this happen...and I think it's been a massive success. Please, please...leave comments here or on the summary page letting me know what you think about Trancers...and about the countdown as a whole. Did you learn some things...did you find some ancient forgotten gems...do you have new heroes or favorite movies? I hope in some small way I have effected your movie lives. I love Full Moon and Charles Band...and I think everyone should too.

If you liked this movie then check out:

Trancers 2


With Jeffrey Combs!

Trancers 3


With Andrew Robinson!

Trancers 4: Jack of Swords

 
With Mid-Evil Jack Deth!

Trancers 5: Sudden Deth



With Pycho Drama!

Trancers 6


With very little Tim Thomerson :(

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYBODY!!

Halloween Horrorthon...is cancelled.


I'm sorry everyone, the super huge amazing crazy awesome fucking bat shit insane Halloween Horrorthon is cancelled. Forces beyond my control have set out to ruin my Halloween.

On Friday, my car blew a brake line...while I was driving. Fortunately my driving skills saved the day but now I am left with a massive problem in my life. No car. But Luck...if you want to call it that...is on my side and my father in law is willing to help me out and help me fix it. (Because I'm a ridiculously large car newb) It doesn't sound like anything super expensive but I'm certain it's time consuming...and it has to happen tomorrow.

Because...as of Friday...I am his bitch. Whenever he wants to do it...that's when its going to happen. There's nothing wrong with that, and I'm fine with it because I'll be saving hundreds of dollars...but it just HAS to happen at the WORST time.

My Holiday, My Tradition is ruined. Fuck. Sorry everyone, it's possible that I'll get to watch some movies tomorrow but it will not be the same.

I need time for THREE MOVIES, one's that I've NEVER SEEN, and it needs to happen on HALLOWEEN. Will it happen...that's the mystery. Stay tuned...it'll be an interesting day.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Charles Band #2


It's October and with it comes a huge list of epic greatness. In case you haven't read the intro to this thing, I'll be counting down 31 of the greatest Charles Band movies. Keep your internet dials tuned to Mr. Gable's Reality DAILY for new and exciting Charles Band goodness. I began this countdown with TEN Charles Band movies that I have yet to see, then I explored ELEVEN films that personally learned the art of Kick Ass! from Charles Band, and now I present to you, the loyal Reality fans, THE TOP TEN CHARLES BAND MOVIES OF ALL TIME! Let's do this thing...

The 31 Greatest Bad Movies Charles Band Has Ever Produced #2

Cowboys and Aliens...eat your heart out.

The Trailer:



Oblivion is every bit as epic as the trailer depicts. The film was JUST officially released onto DVD a couple of months ago...and you can buy this timeless masterpiece at Full Moon Direct RIGHT NOW for only $6.66.

And while you're doing that...you might as well buy it's sequel: Backlash: Oblivion 2




Although that trailer is kinda crappy, it's just as awesome as the original. That is probably due to the fact that they filmed both of them together. THAT's how great this movie is, it knew even before it was made that it would be so epically successful that it needed a sequel RIGHT AWAY. Or it was probably because the set was so huge and expensive it made sense to make bank on two flicks. But I like to think it's the first.

Oblivion is exactly as it looks...a good old fashioned western...with lasers and aliens and robots and outdoor ceiling fans. But it isn't just that the premise is amazing or that the story is pretty good, it's the fucking cast. This movie has it all.
  • Andrew Divoff: The russian badass from Lost. Also, the Wishmaster.
  • Meg Foster: They Live, Masters of the Universe...she plays a cyborg cop in this movie.
  • The Late Isaac Hayes: The voice of Chef from South Park, Escape from New York
  • Julie Newmar: Catwoman from the good old days of Adam West's Batman.
  • Carel Struycken: Lurch from the Addams Family movies.
  • Musetta Vander: Mortal Kombat: Annihilation - she is clad in leather for 3 hours.
  • George Takei: Star Trek: Of his own free will, he made dozens of amazing Star Trek references.
These movies are awesome. If you just want to see something FULL of originality and imagination then its Oblivion. There is nothing sane or coherent about it...it's just full of laughs and action. And aliens.

Oblivion Rules.

If you liked this movie, then check out: Dead Man's Hand

Friday, October 29, 2010

Full Moon DVDs for ONLY $6.66!!!


Have you been following my blog over the last month? If you have then you undoubtedly know about Charles Band. More so then you ever thought you'd want to. But it's been crazy awesome hasn't it? Well at Full Moon Direct starting TODAY and going until MIDNIGHT on HALLOWEEN, EVERY DVD IS ON SALE for the deliciously evil price of $6.66!! You can find the majority of the films I've listed off in the countdown there for purchase.


And as a couple bonuses...if you buy the $200 Blade Puppet Master Puppet Replica you get the entire Puppet Master boxset for free!! Minus the brand new one and the vs. Demonic Toys I believe. But the boxset is still EIGHT movies and runs like $80, so that's really awesome. AND if you somehow manage to part with over $120 of your money, they will give you an EXECUTIVE PRODUCER credit on their newest film: Evil Bong 3: Wrath of Bong coming soon! How tits is that?

But don't take it from me, hear it from the big man himself. Ladies and Gentlemen, Charles Band:



Now GO! Obey, consume, enjoy! I've already bought Trancers 4 & 5 this morning! And for whatever reason you miss this sale...they do one every holiday so look out for another one either Thanksgiving or Christmas...or both.

VIA FULL MOON!!

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Charles Band #3


It's October and with it comes a huge list of epic greatness. In case you haven't read the intro to this thing, I'll be counting down 31 of the greatest Charles Band movies. Keep your internet dials tuned to Mr. Gable's Reality DAILY for new and exciting Charles Band goodness. I began this countdown with TEN Charles Band movies that I have yet to see, then I explored ELEVEN films that personally learned the art of Kick Ass! from Charles Band, and now I present to you, the loyal Reality fans, THE TOP TEN CHARLES BAND MOVIES OF ALL TIME! Let's do this thing...

The 31 Greatest Bad Movies Charles Band Has Ever Produced #3

The Trailer:



Oh yeah baby! There's another HP Lovecraft Adaptation Directed by Stuart Gordon and Starring Jeffrey Combs and Barbara Crampton. I knew there was a lot of them but for crying out loud...there's been a different one every 5th movie on this list. ... ... ... That's AWESOME!

So in the 80's Stuart Gordon was given a 3 picture deal with Empire. First he made Re-Animator, last he made Dolls, and in the middle he made From Beyond. Re-Animator being a very well done horror flick with great gore and humor, Dolls making a great attempt at being actually scary, and From Beyond...well its out of this world.

From Beyond has a lot of gore. A shit load of it. I recall some interview that said the scene were Jeffrey Combs eats some chicks eyeball right out of her face nearly got this movie banned. Or maybe it was banned for a short period. Anyway, it's quite amazing the effects in this movie. The story starts out with a science experiment (oh gee, really?) that opens a portal in our brains so that we have the ability to see the dimension that is all around us, a different plane of existence. Well it takes that theme so popular in Hellraiser, pain is pleasure, and uses it as the central focus of this alternate dimension. It's insanely gory, but at the same time everyone seems to be orgasming over it. What a minute...did Hellraiser rip off this movie...I might have to look into that.

I love this movie for so many obvious reasons. The aforementioned plus Ken Foree, that black guy from Dawn of the Dead...and several other amazing horror movies, there's a giant Grabboid creature in the basement, and then there's a very sexy leather strapped Barbara Crampton dancing around and playing with herself. (Just google Barbara Crampton...there's so much leather going on) So for ALL of these reasons...From Beyond DESERVES the #3 spot. If not higher. But I have 2 very amazing badasses lined up next and I can't fucking wait!

Full Moon to the core, bitches!

If you liked this movie then check out: Transmutations

Thursday, October 28, 2010

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Charles Band #4


It's October and with it comes a huge list of epic greatness. In case you haven't read the intro to this thing, I'll be counting down 31 of the greatest Charles Band movies. Keep your internet dials tuned to Mr. Gable's Reality DAILY for new and exciting Charles Band goodness. I began this countdown with TEN Charles Band movies that I have yet to see, then I explored ELEVEN films that personally learned the art of Kick Ass! from Charles Band, and now I present to you, the loyal Reality fans, THE TOP TEN CHARLES BAND MOVIES OF ALL TIME! Let's do this thing...

The 31 Greatest Bad Movies Charles Band Has Ever Produced #4


The Trailer:



Troll IS the original Harry Potter. Before Harry Potter even knew it was Harry Potter, Troll invented the character...and multiplied it by 2. In this movie the dad is Harry Potter and his son is Harry Potter Junior. Awesome.

I really do think Troll is a great movie. It starts out as kind of a slasher/monster horror movie but then it just decides: that sucks and it turns into a crazy awesome fantasy movie. So this movie starts out with some killin and ends up with Julie Louis-Dreyfus as a fairy running around naked.

This is worth everything.

Troll is written and directed by Joel Carl Buechler. On top of being a Full Moon friend (he worked on several Empire pictures and Full Moon movies) he is also a special effects guy. And if I'm not mistaken, this is his full length directorial debut. So its obvious to me that he wanted to show off his skills with special effects, and it is awesome.

There's a lot to love about Troll. Bizarre dance sequences, creepy old lady upstairs that conveniently knows everything about the Troll, and Sonny Bono dying. So for ALL of these thing, I give Troll the #4 spot on the 31 greatest Charles Band movies of all time!

Almost done with this list! That makes me happy and sad at the same damn time. I've enjoyed sharing and talking Full Moon with you guys all month. Especially Vincent, that dudes awesome, check out his drawings man, I'm tell you! *making up for rude comment in earlier post*

If you liked this movie, then check out: Skull Heads

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Super Mega Ultra Awesome All Day Halloween Horrorthon 2010!!

God bless you Dead Alive.

Welcome Reality friends! This is Halloween Horrorthon 2010. Or rather, it will be in a few days. Halloween is that special time of year that I can have my evil and enjoy it too. Mother nature is killing itself, she's getting colder than an Alaskan fridge out there, and I'm forced, FORCED I TELL YOU! to stay inside and watch movies.

Halloween Horrorthon all started 7 years ago. It was 2003, and I just moved out of the boonies and into some stranger's basement in the big city. It was at this time that I was shy, oblivious to the vast greatness of the internet, and I had absolutely ZERO friends. But I was ok with that, being an only child I am used to it. So Halloween came and I had nothing to do. So I figured...what the hell, I'll go rent some movies that I've never seen before and give it a go. (And at the time I was a complete Horror newb so the world was my oyster) So I picked up Return of the Living Dead, 28 Days Later, Alien, and Cabin Fever. I watched them all, and low and behold, it was the greatest night of my life. So I did it again the next year, and the year after that, and the year after that, and then on the 5th year I kicked it up a notch with more movies, and the year after that I started doing themes, and then the next year...I was smack in the middle of buying a house so I was too stressed out to care about themes...but here we are, YEAR EIGHT, and I'm back in the saddle BABY!!!1!

(For a little more history and a complete list of the movies I've watched on Horrorthon, check out my OLD website here.)

The Rules:
  1. All movies must be movies that are actually GOOD. I watch a lot of bad movies and Halloween is a special day, set aside for only the best of the best.
  2. There must be a minimum of THREE movies to constitute a horrorthon.
  3. Horrorthon MUST take place on Halloween, no exceptions! (The only exception being if Halloween lands on a Friday or Saturday...then I must drink wildly and make Horrorthon hangover day)
  4. All movies HAVE to be movies that I have never seen before. (This rule is the heart and soul of Horrorthon. It is the reason for its existence and I can never stray from it...for fear of it turning into a Gremlin)
So let's begin. I'm not exactly sure how this is all going to play out on the actual day of Horrorthon. Ideally, I'll watch all of these movies, and review them as I watch them, updating you of what's going on. BUT, there is a possibility that I'll have GUESTS for the first time in Horrorthon history, so that may be a no go. At the very least, I promise all of you that there will be periodic updates ON THIS BLOG throughout Halloween day. So check back all day to see how its going and to see just how insane I make myself. This year is the longest Horrorthon to date and it's going to be incredible.

Halloween Horrorthon 2010: Killer Baby Edition!

The theme this year happened for 2 reasons: I wanted to see Grace and Rosemary's Baby...and my fiance suggested I have a killer baby night...and from there it exploded. I'm always surprised at how many films you can find for any particular theme if you google it enough. So allow me to introduce you to the players of Halloween Horrorthon 2010:

The Main Event

This movie is OWND!

Although NOT the final movie I'll be watching, it is the purpose and inspiration for this year's Horrorthon. It has always been a movie I've wanted to see and everyone says its a classic, so that is why it is here.

The Referral

This movie is on Netflix Instant Watch!

I have a friend. And she won't shut up about this movie. She swears up and down it kicks copious amounts of ass. And I respect and trust her judgement, therefore Grace makes the 'Thon.

The Dust Mite

This movie is OWND!

I bought It's Alive months ago...maybe even years ago. I think I bought it at Circuit City actually now that I think about it. They went out of business forever ago. It's been sitting on the shelves for quite some time and it needs to be watched. Severely. (Although this has the possibility for badness, I think it'll be good.)

The Slave

This movie is OWND!

It is called the slave because it was not my first choice...or really my choice. I told my fiance about it and it was forced upon me to include it. For one reason and one reason only: Johnny Depp. And I'm ok with that, I can take it. Besides...the cover kind of makes it sound like its Rosemary's Baby...in space (on Earth). Awesome.

The Mystery Movie

This movie...is somewhere...

This movie I want to see really fucking bad...but I don't think I'll be able to get it. Netflix had it...then someone rented it. (I'm looking at YOU VINCENT.) Now it's on the "short wait" list and I doubt the rental store will have it. FUCK! This movie is about a chick at a carnival that has some creature invade her vagina and then forces her to kill people. GOD DAMMIT THAT'S THE GREATEST SYNOPSIS I'VE EVER HEARD!

We'll see I guess. Mystery Movie.

The Freak Nasty

This movie had better be at Blockbuster.

Another one Netflix fucked me on. It just came out in 2007, and I remember seeing it everywhere, so it's got to be available for renting. I'll find it, I swear because this is another one that I'm dying to see. Like Baby Blood, this is a French film...but that's where the similarities end. In this movie a woman's life is invaded by a crazy woman that's after the first woman's baby...still in the womb. And she'll get it at any cost. Yep...that's a scissor in the poster art. I've heard very gruesome things about this movie. CAN'T. WAIT!

The Wild Card

This movie is on Netflix Instant Watch!

Alright, I'm not gonna lie...this is a bad movie. Everyone on IMDb says they enjoyed the hell out of it so why not? And I can't possibly walk away from a movie with a Burgess Meredith cameo and this synopsis:
When Karen tries to have a tumor removed, she discovers it's actually the deformed fetus of an ancient Native American shaman ready to be reincarnated. Soon, the evil spirit bursts forth, and Karen turns to a sham psychic and a contemporary medicine man for a showdown with the murderous creature.
Oh fuck yes. And it stars Tony Curtis! LOVE IT!

AND FINALLY...

The Ace in the Hole

This movie is OWND!

Alright, not exactly a "baby" movie but there is a young girl so that's good enough for me. AND, I seriously bought this movie 3 years ago and never watched it. I've heard it's amazing but I've been knee deep in the Carnosaur trilogy so give me a break. Actually, I've wanted to save it for Horrorthon. And finally after 3 years, it's happening.

So what do you think? Have you watched any of these? (If you have don't spoil it for me, or I'll send my army of baby zombies to eat your brains through your eye sockets.) I think this year has the potential to be the greatest even though I've already broken 25% of my Horrorthon rules. I don't know if anything can top the 4th year when I discovered Re-Animator for the first time, but I have a feeling that this year will give THAT year a run for its money.

I can't wait. Halloween kicks so much ass.

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Charles Band #5

THE TOP FIVE


It's October and with it comes a huge list of epic greatness. In case you haven't read the intro to this thing, I'll be counting down 31 of the greatest Charles Band movies. Keep your internet dials tuned to Mr. Gable's Reality DAILY for new and exciting Charles Band goodness. I began this countdown with TEN Charles Band movies that I have yet to see, then I explored ELEVEN films that personally learned the art of Kick Ass! from Charles Band, and now I present to you, the loyal Reality fans, THE TOP TEN CHARLES BAND MOVIES OF ALL TIME! Let's do this thing...

The 31 Greatest Bad Movies Charles Band Has Ever Produced #5


The Trailer:



Destination: The future. It is post-nuclear apocalypse. Everyone including Jeffrey Combs is forced to wear those shitty dust masks so they don't die. Continents are still at war with one another. Attempting to learn from the mistakes of the past, they forget war and nuclear missles to settle disputes, instead they settle for one unanimously awesome solution: Giant Robot Fighting.

This fucking movie RULES! I'm serious...Robot Jox is exactly that...giant robots that fight each other to settle territorial disputes between nations. Specifically the land of Alaska is fought over between the Russians and the Americans. We just watched this movie last weekend and I gotta say...it was just as awesome as it was the first time I saw it. And the second time. And the third time when I was blitzed out of my mind on Rum. And there was probably a fourth time that same night...plus last weekend with my friends...but really...who's counting? (Answer: Me)

I'll warn you...it starts out strong...then it tries to develop a story. We don't want it to, but it happens. So there's a severe lack of robot fighting during that middle hour. It's still good old fashioned B movie gold! But there just isn't any robot fighting. But the beginning and end are chock full of giant robot ass whooping. Like a live action Mech-Warrior. So in the end its worth it.

Everybody wins with Robot Jox.

And in case you were wondering...this is yet ANOTHER Stuart Gordon film on this list. I love Stuart Gordon and I love that he is friends with Charles Band. Their projects together are simply amazing. But it also happens that this movie...at least from what I can recall from my rum soaked brain...put Band's Empire Pictures out of business. I'd assume because it was just so epically awesome...but more realistically because it cost too damn much. But nevertheless, it happened, it saw the light of day, and it was worth it. Not to mention that Band took the idea and ran with it...making 2 semi-sequels out of Full Moon...Crash & Burn and Robot Wars. Both pretty awesome in their own way. But Robot Jox is a Stuart Gordon movie...and he did Re-Animator...and there's a cameo from Jeffrey Combs in this movie...and he IS the Re-Animator...so that makes this movie far superior.

And it has this epic line! (Which someone found it necessary to repeat incessantly for 2 minutes straight. But I gotta say...I can't disagree with their train of thought here.)



God dammit. I might have to watch Robot Jox again. That's just too awesome to be watched ONLY 5 times.

If you liked this movie then check out: Robot Wars

Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus finally has some poster art!


If you are an avid reader here then you'd know that I've blogged about this movie a couple of times. Here and Here. And at the time I didn't have any poster art...so with the magic of MS Paint I created the above poster. Well The Asylum has finally released the REAL art for Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus.

Mine's better.

Hey, isn't that the tagline for Alien vs Predator? Aslyum, you never cease to surprise me. This movie's gonna rule.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Charles Band #6


It's October and with it comes a huge list of epic greatness. In case you haven't read the intro to this thing, I'll be counting down 31 of the greatest Charles Band movies. Keep your internet dials tuned to Mr. Gable's Reality DAILY for new and exciting Charles Band goodness. I began this countdown with TEN Charles Band movies that I have yet to see, then I explored ELEVEN films that personally learned the art of Kick Ass! from Charles Band, and now I present to you, the loyal Reality fans, THE TOP TEN CHARLES BAND MOVIES OF ALL TIME! Let's do this thing...

The 31 Greatest Bad Movies Charles Band Has Ever Produced #6


The Trailer:



Oh I bet a lot of you thought this would be higher...if not #1. Nope. Not that Puppet Master is a bad movie...it is in the Top Ten...but the next 5 movies are so insanely amazing that I just couldn't fit Puppet Master into the Top Five.

Puppet Master is...for the most part...a pretty GOOD horror flick. It has all the elements...psychics, murder & mystery, killer puppets, a neat backstory, and Leech Woman. She's such a dirty little bitch. But anyway, the story is about a bunch of psychics that are connected to each other...and they are summoned to a hotel. They get there and the guy that summoned them is dead. Well they decide to use their psychic powers to unravel the mystery...and then the puppets start offing expendables...and its awesome. Unlike the sequels, they did a fantastic job with the puppet effects in this movie.

Puppet Master is one of those movies that you always see sitting on the rental shelf and you really really want to watch it but something about it is just screaming to stop. And that's good because you should BUY IT! Puppet Master is a classic film for horror in general...and especially for Charles Band. Puppet Master basically launched Full Moon and gave me a purpose for existing.

And for THAT, I give Puppet Master the #6 spot on the 31 greatest Charles Band movies of all time!

If you liked this movie then check out: Puppet Master 2, Puppet Master 3: Toulon's Revenge, Puppet Master 4: The Demon, Puppet Master 5: The Final Chapter, Curse of the Puppet Master, Retro Puppet Master, Puppet Master: The Legacy, Puppet Master vs Demonic Toys, and the brand fucking new Puppet Master: Axis of Evil!

Monday, October 25, 2010

BloodyDVDs.com - crazy cheap movies!


Do you like movies? Do you like money but hate spending it? Do you not really give a shit what kind of movies you want to watch? Then BloodyDVDs.com is for you!

I'm a terrible sales person. I'm sorry if your from BD.com and your reading this. I mean well, I really do. Your website is INSANE! You have gigantic 50 packs of horror movies, (Mostly out of the 60's and 70's) but I was more surprised with your Blood Suckers and Blood Bath collections...they're more recent movies. Like in the last decade. That's fucking awesome. Good new fashioned indie horror.

Seriously people, check it out...

WARNING: Lots of nudity :D



OH BOY! Whole heeping pile o' titties! That is insane! And you know what? I'll be owning it soon!

I'm not gonna lie, I'm lots of things...a terrible writer...a terrible blogger...a terrible salesperson...but I'm not a liar. I'm only blogging about Bloody DVDs.com because they are giving me 64 movies for free. FUCKING FREE BITCHES!! WOOOOOOOOO!!! I would have settled for Manos: The Hands of Fate and I still would have blogged about it. (suckers) Thank you BloodyDVDs.com...I'm set for the winter!

Check them out on their facebook page. From the looks of it they are doing contests ALL THE TIME and there doesn't look like there is that many fans...yet...so you have a good chance at winning!

Or you could just buy some movies from their website. 50 movies for $15? Hell yeah! 12 NEW indie flicks for $9? Hell YEAH! A possibility that they're gonna sponsor this blog? HOPE SO! (maybe...just maybe...if I kiss enough ass...)

But in any case, fucking check out their website. There's so goddamn many movies you won't know what to do with them. Personally, I'm gonna watch them and the ultra terrible bad ones will probably end up as conversation starting coasters! It's gonna be awesome! (I'm just kidding BD.com...I will cherish every movie you give me. EVERY MOVIE.)

Who knows, you could come across that long lost gem that will change your life forever. I checked out a few titles on IMDb and there were quite a few that had good ratings so I'm looking forward to it.

Dear god I'm rambling. Check it out, it's awesome. I'm out.



Death on Demand...Gable Want.

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Charles Band #7

THE TOP TEN



It's October and with it comes a huge list of epic greatness. In case you haven't read the intro to this thing, I'll be counting down 31 of the greatest Charles Band movies. Keep your internet dials tuned to Mr. Gable's Reality DAILY for new and exciting Charles Band goodness. I began this countdown with TEN Charles Band movies that I have yet to see, then I explored ELEVEN films that personally learned the art of Kick Ass! from Charles Band, and now I present to you, the loyal Reality fans, THE TOP TEN CHARLES BAND MOVIES OF ALL TIME! Let's do this thing...


The Trailer:



Wow. The trailer gives away EVERYTHING. Hilarious. It's kinda obvious in the movie anyway so it doesn't matter.

I had to think long and hard (heh heh dick joke) about whether or not to include this one on the list or not. I wasn't entirely sure if this was a "true" Charles Band movie or not...he is uncredited as the executive producer...but the more I thought about it, the more I was like, "It was put out by a Charles Band company, it is currently for sale on Charles Band's website, and it stars Sam & Ted Raimi, a cameo by Bruce Campbell...and fuck it, more people need to know that this movie exists."

Intruder is your basic 80's slasher movie...just a lot more awesome. There's several POV shots until they reveal the killer...or you watch the trailer. And yes, Sam Raimi...director of the Spider-Man & Evil Dead movies...his brother Ted Raimi...who shows up in everything Sam does...a short cameo by Bruce Campbell at the end...which is fucking awesome...all have roles in this movie! And if I remember right...THEY ALL DIE! Except for maybe Bruce, I don't think anyone can kill him. It's defies the laws of physics.

So if your in a mood for a good old fashioned 80's slasher movie...and want to nerdgasm consistently while watching it...then you want to see Intruder. Or wait until Halloween when Full Moon Direct has their big "ALL DVDs ARE $6.66!" sale to buy it. I'll blog more about that later.

And so...for having Bruce Campbell in it, and the Raimi's, I give Intruder the #7 spot on the 31 greatest Charles Band movies of all time!

If you liked this movie then check out: Teenage Space Vampires

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Nudist Camp Zombie Massacre.


Oh yes...this is happening. If there isn't nudity in this movie, I'm going to be VERY PISSED OFF.

Oh wait, there's a shitload of nudity. If you check out the official website, you can flip through production stills and there's lots and lots and lots and lots of boobs. LOTS OF THEM! 60% of them not all that great. But what can you expect from a really underbudget flick like this one? I'm thankful there's a couple of chicks in this thing that have nice bodies.

As of right now Nudist Camp Zombie Massacre doesn't have an official trailer or a synopsis...but I very highly doubt we need an official synopsis to figure out what this movie is all about. Titties...and zombies. There is, however, a quick behind-the-scene's type trailer they put together...


Can you believe this movie is FIVE YEARS in the making. That's fucking amazing. That casting couch HAS to be crusted over by now. Whoever is making this is my new hero. (Dearest Fiance...if you are reading this, please disregard last statement...and most of the shit I say on this blog!)

And one last thing before I go...

Norma Stitz Clip from NUDIST CAMP ZOMBIE MASSACRE from Tim Davis on Vimeo.

HOLY SHIT! HA HAHAHAHA Dammit this movie is gonna be FUCKING AWESOME!

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Charles Band #8

THE TOP TEN


It's October and with it comes a huge list of epic greatness. In case you haven't read the intro to this thing, I'll be counting down 31 of the greatest Charles Band movies. Keep your internet dials tuned to Mr. Gable's Reality DAILY for new and exciting Charles Band goodness. I began this countdown with TEN Charles Band movies that I have yet to see, then I explored ELEVEN films that personally learned the art of Kick Ass! from Charles Band, and now I present to you, the loyal Reality fans, THE TOP TEN CHARLES BAND MOVIES OF ALL TIME! Let's do this thing...

The 31 Greatest Bad Movies Charles Band Has Ever Produced #8


The Trailer:



Yes my friends, that IS a bearded Jeffrey Combs. They should have called this movie Lurking FEAR THE BEARD! Also, Hellraiser's Ashley Laurence is in this movie...and fighting in the rain. You know you need to see this movie.

When I first saw this movie a couple years ago I remember I was really apprehensive about watching it. It was yet another adaptation of HP Lovecraft and it had all the elements to make it great...some of the cast and crew of Re-Animator...except Stuart Gordon wasn't directing this movie. So it sat on the shelf for many months until I finally decided to watch it. I loved it. It was a really cool movie. The plot is a little bizarre...a bunch of guys are greedy and want money, etc etc. Eventually they all end up in this church and that's where the rest of the movie takes place. So it's kind of an "enclosed" type horror flick. And I say horror because they really do give a great effort at real terror here. The creatures that show up...really did scare the shit out of me. The movie itself wasn't very scary...but them fucking eyes those things had...it just creeped me out man.

Pictured: Senate hopeful Chaz Schneiderman. Rock the Vote 2010!

I really have nothing more to say about this movie. The trailer stole ALL of my thunder. Fuck that was awesome, I'm gonna watch it again.

...
...
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YEAH! I think I'm going to go watch this movie again.

So for being an HP Lovecraft adaptation, for casting Ashley Laurence...a chick I can never get enough of...and for having a bearded Jeffrey Combs...the manliest of all Combs'...I give Lurking Fear the #8 spot on the top 31 Charles Band movies of all time!

If you liked this movie then check out: Arcade

Saturday, October 23, 2010

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Charles Band #9

THE TOP TEN


It's October and with it comes a huge list of epic greatness. In case you haven't read the intro to this thing, I'll be counting down 31 of the greatest Charles Band movies. Keep your internet dials tuned to Mr. Gable's Reality DAILY for new and exciting Charles Band goodness. I began this countdown with TEN Charles Band movies that I have yet to see, then I explored ELEVEN films that personally learned the art of Kick Ass! from Charles Band, and now I present to you, the loyal Reality fans, THE TOP TEN CHARLES BAND MOVIES OF ALL TIME! Let's do this thing...

The Greatest Bad Movies Charles Band Has Ever Produced #9


Ah hahahaha the poster's enough guys right? You don't need a trailer do you? Oh wait, the trailer's way better!

The Trailer:



I'm gonna make so many dick jokes.

Dollman. That's what I've named my cock...because it's 13 inches of attitude. (nobody? not funny? I know. Had to do it)

So Dollman is epic for several reasons. #1 being Tim Thomerson. This guy makes bad movies AMAZING. I know the premise to this movie is pretty crazy...really crazy...but Tim Thomerson somehow manages to make it seem like it's a good god damn movie. It's absolutely magical how he does it. I love Tim Thomerson. If I was 40 years older and gay I'd do him.

Can you just imagine a 13 inch dude jerkin me off? AH HAHAHA that was awesome. Bad images! BAD IMAGES!

Now besides having an insane plot and some general out-of-this-world craziness...including a mortal enemy that is just a hovering head...there is one scene in particular that...PROPELS this movie onto the Top Ten. I couldn't find it on YouTube but basically it involves Dollman leaping from an apartment window and clinging onto the side of a getaway car. It's so god damned funny. You need to see it.

So for having unfindable YouTube scenes and starring pre-Freddy Krueger Jackie Earle Haley, I give Dollman the #9 spot on the 31 greatest Charles Band movies of all time!

Also my dick is huge.

If you liked this movie then check out: Femalien & Femalien II: The Search of Kara

I'm up really late. This is not good...for Fright Night.

A REAL American Hero.

I don't know what I'm doing. It's almost 3 in the morning and I'm burnt out. My brain is elsewhere and what's being typed right now is coming from the lost empty shell of a man. But that's alright, it'll probably make for better writing.

But anyway, I've wanted to say this for awhile and I just could never get around to it. But it's late, I'm out of my mind, and I think it's time to clear the air here. Just get it all out and let it be.

The Fright Night remake.

We know it's happening. They're probably done shooting. Who knows, who cares. But what's important is that they remade Fright Night. FRIGHT NIGHT. This movie is 80's horror GOLD. The original Fright Night has charm, class, and a perfect blend of humor and horror. It is the alpha and the omega of vampire movies. In short, it kicks ass.

But they're remaking it. Oh well, another remake right? It's not a big deal. Everybody pisses and moans about remakes. All over the internet people are complaining about the next remake but they'll go see it anyway. It's quite tiring actually. And I hate it. But here I am...doing it myself. I wasn't going to say anything. I really wasn't. But that was until I read something that just sent me over the edge. Here is a quote from an Interview MTV did with Dave Franco...one of the "stars" of Fright Night.
"The original is very campy, very 80's in an awesome way...it's a cult classic. That movie would not work today. It's obviously the same concept, but a lot has changed to make everything make sense now."
The original is CAMPY? How the fuck is it campy? Could it be the kid next door finding out his neighbor is a vampire so he seeks out the help of his favorite TV vampire killer? Is that campy? Oh wait...it's THE FUCKING PREMISE OF THE MOVIE. It's not campy, it's the movie. Dumbass.

Cult classic? I guess you could walk a fine line with this one. But what movie isn't a cult classic? And remaking a cult classic is a terrible idea. Nobody would fucking know what it is and the people that love the original are going to HATE your fucking movie. So what's the point?

That movie would not work today? I just made my fiance sit through it because I was hyping it up how amazing it is. And you know what? SHE FUCKING LOVED IT! You know why? Because it's AWESOME! There's a charm and connection you make with Fright Night. You watch it and Fright Night hits you in the heart. It's like watching family movies. It brings you back to the good old days when shit was REAL and AWESOME.

NOT THIS.

The concept is the same but a lot has changed to make it make sense now? What does that even fucking mean? So you took out EVERYTHING that made Fright Night, FRIGHT NIGHT. And you changed it all and made something shitty. Because it'll somehow make more sense. This new Peter Vincent looks like a douchebag. He's supposed to be a representation of Epic Horror legends Peter Cushing and Vincent Price. Not some fucked up Vegas magician douche. UGHN I can't stand it.

Why would you do that? Fright Night is genius and immensely entertaining. You want to take that all away and replace it with something sparkly. It just doesn't fucking make sense man. NO SENSE!

Fright Night 80's: Directed by Tom Holland, director of Child's Play.
Fright Night 10's: Directed by Craig Gillespie, director of...several TV commercials.

Fright Night remake, your movie is gonna blow so hard. I can't wait to watch it burn.

Friday, October 22, 2010

SyFy Weekend Schedule: 31 Days of Halloween continues...


Well I fucked up bad this week, I forgot to post the ENTIRE WEEK of shitty movies. Oh well, I'm sure there wasn't anything good. Or there was lots of good things and nobody watched it because I didn't post the schedule. I'm certain SyFy gets no viewers if I don't post their schedules right? RIGHT?

Oh well, here's the weekend. Looks alright. I'd spend it outside instead since there's lots of repeats. If your in my neck of the woods, the snow will be flying soon and you might as well enjoy the outdoors while you can!

All times EST.

Saturday 10/23

9-10:30am: Lockjaw: Rise of the Kuler Serpent (With commercials this is only 90 minutes...and it stars DMX. WOW)
10:30-12:30pm: Open Graves (Eliza Dushku anyone?)
12:30-2:30pm: Joyride 2: Dead Ahead (Still want to see this)
2:30-4:30pm: Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (with all the great parts probably cut out)
4:30-6:30pm: Saw 2 (uh, oh...Saw marathon.)
6:30-9pm: Saw 3 (Shit, another one!)
9-11pm: Saw 4 (Will it ever END?)
11-1am: Kill Theory (oh thank god, Kill Theory saves the day)
1-3am: Autopsy (I've heard good things)
3-5am: Slaughter (If there isn't a Sargeant in front of the name I don't want to see it)

Sunday 10/24

9-11am: Boogeyman (didn't like it)
11-1pm: Boogeyman 2 (I've heard this one is better)
1-3pm: The Midnight Meat Train (AWESOME)
3-5pm: Timber Falls (looks good)
5-7pm: The Grudge 3 (part 3's are usually good right?)
7-9pm: Identity (Good flick if you haven't had it spoiled for you yet)
9-11pm: The Reaping (With Hilary Swank and that little girl from Race to Witch Mountain)
11-1am: The Rapture (David Duchovny is...The Rapture)
1-3am: Dread (I've heard good things)
3-5am: Bram Stoker's: Way of the Vampire (1.7 on IMDb is a good thing!)

The 31 Days of Halloween: Charles Band #10 (NSFW)

THE TOP TEN


It's October and with it comes a huge list of epic greatness. In case you haven't read the intro to this thing, I'll be counting down 31 of the greatest Charles Band movies. Keep your internet dials tuned to Mr. Gable's Reality DAILY for new and exciting Charles Band goodness. I began this countdown with TEN Charles Band movies that I have yet to see, then I explored ELEVEN films that personally learned the art of Kick Ass! from Charles Band, and now I present to you, the loyal Reality fans, THE TOP TEN CHARLES BAND MOVIES OF ALL TIME! Let's do this thing...


The Trailer:



You're probably wondering how the fuck this movie made the Top Ten. Demonic Toys really? Well you sir, have not seen Demonic Toys. I'll break this down very quickly as to why this movie is amazing...

#1: A really nice set o' titties

My fiance is gonna kill me when she sees I posted this.

#2: David S. Goyer

If you don't know who David S. Goyer is, then you really need to check out his IMDb profile. He's the man that co-wrote Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, and all 3 Blade movies. He is a man of genius and it really shows with Demonic Toys, one of the earlier films he wrote.


#3: Baby Oopsie Daisy!

This toy in particular steals the show. And it's so fucking awesome. Check it out...



So all of these things combined, along with some dark magic and Tracy Scoggins, make this movie easily take the #10 spot on the 31 greatest Charles Band movies of all time!

If you liked this movie then check out: Demonic Toys 2, Dollman vs Demonic Toys, Puppet Master vs Demonic Toys

Thursday, October 21, 2010

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Charles Band #11


It's October and with it comes a huge list of epic greatness. In case you haven't read the intro to this thing, I'll be counting down 31 of the greatest Charles Band movies. Keep your internet dials tuned to Mr. Gable's Reality DAILY for new and exciting Charles Band goodness. I began this countdown with TEN Charles Band movies that I have yet to see. Now I present to you, the loyal Reality fans, 11 films that personally learned the art of Kick Ass! from Charles Band. Let's do this thing...


The Trailer:



I know that isn't the poster art most people are familiar with but it was just to fucking awesome to pass up. Also I think it's much better and had I seen THIS one, then perhaps I would have watched the movie much sooner. Like you will be doing very soon...

Subspecies is the alpha male of vampire movies. It looks at movies like Twilight and pisses in their faces. And while their gargling yellow liquid waste and screaming, "Nooo!! You're not the greatest! I have several sequels!" That's when Subspecies rips off its head and skull fucks it into oblivion while whispering softly, "I have 4 sequels motherfucker, each infinitely better than the last. There's even a spin off that's pretty similar to me so take that you dirty cocksucker."

And that is how every vampire known to existence came to be. Probably.

In all seriousness, Subspecies is a really good movie. It's a little gritty to watch but the overall story is well done and the effects...are Full Moon effects. What the filmmakers set out to do was put a small spin on the vampire legend and make a good movie, I believe they succeeded. I do own the series although my laziness has prevented me from watching the sequels. But the internet tells me that the sequels are really good so I'm not too worried about anything.

So for not being a pussy vampire movie and for probably violating Twilight in ways we could never fathom, I give Subspecies the #11 spot on the 31 greatest Charles Band movies of all time!

STARTING TOMORROW: THE TOP TEN!!

If you liked this movie then check out: Bloodstone: Subspecies 2, Bloodlust: Subspecies 3, Subspecies 4: Bloodstorm, and Vampire Journals

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Adam Green makes the best Halloween movies.

Adam Green, the guy behind the Hatchet movies, Frozen, and Spiral brings to us another Halloween short! Every year to celebrate Halloween he puts together a short horror/comedy for all of us to enjoy. What a guy! Well just today I saw the new one and it's fahkin awesome. But first I'd like to show you last years because it ties in with this years. Check it out.



And here's this years!



AH HAHAHA I LOVE IT! These things are so awesome. Check out ArieScope for more Halloween shorts. I believe there's like 12 of them. One of them including a jealous murdering TiVo! Happy Halloween Everybody!

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Charles Band #12


It's October and with it comes a huge list of epic greatness. In case you haven't read the intro to this thing, I'll be counting down 31 of the greatest Charles Band movies. Keep your internet dials tuned to Mr. Gable's Reality DAILY for new and exciting Charles Band goodness. I began this countdown with TEN Charles Band movies that I have yet to see. Now I present to you, the loyal Reality fans, 11 films that personally learned the art of Kick Ass! from Charles Band. Let's do this thing...

The 31 Greatest Bad Movies Charles Band Has Ever Produced #12


The Trailer:



Wow, I forgot how awesome Dolls really is. I knew it was good, and I remember loving the shit out of it when I first watched it a few years ago, but I do not remember a doll firing squad or dolls with hacksaws. That is awesome.

Dolls is directed by Stuart Gordon, the man behind Re-Animator. You'll notice I mention him all over my blog and I always refer to Re-Animator. Because Re-Animator is an amazing movie and one of my favorites of all time. It's a shame that Charles Band didn't produce that or it'd most assuredly be #1 on this list. But anyway, with Stuart Gordon behind the project you can be assured it'll be awesome.

Dolls is a fairly predictable horror movie. But with the subject matter I don't think I'd want it any other way. The filmmakers here actually try to make a good horror movie, not something goofy or crazy. In the end it was enjoyable. The story starts out with a married couple with problems, they have car trouble and it rains. The shack up in an old house with two old people. Then a few more people have similar fates and they end up in the house. Then the stage is set with lots of expendables so the dolls then come to life and murder everyone. And it's awesome.

So for being more terrifying then Chucky, having cover art that haunted my nightmares as a child although I never watched the movie as a child, and being one of the first (if not the first) "Doll" movies Charles Band has been associated with, I give Dolls the #12 spot on the 31 greatest Charles Band movies of all time!

If you liked this movie then check out: Blood Dolls

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Charles Band #13


It's October and with it comes a huge list of epic greatness. In case you haven't read the intro to this thing, I'll be counting down 31 of the greatest Charles Band movies. Keep your internet dials tuned to Mr. Gable's Reality DAILY for new and exciting Charles Band goodness. I began this countdown with TEN Charles Band movies that I have yet to see. Now I present to you, the loyal Reality fans, 11 films that personally learned the art of Kick Ass! from Charles Band. Let's do this thing...

The 31 Greatest Bad Movies Charles Band Has Ever Produced #13


The Trailer:



Zone Troopers is a movie that does not want to be seen. Everything you see about it firsthand repulses you. Nothing looks good about it...or even makes sense. That poster up there...it would suggest to you that perhaps there's some aliens recruiting humans for some kick ass intergalactic battle. There isn't. The Tagline from the trailer (and poster): They Take War To A New Dimension...that doesn't happen either. Everything happens on Earth. If anything the New Dimension brings war here...and they don't because they don't do anything, the aliens are a bunch of eco-pussies that refuse to fight. The trailer leaves little to be desired. Where's the voiceover guy? It's like the trailer just refused to wait any longer for him to show up for work...but he finally does make it just in time to say "Zone Troopers". And then you read the synopsis:

In Italy, during World War II some American soldiers find an alien UFO.

And then you become even more confused. Like "???" confused. BUT for everything this movie does wrong up front it makes up for on film. Don't get me wrong, this movie is fantastic from a Charles Band point of view. I loved it. And here's why...

Tim Thomerson. Oh yeah, this Charles Band veteran makes another appearance here as some kind of super soldier. Although they never clarify anything as to why. He just consistently kicks ass, gets shot lots of times, even gets blown up, but keeps surviving. Because he's Tim Thomerson. This movie tries SO HARD to kill Tim Thomerson but we all know that's impossible.

This movie has one of the best scenes ever. Some of the American's are getting interrogated by the Nazi's when HITLER shows up. One of the guy's struggles free and punches him RIGHT IN THE FACE! Hahahaha then he says something like, "Did I just KO Hitler?" HAhahahahaha That alone is worth it! Trust me, even reading this now has nothing on the actual scene itself.

So for having an indestructible Tim Thomerson, a Hitler KO, and a really awesome "Empire Strikes Back" ripoff musical score, I give this movie the #13 spot on the 31 greatest Charles Band movies of all time!

If you liked this movie then check out: Dark Angel: The Ascent

HOLY SHIT, somebody made a kick ass tribute video on YouTube. Check it out! Lots of spoilers but it really captures the "magic" of this movie. And a sidenote: If you have Netflix, this movie is available on instant watch. So go watch it, NOW!



What the fuck? No Hitler KO? I guess you'll have to watch the movie.