tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78994118090163157632024-03-05T08:20:44.123-06:00Mr. Gable's RealityYour independent source for everything Bad. Bad Movie Reviews, News, Articles, and Events. The Badness Begins here...Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.comBlogger556125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-31855455347283164102020-05-20T05:40:00.000-05:002020-05-20T05:40:46.680-05:00BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Raw Justice (1994)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7pMyo28GEbpLv6xnAk2S24dFqWNSNZJ5nbIBs50v0Ovv3sRCiij62tB1j8Mp56OmtNgC3QnxZiE_xSdO3Vrn64N35rEkK164AeU5KAzR22JGEv17CulwILq2lc91IIVTHphsZ20Kc6Xmh/s1600/20200517_141141.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7pMyo28GEbpLv6xnAk2S24dFqWNSNZJ5nbIBs50v0Ovv3sRCiij62tB1j8Mp56OmtNgC3QnxZiE_xSdO3Vrn64N35rEkK164AeU5KAzR22JGEv17CulwILq2lc91IIVTHphsZ20Kc6Xmh/s320/20200517_141141.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<i>Shown: Actual VHS I purchased in 2020</i></div>
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<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/9X3fYTBl6ck" width="560"></iframe></div>
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Here's the exact series of events that led me to frantically scramble on eBay late last weekend to score a copy of Raw Justice on VHS.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmBTakJwltdNhlqWwpfM-0ramuUhufdSloLaTbDfTyioSBRBAYaCDOeKKcNTyWq8HMv4XRO9dd4WU9bqJCdat2-z0czPfrtIOxVoGwh6dGXysaZI05F0gXogdLo3YDJGHTpn84yZPZFBFA/s1600/41ru3n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="823" data-original-width="501" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmBTakJwltdNhlqWwpfM-0ramuUhufdSloLaTbDfTyioSBRBAYaCDOeKKcNTyWq8HMv4XRO9dd4WU9bqJCdat2-z0czPfrtIOxVoGwh6dGXysaZI05F0gXogdLo3YDJGHTpn84yZPZFBFA/s640/41ru3n.jpg" width="387" /></a></div>
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<i>What the fuck is that? A giant missile!?</i></div>
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<i>I HAVE TO FUCKING KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENS!!</i></div>
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Oh this movie, what a wild ride. There's so much to love here that you just gotta jump in and let it happen. This HAS to be what a 'massage + happy ending' feels like. It just HAS TO BE!<br />
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I was just tooling around IMDb last week and I must've been looking up Pam Anderson. This movie sparked my interest for some reason. As I was browsing around, I checked out the pictures section (like you do when you researching Pam Anderson) and what do I see but the Eighth Wonder of the World:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcNgYp1b8gcZ2TzI5QzpmbZtbGuKCxb0QydinsyJ2xkCuGqA8SM9aCSyAABswkVwn4PYzriJ2zLX9SLT5isJ-CEm2VrrmVzppkbSpBONi32GLDpKGDH3JXEAdUJ3tnklayghmG6hAZhhIQ/s1600/DhrT5U8U0AMuwq_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="513" height="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcNgYp1b8gcZ2TzI5QzpmbZtbGuKCxb0QydinsyJ2xkCuGqA8SM9aCSyAABswkVwn4PYzriJ2zLX9SLT5isJ-CEm2VrrmVzppkbSpBONi32GLDpKGDH3JXEAdUJ3tnklayghmG6hAZhhIQ/s320/DhrT5U8U0AMuwq_.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>Automatic Blind Buy</i></div>
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I don't know what series of events led to this moment in cinematic history but I have to know. I need this in my life. But I'm getting ahead of myself, let's get started:<br />
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The first 5 minutes consist of David Keith in drag, Pam Anderson in her underwear, and a dude throwing himself through a window for absolutely no fucking reason.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLpYOFO0LeoE4W1ZiTXVDNlyJK7WKRk6hu2-VttstaEvr8wBueXZyX4carbjTemyhIR17AnS650fZu5dqFlbEtaVYQvO0ZT0Py7rbkl5rB_Jmlq4VP21eT-tXPaZsatGQJ1X8gn-lCbMCL/s1600/005.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="350" height="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLpYOFO0LeoE4W1ZiTXVDNlyJK7WKRk6hu2-VttstaEvr8wBueXZyX4carbjTemyhIR17AnS650fZu5dqFlbEtaVYQvO0ZT0Py7rbkl5rB_Jmlq4VP21eT-tXPaZsatGQJ1X8gn-lCbMCL/s320/005.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>Alright movie, you have my attention</i></div>
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I can just see my boys in the Bad Movie Syndicate rolling their eyes. The whole David Keith in drag thing is a 5 second joke that lasts 15 minutes. I was giggling but it definitely does overstay it's welcome.<br />
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After that, we can finally get this movie started. Time for a shower scene and some glorious nudity! Robert Hays (the dude from Airplane who is so out of place in this movie but is also kind of really fucking awesome to see here) gets shot down by the Mayor's daughter after their first date. She goes in, strips down, and hops into a shower that is literally more square feet than my first apartment.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaHXm1HPyCxpI2m14ic5p1QeLyO2iZycdkainnVGvtfXOKPbRRzcBi0VG7L_qxAwyv6zSSrF1mWBIVFjN8ov6NA9qxRYTuphtIsZQbLyzKZTG2y3a6iLVAt1CLoDa2hyd8OkgGqLoq_9ZE/s1600/Capture1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="317" data-original-width="482" height="210" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaHXm1HPyCxpI2m14ic5p1QeLyO2iZycdkainnVGvtfXOKPbRRzcBi0VG7L_qxAwyv6zSSrF1mWBIVFjN8ov6NA9qxRYTuphtIsZQbLyzKZTG2y3a6iLVAt1CLoDa2hyd8OkgGqLoq_9ZE/s320/Capture1.PNG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>Just off camera to the left is the kitchen, to the right is the master bedroom,</i></div>
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<i>and if you squint hard enough you can see the living room in the distance</i></div>
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Well, she's murdered. (spoilers) Strangled by a power cord. From a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOoqWApuFkU" target="_blank">lamp</a>. We then cut to Stacy Keach on a shady looking pier paying the man that killed her. And then he blows his brains out. hahaha thank you Mr. Keach.<br />
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Back to our "hero" David Keith. (I apologize if I type Keith David, the superior of the Keith's and David's, anywhere in this post. It's hard to keep it straight) Also, whenever David Keith enters a scene, acts in a scene, or does absolutely nothing, the musical score queue's up the blues riff that <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPN4XjrwD78" target="_blank">Samuel L Jackson hums in The Long Kiss Goodnight</a>. If you really aren't interested in hearing that riff 5000 times, then this movie isn't for you.<br />
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David Keith gets out of jail and out of drag (and we're all still laughing amirite guys?). Then we head back over to Robert Hays who's now getting arrested for the murder of the Mayor's daughter. CUT TO THE NEXT SCENE...Now Robert Hays is getting out of jail ALSO. Apparently some mystery person paid his bail. NOW CUT TO Robert Hays eating in his kitchen. He opens the fridge, discovers a note. He reads it aloud and it's a confession to the murder of the Mayor's daughter.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisXOwLUOLY6iJC8utnDvDzbh3CH2R840MPtbthmhtm1bv9MK2n_72c-dha35CV-N54y3VOYY8zEADOOC3HphQLBYmCfEvnTUnAD-tLkgw12uPsiqlpR9zQIMb6foQ2aeGjdjNH6IKc6-x8/s1600/unnamed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="391" data-original-width="512" height="244" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisXOwLUOLY6iJC8utnDvDzbh3CH2R840MPtbthmhtm1bv9MK2n_72c-dha35CV-N54y3VOYY8zEADOOC3HphQLBYmCfEvnTUnAD-tLkgw12uPsiqlpR9zQIMb6foQ2aeGjdjNH6IKc6-x8/s320/unnamed.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>What the fuck is going on DK, nothing is making any sense.</i></div>
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Next, Robert Hays looks at his stove, which is propped open. Then he notices the gas burners are all turned way up. Then he must've FINALLY SMELLED ALL THE GAS IN THE KITCHEN HE'S BEEN STANDING IN FOR 5 MINUTES. Then he belts out a "OH JESUS!" and runs out of the house just as the building explodes.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2O0KVVI0iisgGhmJoWaCvjj_SoU-ySLn0vpgDxmLJDFef7p6C6ebLwx9N70eERC6eMTCpP8NHGdUMJW-g7Fgkf_P_Ff3mvE5KxPCLqXSZEEix3gSN9yK-vKA9-pTvAWDlgfuv6Tt4BkXt/s1600/swedish_chef.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2O0KVVI0iisgGhmJoWaCvjj_SoU-ySLn0vpgDxmLJDFef7p6C6ebLwx9N70eERC6eMTCpP8NHGdUMJW-g7Fgkf_P_Ff3mvE5KxPCLqXSZEEix3gSN9yK-vKA9-pTvAWDlgfuv6Tt4BkXt/s320/swedish_chef.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>Mmmm...brilliant!</i></div>
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Next, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9soVm9McMs" target="_blank">David Keith shows up</a>. David Keith and Robert Hays then proceed to have the slowest dirt bike chase through a mall. I have to give the actors some credit here though, it looks like there was very little use of stuntmen and the actors were actually tearing it up through the streets and the mall. It was kind of nice to see but yeah...not very exciting when we're tooling around at 15 mph.<br />
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Next, we head over to the local strip club for a nice refreshing nudity break. And look who we find here: Pam Anderson.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfymhEyJuAGyYfA4AAojyJBOPU-CKvGiAjUhWqKKqCh3izewlmfIS2Us73DSK_Lb91zg7pflHnfl1qJ5c2d_-hIpyXQ2PFzA2cGPlwrDB3YznMgnt9tVmG1mM8otIOuN3Nd2P6ify1EnFn/s1600/MV5BNTgzYzczMmYtOWUxOC00OGU2LTliNzYtOGU3N2UwM2I0MjNjXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyOTE3OTk1MTA%2540._V1_SY1000_CR0%252C0%252C1486%252C1000_AL_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1000" data-original-width="1486" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfymhEyJuAGyYfA4AAojyJBOPU-CKvGiAjUhWqKKqCh3izewlmfIS2Us73DSK_Lb91zg7pflHnfl1qJ5c2d_-hIpyXQ2PFzA2cGPlwrDB3YznMgnt9tVmG1mM8otIOuN3Nd2P6ify1EnFn/s320/MV5BNTgzYzczMmYtOWUxOC00OGU2LTliNzYtOGU3N2UwM2I0MjNjXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyOTE3OTk1MTA%2540._V1_SY1000_CR0%252C0%252C1486%252C1000_AL_.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>Pam, you're here for 2 reasons and 1 of them isn't your acting ability.</i></div>
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Anyway, Pam's looking for her clothes back from David Keith (whom I forgot to tell you he took from Pam in the opening scene to dress up in drag). Suddenly, some bad guys show up and the movie has a semi-fun chase scene through town. David Keith is on the hood of the car, Pam Anderson is driving and screaming. Her delivery is just so deliciously rancid. All of this leads up to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7j-OGZ-VO8" target="_blank">one of the greatest crashes I've ever seen</a>.<br />
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After that, David and Pam are running on foot. They go hide in a warehouse. Now, the moment, THE MOMENT, the bad guys exit the screen, David Keith asks Pam to hold onto his gun and then proceeds to have a steaming hot sex scene out of fucking nowhere.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ1j2EpJV9x3GMya_k9W1BpzTcTUngXs-UA8pcO_JlmyFRhOZdS-7rJ6FHxjVCNsTLDYrT1YM2GNTq8kTTRKvLx4vLE1manSJVBTGc-XaBDnq5LNCNOMbUiNXYII3khM2-_2A96xUIJVRn/s1600/Capture2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="237" data-original-width="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ1j2EpJV9x3GMya_k9W1BpzTcTUngXs-UA8pcO_JlmyFRhOZdS-7rJ6FHxjVCNsTLDYrT1YM2GNTq8kTTRKvLx4vLE1manSJVBTGc-XaBDnq5LNCNOMbUiNXYII3khM2-_2A96xUIJVRn/s1600/Capture2.PNG" /></a></div>
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<i>Hurry up, I need to meet my contractual quota of nude scenes</i></div>
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Now that that's out of the way, the movie spends some time setting up David Keith for an entirely separate murder. Short story, David goes in and threatens a dude with a baseball bat and then some other henchman uses that bat to kill that guy he was threatening. Then we head over to a seedy hotel to hole up for awhile and come up with a plan.<br />
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Then Pam Anderson bangs the shit out of the dude from Airplane. David Keith tries to get in on the action but she's like, 'ummm...no. You're gross.' This scene is pretty good. It like the 'everyman' sex scene. Just a normal joe-schmoe 3/10 putting the screws to Pam Anderson in the 90s. It was everyman's dream, right fellas?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO6ANcf7UiVfC1QiVgYTUIXIJTYj6DSqN88328ZGHjxXpxWZBrqe-F_2IjfJzsWpcGyTzEqV9aG6EwbgFdFn7gAEipYmf5GdV7K3qhhpkauh5rn7ugZTXlgGjkWBnV2X7_CkVMM2ynh3Kb/s1600/rs_634x839-151203085342-634.1993-Pamela-Anderson-All-Her-Playboy-Covers-Sexy-Nude.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="839" data-original-width="634" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO6ANcf7UiVfC1QiVgYTUIXIJTYj6DSqN88328ZGHjxXpxWZBrqe-F_2IjfJzsWpcGyTzEqV9aG6EwbgFdFn7gAEipYmf5GdV7K3qhhpkauh5rn7ugZTXlgGjkWBnV2X7_CkVMM2ynh3Kb/s320/rs_634x839-151203085342-634.1993-Pamela-Anderson-All-Her-Playboy-Covers-Sexy-Nude.jpg" width="241" /></a></div>
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<i>OH GOD YES!</i></div>
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Alright, so then some bad guys show up. Something something, Fan Boat Chase scene and then David Keith is movie dead. He "blows up" off screen. Now Pam and Robert are taken back to the strip club for a well deserved and much earned nudity break.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO1pu1yooVgaziA99PrJSDDbnPMbKU6q29LLcUaDgSlJmgw5yF0a6zYkfqHMejqMeVahLTTevtQYlFf-Nc_mYRVRjmfzC5FD3UFvkBCphU30yifyIqaN7zQXpzrqfBaYn-cLKCrSQW7oV8/s1600/DhrT5U8U0AMuwq_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="513" height="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO1pu1yooVgaziA99PrJSDDbnPMbKU6q29LLcUaDgSlJmgw5yF0a6zYkfqHMejqMeVahLTTevtQYlFf-Nc_mYRVRjmfzC5FD3UFvkBCphU30yifyIqaN7zQXpzrqfBaYn-cLKCrSQW7oV8/s320/DhrT5U8U0AMuwq_.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>We're almost there!</i></div>
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Things are looking kind of grim but shockingly David Keith shows up totally NOT DEAD! Some bullets are thrown around, some heated discussions take place and then the crowning achievement of David A Prior's career takes place (arguable to that of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8nHa5ilK_0" target="_blank">Deadly Prey</a> of course)<br />
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<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/S_j2sNTgmkM" width="560"></iframe></div>
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<i>HAHAHA it was a giant fucking dart this whole time HAHAHA!!!</i></div>
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Oh yeah, we almost forgot to wrap up the Stacy Keach/Charles Napier subplot/main plot business. Keach tries to blackmail Napier but Napier ain't no bitch and calls out Keach in front of the press. Keach puts a gun to Napier's head and demands a helicopter. He gets it of course piloted by none other than David Keith. David says some heroic stuff, then laughingly jumps out of the helicopter proclaiming "GERONIMO!" and Keach explodes into the side of the building WITHOUT EVEN TRYING TO FLY THE HELICOPTER HIMSELF HAHAHAHA!!!<br />
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Orgasmic this movie is. In every way possible. It's an incredible ride through every possible trope there is in an action film. It hits all the right cords that a movie like this should. Just when you think you've about given up on this movie, then you get hit with a nude scene. It's perfect. The writing, the acting, the direction, the....everything is just so bad but god damn do I love it. There's two reasons we're all watching this movie and they aren't David Keith or Robert Hays.<br />
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You can watch the movie in almost it's entirety on YouTube right now. All the nudity is there sans Pam Anderson (of course) or you can be like me and pick up a copy on eBay. Embrace the bad friends.<br />
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<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/t_tcOQR7Ynw" width="560"></iframe></div>
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<br />Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-7068418492528722462019-09-26T05:45:00.000-05:002019-09-26T05:45:17.844-05:00BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Rambo: Last Blood (2019)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU-PQri9jiJ9xvyPtCZ39c8SItIWLOHTipJnZEwADMx5U2gP8vv7DI0e_HKYADGh4_2pfQVUgDVdcEJJ13VPfSdkAK5VHLTBoMnPSFF3lYne9g9yxevOf-OYfcVmetxfgbvNLYcNFa8B1b/s1600/rambo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1422" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU-PQri9jiJ9xvyPtCZ39c8SItIWLOHTipJnZEwADMx5U2gP8vv7DI0e_HKYADGh4_2pfQVUgDVdcEJJ13VPfSdkAK5VHLTBoMnPSFF3lYne9g9yxevOf-OYfcVmetxfgbvNLYcNFa8B1b/s400/rambo.jpg" width="270" /></a></div>
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Listen here now, I haven't blogged a god. damn. thing. in 3 years and I just spent 15 frustrating minutes trying to log in to this fucking blog again and you're gonna sit your ass down and read this thing! Got me?<br />
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...<br />
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It's probably a better time than Rambo: Last Blood.<br />
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<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/e6hO6RIwaFs" width="560"></iframe></div>
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<i>You can bet your sweet ass there's spoilers.</i></div>
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Yes, a new RAMBO! That last one was so good and this one promises just as much blood, it just can't be bad. Not. Fucking. Possible. And it's <u>LAST</u> BLOOD, like the last one, right, so...so we're definitely pulling out all the stops.</div>
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Well here's what we got...</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPkPtm9O-QlRKw0zJQ585MiSyUcSliWorfuoeADjgU4IEJcjxtJv708kDX3eJc8io4BjW0L9Oeb0nmptdSGC9VvcUIF5Y9NTLIlfboMgTDWE0TubUcgsMTTpLV9NyLQYa99qvNPyA5ev3y/s1600/rambo2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="653" data-original-width="1600" height="259" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPkPtm9O-QlRKw0zJQ585MiSyUcSliWorfuoeADjgU4IEJcjxtJv708kDX3eJc8io4BjW0L9Oeb0nmptdSGC9VvcUIF5Y9NTLIlfboMgTDWE0TubUcgsMTTpLV9NyLQYa99qvNPyA5ev3y/s640/rambo2.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<i>Oh, and cowboy hats! Just so many cowboy hats.</i></div>
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So the story starts out on the Rambo Ranch. We're riding horses, setting up Rambo's relationship with his niece, and hanging out in A VAST LABYRINTH OF UNDERGROUND TUNNELS. Wow, Rambo really took that saying "idle hands are the devil's plaything" to heart. So he's wandering around these tunnels, showing us where he brushes his teeth, where he forges knives, and where all the best places are for Vietnam flashbacks.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLzd1LNnst9iebF7Zw4f8ZcJnBLWXX7xOov9c6vikez_KU8OeagVrKVEkOK9jRxGhwdPGl6wDis3QaXod6Apy3fLfC1dc1oa5caoLposD7qZPLoUuXEKrY5SB_Wi7PoT7fzTSEjy1n8ccQ/s1600/AnguishedCoarseFlamingo-size_restricted.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="249" data-original-width="377" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLzd1LNnst9iebF7Zw4f8ZcJnBLWXX7xOov9c6vikez_KU8OeagVrKVEkOK9jRxGhwdPGl6wDis3QaXod6Apy3fLfC1dc1oa5caoLposD7qZPLoUuXEKrY5SB_Wi7PoT7fzTSEjy1n8ccQ/s320/AnguishedCoarseFlamingo-size_restricted.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>It's like he built these tunnels specifically to trigger flashbacks</i></div>
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Rambo's niece, Gabrielle, then get's a call from an old friend in Mexico that says she has found her long lost dead beat daddy. Then, after multiple warnings from Rambo, she goes down there anyway to confront him. Let me tell you, that confrontation is one of the greatest burns I've ever seen on film. The dude opens the door all welcoming, then she asks him why he left, and then he just looks her dead in the eyes and just lays into her about how he never wanted her, had no feelings for her, and really could care less if she were alive or dead. It was amazing.<br />
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Then of course, her emotional defenses are down, which causes her to agree to go to a club with her friend...who then sells her out to a mexican gang that will now fill her full of drugs and sell her as a sex slave.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4p5V4oEFyF7eub21mW510POMHb0eMhJ67iVpxyMhXke3VitoJl3qRptYLw1iBc5nu4S5hM7ZaTjboo6IdJ_rFzgmUgyEznD3FZmbYcEoDbEf1BAJgqwQi6ArzmFsETo3Z6TIe_NA1tkLo/s1600/rambo3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4p5V4oEFyF7eub21mW510POMHb0eMhJ67iVpxyMhXke3VitoJl3qRptYLw1iBc5nu4S5hM7ZaTjboo6IdJ_rFzgmUgyEznD3FZmbYcEoDbEf1BAJgqwQi6ArzmFsETo3Z6TIe_NA1tkLo/s400/rambo3.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Hey yo, Mexico. I will find you and I will kill you.</i></div>
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So yeah, we're basically in full 'Taken' mode at this point. Rambo runs down to Mexico to go find her. He gets his ass beat pretty bad by the entire gang. The leader (?) of the gang let's Rambo live (for the purposes of this movie) and Rambo is then taken in by some woman who knows an underground doctor that helps to stitch him up. Phew, what a mess. Well then, Rambo heals up faster than Wolverine and then goes back on the hunt. This is probably my favorite part of the movie...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC0JUaYeqXBgWyJhq6e7TUjADtNvVYpDZpw2hRJNxyeGxt81inKZWbMjiE6fuztIqwFYMYD0pzkDI0wdwqxJSIgeaXD-z_c1VkXV__Ybem4MFIE2G6FWqbq-lOPqY6OLrYm65eESpUN8gM/s1600/rambo+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC0JUaYeqXBgWyJhq6e7TUjADtNvVYpDZpw2hRJNxyeGxt81inKZWbMjiE6fuztIqwFYMYD0pzkDI0wdwqxJSIgeaXD-z_c1VkXV__Ybem4MFIE2G6FWqbq-lOPqY6OLrYm65eESpUN8gM/s320/rambo+4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>The movie poster should've just had Rambo holding this hammer.</i></div>
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Rambo destroys an entire building full of thugs with nothing but a hammer. Boy, is it glorious. Hammers to the face, hammers to the shoulder, hammers to the face, hammers to the BALLS, (ouchie) you name it, he probably did it. Eventually he finds Gabrielle and saves her. They're driving back to America having a little heart to heart...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMCFq1wKJFl_AT0QFzgUCdrjXR7d1ICgDumJcs9EAbP614o1AD2za4sFnOMdJ_bdc5zUjP3gwwUj5Y-xIhhX1gQZC9iIL9Ce2_AfYUomAtLiWzEfLe6lLyCKb8SkK5y9C3mHQQXGWnR0TK/s1600/original.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="159" data-original-width="200" height="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMCFq1wKJFl_AT0QFzgUCdrjXR7d1ICgDumJcs9EAbP614o1AD2za4sFnOMdJ_bdc5zUjP3gwwUj5Y-xIhhX1gQZC9iIL9Ce2_AfYUomAtLiWzEfLe6lLyCKb8SkK5y9C3mHQQXGWnR0TK/s400/original.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>And so is any emotional investment I had in this movie.</i></div>
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We get back to Rambo Ranch, bury her out in the back 40, her friends all signed a stick over her grave with facebook posts like "good wishes", "we miss you", and "sending my prayers".<br />
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All right, here we are. FINALLY. Last 20 minutes of the movie. Revenge is a dish best served cold....eh, not this time. We're killing them now. It's Rambo time.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7esbN00FWcIM4Vf8K2u22FMrsA1QD0LNfZM6DfasqlGNjV92xEt9gLE6apYQx6-fiMg7jqfYT5QNSraoKLKxhlzFFmLUzIwyYD-39m5c16mX8cocFcHk8ljkxQpm1X9nHAuogYDPEyJnW/s1600/rambo.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="790" data-original-width="1184" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7esbN00FWcIM4Vf8K2u22FMrsA1QD0LNfZM6DfasqlGNjV92xEt9gLE6apYQx6-fiMg7jqfYT5QNSraoKLKxhlzFFmLUzIwyYD-39m5c16mX8cocFcHk8ljkxQpm1X9nHAuogYDPEyJnW/s400/rambo.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Actually it's settin' up traps Home Alone time.</i></div>
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Rambo goes back to Mexico, starts a war with the gang, lures them back to his Ranch, and then murders the whole lot of them. All of the kills are pretty great and creative. We're running around the tunnels, everyone is getting their legs cut off, heads blown off, knived, arrow'd, all kinds of great carnage.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbbElwmYCM880T8_XXawRW2bTLzvEJCVdscFktsmXPhk9e5aBg8UKy3KpXhWVzp36DSNLHiVpN8WI6eT-XDY4mMr-Tb9QbailJu7QBuqpdEiBka5sOA9bJgOYxbTpjskkDE6uqJiOI7lgn/s1600/rambo-last-blood-gory.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="601" data-original-width="1080" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbbElwmYCM880T8_XXawRW2bTLzvEJCVdscFktsmXPhk9e5aBg8UKy3KpXhWVzp36DSNLHiVpN8WI6eT-XDY4mMr-Tb9QbailJu7QBuqpdEiBka5sOA9bJgOYxbTpjskkDE6uqJiOI7lgn/s400/rambo-last-blood-gory.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Hell, even the predator gets in on the fun.</i></div>
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They're all dead, Rambo's hurt pretty bad, and then we start the Rambo credit roll montage of all the movies. You kind of think that maybe Rambo dies on the porch of this house until they show him riding off into the sunset.</div>
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Yikes.</div>
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I hate to say it but I didn't really like this movie. Maybe if it wasn't a Rambo movie, I'd like it better but this just isn't the movie I wanted. Doesn't really feel like Rambo at all. All the stuff that's good and great about this movie is totally superficial. The kills in this movie are awesome but they just have no great context behind them so they fall super flat. The story is there but they just did it all wrong.</div>
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I like the Taken angle for the story. It's a great way to get the audience invested in something. What they really should've done is just done the Taken thing to the formula of First Blood part 2. She gets taken, then Rambo goes to get her, gets captured and tortured, eventually breaks free, and then murders his way to her. They can end the movie on the ranch if they want to and Rambo is just defending her and then he HAS to die on his porch. What a great way to end the saga of Rambo.</div>
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But instead we got Last Blood.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7V_V4cJ6WBf3RuTfdaw7QukSn_-D2TSLvn_xFsaT1L-jfPjhQ85c0RO4cOjOZ_cCbia2HAPPYGi06HfW-YPMTUZycSJBKhPH_psQ4DSHiTx8znZiPVODFc-Lo9kMp55wWu8RsosCz3rr7/s1600/2019.09.21-07.28-boundingintocomics-5d85d114e7935.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="750" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7V_V4cJ6WBf3RuTfdaw7QukSn_-D2TSLvn_xFsaT1L-jfPjhQ85c0RO4cOjOZ_cCbia2HAPPYGi06HfW-YPMTUZycSJBKhPH_psQ4DSHiTx8znZiPVODFc-Lo9kMp55wWu8RsosCz3rr7/s400/2019.09.21-07.28-boundingintocomics-5d85d114e7935.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Alright, where the FUCK is your red bandana!?</i></div>
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The movie just kept distracting me with plot holes and stupidity. Like, why do they keep letting a blood soaked Rambo back into the US? Is there literally an unguarded barb wire fence on the US/Mexico border? The movie really fucked up when they let Gabrielle die. All the killing at the end had no weight to it. It's just old man Rambo murdering dudes because he's mad. He's not defending himself, savings POWs, rescuing his commander, or getting Missionaries out of a bad situation. It's just mindless revenge....and that's how we end the saga of Rambo. What a disappointment.</div>
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I'd still recommend everyone check it out. It's another Rambo movie, you know you have to see it. I still think Stallone's got it. Somehow at 73 Stallone is still kicking more ass then I can ever hope to in my lifetime. The acting is pretty meh throughout the movie but when Stallone gets in berserker mode, it's a pretty good time. The story however, should've....just been something else.</div>
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Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-14632281288206005772016-09-11T18:21:00.005-05:002016-09-11T18:21:59.912-05:00BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Hard Target 2 (2016)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe0P8W9Ohk71u5u47rXtDcP1owiWTag-agkfu3qd0GzK8qrkH57uxDzhcfa0UNNJT56gWdrbdVa69yaaRBlKgtL9-FSGW7zK-n2ZL5reg1mZ0JI6-3JiFhklSqRzf0vOAHF2Loy4EgjMxO/s1600/Hard_Target_2_-_BR_cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe0P8W9Ohk71u5u47rXtDcP1owiWTag-agkfu3qd0GzK8qrkH57uxDzhcfa0UNNJT56gWdrbdVa69yaaRBlKgtL9-FSGW7zK-n2ZL5reg1mZ0JI6-3JiFhklSqRzf0vOAHF2Loy4EgjMxO/s400/Hard_Target_2_-_BR_cover.jpg" width="281" /></a></div>
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What one man does for cash, another man will do for rubies.</div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/xL_KDD0_ZsU" width="560"></iframe></div>
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Being this just came out, I don't want to get too in depth of the actual story scene for scene. All you need to know is that it's basically the same as the first movie except they take the Rambo route and set it in Berma. Why is everything better in Berma?</div>
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I would like instead to give you the down and dirty as to why you should get out and watch this movie immediately.</div>
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<ol>
<li>It's on Netflix, stop reading and just go watch it now!</li>
<li>It's pretty damn decent. It's actually a cut above decent and a level below good.</li>
<li>It pays subtle homages to the original with it's up close arrow shots, roundhouse kicks, a single shot hand gun, and DOVES, DOVES, DOVES!</li>
<li>Pretty much every kill is great. The movie does a great job at pacing them out perfectly apart as to not overkill too much at any one point. (There's a certain train kill that I thought came to a particularly brutal end)</li>
<li>It's got some pretty good cinematography. The production team bought a killer drone and put it to some good use. They definitely got all over the place with the camera and definitely made sure the audience recognized the overall size of the jungle this movie takes place in.</li>
<li>The action is very well paced and weighted. There's some amazing hand to hand fighting, pretty good sword fights, some vehicle chases, things exploding everywhere, hand guns, automatic weapons, crossbows, different vehicle chases, and more things exploding!</li>
</ol>
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They did a pretty good job at casting. I think the roles fit the characters pretty well. Scott Adkins is the second coming of Van Damme and it's only fitting he take over the sequel to arguably Van Damme's best. (If not most notable movie, anyway) It's good to see Rhona Mitra in a movie again, she kind of disappeared after Doomsday and Underworld 3. I'm sure I'm the only one that enjoyed those movies but nevertheless it's good to see her kick some ass again. (Lay off the surgery Rhona, you look great as is!) It was also fun to see the girl from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Onmgwe5xi8" target="_blank">Chocolate</a> return for a small fight scene up against Scott Adkins. Robert Knepper does a pretty good job filling in for Lance Hendricksen here. He's not Lance but I he fills the shoes pretty well. And there's nothing like watching the bad guy take a seat and have a beer during the climax of the movie.</div>
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All in all, it was a pretty good time. The director, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004152/?ref_=tt_ov_dr" target="_blank">Roel Reine</a>, has done other fun direct to video sequels such as Death Race 2/3 and Scorpion King 3...among others. If you've seen those movies then you can about imagine what you're in for here.</div>
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I'm all in for a Hard Target 3: Harder Target. Make that happen Scott Adkins!</div>
Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-89296827133972246362016-07-31T01:59:00.000-05:002016-07-31T01:59:03.518-05:00BAD MOVIE REVIEW: 88 (2015)Have you ever wanted to watch Doc Brown snort coke, fondle hookers, and sew a man's mouth shut? Then 88 is the movie for you!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvOKABHtE_f3tIIb64WhEA8zmFtv7BWxbl0x3v-6XOPttnDgwPguu_mqI3NxUU1fh3RLrueZAf3uwXeBdq7msgH33TcnpDAnPBcvylwPH_Guy8FYTHcqxQ9wm5fCgUn7WrHbAVEFEkVmxC/s1600/88-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvOKABHtE_f3tIIb64WhEA8zmFtv7BWxbl0x3v-6XOPttnDgwPguu_mqI3NxUU1fh3RLrueZAf3uwXeBdq7msgH33TcnpDAnPBcvylwPH_Guy8FYTHcqxQ9wm5fCgUn7WrHbAVEFEkVmxC/s640/88-poster.jpg" width="452" /></a></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><br /></i><i><b>Synopsis</b>: A young woman comes to in a roadside diner with no idea where she is or how she got there. Split between two timelines, she gets taken on a violent journey as she seeks out the person responsible for her lover's death.</i></blockquote>
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Let me tell you a tale my friends....about the first time I ever entered a woman. (It was about 30 seconds...impressive right?) It was with a woman who had a love for the movie Ginger Snaps 2. Yes...the second one. We watched it together and I liked it so I sought out the other 2 movies. After sitting through the full trilogy I developed a bit of a crush on the main star of those movies: Katharine Isabelle.<br />
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That crush lasts to this day. She's great! She's gorgeous, she's a great lead, and her acting just gets better and better as time goes on. You might recognize her as the drunk shower girl in Freddy vs Jason or if you by chance watched the Ginger Snaps movies. Lately she's been taking lead roles in some low budget movies...<br />
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Like 88!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqF8IO_TRWd6SfUrpoiLye1-lgMJjFsl6yFN2DzMVOPnxTsQG4qA1j8xC8bKi80Tg4R49lXuytQ7H1BUJ5bgzmEiIgrdMslXlsY12OkzGibHX3M3Clj17cnSx_gVVYtO44vRWK7TKvt6Q6/s1600/88_2015_hollywood_movie_screenshot_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqF8IO_TRWd6SfUrpoiLye1-lgMJjFsl6yFN2DzMVOPnxTsQG4qA1j8xC8bKi80Tg4R49lXuytQ7H1BUJ5bgzmEiIgrdMslXlsY12OkzGibHX3M3Clj17cnSx_gVVYtO44vRWK7TKvt6Q6/s400/88_2015_hollywood_movie_screenshot_1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Oh, this fucking guy's eye is just so amazing!</i></div>
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At this point, I have to wonder if there's a low budget movie making school somewhere that everybody that's never made a movie before goes to. There's got to be one instructor there, who I'll dub Professor Flashback. Mr. Flashback must teach all his students that to make an artsy low budget movie you must include no less than 600 flashback sequences. Because....art.<br />
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This movie unfortunately is a product of Professor Flashback. The overall story bounces around on 2 seperate timelines that ultimately end up to the conclusion. To make sure the audience knows which timeline they're in, they repeat the last 20 seconds of the previous timelines ending...that we just watched 5 minutes ago. This movie suffers a lot of back and forth and a lot of repeating of things. You see a lot of the same scenes twice, you hear a lot of dialogue over and over, but you know what? It kind of works in this movie.<br />
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<i>Dis my Werewolf pose...still got it!</i></div>
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The flashbacks kind of work for this movie all because of Katharine Isabelle's ability to pull of a Batman type of personality. The different timelines are different persona's of Isabelle's character Gwen. Gwen had something horrifyingly tragic happen to her and has since then buried all memories of said event in her mind. Her different persona's try to figure things out which ultimately leads up to the ending.<br />
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<i>Oh, and Michael Ironside is in this movie!</i></div>
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This movie had the balls to try and kill Michael Ironside. The nerve! You can't do that and this movie knows it. One scene Ironside is getting blown away and the next....he's walking around with NO EXPLANATION.<br />
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But we all know....Ironside only dishes the death, he doesn't take it.<br />
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<i>I just stabbed a man in the neck, Marty! I'm the evil Doc Brown from an alternative timeline!</i></div>
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It's really hard to see Christopher Lloyd as anything other than Doc Brown. He's snorting coke, banging hookers, cutting throats, shooting people, throwing down F-bombs as needed....but all I see is Doc Brown. Even so...it's still cool seeing Christopher Lloyd in a bad guy role. You don't see that too often.<br />
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I still liked him as the bad guy. It kind of works in a weird way. He's just playing old man creepy pants and it fits.<br />
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As for Katharine Isabelle, she was fantastic. I can definitely see a change in her acting ability from this movie compared back to Ginger Snaps. She was never really terrible but she really pulled this movie together. In one scene she's casually walking into a convenience store, hiking up her skirt and pissing all over the floor...and the next she's running around, crying that people are dying around her. I'm glad to see that she obviously has a strong work ethic and is doing what she can to be the best at what she's doing.<br />
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<i>I don't give a fuck...no one can touch this.</i></div>
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<i>Oh god, this man's been shot, someone call the cops!</i></div>
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Despite the flashbacks, this movie has many moments of greatness. The aforementioned convenience store piss, then there's this time they go buy guns and they are raided by the police. This woman grabs a tiny shield, declares it was blessed by the pope and is IMMEDIATELY shot in the throat. HAHAHAHA!!! Worth it.</div>
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88 isn't just the movie title.. It's also the running time. Which is great, because these types of movies need to stay right about that 80-90 minute run time. Any longer and we're looking for the razor to slit our wrists. Good job 88....be the example.</div>
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I have absolutely no choice but to recommend this movie. It's worth at least one watch, especially if your an Isabelle fan...or want to see an evil Doc Brown. It's a pretty interesting story that bounces around a lot. If you're not paying super close attention you might get lost but...you know...just pay attention. Isabelle is great, Lloyd is great, Ironside is great....and lots of people die. What else do you need?</div>
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Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-42448168930221167662015-08-31T17:48:00.005-05:002015-08-31T17:48:54.329-05:00BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Turbo Kid (2015)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Let's assume for a moment your name is Brad (or Lorraine if you're a woman). Now you're a 28 year old up and coming dentist's assistant. You've broken the mold and you're making some pretty good money and this year you decide to take a trip to Africa. You've had a great time in Africa but on your 3rd day visiting you come across a group of drug smugglers. They notice you, chase you down, and decapitate you. It's moments after they leave that a lonely, overweight, and deeply sexual baboon happens across your rotting corpse. He looks to the left, then to the right. With no ape in sight, he proceeds to fuck your eye socket.<br />
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That complete and unending joy that baboon feels skullfucking your imaginary rotting corpse is precisely the same amount of joy you get watching Turbo Kid.<br />
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THIS MOVIE IS AMAZING! It's everything I needed in my life. It's got freakin' lasers and robots and people exploding. It's just the best. I haven't been this excited for a theatrically released bad movie since <a href="http://mrgablesreality.blogspot.com/2012/03/doomd-review-fp-2012.html" target="_blank">The FP</a>!<br />
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I'll do my best to give you a short, sweet, and spoiler free review.<br />
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Turbo Kid is the story of a young man in the post-apocalyptic wasteland of 1997. The world's gone to shit and the only thing left to do is hole up in the ground and read comic books...his favorite being Turbo Rider. Soon he befriends an overly excited woman named Apple. (Seriously, everything is amazing to her. At one point she is kidnapped and forced to fight gladiator style and she couldn't be more excited).<br />
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<i>If only I knew that chicks like this were attracted to helmets like that earlier.</i></div>
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The story unfolds with Turbo Kid donning the Turbo suit and going on an exploding body killing spree to get back the girl. Along the way there's an Indiana Jones guy with an Army of Darkness hand, robots, a mute guy with a metal skull mask and an arm that shoots skilsaw blades,<br />
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<i>Fuck. Yes.</i></div>
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a Little Trouble in Little China dude with projectile chain fists, and last but not least: Michael Ironside.<br />
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<i>Pictured: Immortan Joe's father.</i></div>
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Let's talk about Michael Ironside. It was almost 5 years ago now that me and my friends coined the term Ironsided. (click <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Ironsided&defid=5299920" target="_blank">here </a>to view) Whenever Michael Ironside kills someone, they just got Ironsided. And boy is the Ironsiding in this movie great. It may not always be as a direct result of Ironside himself because the man is getting old and he has to do his Ironsiding through people but that's ok, it's still fucking amazing. People get shot, stabbed in the face, cut in half, stabbed in the face again, and all around good time.<br />
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The acting is pretty good. I can't really complain. 90% of the movies reviewed on this blog are about the same or infinitely worse. The actors do have a lot of fun with it and it's obvious at times where the inspiration is coming from (such as Temple of Doom) and it makes for good entertainment.<br />
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Media lately has been flooded with a lot of tribute films/games that attempt to mimic 70's/80's movies. Stuff like Kung Fury, The FP, or Farcry 3: Blooddragon are a couple that come to mind. This is one of the better additions in my opinion. (It'd make a good double feature with Hobo with a Shotgun) There's a lot of inspiration and inside jokes hidden throughout but it keeps itself grounded in its own reality and story and that's why I think it succeeds over the others that just try to throw the 80's in your face.<br />
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One of the best parts of this movie is the full on Synth Keyboard soundtrack. You can hear some of it in the trailer and the entire movie is filled with that sweet beautiful music. It knows when to crank up and get exciting and it knows when to tell you that you should be sad. It's the soundtrack that makes sweet sweet love to your temple holes.<br />
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It's a fun movie. It's extremely entertaining. I'll warn you that the first half of the movie is spent mostly establishing characters but I feel that it was done in such a way as to not be boring whatsoever. They sprinkle in just enough killing and craziness to keep it moving which I think makes the final battle all that much better. Also there's no nudity. Sure that would've made this movie better but I'll take the exploding bodies and be happy about it.<br />
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Go see it if you can. It will probably be in theaters for a few more days. If not, hopefully the bluray won't be far behind.<br />
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<i>It just makes you moist thinking about it doesn't it?</i></div>
Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-13403053494198454642013-07-24T10:05:00.000-05:002013-07-24T10:05:07.969-05:00Mr. Gable is coming back! ... sort of ...Hey guys! Haven't posted (legitimately) in awhile. A long while. I miss this place. It was calm, cool, and fun to talk shit movies with the internet. I do miss it but you know, life catches up and it's hard to make time for these things. Some day I'll pick up where I left Hoff, but until then I've gone mobile.<br />
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<a href="http://mrgablesreality.tumblr.com/"><span style="font-size: large;">http://mrgablesreality.tumblr.com/</span></a></div>
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So I've had a smartphone for awhile now and until last night I never even thought to see if there was a tumblr app. (IDIOT!) and I'm always finding awesome movies but I just never have time to write out a post and upload pictures, blah blah blah. But now I'll just to able to easily share it from my phone to my Tumblr and you can all keep up with the badness!<br />
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Go there now, follow me, and embrace the bad! I'm back baby!<br />
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Kinda.<br />
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(And I'll connect it to facebook and Twitter too so it'll show up there too for all you folks not on Tumblr)Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-33886650326456490192012-07-25T11:45:00.000-05:002012-07-25T11:45:44.116-05:00Don't miss out on Slaterocalypse! A collaborative celebration of Christian Slater over at Back Online. Back on duty.<br />
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If you haven't been over to Back Online. Back on Duty. at all this week, you're missing out. Some of the Earth's greatest bloggers (myself included) have gathered together to celebrate one of the greatest actors of all time: Christian Slater. You can see my contribution <a href="http://www.backonlinebackonduty.com/2012/07/slaterocalypse-alone-in-dark-2005.html" target="_blank">here</a>. Check out <a href="http://www.backonlinebackonduty.com/" target="_blank">Back Online. Back on Duty.</a> for the rest of Slaterocalypse and stay tuned the rest of the week for more posts, giveaways, and so much more!<br />
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Also, I'd like to apologize to all of you for being absent these past couple months. I'm sorry I haven't posted anything, I'm sorry I haven't commented on anything, I'm just sorry. I could blame it on the summer, I could blame it on my general laziness, but here's just the long and short of why I haven't been around:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinsAdwAAr_rYvwUdU5XeGE3KJ-uM8lMyTMafH4b2I5EOpJ2okhGX63kcgmy5MP_2lgJLTudXKpX2pb1kvpWZwx44oVplIIVikI5_X6CngV8I4TOfTlLK1nQhuwz5DfCtDKVYPQ9FFf1ky1/s1600/lg-50pa5500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" sda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinsAdwAAr_rYvwUdU5XeGE3KJ-uM8lMyTMafH4b2I5EOpJ2okhGX63kcgmy5MP_2lgJLTudXKpX2pb1kvpWZwx44oVplIIVikI5_X6CngV8I4TOfTlLK1nQhuwz5DfCtDKVYPQ9FFf1ky1/s640/lg-50pa5500.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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I haven't watched a shitty movie in nearly 6 weeks. I finally bought a nice big HD television and I have been Bluraying my eyes out ever since. I'm starting to look at my VHS collection in disgust. It's bad. I need help. I'm really sorry.<br />
<br />
I'll be back. Hopefully soon. I'm running out of bluray money so it shouldn't be long.Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-18845108350485839472012-06-13T23:36:00.000-05:002012-06-13T23:36:26.110-05:00The Big Week HOFF: Anaconda III: Offspring (2008)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEim8IVYITSZ9wNOkulNzI6NZugi0cTkScQuY7idwCVa42J951eNFz3lgFTp6xuFQtgnBgWW-5GEeVsOIQeMyZcsOPl8-ASwFMSwKw6EFNkFZF5lGd-5vI2Bod8UrAAP0qyS457B5teVXsXS/s1600/Anaconda3TheOffspring.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEim8IVYITSZ9wNOkulNzI6NZugi0cTkScQuY7idwCVa42J951eNFz3lgFTp6xuFQtgnBgWW-5GEeVsOIQeMyZcsOPl8-ASwFMSwKw6EFNkFZF5lGd-5vI2Bod8UrAAP0qyS457B5teVXsXS/s320/Anaconda3TheOffspring.jpg" width="235" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>More like HOFFSPRING oh hohoho!</i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
What happens when you mix horribly rendered giant CGI snakes, one loudmouth and badass HOFF, and an elite group of expendables?</div>
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The greatest line ever delivered.</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/SYDXLZFO6hI" width="420"></iframe></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>(You only need to watch the first 30 seconds of this video to see it)</i></div>
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God damn it, this movie is awesome. I've watched it three times in the last 5 months. It's just so much FUN! John Rhys Davies makes an appearance, having worked together on Ring of the Musketeers. David Hasselhoff knows what to say and when to say it...and more importantly he knows how to kick ass AND chew bubblegum.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
This is your standard science gone wrong story. They bred giant Anacondas to get some protein to cure some disease. John Rhys Davies pissed them off and they got loose. Now a group of nobodies with nothing to live for are recruited to bring them back or put them down. At first, they go off on their own, completely HOFFLESS, and a bunch are killed. Then the Hoff shows up to help, and the rest are killed. HAHAHAHA Oh well, it's worth it.</div>
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<br /></div>
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You know what's going to happens so you just let this movie deliver to you that piece of steak you enjoy so much. Sure, this has been done before but not with THE HOFF! He makes this movie great. He's shooting off his mouth, kicking some serious ass, bringing his A game. Worth your time.</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
Anaconda 3 is just a great Sunday afternoon time waster. </div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/56v3LxpSZK0" width="560"></iframe></div>
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<br /></div>
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Sadly, this is the last Hoff post for the week. I planned to finish with Starcrash, a movie I heard had a Mullet sporting, Lightsabre wielding Hasselhoff. Unfortunately, the copy I bought isn't here yet so I don't have time to watch it and review it. I apologize for this grave injustice but when it does get here I will definitely fit that into my itinerary.</div>
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Have a great weekend everybody! Thank you for following my BIG WEEK HOFF!</div>Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-7399289619099017082012-06-13T07:25:00.001-05:002012-06-13T07:25:09.550-05:00The Big Week Hoff: Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLJ2AxYQHKgymt2untVv7iZeHDuBoGAHMpSCmEXjgc6WyOR7eCiKdiIDu3djmqgGz26Q8m0_UvFOQu_EaK4yU8bVsCPoI5dB8U6wqizbAfdVJWw06Rw_u4r5oP15xc9g_s7mEOZyZ_ghQU/s1600/nick-fury-agent-of-shield.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLJ2AxYQHKgymt2untVv7iZeHDuBoGAHMpSCmEXjgc6WyOR7eCiKdiIDu3djmqgGz26Q8m0_UvFOQu_EaK4yU8bVsCPoI5dB8U6wqizbAfdVJWw06Rw_u4r5oP15xc9g_s7mEOZyZ_ghQU/s400/nick-fury-agent-of-shield.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
What do you get when you mix a low budget made for TV Marvel movie, an ancient Nazi supervirus, and over 300 of the greatest one liner's ever spoken?<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5TcGwWdbZEnjPPW7De7VkjNqKWUbaEaxz-eQrB25dlBQ_MNdqVtvJsGVUbmo1kfmbZr9kuON1ohdgf7_FDKzwlNkiyyVxjzjJVlwaA5q7FrBu8JkpOGvWMROthOqH9AgJK9B0awJlVJCW/s1600/nick-fury-agent-of-shield-16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="302" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5TcGwWdbZEnjPPW7De7VkjNqKWUbaEaxz-eQrB25dlBQ_MNdqVtvJsGVUbmo1kfmbZr9kuON1ohdgf7_FDKzwlNkiyyVxjzjJVlwaA5q7FrBu8JkpOGvWMROthOqH9AgJK9B0awJlVJCW/s320/nick-fury-agent-of-shield-16.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>EYE BOMB!</i></div>
<br />
This was a pretty damn entertaining movie. I really wasn't expecting a whole hell of a lot but there really wasn't too much of a lull at all. The times when there should have been a lull, The Hoff was there shooting off his mouth to whoever was within earshot so it made it all that much more enjoyable.<br />
<br />
This movie is written by David S. Goyer. You probably know him as the co-writer to Batman Begins or the Blade Trilogy. I remember him from his writing stylings of Demonic Toys, Kickboxer 2, and now NICK FURY: AGENT OF SHIELD. This guys credits are like a rollercoaster. For every really great hill there is just a deep valley immediately afterwards. I love it. It's all awesome, don't get me wrong, but holy shit he's great and he's terrible all at the same time. That's my favorite kinda guy: Awesomely Bad.<br />
<br />
This movie is no exception. It's crazy, it's hammed up, it's full of fun. Comic Book fun. I won't even try to say I know anything about the comics outside what I've seen in the movies and heard from friends. There was a lot in this movie that I've seen before: Hydra was the evil terrorists that Nick Fury had to kill. SHIELD's secret base was the flying aircraft carrier as seen in The Avengers. Lots of cool little Marvel things here and there.<br />
<br />
This movie goes something like this: Ages ago The Hoff put away a criminal mastermind. Now his daughter is taking over. They have a dangerous virus they are going to unleash in Manhattan and it's up to a one eyed Hoff to put her down. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/8Y1aREfYyr0" width="420"></iframe></div>
<br />
HOLY HOFFPATCH HOFFMAN! The Hoff is a complete badass in this movie. He's got one eye, smokes cigars, and punches nearly everyone in the face. Or at the very least insults them. He's a one man wrecking crew. He was too much for the agency so they let him go but now that things are a little rough they need a man that doesn't do things the normal way. That man is The Hoff. THE EARTH'S MIGHTIEST HERO!<br /><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/joZODFleOaA" width="420"></iframe></div>Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-27447464809993287452012-06-12T07:48:00.000-05:002012-06-12T07:48:40.414-05:00The Big Week Hoff: Ring of the Musketeers (1992)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4UjmbDAn9Ufao2W4RWQeLKsXAV4s6dAyY6RhLoM19l-bOy124JcHhX3s5O7o5irLbdRTPDM60LJ_CJ_tt5eIZ1HULAzyo-2HBQzcypPjlavDDzzUV-mQ0LChwl6XlA7jURHFDpl6ndUg/s1600/scanners-headexplode.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxHAl2p1cnmzq6LL35ZgHkg2YjGjNdLPf-CnPcFmvkPIyTVHb3I8Ho_2P2NTQfgx7eV7dyQfFXBPuzL3c5cF33MqzpYkLuQbO0ypbZtfUP9ABNXfzhYUKUhMuCg-rsEiQkSPwbltRK3OS3/s1600/ring2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxHAl2p1cnmzq6LL35ZgHkg2YjGjNdLPf-CnPcFmvkPIyTVHb3I8Ho_2P2NTQfgx7eV7dyQfFXBPuzL3c5cF33MqzpYkLuQbO0ypbZtfUP9ABNXfzhYUKUhMuCg-rsEiQkSPwbltRK3OS3/s400/ring2.jpg" width="220" /></a></div>
<br />
What happens when you update the Three Musketeers for the 90's, mix in half a dozen subplots that loosely fit together, and plug in a gigantic B movie cast in a made for TV movie?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhltlbL0XAtIfguraI7GoJsO207AkkzDdB7fcBg5yeYaWKUA8mZ3c0EZT6x16N1Dm5E29iX5VJjUGH4TTxgZZiOVgmQAeLGQC6CsaxJ8xNM5urwQymKsQxpiMAnN0jvb-JAuiO3F8I0HYvg/s1600/ringofthemusketeers.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhltlbL0XAtIfguraI7GoJsO207AkkzDdB7fcBg5yeYaWKUA8mZ3c0EZT6x16N1Dm5E29iX5VJjUGH4TTxgZZiOVgmQAeLGQC6CsaxJ8xNM5urwQymKsQxpiMAnN0jvb-JAuiO3F8I0HYvg/s400/ringofthemusketeers.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>YOU GET THE HOFF PLAYING FIVE KEYBOARDS SIMULTANEOUSLY.</i></div>
<br />
Synopsis:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i>In this rollicking update of the Dumas classic, the descendants of the
original Musketeers may have exchanged horses for motorcycles, but they
still fight injustice wherever they find it.</i> </div>
</blockquote>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4UjmbDAn9Ufao2W4RWQeLKsXAV4s6dAyY6RhLoM19l-bOy124JcHhX3s5O7o5irLbdRTPDM60LJ_CJ_tt5eIZ1HULAzyo-2HBQzcypPjlavDDzzUV-mQ0LChwl6XlA7jURHFDpl6ndUg/s1600/scanners-headexplode.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4UjmbDAn9Ufao2W4RWQeLKsXAV4s6dAyY6RhLoM19l-bOy124JcHhX3s5O7o5irLbdRTPDM60LJ_CJ_tt5eIZ1HULAzyo-2HBQzcypPjlavDDzzUV-mQ0LChwl6XlA7jURHFDpl6ndUg/s320/scanners-headexplode.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110992/" target="_blank">Ring of the Musketeers</a> is currently playing on Netflix Instant (and YouTube). I figure me and about three other dudes have seen it. If you haven't...boy you are missing out on some epic Hoffness. He sings, he dances, he whips out swords for no reason at all. In fact, he really brings out his inner Adam West.<br />
<br />
Why? Because this movie presents itself exactly like the 60's Batman. They're sitting down to dinner, then suddenly the Musketeer emblem will flash and beep. ACTION! Then they meet up with John Rhys-Davies to learn their next assignment. ACTION! Then they come up with a plan, tell 3 terribly hilarious jokes (only funny because they're all delivered by Cheech Marin), then they kick some bad guy ass.<br />
<br />
Oh, and they all ride motorcycles. Because horses are for pussies.<br />
<br />
The basic plot is there is this bad dude doing bad things. First, he kidnaps a boy and the Musketeers must save him. Then he does some shady police stuff and the Musketeers must stop that. Althewhile battling their innerselves NOT to be vigilantes and just cut the head off the snake. (Which they eventually do, catching up to the bad guy and putting a stop to his bad deeds.)<br />
<br />
There's 3 Musketeers right? And they wear rings. Because having the secret club ring automatically makes you a crime fighting ass kicker. Well, ole Cheech Marin robs an old lady blind and happens across the sacred 4th ring. While attempting to elude the police, he decides to become the 4th Musketeer. He's pretty terrible at it but with the help of his mentor, The Hoff, he changes his ways and becomes an pretty productive member of the group.<br />
<br />
Yeah...that all happens. This movie is crazy. Somebody actually felt the need to update the 3 Musketeers to the 90's...then make it a made for TV movie...then cast the chick from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Cheech, some German guy, the other guy from Indiana Jones, AND THE HOFF!<br />
<br />
Whoever did that, *tips hat*, thank you. It was spectacular.<br />
<br />
This movie is bad. It's entertaining but it's bad. It's easily the most made for TV looking made for TV movie ever. But THE HOFF PLAYS 5 KEYBOARDS WHILST SPORTING SIMPLY EXTRAVAGANT FACIAL HOFF.<br />
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BRILLIANT!<br />
<br />
This is the best I could find for a trailer:<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/D0ZvkIUVeCM" width="420"></iframe></div>Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-16171582482857642132012-06-11T07:45:00.001-05:002012-06-11T07:45:44.483-05:00The Big Week Hoff: Piranha 3DD (2012)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8tiWk2D8e77d78FQxJalVkW2RdwpugrBQ5eyOAUJfQpJ4EmHCmKBjp6u_4lfuMxD19PHyEDhXbgar2H7nLOO61ceklaGX6fCMfWLS-KFGFwfDqakzzSMZKkEDl_EgYpwJSj6dp2hrGwAh/s1600/220px-Piranha-3dd-poster-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8tiWk2D8e77d78FQxJalVkW2RdwpugrBQ5eyOAUJfQpJ4EmHCmKBjp6u_4lfuMxD19PHyEDhXbgar2H7nLOO61ceklaGX6fCMfWLS-KFGFwfDqakzzSMZKkEDl_EgYpwJSj6dp2hrGwAh/s400/220px-Piranha-3dd-poster-2.jpg" width="271" /></a></div>
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What happens when you let Pirahna invade a water park, jam in more tits than a cattle barn, and let pussy invading piranha chomp of sex cocks?<br />
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The Hoff playing mini-casio and doing two chicks at the same time.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/mF9A-RWXlms" width="560"></iframe></div>
<br />
God Bless America.<br />
<br />
I have no idea why this movie was suddenly scrapped from a Theatrical release. I was actually looking forward to going out to see this thing in 3DD. It looked like they amped up everything and it looked like a good time...come on, THE HOFF...but they pulled it for some reason and it was straight to VOD for me.<br />
<br />
I don't know if I'd say this movie is amped up from the first one but I think it's fair to say that the gore to tit ratio is about on par. This movie to me delivered everything I wanted to see so much better than the first one. I really didn't care for the first one. Sure it was kinda fun but it was more annoying than anything. This movie just says "fuck it" and runs with it. And that's exactly what this series needed. It's not serious, it's exploitative, just do it!<br />
<br />
I was a little worried going into this thing because of the director, John Galuger. The first movie I ever saw of his was Feast. LOVED that movie. I thought it was fun, scary, gory, crazy, and just an all around good time. In a Tremors kind of way. Then he made Feast 2 & 3...which were good in their own way but the guy literally took a pad and paper, wrote down cool ideas, and constructed a story within the Feast universe out of that. It's one of the few times I'll admit that it was total garbage. It was too far all over the place that it didn't make sense and really wasn't all that enjoyable.<br />
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Not the case with Piranha 3DD. His focus is more tuned into the task at hand. Forget the robots and the midgets, this movie just has tits everywhere, the water park, and a fuckton of Piranha looking to eat people in hilarious ways.<br />
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And did I mention that Ving Rhames has a SHOTGUN LEG!<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<u><span style="font-size: x-large;">THE HOFFNESS</span></u></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJKbkC1Fv4USc861IiIaNQIAH0QzLhGamxg3ktBaZ7K9fgVEkeROvtZGeJEMRuCZXjTmhS924FRvFnKq12kKnltSZXr0mF5FYeVe1AY6cP0u0dTabWq65iWaQnfDblFNQci8rKi0WXEPc1/s1600/Piranha-3DD-David-Hasselhoff.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="248" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJKbkC1Fv4USc861IiIaNQIAH0QzLhGamxg3ktBaZ7K9fgVEkeROvtZGeJEMRuCZXjTmhS924FRvFnKq12kKnltSZXr0mF5FYeVe1AY6cP0u0dTabWq65iWaQnfDblFNQci8rKi0WXEPc1/s320/Piranha-3DD-David-Hasselhoff.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>LOOK! He's on Hoffwatch! HAHAHAHA</i></div>
<br />
In this movie, The Hoff plays himself. (and even when he's playing a character, he's still acting like himself.) The water park gets David Hasselhoff to guest appear at the grand opening of the water park. Nobody really knows who he is but that's ok, he's there kicking ass as always. He befriends a little ginger kid who he consistently rips on. "Little Ginger Moron." HAHA<br />
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This movie explores all angles of the Hoff. His love side with the above clip. His Baywatch side with...everything else. He rips his shirt off and runs in slow mo, the only way to run.<br />
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It sadly takes half the movie to get to The Hoff, but when it does it's just great.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/eRP1F8qLFn0" width="560"></iframe></div>Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-8601766863470296932012-06-08T07:05:00.002-05:002012-06-08T07:05:39.874-05:00I'm taking next week Hoff.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjStVrPQl0eF0MTd6_rfLm5G4DhT8NqCKp-n0eFwjLmjc90Dm2nWIchpMeiSH-FzAWbrgzEzDga2nC7LP3xQnWX1mBiZ4cz9jtvxYrfknlhNLldWJb6ivc5Pd6YYTKnHbcN21QDDy9nTM6b/s1600/DavidHasselhoff.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjStVrPQl0eF0MTd6_rfLm5G4DhT8NqCKp-n0eFwjLmjc90Dm2nWIchpMeiSH-FzAWbrgzEzDga2nC7LP3xQnWX1mBiZ4cz9jtvxYrfknlhNLldWJb6ivc5Pd6YYTKnHbcN21QDDy9nTM6b/s320/DavidHasselhoff.jpg" width="258" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.davidhasselhoff.com/" target="_blank">David Hasselhoff</a>. A man among guys. He is what we all wish we were. <u>That guy.</u> Everyone knows him but mostly from his internet memes and alcohol enduced headlines. Not me. I remember him as Spongebob's surfboard but mostly from his movies...those movies that barely exist. And next week I plan to celebrate them with 5 full days of the Hoff, THE BIG WEEK HOFF!<br />
<br />
There is no doubt that The Hoff has made some sort of impact on our lives. Allow me to show you just how great he is. Until then...<br />
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<br />Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-8152047788305429702012-06-06T07:22:00.001-05:002012-06-06T07:22:51.903-05:00Quick thoughts on The Aggression Scale<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So I watched <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1816597/" target="_blank">The Aggression Scale</a> last night and wanted to say a couple things. If you don't know what that movie is...its basically Home Alone if it were rated R. So kid sets traps and kills bad guys violently...as god intended.<br />
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I recommend it. It took half the movie to get going anywhere...but so did Home Alone so it's about on par as far as pacing goes. But come on...rated R!<br />
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Even with all that greatness...I wanted more. Don't get me wrong...what was presented was pretty satisfying and made sense within the universe this movie exists.<br />
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When I say I wanted more, I guess I just expected a few things. Like a booby trap montage. I was hoping to get teased with some trap building and then just witness the aftermath. But that didn't happen. What happened was pretty much just a kid going on the offensive against a group of assholes.<br />
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I was waiting for a more exploitative angle to this movie too. Right away when I saw the sister I was thinking, "she's getting raped in about 10 minutes." And they even set it up...she's cute, thin, doesn't know how to wear pants, and when the killers show up...she's in the shower. Naked and wet. Now, I don't need a rape scene, and they are overused and often times unnecessary but this movie could have benefited from a powerful revenge angle. Something for the audience to really hate these guys and enjoy they're eventual deaths all that much more.<br />
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It could've been so much more brutal too. I think only two guy's deaths were actually creative and insane...a number far too low for something like this. But those two deaths were almost worth it. Actually...they were.<br />
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I liked the cast. I liked the story. I liked how the kid just went into full on Rambo mode once the baddies showed up. In the end, I'd say this movie is a success by the pacing this movie put forth but it still left me wanting more.Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-16646483468825684092012-05-30T07:36:00.000-05:002012-05-30T07:36:08.016-05:00I just found the greatest worst movie you'll be watching this Christmas: Elf Man<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Why the greatest? Jeffrey Combs is in it. (That guy can make a turd shine baby!) And why the worst? Well, this trailer pretty much speaks for itself.<br />
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<br />Start stocking up on Eggnog now. You're gonna need it.Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-46506769497815008092012-05-25T07:20:00.000-05:002012-05-25T07:20:20.114-05:00Alcohol Paul re-reviews (the last 20 minutes) of Eye of the Tiger (1986)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>In an effort to make sure you all witness this movie, we're gonna keep Eye of the Tiger rolling with another review for Eye of the Tiger! Well the last 20 minutes anyway. And I only see this fitting going into Memorial Weekend. Gary Busey, Eye of the Tiger, one man defends his family and country from evil. That's what America is all about! So put your hands together again for Alcohol Paul's more sobering take on the last 20 minutes of Eye of the Tiger.</b><br />
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<b>It all starts right...about...here...</b><br />
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You may recall that I did a <a href="http://mrgablesreality.blogspot.com/2012/05/alcohol-paul-reviews-last-20-minutes-of.html" target="_blank">review of the last 20 minutes of “Eye of the Tiger”</a> which was just a recap with extra cursing. It’s hard to do a
critical review because it really speaks for itself. I’ve recovered
enough from the awesome force of this flick to have a few actual
thoughts on it.<br /> <br /> 1. Gary Busey fights a motorcycle gang in this
movie. For a group who spend most of their time hanging out in the
desert processing cocaine, they’re a surprisingly safety minded bunch.
Everyone in this group of rebel outlaws wears a helmet when they ride!<br /> <br /> At the time Busey was making “Eye of the Tiger” he was an <a href="http://articles.latimes.com/1991-12-14/local/me-23_1_mandatory-helmet-law" target="_blank">opponent of motorcycle helmet laws</a>. <br /> <br />
I think it’s no coincidence that the villains wore helmets. I also find
it amusing that it took bashing his brains out to make him think twice
on the matter.<br /> <br /> 2. “Eye of the Tiger” has a similar feel to
“<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I48oY0aUJgc" target="_blank">Death Wish 3</a>.” Both movies feature an extended, stunt filled climax set
to rockin’ tunes. Not to mention that both of them are about a man
taking down an entire gang with only marginal help from a few friends.
The tone is so close that I swore <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0415979/" target="_blank">Don Jakoby</a> (writer of DW3) had a
credit on EOTT.<br /> <br /> Turns out I was drunk when I watched it (big
surprise) and had gotten the credits for another flick I had watched
that weekend (“The Philadelphia Experiment”) mixed up with EOTT. Still,
he may as well get a writer’s credit.<br /> <br /> 3. This movie is a
surprising example both for and against the French auteur theory of
film. Those cheese eating wine hogs suggest that a director is the
author of each movie and that a director’s personal stamp is on each
film they make. Since there are plenty of directors who have no sense of
style and just seem to skip from theme to theme taking whatever work
they can get, the theory has come to be understood as something that
only applies to “good” directors.<br /> <br /> Richard Sarafian made
“Vanishing Point” in the early 70s, and it too was basically an action
movie with cool rock music on the soundtrack. It suffers some of the
same pacing issues (both movies are episodic and the episodes are hit
‘n’ miss). The intriguing difference is that “Vanishing Point” had
something to say about how myths and heroes are born, and about how
crooked authority is in America.<br /> <br /> While “Eye of the Tiger” has a
crooked cop in it, there’s no way you can mistake it for having a point
besides seein’ stuff get blowed up real good. Not to say that it’s
better or worse than “Vanishing Point,” just that they’re radically
different in intent.<br /> <br /> Here’s where the auteur theory gets mind
fucked. Both movies bear a distinctive authorial stamp on them, but only
so much as how the action is shot and scored. It shows that perhaps the
“author” behind a good movie can perhaps be completely oblivious to the
more high minded elements and themes. Auteurs can be just as likely to
churn out a cheese fest (which the French should like. They’re worse
than Wisconsinites when it comes to cheese).<br /> <br /> Worse still… It means Michael Bay might one day (accidentally) make something as good and high minded as “Vanishing Point.”<br /> <br />
4. This movie shares a psychic link with me. At one point I screamed “I
fucking love it” as Yaphet Kotto was on screen dropping grenades from a
crop duster. Moments later Yaphet Kotto had this exact line.<br /> <br />
5. I really miss stunts. Real stunts where someone actually had to get
in a car and drive it. Or jump off a building. Or whatever.<br /> <br /> As
movies have gone to using computer animation to show us nigh impossible
feats, I can understand why the low budgeters have moved away from
stunts. Stunts are pricy, dangerous, and hard to shoot. Computer
animation these days is cheap.<br /> <br /> What I don’t understand why big
budget features don’t do more stunts. Real stunts. Not some guy on wires
in front of a green screen (which technically can be considered a
stunt). Have audience tastes really moved so far from mine that an
action movie can’t be made without giant robots wrecking skyscrapers?
Give me a shootout and car chase with some real ‘splosions any day.<br /> <br /> 6. This movie is fuckin’ win.Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-73665767004889258022012-05-24T10:15:00.000-05:002012-05-24T10:15:51.791-05:00BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Rise of the Animals (2012)<br />
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If I were to make a movie…it’d probably look a lot like <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1954780/" target="_blank">Rise of the Animals</a>. When I envision making a movie, I know I won’t have any money. I know I won’t have any talent. I know that the effects/lighting/sound/camera quality will be utter shit…but since I know that ahead of time I can use those things to my advantage. Play on the bad to make it good.<br />
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That is Rise of the Animals.<br />
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Take this scene for example. A cat is hissing violently at a clearly shaken up woman holding a frying pan. The cat ATTACKS! Aaaannnndddd somebody off camera just throws a stuffed cat at her, she bats it away, stuffs it down a garbage disposal and turns it on…then a ridiculous amount of blood <u>explodes</u> out of the sink.<br />
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That happens like 20 times in this movie. Whether it be stuffed animal/horrible hand puppet/or just some terribly rendered CG animal, the badness just never stops coming.<br />
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The story basically goes like this: Animals have lost their shit. Somewhere else a Pizza Boy and his trusty friend are on their way to see Babies with Rabies 3D. (OH GOD YES!) They come across a cabin filled with drunk hot chicks so they decide to stay and party with them instead. The next morning the animals start attacking them and then a whole heaping pile of hilarious awesomeness happens.<br />
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As I was watching this movie, somewhere around the midpoint I noticed a Dawn of the Dead poster in the background. That got me to comparing the basic plot of this movie to that one. Well, more Night then Dawn. Like, the animals are the zombies and they attack people holed up in a cabin. They get out and must defend themselves against the unending horde of murderous animals. Why are they crazed? No idea. Is the world ending? No idea. All that matters is survival…and if that means blowing up squirrels and rabbits then so be it.<br />
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I liked that. It’s like this movie was made for me. Rise of the Animals knows what I want to see and it just keeps delivering. And that’s what makes this movie so great. It has everything…the Jaws Shot (Where the camera zooms in on an object while the background is fading away), there’s crazy unneccary shaky cam, high body count, Wilhelm Scream (any movie that uses a Wilhelm instantly wins me over), and just so much more.<br />
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The direction is very impressive. Whoever is behind the camera has obviously seen a lot of movies. They don’t hold it on any one shot for longer than needed (unless there’s some intent at being funny). When the action picks up, so does the camera. They took every fun little trick that Fred Dekker ever used in Night of the Creeps and just applied it all here. I loved every god damn minute of it.<br />
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Now, when I made the comment about not having “talent” for a movie like this…I’m going to take that back. This movie has a remarkable amount of talent. You’d think that at least most of these actors would have poor line delivery…but they all did quite splendidly. That has to be a result of a laid back and easy going production. I can just see that they are all good friends in real life so they know each other well enough to just be themselves…and that really translated well to film.<br />
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I can’t recommend this enough. You’ll want to have a taste for bad cinema if you’re going to enjoy this. DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY...and you'll be fine. Take this for example: Some douche on IMDb started a post about how terrible this movie is....and I gotta ask, "After seeing the poster and the trailer....what were your expectations?" Here is a member of the crew's response:<br />
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It just makes me love this movie even more. Because that is totally how I would have done all that too. (And the douche that posted the thread immediately retracted his statement after this HAHAHA)<br />
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If you need the big CGI, big explosions, big name stars, then you’ll probably hate this. But if you can sit back and enjoy hand puppet deer dragging slutty teenagers to their doom…then you need look no further than Rise of the Animals.<br />
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Rise of the Animals is currently on DVD and you can buy it on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Rise-Animals-Greg-Hoople/dp/B007IVXP7O" target="_blank">Amazon</a> or from <a href="http://braindamagefilms.com/dvd/horror/comedy/rise-of-the-animals/" target="_blank">Brain Damage Films</a>.Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-70756947544977976722012-05-22T07:13:00.000-05:002012-05-22T07:17:12.931-05:00GOOD MOVIE REVIEW: The Reef (2010)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Twas the day before last and I was relaxing in the Gable cave. I was in dire need of a movie that would A. Be something I could fall asleep to, B. Be something I could shut off at anytime since I may have had too, and C. Be generally terrible because that's how I roll.<br />
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Ah, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1320291/" target="_blank">The Reef</a>. The majority of shark films not titled JAWS are pretty bad so...what the hell.<br />
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Before I get into what makes this movie work, lets get the basic story out of the way.<br />
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You ever seen Open Water? Me neither. But I know it's about a couple that gets stranded in the ocean and has to deal with sharks. That's what happens here. Except this time there are 4 friends that are out to sea when their boat capsizes and they decide to swim for it. Then a great white shows up and starts picking them off one by one.<br />
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This movie was really good. Intense, well acted, scary. Reviews all over the internet proclaim that this movie is what people wanted Open Water to be. And I have to agree.<br />
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The first thing this movie has going for it is the characters. They're moderately interesting...but more importantly they're NOT ANNOYING. They're fun, likeable, and they start to grow on you. The one dude keeps a level head through it all and his decisions are always rational and well explained. It's like he knows what to do...even though he really has no idea.<br />
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But what really really makes this movie work for me is the direction. The way the director keeps showing underwater shots of the actors...and they're delicious legs...dangling in the water. Uuugghhhh...just reminds me of that horrible feeling of being in a lake or the ocean and just waiting for something to brush up against you. So one minute they're swimming along, all is well, then they see something. Or hear something. There's a brief pause, the guy puts his goggles on and scopes out the scene underwater...nothing there. Ladeeda, keep moving. Then something again...scope it out some more...then...I think I see something...underwater shot of them just hanging out in the water with absolutely NOTHING to defend themselves with...then...then...<br />
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AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHOLYSHITAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!</div>
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Oh god, I can't even imagine the terror a person feels in that kind of situation. You're completely at its mercy. If it wants you, it has you. There's absolutely nothing you can do about it. You can stick together (which I was happy to see that they did) and that's really about it. You don't have any weapons, you don't have anywhere to go...it's just you hanging out in the water with a great white waiting for the right moment to strike. And strike it does.<br />
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The effects in this movie are amazing. Sure, some of it could be stock footage, but when the shark actually strikes and kills the swimmers...fucking awesome. Your jaw will hit the floor. It's never a gruesome thing, it's always just the shark cruising along, then it hits warp 9 and strikes, then drags that person away. Then there's the fear that comes along with that. Your just so helpless.<br />
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So pretty much all the things that you don't want to happen to you while your swimming in the water...happen in this movie.<br />
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I highly recommend it. It takes about half the movie to get going but that's what I expected. I can't fathom a way to make a 90 minute movie of people swimming in the water all that interesting...but 45 minutes...oh yeah. So just give it some time and you'll be pleasantly surprised. The first half is still pretty good character development but for the most part it really doesn't matter.<br />
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I say watch it. It was in my Instant Queue forever but I just figured it was another stupid generic shark movie. And after seeing it, I was so so wrong. Finally, a movie that makes me afraid of the water again.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/0UD2gbjB3vw" width="560"></iframe></div>Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-6225607318175599012012-05-18T07:43:00.000-05:002012-05-18T07:44:10.103-05:00GUEST REVIEW: Eye of the Tiger (Full Movie) from Legend of Steen<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdonCU6cWAHgY_C0r9hlLgUJxVAzn_o_JPyGokn1cPIjFPZ4QX2lhUFR-prhO-C_xXiEBc9v7FHMCqWW_UE0N5x2xtPYrKmlhB6BhAkK8YDNiYeGyMLPt3roLx44fvdMh173mqO0qhb08w/s1600/Eye+Of+The+Tiger.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdonCU6cWAHgY_C0r9hlLgUJxVAzn_o_JPyGokn1cPIjFPZ4QX2lhUFR-prhO-C_xXiEBc9v7FHMCqWW_UE0N5x2xtPYrKmlhB6BhAkK8YDNiYeGyMLPt3roLx44fvdMh173mqO0qhb08w/s320/Eye+Of+The+Tiger.jpg" width="201" /></a></div>
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Ladies and Gentlemen, your new favorite movie:<br />
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Now I would like all of you to<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"> welcom</span>e another dear friend of mine: <a href="https://twitter.com/#%21/LegendofSteen" target="_blank">Legend of Steen</a>. After catching wind of Alcohol Paul's love for the last 20 minutes of this movie he took it upon himself to watch AND REVIEW this masterpiece. (I did as well) So please, put your hands together for the Legend of Steen!</div>
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<b><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091027/" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Batang;">Eye of the Tiger</span></span></a></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-size: small;">The bad memory, shitty Review</span></i></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: small;">The Legend of Steen</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: small;">I sat down to watch this movie on a Facebook recommendation of Alcohol Paul, <i>(who did a wonderful job reviewing the last 20 mins of the film, <a href="http://mrgablesreality.blogspot.com/2012/05/alcohol-paul-reviews-last-20-minutes-of.html" target="_blank">you should go read it.</a>)</i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: small;">The film opens to Gary Busey as Buck <i>Something</i>, a Vietnam vet who is getting out of prison after serving time for murder charges. It opens to Busey as he and Tony Montoya are gathering their personal things just before being let go. Tony Montoya, tells Buck Andrews that, he owes Buck his life for saving him in prison and should he need anything to call him.</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: small;">Buck Rogers heads home to the local PD office as the Redneck, Racist, Sheriff is his parole officer. The Sheriff along with his black Deputy, Danny Glover (<i>who is about to retire, and is getting to old for this shit)</i> The
Sheriff, Wilfred Brimley, tells our hero he should leave town, and if
he doesn't the Sheriff Diabeetus will make sure it happens. Black Deputy, Winston (<i>from Ghostbusters) </i> is sad.</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: small;">Duck Dodgers (<i>of the 21<sup>st</sup> and a half century) </i> returns home to his wife and child. Hugs, kisses and smoochy smoo.</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: small;">The next day Muck returns to his job working construction. (<i>at this point in time I got up and missed some things) </i>Now it's night and Buck Buick is heading home, when he comes across a dirt bike gang led by Jeri Curl (<i>who looks like Animal from Revenge of the nerds</i>) and who appears to be John Cranston (<i>Breaking Bad</i>)
trying to rape a local nurse. Buck comes to her rescue by revving his
engine and tipping over a dirt bike, thus saving the princess.</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: small;">A
stupid woman from the news reveals Buck Hero's home address, and the
evil dirt bike gang attacks the hero, killing his wife and sends his
daughter into a coma. During this time we find out that the Sheriff is a
BBEG (<i>Big Bad Evil Guy) </i>and is getting paid off by the super evil friends at their home base of bordertown (<i>which we all know blaster master runs Bordertown)</i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: small;">Anyways this sets off a chain of events that has our hero Uncle Buck calling Tony Montoya, to get some help. The Miami drug lord sends Buck<i>,</i> KIT (<i>from knightrider) </i>in truck form. Well Buck and retired deputy Al Sharpton use it to capture Jeri Curl (<i>I think, I walked out again). </i> </span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: small;">While in the hospital an interesting way of explosives is used to find out the location (<i>Bordertown</i>) on Jeri Curl. Having found out where his daughter is, Buck Reynolds, and partner Denzel Washington (<i>Who apparently can fly a plain) </i>rain down down fury upon the evil nasty dirt bike gang. </span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: small;">This culminates to the the finish where the shittiest martial arts battle happens between Buck Marchini and Breaking Bad.</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: small;">Recommendation: 4 out of 5 Ron Marchinis</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: small;">Watch this flick for all the awesome 80s movies mashed into a P.O.S.</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Gable here. All of this happens. All of this and so much more. It's really quite difficult to describe the vast epicness of this movie. It's so grand and crazy that you really have to experience. You're pretty much stepping into the mind of Gary Busey. They should've just called this Being Gary Busey: to the tune of Eye of the Tiger. It's THAT awesome.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Available on Netflix Instant and YouTube. GO NOW! </span></div>Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-60980577633961681402012-05-18T06:34:00.002-05:002012-05-18T06:34:40.345-05:00There are giant DRAGON WASPS coming!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Have you ever thought to yourself, "Wasps just aren't big enough...and don't shoot enough fire out of their ass."<br />
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I know...me too.<br />
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Ah yeah, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005269/" target="_blank">Corin Nemic</a>. That guys in all the best shit. Sand Sharks. House of Bones. Mansquito. This is gonna be awesome.<br />
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Synopsis:<br />
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<i>When her father mysteriously disappears on an expedition, beautiful
entomologist Gina Humphries and her fiery assistant, Rhonda, set out to
search the rain forests of Belize. Due to numerous robberies and
assaults in the jungle, they are escorted by heavily-armed soldiers.
Guerillas, lead by the infamous Jaguar, ambush the convoy and incite a
bloody shootout. Just when things can’t get worse, a horde of murderous
Dragon Wasps, massive flying bugs that shoot flame from their abdomens,
swarms the soldiers. Now the military must defeat Jaguar’s bandits and
survive the fearsome insect onslaught as they venture inside the Dragon
Wasps’ hive.</i></blockquote>
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This movie needs to hurry up and be in my life. No idea when this will be released....looks like a SyFy original so I'm sure they'll pick it up to air sometime later this year. <i><br /></i>Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-68391144322730251682012-05-17T07:20:00.002-05:002012-05-17T07:20:40.553-05:00The Bad Movie Battle Royale CONTEST Winners!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpCHNgPGp2Xn8I7kpv6KaN4owwbf_PxGp54T42uGaqqQ6zPjRu8ZwGQ0k8u19GBUNLA_TRyXw2b8J388mmbseZ1LtYW4dVHwfblc2o1X_fVDEu8EIZAHaf9y511cUxUYAU8DJtYyoulZ3-/s1600/badmoviebattleroyale.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="422" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpCHNgPGp2Xn8I7kpv6KaN4owwbf_PxGp54T42uGaqqQ6zPjRu8ZwGQ0k8u19GBUNLA_TRyXw2b8J388mmbseZ1LtYW4dVHwfblc2o1X_fVDEu8EIZAHaf9y511cUxUYAU8DJtYyoulZ3-/s640/badmoviebattleroyale.PNG" width="640" /></a></div>
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Thank you everyone who picked their favorites to win it! Unfortunately nobody picked EITHER winner so that just means EVERYONE gets their name thrown into the Big Blue Bowl of Destiny! Here we go!<br />
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Congratulations to the winners! I'll be contacting you shortly. (Or by all means leave me a message here or send me an email with your mailing address) mrgablesreality (AT) hotmail (DOT) comMr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-26166033753709873922012-05-17T07:16:00.000-05:002012-05-17T07:16:08.147-05:00There are A LOT of super hero ripoffs coming from Tom Cat Films.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I stumbled across these guys yesterday. I'd heard of them before when The Amazing Bulk was seeking distribution. Tom Cat picked it up. So when I did a follow up check on their website not only did I find that Killer Gnome movie I posted earlier but also all of these:<br />
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Iron Soldier is available on DVD already.<br />
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Thor just hit Netflix Instant a couple days ago...review soon. It's like Thor and Iron Man had a kid! <br />
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I know we've already talked about this one but it's totally worth another look.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnyZixwESWerb-BG6GV1NgQ7YSp2lGwz0i5v755DQfS0tAt0-13OlxM5w_x0fUZ3RDLGlnlvqoLwyt8-dZkXCvn8VPcAnmXfL9m2GJkz7p6pRE-i8Z7oy3dghGhE0-LboNTwCxZ5ADwprP/s1600/tcf+AGENT-BETTLE-POSTER-232x300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnyZixwESWerb-BG6GV1NgQ7YSp2lGwz0i5v755DQfS0tAt0-13OlxM5w_x0fUZ3RDLGlnlvqoLwyt8-dZkXCvn8VPcAnmXfL9m2GJkz7p6pRE-i8Z7oy3dghGhE0-LboNTwCxZ5ADwprP/s1600/tcf+AGENT-BETTLE-POSTER-232x300.jpg" /></a></div>
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No trailer for this one :(<br />
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I like that even in the world of B Movie Superhero ripoffs that they managed to combine them into a single movie. We got the Beetle chick and the Black Bat in Avenging Force. That's just awesome. Now they need to get The Amazing Bulk and Thor in there for Avenging Force 2: Avenge Harder.<br />
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You can find plot synopsis' and other amazingness over at the <a href="http://tomcatfilmsllc.com/" target="_blank">company website</a>. I was on their <a href="https://twitter.com/#%21/tomcatfilmsllc" target="_blank">Twitter</a> yesterday and I'm pretty sure I read some more titles that are coming soon too...so....HOORAY!Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-73459316870778297222012-05-17T06:49:00.005-05:002012-05-17T06:51:50.270-05:00There's one of those creepy garden gnomes running around killing people awesomely in KILLER GNOME!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxBD4Hp-H83uuaM7z12pSodKHu-XMOQmriKNXOmcSs647dhGZBko1xo6bU_qLdE94uavrIjymJXfdNkW5JF_NiAJDeQXLaKHvk3t6chZrHhqhE8Sk9qnF2LVufrOQcsIfOU_J9PCES3fzB/s1600/killergnome.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxBD4Hp-H83uuaM7z12pSodKHu-XMOQmriKNXOmcSs647dhGZBko1xo6bU_qLdE94uavrIjymJXfdNkW5JF_NiAJDeQXLaKHvk3t6chZrHhqhE8Sk9qnF2LVufrOQcsIfOU_J9PCES3fzB/s1600/killergnome.jpeg" /></a></div>
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So I was tooling around the internet yesterday and I somehow managed across this amazing treasure. We all knew that someone would make a movie like this one day. But...but...who knew it would be this wonderful?<br />
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<br /><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/RfIRSzQ8ThE" width="420"></iframe></div>
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Synopsis:</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
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<i>Life is going along pretty well for Brad and Penny until Brad brings
home a smiling gardengnome. According to legend, the gnome will protect
their garden, but this gnome is different. An innocent gift turns into a
murderous nightmare as the pint-sized killer takes protecting the
garden to a terrifying, relentless extreme. </i>
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<i>From Chaos! Comics founder Brian Pulido (creator of Lady Death and Evil Ernie) comes a mischievous, suspenseful shocker.</i></blockquote>
Holy shit! This is a comic too!?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiazCzLIc82TSNzAISS7mACvFaSoQbsVzfPm-iqbTUxbaKCGUZERVf_TZJ2T4fafBkdphTRpjjCt6w1uvN4RW3FJ1q9a_jg7vKvA4zcHDdep7oB5uoJJuq3f10sxw0B7Xld6cleew25YBhz/s1600/Killer+gnomes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiazCzLIc82TSNzAISS7mACvFaSoQbsVzfPm-iqbTUxbaKCGUZERVf_TZJ2T4fafBkdphTRpjjCt6w1uvN4RW3FJ1q9a_jg7vKvA4zcHDdep7oB5uoJJuq3f10sxw0B7Xld6cleew25YBhz/s320/Killer+gnomes.jpg" width="205" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.brianpulido.com/comics.html" target="_blank">It is!</a></div>
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No news on when this will be out on DVD. I'll be sure to let you know the second this becomes available.<br />
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(Please bad movie gods...please let this turn into Killer Gnome vs Leprechaun. Please Please Please!!)Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-822591868165300842012-05-16T06:55:00.000-05:002012-05-16T06:55:03.242-05:00FDR: American Baddass coming to DVD soon!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_huRncsrlBjY-JvGF4_Nfv7ra4bZZGCJNsAv4FzEAjKVEMfBPLzGBNCdCenBQkJDxQ3j03E_7QXR_5BblsKIYoDMNqucMGSJ2LPys91RnKUkLLOJ1qLG-XEq7mVipWmfr-6rlrq333opp/s1600/fdr_americanbadass_natemerritt1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_huRncsrlBjY-JvGF4_Nfv7ra4bZZGCJNsAv4FzEAjKVEMfBPLzGBNCdCenBQkJDxQ3j03E_7QXR_5BblsKIYoDMNqucMGSJ2LPys91RnKUkLLOJ1qLG-XEq7mVipWmfr-6rlrq333opp/s640/fdr_americanbadass_natemerritt1.jpg" width="478" /></a></div>
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If you've been following this blog at all these past few months then you've heard all about the greatness that is <a href="poolboy:%20Drowning%20Out%20the%20Fury" target="_blank">Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury</a>. So when it came across my desk that the makers of that movie made another...well I had to hit the can lest I shit myself.<br />
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Get ready for FDR vs Nazi Werewolves!<br />
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I'm holding out for Robo-FDR. That would probably give me a nerd-attack.<br />
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According to <a href="http://bloody-disgusting.com/news/3143008/fdr-american-badass-dated-for-home-video/" target="_blank">Bloody-Disgusting</a>, FDR: American Badass hits DVD on September 25. I've talked to the writer, <a href="https://twitter.com/#%21/StJamesStJames" target="_blank">Ross Patterson</a>, on Twitter and he mentioned that FDR is making some runs in theatres around the country so keep an eye out at your local independent theatre so you don't miss one of the greatest movies of the year.<br />
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Be sure to follow FDR: American Badass on <a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/FDR-American-Badass/304383602947204" target="_blank">facebook </a>to keep up to date on all the happenings.Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-6179546612702626382012-05-15T07:29:00.000-05:002012-05-15T07:29:05.047-05:00Didn't David Carradine DIE? New trailer: NIGHT OF THE TEMPLAR (with Udo Kier!)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEZpv3pi4YvF8Ppr5WwcYgHVPHGSbOUvJQgjhcMIBL-_7jiIueEFJG30L4jYzCYFwBAVRU6NAcWQdlM_i7qz69ZhY4rdgt2DWUKvvL-1Z3LJSu3bqzUb4h5mTwNVSEnm0AVR0w3PZu-3ts/s1600/temp1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEZpv3pi4YvF8Ppr5WwcYgHVPHGSbOUvJQgjhcMIBL-_7jiIueEFJG30L4jYzCYFwBAVRU6NAcWQdlM_i7qz69ZhY4rdgt2DWUKvvL-1Z3LJSu3bqzUb4h5mTwNVSEnm0AVR0w3PZu-3ts/s640/temp1.jpg" width="430" /></a></div>
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I know I posted a lot today and I was just going to let this one slide until I watched the trailer and there was a wilhelm scream about 16 seconds in. Now I need to see THIS MOVIE too.<br />
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FUCK!<br />
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And besides UDO KIER! THE UNDEAD DAVID CARRADINE! BILLY DRAGO IN DRAG! This is awesome.<br />
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Check out the <a href="http://www.nightofthetemplar.com/" target="_blank">official website</a> for more information.Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7899411809016315763.post-21336521238737717242012-05-15T07:21:00.001-05:002012-05-15T07:21:24.506-05:00Fuck yeah there's....SOME GUY THAT KILLS PEOPLE!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7Swo8ix3m0JB50ExN-GTLsTLPvWXGKPKbX5dXN8wwN6EeSAKRlLUry_bK2Jp-bFuiPYRUF8K_KYWtc_lTA9yXKXC15l4ovYY7yLAYlZ8NTyUCs6iY_UYymiT8aKCCLijLq4wHEc0JmR5u/s1600/someguy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7Swo8ix3m0JB50ExN-GTLsTLPvWXGKPKbX5dXN8wwN6EeSAKRlLUry_bK2Jp-bFuiPYRUF8K_KYWtc_lTA9yXKXC15l4ovYY7yLAYlZ8NTyUCs6iY_UYymiT8aKCCLijLq4wHEc0JmR5u/s640/someguy.jpg" width="474" /></a></div>
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BREAKING: THIS MOVIE IS GOING TO BE AWESOME. <br />
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You can check out the <a href="http://www.someguywhokillspeople.com/" target="_blank">official website</a> for more information.Mr. Gablehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692611832324650463noreply@blogger.com0