Monday, June 11, 2012

The Big Week Hoff: Piranha 3DD (2012)

What happens when you let Pirahna invade a water park, jam in more tits than a cattle barn, and let pussy invading piranha chomp of sex cocks?

The Hoff playing mini-casio and doing two chicks at the same time.

God Bless America.

I have no idea why this movie was suddenly scrapped from a Theatrical release. I was actually looking forward to going out to see this thing in 3DD. It looked like they amped up everything and it looked like a good time...come on, THE HOFF...but they pulled it for some reason and it was straight to VOD for me.

I don't know if I'd say this movie is amped up from the first one but I think it's fair to say that the gore to tit ratio is about on par. This movie to me delivered everything I wanted to see so much better than the first one. I really didn't care for the first one. Sure it was kinda fun but it was more annoying than anything. This movie just says "fuck it" and runs with it. And that's exactly what this series needed. It's not serious, it's exploitative, just do it!

I was a little worried going into this thing because of the director, John Galuger. The first movie I ever saw of his was Feast. LOVED that movie. I thought it was fun, scary, gory, crazy, and just an all around good time. In a Tremors kind of way. Then he made Feast 2 & 3...which were good in their own way but the guy literally took a pad and paper, wrote down cool ideas, and constructed a story within the Feast universe out of that. It's one of the few times I'll admit that it was total garbage. It was too far all over the place that it didn't make sense and really wasn't all that enjoyable.

Not the case with Piranha 3DD. His focus is more tuned into the task at hand. Forget the robots and the midgets, this movie just has tits everywhere, the water park, and a fuckton of Piranha looking to eat people in hilarious ways.

And did I mention that Ving Rhames has a SHOTGUN LEG!


LOOK! He's on Hoffwatch! HAHAHAHA

In this movie, The Hoff plays himself. (and even when he's playing a character, he's still acting like himself.) The water park gets David Hasselhoff to guest appear at the grand opening of the water park. Nobody really knows who he is but that's ok, he's there kicking ass as always. He befriends a little ginger kid who he consistently rips on. "Little Ginger Moron." HAHA

This movie explores all angles of the Hoff. His love side with the above clip. His Baywatch side with...everything else. He rips his shirt off and runs in slow mo, the only way to run.

It sadly takes half the movie to get to The Hoff, but when it does it's just great.


  1. I barely enjoyed Feast 3. Mainly because of the immediate killing of the series' main, and the giant robot scene at trhe end.

    How was 3DD's finale compared to 1's? From what I've heard, it's not as extravagant, hardcore, full-on and gory.

  2. The finale was ok. Not as hardcore but definitely more Hoff. And Ving Rhames just happens to show up for no other reason than to be awesome.

    And they kinda just forgot that there was large piranha at the end of the first one. IN FACE they are small ones in this one.

  3. Gotta love Rhames ESPECIALLY with a shotgun leg! Also, Hoff's demeanor from what I saw in the trailer reminded me of Bruce Campbell's attitude in My Name is Bruce. Classic. You just can't go wrong with the whole, "I'm just an actor not a hero, go fuck yourself!" shtick.

  4. I think you're the first person who's actually given this a good review. Well done sir!

  5. My expectations were really low because of Feast 2 & 3. It was so much more superior than those movies. And it was quite a bit of fun, regardless of its insanity.

    And I love insanity :D