BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005)

HE was born. HE met his match. HE conquered Earth. HE traveled the stars. HE punished the guilty. HE faced his adversary again. HE defeated the army which opposed him....and now the always gruesome and ever so infamously evil PINHEAD takes on his most challenging opponent....a group of internet nerds. You'd think I'm joking, but seriously that's the Hellraiser saga. He had a pretty decent run...and then (as the tagline goes) Evil Goes Online. Oh my GOD that's so awful. What the hell happened? How dare you taint my glorious Pinhead saga with this atrocious piece of garbage!

The acting is awful. It's like if Hellraiser had sex with I know what you did last summer and their offspring (while in it's "wild" years) had a gangbang with Friday the 13th Part 5, Bishop from Aliens, and a shitty Horror script writer and got pregnant. That 4 way child would be Hellraiser: Hellworld. It comes off like just your average teen slasher. I HATE THAT!!

Pinhead has never laid a finger on anyone. He gives ORDERS. He tells his cenobytes what to do, he tells people what to do, and he tells those sweet ass chains what to do. They all do it, cuz Pinhead is the shit and will never have to cut someone's head off with a cleaver. Oh wait....Hellworld. Fuck you Hellworld, Pinhead don't play dat. I mean did you seriously not see any of the other films? They ranged from sick to action to psychological...but none of them ever graced the teen slasher genre.

I almost never say this, but I desperately plead with you that you steer clear of this movie. You are guaranteed to be disappointed. Especially if you're a Hellraiser fan in any sense. But if you're like me and you have to have them all and you need to see them all...you'll HAVE to watch it. Really does help you appreciate the originals.

Even though this film is utter shit, it does have some redeeming qualities. First and foremost...the lead chick has an aweful close resemblence to pornstar Jenna Haze. That's a nice little piece of eye candy you can stare at for an hour and a half. The other thing is Lance Henrikson. That guy either finds himself in really good or really shitty sequels. Example....Aliens (awesome!) & Mangler 2 (awful!). But the final scene with him is also very gratifying. It doesn't justify torturing yourself through the entire film to see it, but it is both "classic" Hellraiser and very satisying to the eyes.

I hope they would make another sequel, but it sounds like their going with a remake. I guess more Pinhead at all is a good thing. I would like to see another sequel. Even though I did enjoy the more psychological thriller sequels as much as any of them, I would very much like to see them go in the vein of the first two with over the top gore and a kick ass backstory. Maybe they can get Ashley Laurence in for another one. Pinhead vs Kirsty Cotton...the final blow to the series. I just don't want to see it end like this.