The 15 GREATEST MOVIES of 2011!

2011 is drawing to a close (good riddance). It may have been a rollercoaster of a year personally, but it was a pretty amazing year for movies. Now, this time of year always calls for a "Best of" List and believe me that is what you're going to get. BUT! This list isn't like all of those other pussy lists out there only showing you what was in theatres and what has name brand actors. Oh no, although I enjoy those movies just as much as the next guy, they just aren't as great as these...

15. Rubber

Killer. Fucking. Tire. Need I say more? This movie actually has a lot more going for it than just a murderous telekinetic tire. It knows it's a bad movie and it plays on that so well.

14. Ferocious Planet

The Maneater series keeps kicking more and more ass. This one stars the guy from Stargate Atlantis and John Rhys Davies. The government is working on a top secret machine that opens a visual portal to another dimension but when they turn it on...it SENDS them to another dimension. This movie wastes no time and keeps the fun coming from start to finish.

13. Super Hybrid

I was so freakin' excited when I first saw the trailer for this movie. A new killer car movie! YES! I immediately bought it on bluray and haven't looked back since. A fun little monster movie about a killer car that is actually a shape shifting alien that eats people. It gets locked up in an impound lot and its up to the night crew to kill it. That's just so awesome. It's sadly PG-13 though. But I would compare it to a Tremors type of PG-13. Not a lot of gore but that doesn't matter.

12. Evil Bong 3D: The Wrath of Bong

This was my first big experience with Full Moon pictures. (Personally anyway) I saw this in the theatre, I experienced the entire scratch-n-sniff/3D goggles/meeting Charles Band in person. They even posted my review on their website! While the movie isn't perfect, the effects are better, and there's dick leeches. You can't go wrong!

11. The Human Centipede II: Full Sequence

HAHAHAHAHAHA Ass to Mouth 2: Fat guy jerking off with sandpaper HAHAHAHAHAHA

10. Sucker Punch

Ok, so I'm a hypocrite. This is a big budget movie that was on the big budget screen. This movie also happens to have been directed by one of my favorite directors: Zack Snyder. So suck it. This movie might be pulling ideas from everywhere but this movie wasn't meant to be original, it's meant to look good. And I loved every damn minute of it.  (Oooooo...pretty)

9. Drive Angry

Well, I've finally jumped on the Nic Cage bandwagon. This movie won me over in a million different ways. The plot completely rips off Ghost Rider, ANOTHER Nic Cage movie. This movie opened my eyes to the leg-a-licious Amber Heard (whom I later saw naked in The Joneses). This movie would be the end result of a millionaire passing away and leaving ME his inheritance. Who gives a fuck if it makes money, it's just 90 minutes of pure awesome. (I have a feeling Ghost Rider 2 will make 2012's list)

8. Kill the Irishman

I'm a little pissed that this movie killed Christopher Walken (oops...spoiler) but I'm also very pleased with the mustached Ray Stevenson. Can't argue with the senseless beatings and countless car explosions, either. (And it even has a pretty GOOD story.) Highly recommended.

7. Flesh Wounds

I fucking love ripoffs. Especially blatent ripoffs. And I just get all giddy when a ripoff blatently rips off ANOTHER rip off. Such is the case with Flesh Wounds. Kevin Sorbo (that's Hercules for all you TV folk) stars in this movie that rips off Robowar almost scene for scene which in turn rips off Predator almost scene for scene. Oh, and this exchange happens:

6. Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver

Gingerdead Man 1: The first 5 minutes are the pinnacle of Gary Busey's career. Gingerdead Man 2: A biography of Charles Band and Full Moon pictures as told through the murderous shenanigans of one Gingerdead Man. Gingerdead Man 3: The Full Moon Fan's Love Letter to a movie we never knew we wanted. This time Gingerdead Man goes back in time to 1976 to kill bitches and whip out puns quicker than a WWII Pancake Breakfast. (think about it) If this movie wouldn't have teased nudity as much as it did, it would be much higher up the list. Other than that, GREAT flick. It takes from several classic horror movies (Silence of the Lambs, Carrie), it kills some ACTUAL Full Moon fans (they won a contest to appear in a movie), AND it has some cameos from Robin Sydney of Gingerdead Man 1 and the ladies who reviewed Full Moon movies on YouTube a few times. Great Movie. Great great movie.

5. Stakeland

Vampires eating babies. That's really all that matters. Stakeland is from the folks that brought us Mulberry St., that freakin' sweet movie about rat-zombies. This time we have a post apocalypse movie with vampires. It's brutal, it's in your face, and you'll love it.

4. Attack the Block

DON'T FUCK WITH THE BLOCK! An alien monster lands on Earth...in the Block. (Alien in da Hood) It shows its fierce teeth and scary face and a gang of no-good 15 year olds beat it to death. Shortly after, several MORE much larger and scarier alien monsters show up on Earth. It's up to the no-good kids on the block to kick some ass and take some names.

3. Super

Rainn Wilson pwning people IN THE FACE with a giant wrench. The hilarity never ends.

2. Priest

I LOVED this movie. I don't care how much the trailer made me think of Legion. I thought this movie was wonderful. It was short and to the point. They wasted no time with developing TOO much story, they just got right into it with the world they live in and how things work. The "Priests" are a group of...well, Priests...that are specially trained to kill the vampire monsters that live in their world. It's every bit as fun and action packed as the trailer suggests. The reason it's so good is because it plays itself straight and never once does somebody act as though they know this is a bad movie. And THAT is how you know it's awesome.


And the NUMBER ONE movie of 2011 is...


1. Hobo with a Shotgun

We all knew from the start that this movie would be movie of the year if not movie of the decade. You've got a rugged looking Rutger Hauer armed with a shotgun and a whole lot of suppressed rage. Team him up with a "looking for a better life" prositute and put them against a gang of good for nothing street punks and drug dealers, add in a whole heaping pile of unneccesary violence and practical gore...and you have yourself Hobo with a Shotgun. Your 2011 movie of the year.


Honorable Mentions (because I have not yet seen them):

Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings (Snowmobile IN THE FACE)
Nude Nuns with Big Guns (I believe there is only one nude nun and she has a medium gun but this title still kicks ass)
Norweigan Ninja (Oh yeah, this needs to happen)
Bloodrayne: The Third Reich (Dr. Uwe Boll is at it AGAIN with his immortal Bloodrayne vs Clint Howard and Nazi Vampires) Available on Netflix Instant.
Tucker and Dale vs Evil (JUST TODAY came on Netflix Instant.)

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Outpost (2008)

Outpost was a pleasant surprise that I really didn't see coming.  In a lot of ways this film is great but it still manages to miss the mark in the end.  There could be an endless debate on this film from a variety of angles but that would be something better left to a discussion thread and not a review.  So anywho, if you're looking for a quick answer on if you should watch it or not...that answer is an easy, yes!

I'd like to do a little comparison talk with you.  In a lot of ways I felt as joyful and hooked in to this movie as I did with Neil Marshall's Dog Soldiers.  They are similar in a lot of ways but completely different in others.  They both have a group of soldiers out in the woods.  They both come up against an unforseeable supernatural enemy.  They both use atmosphere and characters very well.  What happened with Outpost though is that, unlike Dog Soldiers, there was no "one" person that I cared for.  Even when the music and picture suggested I should feel terrible that this guy is dying, I just felt numb.  This could have easily been remidied in the beginning with some more talk between the men or some feeling that they are out for one another.  Also, this film tried so hard to give the viewer a sense of confinement and claustrophobia within the walls of the outpost.  They tried but honestly, I felt nothing.

Now what makes this movie so great is the atmosphere and the actors.  It's surprising at times just how far great acting and low lighting can make a movie so good.  Obviously the budget wasn't there to go all out with the special effects but they did a damn good job with what they had.  The story progressed quickly.  The first part of the film dragged a bit but they sprinkled in just enough to keep you interested.  The survivor is really the reason (storywise) that I had to keep watching.  I just had to know what he had to do with everything.

I would like to talk about the premise.  I think it's a genius and very creative concept.  Anybody that knows me or my writing knows that I love creativity.  It tends to get somewhat outlandish, but this movie uses science to back up its claim.  If you have not watched the film you may want to continue to the next paragraph since it may ruin it for you.  Here...I'll even put it in code so you don't accidently catch it in your peripherals.  Take out the x's and f's.  nxafzxi zxofmfbxiffexs!!!  The story behind the creatures is the genius part. Again....spoiler alert.  A machine capable of making soldiers with the capability of turning invisible and reappearing while at the same time being invincible to bullets is brilliant!  There's more science to it in the film.  I couldn't tell you if its entirely accurate or not but it sounds good enough for me, the ignorant viewer.

Now if you've skipped to this paragraph and need to know what its all about.  A man hires a group of mercenaries to go deep into a bad area of Europe in search of an old outpost.  They don't know anything about whats in store for them, they just know its easy money and a quick job.  Get him in safely, get whatever he's after, and get out.  Of course, things get out of hand and they are up against a new enemy.  What they find in the outpost is something none of them would have thought possible and none of them are prepared to handle it....but they do anyway.

Actors, actors, actors.  This movie's got some actors.  This movie has some damn fine actors.  Honestly, the reason I watched this movie was for Ray Stevenson.  You may have seen him on HBO's Rome as Titus Pullo.  Since I've watched that show I've been a fan of the guy and this film just makes me like him more.  It's kind of interesting that I compare this movie to Dog Soldiers since both star one of the soldier duo in Rome.  Kevin McKidd starred in Dog Soldiers and Ray Stevenson stars here in Outpost.  They really outta put them together in a dual dvd set.  The only other person I knew of is Richard Brake, who's been in some crappy horror movies like Doom and Death Machine but more recently Perkins' 14.  He's not a bad actor, just happened to be in a couple bad movies, which coincidentily I enjoyed.  The rest I've never heard of before but they did a fantastic job.

What exactly was missed here?  I spoke before that it's a great film that seemed to miss the mark in the end.  There are inconsistencies that show up in the end.  The creatures seem to have the ability to appear in close off rooms or anywhere they damn well please.  Throughout the film they move quickly and viciously.  In the end, they move slow and lankey.  They seem to only rule in two dimensions.  Perhaps they were just playing with them but that doesn't seem right.  The ending was a little unexpected and not very satisfying.  It's like they had this great idea but they could not figure out a genius way to end it so they just ended it and gave it a cheap ending.  This of course could lead to more Outpost films and my understanding there is an Outpost 2 in the works but it could have been better.

After all is said in done it was worth the experience.  The film is roughly 85 minutes so if you completely dread it, its not so long that its a waste of time.  It has its moments and it has its downfalls but what low budget straight to DVD film doesn't?  Give it a shot, if not for anything else at least give it a shot for Ray Stevenson.  Great film but could have been better.