Mr. Gable's Reality

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Adam Green makes the best Halloween movies.

Adam Green, the guy behind the Hatchet movies, Frozen, and Spiral brings to us another Halloween short! Every year to celebrate Halloween he puts together a short horror/comedy for all of us to enjoy. What a guy! Well just today I saw the new one and it's fahkin awesome. But first I'd like to show you last years because it ties in with this years. Check it out.

And here's this years!

AH HAHAHA I LOVE IT! These things are so awesome. Check out ArieScope for more Halloween shorts. I believe there's like 12 of them. One of them including a jealous murdering TiVo! Happy Halloween Everybody!

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Charles Band #12

It's October and with it comes a huge list of epic greatness. In case you haven't read the intro to this thing, I'll be counting down 31 of the greatest Charles Band movies. Keep your internet dials tuned to Mr. Gable's Reality DAILY for new and exciting Charles Band goodness. I began this countdown with TEN Charles Band movies that I have yet to see. Now I present to you, the loyal Reality fans, 11 films that personally learned the art of Kick Ass! from Charles Band. Let's do this thing...

The 31 Greatest Bad Movies Charles Band Has Ever Produced #12

The Trailer:

Wow, I forgot how awesome Dolls really is. I knew it was good, and I remember loving the shit out of it when I first watched it a few years ago, but I do not remember a doll firing squad or dolls with hacksaws. That is awesome.

Dolls is directed by Stuart Gordon, the man behind Re-Animator. You'll notice I mention him all over my blog and I always refer to Re-Animator. Because Re-Animator is an amazing movie and one of my favorites of all time. It's a shame that Charles Band didn't produce that or it'd most assuredly be #1 on this list. But anyway, with Stuart Gordon behind the project you can be assured it'll be awesome.

Dolls is a fairly predictable horror movie. But with the subject matter I don't think I'd want it any other way. The filmmakers here actually try to make a good horror movie, not something goofy or crazy. In the end it was enjoyable. The story starts out with a married couple with problems, they have car trouble and it rains. The shack up in an old house with two old people. Then a few more people have similar fates and they end up in the house. Then the stage is set with lots of expendables so the dolls then come to life and murder everyone. And it's awesome.

So for being more terrifying then Chucky, having cover art that haunted my nightmares as a child although I never watched the movie as a child, and being one of the first (if not the first) "Doll" movies Charles Band has been associated with, I give Dolls the #12 spot on the 31 greatest Charles Band movies of all time!

If you liked this movie then check out: Blood Dolls

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Charles Band #13

The 31 Greatest Bad Movies Charles Band Has Ever Produced #13

The Trailer:

Zone Troopers is a movie that does not want to be seen. Everything you see about it firsthand repulses you. Nothing looks good about it...or even makes sense. That poster up there...it would suggest to you that perhaps there's some aliens recruiting humans for some kick ass intergalactic battle. There isn't. The Tagline from the trailer (and poster): They Take War To A New Dimension...that doesn't happen either. Everything happens on Earth. If anything the New Dimension brings war here...and they don't because they don't do anything, the aliens are a bunch of eco-pussies that refuse to fight. The trailer leaves little to be desired. Where's the voiceover guy? It's like the trailer just refused to wait any longer for him to show up for work...but he finally does make it just in time to say "Zone Troopers". And then you read the synopsis:

In Italy, during World War II some American soldiers find an alien UFO.

And then you become even more confused. Like "???" confused. BUT for everything this movie does wrong up front it makes up for on film. Don't get me wrong, this movie is fantastic from a Charles Band point of view. I loved it. And here's why...

Tim Thomerson. Oh yeah, this Charles Band veteran makes another appearance here as some kind of super soldier. Although they never clarify anything as to why. He just consistently kicks ass, gets shot lots of times, even gets blown up, but keeps surviving. Because he's Tim Thomerson. This movie tries SO HARD to kill Tim Thomerson but we all know that's impossible.

This movie has one of the best scenes ever. Some of the American's are getting interrogated by the Nazi's when HITLER shows up. One of the guy's struggles free and punches him RIGHT IN THE FACE! Hahahaha then he says something like, "Did I just KO Hitler?" HAhahahahaha That alone is worth it! Trust me, even reading this now has nothing on the actual scene itself.

So for having an indestructible Tim Thomerson, a Hitler KO, and a really awesome "Empire Strikes Back" ripoff musical score, I give this movie the #13 spot on the 31 greatest Charles Band movies of all time!

If you liked this movie then check out: Dark Angel: The Ascent

HOLY SHIT, somebody made a kick ass tribute video on YouTube. Check it out! Lots of spoilers but it really captures the "magic" of this movie. And a sidenote: If you have Netflix, this movie is available on instant watch. So go watch it, NOW!

What the fuck? No Hitler KO? I guess you'll have to watch the movie.

Monday, October 18, 2010

NEW Parasitic Trailer: Could it be REAL effects I'm seeing?

Well then...I'm going to be jerkin it to that poster later. I love how the letters on the title are scared to be next to one another. Those "I"s man, watch out, they got the AIDS or something.

On to Parasitic. I've had this trailer sitting open on my browser since last week sometime and I just didn't have anytime to blog about it. Well now I do, and it also seems that the rest of the internet is becoming aware of its existence today as well. Wow, I was one up on the internet about something. That's awesome!

Here's the synopsis:

After a strange meteor destroys a communications satellite and crashes into Tampa Bay, a sickly looking fish finds itself the meal of a beautiful nightclub bartender named Val. Moments later, as the bar is closed and locked tight, the infected Val becomes ill and all Hell breaks loose. Hidden from the others, the parasite she has unknowingly eaten rapidly grows, bursting from her throat and becoming the puppet master for the chaos ahead. With no possible way to reach help or escape, the trapped club-goers must fight to survive and plan to destroy the creature before it is let loose into the world.

This is going to be great! I love how the synopsis so conveniently points out major plot points. The meteor crashes into a satellite...the only satellite capable of communications...and now the club-goers have no way to reach help. I love it!

In all seriousness, this is going to be awesome. I don't care about the little details like communications and satellites, we want boobs and blood right? Well I'll let you know that this movie delivers. At least on the blood part from what I've seen. I am really excited for this movie because at least from what I've seen in the trailer...there is little CGI effects in this thing. Except for the space parts but who gives a fuck about that anyway. When some parasites burst out of a chicks neck I want that shit to look real, not some computer generated piece of shit. And what makes it better is that the director, Tim Martin, is a special effects guy! So you can be rest assured that this will probably be the goriest thing you've seen all year. I can't wait.

Now for what you all came here for: the trailer. Hold on to something, the awesome starts in 3...2...1...

Am I right or am I right?

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Charles Band #14

The 31 Greatest Bad Movies Charles Band Has Ever Produced #14

The Trailer:

Some jack-hole disabled the embedding on the only decent fucking trailer the internet has available and the only other trailer I could find on YouTube had the sound all messed up so click here to see the decent trailer then come RIGHT BACK HERE. Or else...the Ghoulies will get you.

Ghoulies is one of those bad gremlins knockoff's. I'll be honest here, I haven't seen this movie in the better part of a decade. I remember liking it but I couldn't really remember anything specific. Well I just watched the trailer (With that glorious VESTRON logo pasted ALL over it! JOY! Vestron is AWESOME) for it the other day and bits and pieces started coming back to me. Like the ghoulies are hardly in this movie and most of the trailer happens at the end. So you basically have to put up with the 80's for an hour and then the good stuff happens.

I feel kinda stupid, this should be higher up the list. Doctor Mordrid is way better than this movie. And less 80's. Or more. Anyway, what's done is done. Ghoulies somehow manages to seep its way into unwanted territory yet again. But that's ok, they won't be here long and the next 3 movies are badass and then its the TOP TEN BABY! WWOOO!! I can't wait. This month is going by so fast. It's already less than two weeks to Halloween. I have no idea what I should dress up as...

...a ghoulie? Maybe? hmmm....for giving me terrible ideas, I give Ghoulies the #14 spot on the 31 greatest Charles Band movies of all time!

If you liked this movie then check out: Slave Girls From Beyond Infinity

Sunday, October 17, 2010

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Charles Band #15

The 31 Greatest Bad Movies Charles Band Has Ever Produced #15

The Trailer:

I remember reading (or watching) some interview...it was probably one of the special features on the DVD, but anyway...if you look at the credits it says that this movie is based on an original idea by Charles Band...well in that interview Stuart Gordon was saying something like, they wanted me to make this movie...all it had to have is a castle and a freak. From there the rest was up to me. HAHAHAHAHA that's amazing.

Today is Sunday so I present to you Castle Freak, a perfect laid back horror movie. I can't really say that this movie is fast paced and insane but it does move and does deliver on its promise of a castle...and a freak. I did like the film but its really a hit or a miss with the audience. The reason I really liked it is because I'm such a Re-Animator fanboy and this movie has the cast and the director of that film. So it's kind of a like a reunion movie. So that just makes it so much more enjoyable for me.

Castle Freak, a good relaxing horror movie for a good relaxing day. And you get what you pay for. A castle. and a Freak. Fuck yeah! And for THAT, I give Castle Freak the #15 spot on the 31 greatest Charles Band movies of all time!

If you liked this movie then check out: Ragdoll

Saturday, October 16, 2010

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Charles Band #16

The Greatest Bad Movies Charles Band Has Ever Produced #16

The Trailer:

Ok this isn't the trailer. I couldn't find the trailer. So instead here's some scenes with Lance Henrikson that kind of acts like a trailer!

For the life of me I can't remember the second half of this movie. I can remember the first half pretty vividly but the second half...hmmm...must've been drinkin that night. Anyway, the story starts out in the olden days and there's some rioting and whatever. Well one woman speaks out and is then captured to be put to death. They analyze her...I remember this part most vividly because they strip her naked and then analyze every part of her body from top to bottom. It's pretty strange but kinda cool. Then Lance Henriksen kind of likes her I think...and that's when the movie fades out for me.

I do, however, remember really liking this film. I recently purchased it on DVD so it's been sitting there waiting to be watched again. The Pit and the Pendulum is actually a well made film, nothing crazy or kooky about it. Stuart Gordon, he directed Re-Animator and a lot of other awesome movies, directed TPATP. He brings along with him Jeffrey Combs, also from Re-Animator, and the always amazing...unless he's in a sequel besides Aliens, Lance Henriksen. Lance is extremely badass in this movie...and extremely bald. Definitely bringing the A game to this movie.

So for a great cast, a cool story, and a wild naked strip search, I give this movie the #16 spot on the all time greatest Charles Band movies.

If you liked this movie then check out: Creepozoids

Friday, October 15, 2010

Epic Win Friday. Starring Tiffany Shepis.

Remember a couple days ago when I blogged about that upcoming Tiffany Shepis movie: She Wolf Rising? Also remember that I told you I had something special in store for you today. My friends, the time has come.

Man vs Woman. A short movie starring Tiffany Shepis. It's a movie about a shotgun carrying, knife wielding Man, a plasma rifle toting Woman, a razor sharp teeth and clawed Velociraptor clone, and a laser equipped self-repairing Robot all in search of water on a baron planet. An asteroid crashes to the planet exposing some water under the surface and all hell breaks loose.

Mr. Gable's Reality and JVCS Films present to you the greatest thing that ever came out of 2006. Man. Versus. Woman.

Total Running Time: 14 minutes.

Part 1: In search of water.

Part 2: To the victor go the spoils.