Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Charles Band #13

It's October and with it comes a huge list of epic greatness. In case you haven't read the intro to this thing, I'll be counting down 31 of the greatest Charles Band movies. Keep your internet dials tuned to Mr. Gable's Reality DAILY for new and exciting Charles Band goodness. I began this countdown with TEN Charles Band movies that I have yet to see. Now I present to you, the loyal Reality fans, 11 films that personally learned the art of Kick Ass! from Charles Band. Let's do this thing...

The 31 Greatest Bad Movies Charles Band Has Ever Produced #13

The Trailer:

Zone Troopers is a movie that does not want to be seen. Everything you see about it firsthand repulses you. Nothing looks good about it...or even makes sense. That poster up there...it would suggest to you that perhaps there's some aliens recruiting humans for some kick ass intergalactic battle. There isn't. The Tagline from the trailer (and poster): They Take War To A New Dimension...that doesn't happen either. Everything happens on Earth. If anything the New Dimension brings war here...and they don't because they don't do anything, the aliens are a bunch of eco-pussies that refuse to fight. The trailer leaves little to be desired. Where's the voiceover guy? It's like the trailer just refused to wait any longer for him to show up for work...but he finally does make it just in time to say "Zone Troopers". And then you read the synopsis:

In Italy, during World War II some American soldiers find an alien UFO.

And then you become even more confused. Like "???" confused. BUT for everything this movie does wrong up front it makes up for on film. Don't get me wrong, this movie is fantastic from a Charles Band point of view. I loved it. And here's why...

Tim Thomerson. Oh yeah, this Charles Band veteran makes another appearance here as some kind of super soldier. Although they never clarify anything as to why. He just consistently kicks ass, gets shot lots of times, even gets blown up, but keeps surviving. Because he's Tim Thomerson. This movie tries SO HARD to kill Tim Thomerson but we all know that's impossible.

This movie has one of the best scenes ever. Some of the American's are getting interrogated by the Nazi's when HITLER shows up. One of the guy's struggles free and punches him RIGHT IN THE FACE! Hahahaha then he says something like, "Did I just KO Hitler?" HAhahahahaha That alone is worth it! Trust me, even reading this now has nothing on the actual scene itself.

So for having an indestructible Tim Thomerson, a Hitler KO, and a really awesome "Empire Strikes Back" ripoff musical score, I give this movie the #13 spot on the 31 greatest Charles Band movies of all time!

If you liked this movie then check out: Dark Angel: The Ascent

HOLY SHIT, somebody made a kick ass tribute video on YouTube. Check it out! Lots of spoilers but it really captures the "magic" of this movie. And a sidenote: If you have Netflix, this movie is available on instant watch. So go watch it, NOW!

What the fuck? No Hitler KO? I guess you'll have to watch the movie.


  1. God Bless Charles Band. Haven't seen Zone Troopers in ages.

  2. Oh good lord! I think I've seen this.

  3. What has been seen can not be unseen HAHAHA