BOOK REVIEW: Darkfall (1984) by Dean Koontz

 

I am what I like to call…a novice reader. I am so far behind on reading that I doubt I’ll ever catch up. Up until a few years ago I hated reading. It was a chore, it was boring, it was stupid. But then I discovered there was a whole section of Star Trek novels at the bookstore. And then I began to read.

What does this have to do with Dean Koontz? Nothing. But what does matter is that I am a new fan of the Koontz. I recently read his novel, By the Light of the Moon and I really loved it. I thought it was well written, well organized, and one hell of a story. The ending left me wanting more but overall I loved it. So from now on, I am a fan.

So I went back to the bookstore looking for more Koontz. I’ve seen the movie Watchers, based off Koontz, and was kind of looking forward to reading that (cuz I’ve heard that the movie butchered the shit out of the book) but instead I found Darkfall. What drew me to the book was this simple synopsis:

"A blizzard brings a city to a standstill - and ushers in an evil that defies imagination."

Hell yes! I love snow, I love evil, and I love defying the imagination. Let’s do this.

I typed "defy the imagination" into Google and this is the result. Sorry everybody.

So the prologue had me shitting my pants. I’m not even into this thing 5 pages and I’m scared shitless. It’s like 3 in the afternoon and my pants are full of mud. That’s awesome Koontz, thank you. The prologue is full of terror and gore. It’s basically about some little creatures in the shadows with silvery eyes mutilating gangsters. And it is amazing.

From there the story goes into detective mode. As a lot of great horror stories do. Two cops are investigating the murders from the prologue. Turns out there have been a few of these murders recently…all connected to known criminals. That’s pretty cool I thought. Some creatures in the night offing bad guys. Sweet! A “good” kind of evil.

The evil creatures make there appearance known here and there throughout the book. They murder a few more bad guys and then the central focus shifts from the unknown to partially known. Voodoo. This book is about voodoo. Yes, you’ve read that right. Fucking voodoo. Thank you Koontz, this is fucking AWESOME.

There’s a period in the book where Dean Koontz gives us (the audience) a deep lesson on voodoo. He teaches us all about the herbs and spices necessary to contact whatever god you want. He teaches us all about certain types of gods, their names and their purposes. We learn all about the good voodoo and the bad voodoo. It is kind of interesting but at the same time it sidetracks from the kick ass killing. But whatever, it draws you a little further into the story. I just thought it could have been a little less.

Somewhere around the first third of the book we meet the main villain. One bad voodoo dude. If you haven’t read the book I don’t want to spoil the motives of this man’s actions. He is pretty evil and I did like him but towards the end he turns into a big pussy.

Oddly enough, this is how the bad guy is described in this book.

Oh also it’s snowing. It’s snowing through the entire story. And unlike this paragraph, Koontz describes it very well. I don’t know how many times I could describe it snowing outside but Koontz found several hundred ways to describe it. Snowing. And there’s a love story thrown in there too. Not that it matters or anyone really cares but it’s there nevertheless.

The thing I loved most about this book is how it played in my head. I could just imagine this being turned into a movie…and how absolutely bat shit insane it would be. The “horror” of all of it would really look like shit on the big screen. It would be laughably bad. Don’t get me wrong, the book is well written and the story doesn’t come off bad but there’s just so many scenes that would just look so stupid on screen. Words describe it so much better than film ever would.

The reason I say that it would be a great bad movie is basically because of the little monsters. I thought I had them figured out from the beginning. But once they were finally revealed to the audience they were completely different than what I thought they’d be. It wasn’t just one kind of monster, it was several different kinds. And I could just about imagine what they would look like on the screen. *snicker*

The central focus with this novel seems to be Good vs Evil. (please for the love of everything click that link, you won't be disappointed) There are lots of stories out there (all of them) that use this as their foundation but Darkfall uses it to an extent that I have never seen before. (fucking voodoo man!) I really liked how the “good” and the “evil” came to a head at the end. I won’t give away the ending (Good wins, you know it does, it always does) but it was pretty sweet. And gory.

The book is really good and I would suggest it to anyone looking for a cool story involving voodoo, little monsters from hell, and a nonsense love story. I thought the first book I read from Koontz was better than this one (that's strange huh? Usually the later novels in a author's career turn into crap but he's actually getting better!) but I thoroughly enjoyed Darkfall. It’s short, approx 375 pages, so it’s a pretty quick read for anyone who’s not me. I’m a horribly slow reader. Just, just so terribly slow.

You can buy it on Amazon…or just go to a used bookstore like I did, I’m sure there’s several copies sitting on the shelf. It's a pretty old book, over 20 years old now so there's several different versions to find.

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Watchers 3 (1994)

I'll admit it, this movie is just awful.  It's almost painful to watch.  Coming from me, the lover of all that sucks ass, means a lot.  There's just so little to like about it that I can't justify giving it anything higher than a 2 on a 10 scale.  Man I hate doing that.  I'll always give at least a 3 for effort and creativity, but this movie is just terrible.  I'll illustrate why you should avoid it at all costs.

1. A failed movie ripoff.  Predator synopsis: Deep in the jungle a mysterious alien creature is picking off specially trained soldiers on a rescue mission.  The lone survivor fights and destroys the creature using his wits and the jungle around him.  Watchers 3 synopsis: Deep in the jungle a mysterious ugly fucking creature is picking off crappily trained soldiers on a rescue/intel retrieval mission.  The lone survivor (along with a stupidly smart dog and a mute native boy) destroy the creature using some bad one liners and stolen props from the original Predator set.  In all honesty, you could watch these films back to back and they almost mirror one another.  Obviously Predator kicks serious ass and this is a terrible knockoff trying to be something it can never be.  The asylum does this all the time and they pride themselves on it, but this is the third film in a series based on a novel written by Dean Koontz.  Come on people!

2. All the cuteness is gone.  If you remotely enjoyed the first two films for their relationships between dog and man/boy, then you are shit out of luck.  They try to put in a little native boy to have some kind of relationship going on but that kid is completely useless in every aspect of the word.  What was his purpose for being in the story at all?  The only thing, and I mean the only thing he did (because he's too dumb to actually talk), was pointed out the bow and arrow.  That's it...nothing more.  Come on guys, you can do a little better than that.

3. The monster...ok this is how I justify a 2/10 instead of a 1/10.  This creature is a definite improvement over that stupid looking anteater thing from part 2.  It's still lizard like and completely fake but at least its damn mouth moves!  They seemed to have mashed up the sound effects from other Roger Corman features to make the howls for the beast.  That was a definite turn off, but oh well what can you do with crap like this?  Definite improvement, looks like something you would find aboard Davey Jones' ship.  But still...I remember there being a strict...bigfoot vibe from the creature.  Come on.

4. The plot, the story, the complete and utter carelessness of everybody involved.  I don't like to bash people for making movies but this is a really lazy effort on everyone's part.  The story was rushed too fast.  They could have made things a little more dramatic or heartfelt with some short pauses but nope...straight into the next scene.  Honestly wanted everyone to die, I cared for no one.  Generic horror film characters, white leader, black tough guy, macho chick, pussy white guy, expendables.  I guess when you are stoned off your ass and thinking its an original idea this seems pretty awesome.  It's just a really poor film.

Alright I've done enough bashing, what would I say is actually good about it.  If there are any Wings Hauser fans in the house...he's the star man.  I don't know his career that well but he has quite an extensive resume.  Fans of him might feel more in tune with this picture than I do.  He does manage to spit out a few good one liners.  Most notably, "I'm gonna put this bullet so deep in  your head, your ancestors are gonna feel it!"

So in all honesty don't watch it.  If you're like me and you just have to watch (and in my case own) the entire series of films then go ahead and give it a shot.  I can't even tell you its good for a 4 am SyFy channel movie cuz it just isn't.  Even though that's where I first came across it but stopped watching it after awhile cause it looked stupid.  I guess I just won't learn my lesson.  Ok well you get my drift.  I love bad movies but this one just takes the cake.  Kudos to you Watchers 3, a movie so bad that the worst of the actual watchers just can't handle it.

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Watchers (1988)

Watchers is about the cutest damn horror movie I've ever seen.  I wasn't exactly sure what to expect while watching it but after it was over I am glad I did.  Lucky for me there is this old run down video store down the street from me.  They have a whole wall of vhs tapes they rent or sell.  Trying to weed out the inventory.  How lucky was I to find all four Watchers movies sitting there and in great condition.  So I picked them up and thusfar have watched the first one.

The plot is pretty creative.  It's based off a Dean Koontz novel with the same name.  From what I've read of other people's views on this movie is that you should avoid the film and read the book.  I guess the characters and events are completely different.  I, myself, did not read the book so I think that helped me to enjoy the film more.  Ok, the plot...secret government experiment (oh you know this'll be good) in which they create some super intelligent creatures.  First they make human intelligent dogs and then they make some mutant monster that is telepathically linked to the dog.  The point being?  The cute innocent dog would infiltrate enemy bases and the big nasty monster would follow tearing up everything it came across.  Beautiful.  Well of course both of these creatures escape and all hell breaks loose.  This all happens within the first few minutes of the movie.

As far as a horror movie goes it follows the rules pretty well.  The creature mindlessly attacks and murders everybody it comes into contact with.  You don't see much of it other than the occasional arm.  All the shots leading up to the end are creature P.O.V. so you see it killing straight up front.  I was a little disappointed at the end because there wasn't very good lighting to see the monster clearly.  What I did see wasn't all that cool anyway.

So why do I say its cute?  For the majority of the movie you see the boy (Corey Haim of the Lost Boys) bonding with the super smart golden retriever.  Its cute because they laugh and get to know each other.  The boy talks to the dog and it understands everything he says.  The dog has feelings for the boy and tries to prevent him from being killed.  It's kind of cute.

So if you're looking for a reason not to watch it here you go - The ending was kind of weak.  It happens too fast.  Boy hunts the creature, takes it down.  Whoop dee do da.  Corey Haim's hair style.  Yes its the 80's but good lord what coon nested on your head.  Gross.  The effects are sub par but there's not enough of them to really care.  And knowing that its based off a book I could actually feel that they struggled to whiddle it down.  It feels like there should be a lot more.  Why is the creature ripping out eyes?  etc.  So much more could use more explanation.  I think I should go get the book and read that.

So do you want to see it now?  In all honesty it wasn't painful to watch.  It was more cute and cuddly than anything.  Kind of a nice change of pace to feel good about watching people get tore up and eye gouged.  If you miss it, I really wouldn't be too upset about it.  But if you get the chance to watch it, its good enough for a rainy day.