BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Wishmaster (1997)

Wishmaster is a special effects guy's wet dream. The gore in this movie is only limited to the imagination of the people creating the effects. I don't really think there was much supervision when it came to the kills in this movie. I'm pretty sure the director just told his crew to go wild because that's what this movie is: WILD.

Like the opening scene for example, a skeleton explodes out of this guys body and then runs around killing people. That's just so awesome.

 I've come for your women and beer.

Some people will argue with me on this, and that's ok, but Wishmaster is, in my opinion, a "Perfect" horror movie. What I mean by perfect is that I can watch this movie OVER AND OVER AND OVER and still enjoy it every time. Actually I think I enjoy it MORE every time I see it. I don't think I could ever get bored with this movie. (Some other movies I would consider perfect include Predator and Re-Animator) Wishmaster isn't perfect, no movie is perfect, but it's perfect for me. And that's all that matters.

I've always liked this movie. From the very first time I saw it up until my umpteenth viewing Sunday. It still shocks me how awesome it is. The effects are top notch, the Wishmaster is so fucking badass, and the CAST AND CREW: Oh lord the cast and crew. THAT is where this movie shines brightest (amongst B movie fans anyway)

• Andrew Divoff as the Wishmaster (Lost, Executive Decision)
• Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger)
• Kane Hodder (Some Friday the 13th sequels and the Hatchet movies)
• Angus Scrimm narrates (The Tall Man from Phantasm)
• Reggie Bannister (Speaking of Phantasm, here's the star)
• Chris Lemmon ("star" of Thunder in Paradise)
• Tony Todd (CANDYMAN!)
• Buck Flower (Most ever John Carpenter movie, he actually has an OPENING credit here)
• Ted Raimi (Sam Raimi's brother. Boy does that guy like dying.)
• Ricco Ross (Aliens)
• Robert Kurtzman (Director of Wishmaster, also an amazing special effects guy for tons of movies)
• Peter Aitkins (writer of Wishmaster, also the writer of Hellraiser 2 & 3)
• And finally, Wes Craven (Executive Producer of Wishmaster, guy that invented Freddy Krueger)

That's a long list. They space out each appearance so well too. It was such a joy to see Reggie Bannister and Buck Flower in the same scene arguing with each other. I love it.

Wishmaster (if you don't already know) is about an evil Genie. They portray them as a race of beings called the Djinn in this movie. They live in the plane of existence between Earth and Hell. One particular Djinn, the Wishmaster, is wrecking havoc on Earth. You see, when someone wakes the Wishmaster he must grant the person that woke him 3 wishes and upon granting the third, the Wishmaster can open the gate from his world to Earth and all the Djinn will take over the world. But a sorcerer traps the Wishmaster in a Ruby. (This is just the first few minutes of the movie.) So we fast forward to present day, a statue is broken that has the Ruby inside and a woman inadvertantly releases the Wishmaster. The Wishmaster spends half the movie granting wishes to strangers in exchange for their soul while searching for the woman that released him. (Which is really fucking awesome, not only because it paces this movie so well but also because the kills are so amazingly gory) Finally, he find her and more amazing things happen. I don't want to ruin the ending for you because the wishes this woman makes are pretty awesome.

Like this one.

It's ok to click that link. There isn't any major spoilers there. It's actually a FREE wish the Wishmaster first grants the woman to get the ball rolling. It's really awesome and actually shows just how amazing Andrew Divoff is as the Wishmaster and this scene portrays the general personality of the Wishmaster. He's like this the whole movie. If you like this scene, you'll like the whole movie.

 Hey baby, when this is over, you wanna come over to my place?

I really can't praise this movie enough. (But I'll sure as hell try) The effects are top notch, the majority of them being actual practical effects. (Which if you know me, are the BEST kind) The CGI included here just enhances any practical effects they got going on. It's quite impressive.

This movie, even with its flaws (what movie doesn't have flaws?), is perfect to me.

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Phantasm IV: Oblivion

All Hail the Boob Spheres!  The innovation of these films just keeps on coming.  I am a recent fan to the Phantasm series and I have to say that after seeing all four that I am surprised I didn't find interest sooner.   That absolute insanity of everything is awe inspiring.  These films take twists and turns that leave you either confused or with a giant smile on your face...like the boob spheres.

Anyways, Phantasm 4.  I felt this film lost a little bit of steam compared to the last 3, but when I say a little bit, I mean a very little bit.  There are tons of flashbacks to the original film which turned me off a bit, but in the end it actually helped the story along.  After doing a little research it sounds like the original footage was something like 3 hours long so half the movie was cut out.  Knowing that made the flashbacks more comfortable because I just could not remember any of that stuff happening in the original Phantasm.

The story was great I thought.  If you were to somehow jump into this installment without seeing the previous 3, you would hate it.  My favorite part of all of these is how they tie together.  Part 2 seems to be lost on them, but that was my favorite of the 4.  The story does however get confusing.  I am really going to have to have a marathon of all 4 back to back to truly understand what is going on...at least from writer/director Don Cascarelli's point of view.  For the most part I caught on and very much enjoyed it.  I enjoy how much of these films is left up to audience interpretation.  No indepth explanation of certain things.  I think this is a risky thing to do in this society because people want straight forward answers...but it is my feeling that if there were to come out and say it, this series would die.  Too many people want to believe one thing or another and to just say it ruins the whole damn thing.  Most likely the explanation could never live up to the speculation.

Which leads me to the ending.  Wow, did not see that coming.  The ending is completely open ended and explanationless.  All of the films pretty much end open ended, but this one really kicked the door wide open for interpretation.  Was it all a dream?  Did they travel through time?  Is it a flashback?  etc. etc.  In either case I desperately crave another phantasm movie...and soon!  It is my understanding The Tall Man, Angus Scrimm, is coming up on his 80th birthday so this project needs to get moving, and quick!  I need better closure than that.  But, in the grand scheme of things leaving it like that is pretty cool...because I can create my own ending.

All in all - see the film.  Watch them all in a row first otherwise you will go crazy.  Even if the story confuses you, there is plenty of new spheres, creatures, and kick ass one liners throughout to keep you smiling.  Lest not forget blowing away evil midgets with a four barreled shotgun.  That alone is worth the wait...EVERYTIME!

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead (1994)

Never have I seen a horror (or any genre for that matter) continually kick this much ass.  Over and over again this film series seems to get better or at least stay on par with all the rest.  The ingenuity of this series is amazing.  The plot, characters, and storyline are absolutely out of this world!

Which brings me to my next and most important point.  The Tall Man.  He is truly out of this world.  This bad ass mofo takes no prisoners, turns the dead into his legion of evil dwarves, and loves throwing his balls into people's faces.  That's right, I said it.  To better explain that statement...he has flying silver spheres that pierce into people's skulls and then drill out the contents of their face.  I love it.  It would appear after three films that he is unstoppable.  *SPOILER*  After being gruesomely disposed of in the series it would seem there is an endless supply of Tall Man's waiting in the other dimension.  It's a pretty cool concept, and since I have yet to see part 4, I hope they delve into this a little more.

My favorite aspect to this series is the consistency.  Ok, Ok...there are times throughout the films that things don't necessarily follow suit and it can be confusing (to me anyway) but what I mean is the Phantasm timeline.  So far the first three films have taken place directly after the previous.  A nice little recap at the beginning and bam...off into the next adventure.  The time throughout the films may be a long time (some 10 years throughout the second film I figure) but nevertheless picking up right where the last one left off.

The craziness just keeps on coming.  The first film brought on the greatness of the sentinels (silver spheres), then came the golden sentinels (more advanced techonology) along with a sweet ass chainsaw duel in part 2, and now we have the reemergence of the 4-barrel shotgun (from part 2) with the swiftness of the nunchuck black chick, the pinpoint shooting of young Tim, and of course...the black sentinel.  Apparently hosts the souls of the dead...and in this case Mike's brother.  I like it.

If there is ever a series you need to see, I highly recommend Phantasm.  I was a little leary at first but after watching them I can't get enough of it.  Just listening to Angus Scrimm shouting out quote after glorious quote makes me tingle inside.  Just go see them, you will not be disappointed....boooy!

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Phantasm II (1988)

Over 20 midgets gave their lives to make this movie...well not really but there were quite a few of them that perished throughout this film. Their deaths filled the voids between action scenes and plot twists. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I enjoyed Phantasm 2 way more than I did the original. The original is in its own right amazing, but Phantasm 2 is everything Phantasm is not. It is easily one of the top 5 horror sequels of all time. The Tall Man returns wreaking havoc and mayhem all throughout the northwest. He comes and goes leaving entire towns empty and lifeless turning them all into his loyal army of nasty little dwarf minions.

There is no real way to explain this film without making it sound completely absurd...so I won't. The two survivors of the original escape from the house and go on an all out Tall Man hunt across the northwest United States. The lead character is telepathically linked to a woman whom is about to encounter the tall man and he is mysteriously drawn to her. As they grow nearer the obstacles get more fierce as they battle an army of midgets, flying spheres of doom, creatures from another dimension, and the undead! Let's not forget that unforgettable chainsaw duel. Greatest thing ever to grace my television screen. Two men, two chainsaws, only one can survive.

This movie is just amazing. It is very outlandish but that's what makes it so damn fun. There aren't many kills but its mostly about the story and the characters than anything else. When people do die however...its so worth it. It's pretty much a couple of ass kicking Bruce Campbell wannabes. I'm ok with that. If you have not seen Phantasm 2, then I highly suggest you find a copy and see it. You will not be disappointed.

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Phantasm (1979)

Phantasm is a wonderful, wonderful horror movie.  It has so many great things that are good about it and so little to disappoint.  If its your first time watching it, you have to have an open mind.  Remember its made in the late seventies, and had contenders like Alien during that time and I highly doubt they had similar budgets.

Angus Scrimm is amazing as "The Tall Man."  Whom I've just become familiar with.  His walk, his stare, his....voice are just terrifying.  He has such a strong presence on screen that you almost forget that he hardly says anything at all.  You don't need words to know exactly what he's thinking and what he's about to do.

Those fucking orb things the Tall Man has are awesome.  When I first heard about it, I thought it was dumb as hell.  Then I saw them in action.  Sweet.  They blades sticking to the skull and the drill pumping out large amounts of blood.  That was cool.  I was eating when the first attack happened and I had to put it down for a minute until it was over before I started up again.  I also thought at first that the "dwarf" army would be dumb.  How the hell is a midget scary? When they prance around like a bunch of creepy looking Jawas and attack from the dark, it makes them pretty scary.  I liked the explanation they give for them at the end.

Sometimes the acting in the film was kinda bad but for the most part it was pretty good.  I can understand it since most of them are unknowns and still are unknowns.  But they did a good job for what it was.

Did NOT see the ending coming.  These days that ending would've pissed me off.  It's been done enough to make a guy sick.  But in the time it was made, it is a spectacular twist.  A Nightmare on Elm Street had a similar ending.  ANOES being a lot less believable than this one.

Phantasm is a horror classic.  It has held its own for years, and will remain to hold its own for many more.   I hope they can make a few more than the already 4 part series.