BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Wishmaster (1997)

Wishmaster is a special effects guy's wet dream. The gore in this movie is only limited to the imagination of the people creating the effects. I don't really think there was much supervision when it came to the kills in this movie. I'm pretty sure the director just told his crew to go wild because that's what this movie is: WILD.

Like the opening scene for example, a skeleton explodes out of this guys body and then runs around killing people. That's just so awesome.

 I've come for your women and beer.

Some people will argue with me on this, and that's ok, but Wishmaster is, in my opinion, a "Perfect" horror movie. What I mean by perfect is that I can watch this movie OVER AND OVER AND OVER and still enjoy it every time. Actually I think I enjoy it MORE every time I see it. I don't think I could ever get bored with this movie. (Some other movies I would consider perfect include Predator and Re-Animator) Wishmaster isn't perfect, no movie is perfect, but it's perfect for me. And that's all that matters.

I've always liked this movie. From the very first time I saw it up until my umpteenth viewing Sunday. It still shocks me how awesome it is. The effects are top notch, the Wishmaster is so fucking badass, and the CAST AND CREW: Oh lord the cast and crew. THAT is where this movie shines brightest (amongst B movie fans anyway)

• Andrew Divoff as the Wishmaster (Lost, Executive Decision)
• Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger)
• Kane Hodder (Some Friday the 13th sequels and the Hatchet movies)
• Angus Scrimm narrates (The Tall Man from Phantasm)
• Reggie Bannister (Speaking of Phantasm, here's the star)
• Chris Lemmon ("star" of Thunder in Paradise)
• Tony Todd (CANDYMAN!)
• Buck Flower (Most ever John Carpenter movie, he actually has an OPENING credit here)
• Ted Raimi (Sam Raimi's brother. Boy does that guy like dying.)
• Ricco Ross (Aliens)
• Robert Kurtzman (Director of Wishmaster, also an amazing special effects guy for tons of movies)
• Peter Aitkins (writer of Wishmaster, also the writer of Hellraiser 2 & 3)
• And finally, Wes Craven (Executive Producer of Wishmaster, guy that invented Freddy Krueger)

That's a long list. They space out each appearance so well too. It was such a joy to see Reggie Bannister and Buck Flower in the same scene arguing with each other. I love it.

Wishmaster (if you don't already know) is about an evil Genie. They portray them as a race of beings called the Djinn in this movie. They live in the plane of existence between Earth and Hell. One particular Djinn, the Wishmaster, is wrecking havoc on Earth. You see, when someone wakes the Wishmaster he must grant the person that woke him 3 wishes and upon granting the third, the Wishmaster can open the gate from his world to Earth and all the Djinn will take over the world. But a sorcerer traps the Wishmaster in a Ruby. (This is just the first few minutes of the movie.) So we fast forward to present day, a statue is broken that has the Ruby inside and a woman inadvertantly releases the Wishmaster. The Wishmaster spends half the movie granting wishes to strangers in exchange for their soul while searching for the woman that released him. (Which is really fucking awesome, not only because it paces this movie so well but also because the kills are so amazingly gory) Finally, he find her and more amazing things happen. I don't want to ruin the ending for you because the wishes this woman makes are pretty awesome.

Like this one.

It's ok to click that link. There isn't any major spoilers there. It's actually a FREE wish the Wishmaster first grants the woman to get the ball rolling. It's really awesome and actually shows just how amazing Andrew Divoff is as the Wishmaster and this scene portrays the general personality of the Wishmaster. He's like this the whole movie. If you like this scene, you'll like the whole movie.

 Hey baby, when this is over, you wanna come over to my place?

I really can't praise this movie enough. (But I'll sure as hell try) The effects are top notch, the majority of them being actual practical effects. (Which if you know me, are the BEST kind) The CGI included here just enhances any practical effects they got going on. It's quite impressive.

This movie, even with its flaws (what movie doesn't have flaws?), is perfect to me.

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: The Last House on the Left (2009) remake

Reality is the single most terrifying subject a horror film could use. I'm not talking about "based on a true story" or that B.S., I'm talking real situations with real people that we all try to write off as something that really doesn't happen. I guess if we all had to live with the fact that there really is evil people out there hell bent on hurting you (and not just physically) I'm sure we'd all go insane. It's so much easier to deny ourselves our evil half and focus on more "happy" things. So before I continue I think I should let anyone who has yet to see this film know what exactly it is they're getting into.

I'll try to keep this spoiler free but its hard to with a subject matter such as this. Along with other horror films this one has its blood and some fair gore. Thank god for that because without it I would feel a lot less comfortable watching this film. The Last House on the Left will pull at your emotions. It will shove reality in your face. It will make you think twice. This is one of those films that you really do not want your children to watch. Although while in their early teenage state it might be a useful tool to show them the way of this world. The main subject matter (***and if you don't want to know skip to the next paragraph) is of some nasty people raping a 17 year old girl and killing her friend. Honestly was one of the hardest things not to turn away from in my life. I forced myself to watch it. I did not enjoy it in any way but I do not regret it either. It's good for the human condition to get a reminder every once in a while that these things happen to innocent people. Other things you can look forward to is vengeful parents. Revenge is a dish best served cold....fuck that noise, this baby just came out of the oven. Once the parents got started I wasn't sure how to feel. I guess the same thing happened with The Mist, I've never been so happy to see something be killed....and I don't know if that's a good thing.

This movie is truly terrifying. I personally love watching bad movies and stupid outlandish movies. I love them because there really isn't anything to connect to. I don't have to worry about aliens coming in and eating me. In this fim its just so awful what goes down. It really hooks you in and tears at your heart. I swear my insides were fluttering for 60% of the film. It was just that tense and heartbreaking. I would never call this movie cool or awesome. Actually, I'm not sure how I would tell someone about this movie. I guess I'd just have to let them know what they're in store for.

Alright moving on with my review...the cast. Great cast. All of them were great actors and did a very convincing job. There is a lot of heavy emotion and crying involved and it was good to see people good at what they do. Some of the more familiar faces in this movie are Garret Dillahunt, whom you may have caught as a cyborg on Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Also there's Monica Potter, who was in films like Saw and Con Air. And finally a surprise to me, Martha MacIsaac, who was the love interest in the funny movie Superbad. The direction of Dennis Iliadis is great. According to IMDb he doesn't have much of a resume but I'm sure with this film he will be getting a few more jobs. I thought the look and feel of everything was just horrifying. Atmosphere is everything.

So by the end of the film you are satisfied with yourself. I saw it in a drive in and so many people left after the nasty parts. I knew better and waited for the sweet sweet ending. With a film such as this you need closure in order to move on with your life. At least for the immediate future proceeding it. Stick around, you'll love what happens. Just be sure you can handle it.