BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies (1999)

How do you follow a really great horror movie filled excellent suspense, direction, special effects, and creativity? By not giving one single fuck. That’s how.

Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies is exactly as it should be. There’s no way they could have topped the original. I’m glad they didn’t even try. They just took a similar premise and added RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME kills to make up for the rest.

Like: An inmate at a prison got fucked over by his lawyer so he wished that his lawyer would go fuck himself. Aaaannnddd…he does. HAHAHA

I’m just thankful they brought back Andrew Divoff as the Wishmaster. He’s just SO GOOD at being evil.

Wishmaster 2 starts out with a robbery. They knock over a statue and find the ruby inside and the woman robber inadvertently wakes up the Wishmaster. The girl escapes while the Wishmaster takes human form just in time for the police to arrive. He takes the wrap for the robbery and is thrown in jail. While in jail, he grants a few awesome wishes and then decides its time to leave. But this time, unlike the first movie, the Wishmaster needs to grant 1000 wishes so he can claim 1000 souls in order to open the gate to his world and release the Djinn eagerly waiting to inherit the Earth. So, with the help of a friend from the prison he goes to a place where he is guaranteed to get hundreds of souls EASILY. (I won’t tell you where because I honestly think this direction for the movie was absolute genius and I don’t want to ruin that for you) Then it wraps up pretty similarly to the first. This time the girl actually has it figured out by her second wish though, so I guess that makes her smarter. Or maybe not.

Wishmaster 2 is full of inconsistency and plot holes. It’s fucking swiss cheese man. First, the Wishmaster doesn’t even look the same. They redid the make up and outfit that he wears so it looks more…human.

I like men now.

 BAH! I liked his look from the first one. He actually looks more homoerotic in this movie. (Which actually carries on (worse) into the third and fourth films…which I will get to hopefully next week) Don’t get me wrong, he’s still a badass and totally fucking evil, but I just liked his thickness/broadness in the first movie. Secondly: The rules are completely different in this movie. The amount of souls he needs is different, etc. Pretty much most of what the first movie established was destroyed and changed in this movie. And the basic story kind hops along on kills rather than Djinn history.

And you know what? I don’t care. I like Wishmaster 2. I think it’s a great follow up. It actually can stand all alone as its own movie as far as I’m concerned. It had no chance, and it knew that, so it just went batshit crazy on itself and this movie is the result. Andrew Divoff still pulls of the Wishmaster excellently. He’s just so fucking evil, I love it. The kills are so over the top and crazy that they’ll have your head spinning. In a good way.

 Andrew Divoff: Wishing our souls to damnation since 1997.

Would I recommend it? YES. Actually what I recommend is the DVD 2-pack that has Wishmaster 1 & 2 on a double disc. That is all you need right there. There really isn’t any need to seek out parts 3 or 4. Although, I did. And I’m not very happy I did. Andrew Divoff is gone and what’s left is just…awful. More on that later.

But for now, the Wishmaster series ends here for me. Wishmaster 2 is a pretty fun sequel. It’s great for a Saturday night after a few drinks with friends and you’re looking for something to laugh at.

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Wishmaster (1997)

Wishmaster is a special effects guy's wet dream. The gore in this movie is only limited to the imagination of the people creating the effects. I don't really think there was much supervision when it came to the kills in this movie. I'm pretty sure the director just told his crew to go wild because that's what this movie is: WILD.

Like the opening scene for example, a skeleton explodes out of this guys body and then runs around killing people. That's just so awesome.

 I've come for your women and beer.

Some people will argue with me on this, and that's ok, but Wishmaster is, in my opinion, a "Perfect" horror movie. What I mean by perfect is that I can watch this movie OVER AND OVER AND OVER and still enjoy it every time. Actually I think I enjoy it MORE every time I see it. I don't think I could ever get bored with this movie. (Some other movies I would consider perfect include Predator and Re-Animator) Wishmaster isn't perfect, no movie is perfect, but it's perfect for me. And that's all that matters.

I've always liked this movie. From the very first time I saw it up until my umpteenth viewing Sunday. It still shocks me how awesome it is. The effects are top notch, the Wishmaster is so fucking badass, and the CAST AND CREW: Oh lord the cast and crew. THAT is where this movie shines brightest (amongst B movie fans anyway)

• Andrew Divoff as the Wishmaster (Lost, Executive Decision)
• Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger)
• Kane Hodder (Some Friday the 13th sequels and the Hatchet movies)
• Angus Scrimm narrates (The Tall Man from Phantasm)
• Reggie Bannister (Speaking of Phantasm, here's the star)
• Chris Lemmon ("star" of Thunder in Paradise)
• Tony Todd (CANDYMAN!)
• Buck Flower (Most ever John Carpenter movie, he actually has an OPENING credit here)
• Ted Raimi (Sam Raimi's brother. Boy does that guy like dying.)
• Ricco Ross (Aliens)
• Robert Kurtzman (Director of Wishmaster, also an amazing special effects guy for tons of movies)
• Peter Aitkins (writer of Wishmaster, also the writer of Hellraiser 2 & 3)
• And finally, Wes Craven (Executive Producer of Wishmaster, guy that invented Freddy Krueger)

That's a long list. They space out each appearance so well too. It was such a joy to see Reggie Bannister and Buck Flower in the same scene arguing with each other. I love it.

Wishmaster (if you don't already know) is about an evil Genie. They portray them as a race of beings called the Djinn in this movie. They live in the plane of existence between Earth and Hell. One particular Djinn, the Wishmaster, is wrecking havoc on Earth. You see, when someone wakes the Wishmaster he must grant the person that woke him 3 wishes and upon granting the third, the Wishmaster can open the gate from his world to Earth and all the Djinn will take over the world. But a sorcerer traps the Wishmaster in a Ruby. (This is just the first few minutes of the movie.) So we fast forward to present day, a statue is broken that has the Ruby inside and a woman inadvertantly releases the Wishmaster. The Wishmaster spends half the movie granting wishes to strangers in exchange for their soul while searching for the woman that released him. (Which is really fucking awesome, not only because it paces this movie so well but also because the kills are so amazingly gory) Finally, he find her and more amazing things happen. I don't want to ruin the ending for you because the wishes this woman makes are pretty awesome.

Like this one.

It's ok to click that link. There isn't any major spoilers there. It's actually a FREE wish the Wishmaster first grants the woman to get the ball rolling. It's really awesome and actually shows just how amazing Andrew Divoff is as the Wishmaster and this scene portrays the general personality of the Wishmaster. He's like this the whole movie. If you like this scene, you'll like the whole movie.

 Hey baby, when this is over, you wanna come over to my place?

I really can't praise this movie enough. (But I'll sure as hell try) The effects are top notch, the majority of them being actual practical effects. (Which if you know me, are the BEST kind) The CGI included here just enhances any practical effects they got going on. It's quite impressive.

This movie, even with its flaws (what movie doesn't have flaws?), is perfect to me.

Night of the Living Dead 3D: Re-Animation Poster and new Trailer!

Couple weeks back I blogged about Night of the Living Dead 3D: Re-Animation. At the time there was just an "ok" trailer and no Poster art. Well, it's as if they were reading my blog because now there is a wonderful poster and a newer, more Jeffrey Combsesque, trailer for all of us to enjoy!

The Poster

HOLY FUCKING FUCK! Wishmaster and Herbert West with mustaches.

The newer, better trailer:

SUMMER 2012!!?? GODAMMIT!!!

Night of the Living Dead 3D Part -1

Anybody remember the 2006 remake that you can ONLY watch in 3D with Sid Haig? That one that NOBODY liked. (At least that's what I hear. Its been sitting on my shelf for awhile and I really should get to watching it so I can judge for myself.) Well...it's got a prequel coming.

And I don't care what anyone says. This movie is gonna be amazing. You know why? Because it has Herbert West and the Wishmaster in it. Jeffrey Combs and Andrew Divoff.

Does it get any better than that?

Synopsis:

After inheriting the family mortuary, a pyrophobic mortician (ANDREW DIVOFF) accidentally exposes hundreds of uncremated bodies to toxic medical waste. As the corpses re-animate, the mortician’s inheritance-seeking younger brother (JEFFREY COMBS) unexpectedly shows up, stumbling upon a full zombie outbreak!

Nice! You know what this means don't you!? DON'T YOU!? This means that we have a possible WISHMASTER VS. HERBERT WEST SCENARIO HERE!! OH. MY. YES. It's the movie we've always known we never knew we wanted to exist.

Oh yeah, here's the Sarah Palin rippin, Zombie Fridge Baby, seriously lacking Combs/Divoff trailer.

I need. To see. This movie.

Oblivion is coming to DVD September 1st!!!!

WOW! Two big Full Moon Pictures announcements in one day!

Oblivion is finally making its way onto DVD! There's a movie in production right now called Cowboys and Aliens. It's gonna have to pull out ALL the stops to compete with this baby. Oblivion is one wild ride, front to back. There's cyborgs, giant Alien scorpions, Mr. Sulu, Catwoman, and outdoor ceiling fans! This movie is epic. So epic they filmed the sequel along with it: Backlash: Oblivion 2 - Already on DVD.

If you need any other reasons to watch this movie aside from the fact that THERE'S ALIENS and THERE'S COWBOYS then just take a look at the cast.

• Andrew Divoff (Wishmaster, Indiana Jones 4, TV's Lost)
• Meg Foster (Masters of the Universe, Leviathan, They Live)
• George Takei (Star Trek's Mr. Sulu) - Side Note: He improvises shit loads of Star Trek lines in this movie. It's Awesome.
• Isaac Hayes (Escape From New York)
• Julie Newmar (Catwoman from the 60's Batman)
• Carel Struycken (Lurch from The Addam's Family)
• Musetta Vander (Mortal Kombat: Annihilation) - Side Note: Wears a very seductive leather outfit and whipping everyone for 90 minutes. Actually 180, if you count both movies!

Buy this movie, it's really really amazing. You can read my review here. Check out Full Moon Direct for all the details on how you can own a copy of this amazing movie! And while you're there, you might as well buy the sequel.

You're welcome internet. Have a great day.

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Oblivion (1994)

This movie is insane. I can't believe anything like this could ever be made...and back to back with it's sequel. This movie is so off the wall crazy that I absolutely loved it. It's pretty much a little bit of everything and a whole lot of nothing. I am such a glutton for bad movies and this one takes the cake.

Oblivion is like 5 movies all mashed together into one. It's a western, alien sci-fi, creature feature, action, adventure...in a word EPIC. Well in my eyes anyway...but I love these kinds of movies. I love the tagline...On this planet, it's cowboys and aliens. hahahaha that's too good. If you're a serious moviegoer, stear clear of this one, it's pretty aweful. If you enjoy just off the wall craziness, I highly recommend it.

What really makes this whole movie worth it is the cast. The late Isaac Hayes is here, Andrew "Wishmaster" Divoff is here as the elusive "Redeye" who is a reptilian alien with a giant ruby red eye, Julie "Catwoman" Newmar is here as Ms. Kitty (hahahawesome), Carel (Lurch) Struycken is here, Musetta Vander is here as the really f'n hot Lash (laced with leather chaps and a whip), Meg Foster is here as a "robocop", and my favorite George "Mr. Sulu" Takei as the drunken doctor. All these guys just made this movie so enjoyable.

There are so many good parts in this film. The whole scene of the funeral while there's a bingo game going on upstairs is f'n hilarious. I about died laughing. Also George Takei was just amazing. He was always drunk and spouting out all kinds of wonderful star trek references - (drinking Jim Beam) "well Jim...Beam me up!" or (in shock) "Great Scotty!" or (working on the cyborg) "Dammit! I'm a doctor not a magician!" I love it.

I say check it out, it's good for a laugh and its my understanding that it was shot back to back with it's sequel "Backlash: Oblivion 2" which I will be watching soon. I can't wait for more craziness and hopefully some new trek references :)

UPDATE: And for all of you looking for the DVD, it's finally getting a release!  Check out Full Moon Direct for more information.