Coming Soon: Hunters

This is all I got. I don't know anything else beyond this trailer. So in case you haven't met your quota of throat slitting today...here you go!

I don't know why I'm posting this or what the fuck this movie is about. But if this movie can keep a pace and has more kills like this...I'm game.

From the director/writer Judson Scott via the official website:

Hunters is a slasher film that was born out of my love for the horror genre. I love horror films so much that it’s nearly impossible to express in words. There are a lot of people out there that share this same feeling, and Hunters is for those people. This is a film inspired by new horror just as much as the old classics from the golden age of 80’s slasher flicks – think Inside meets Hatchet, built on a foundation of Sleepaway Camp and The Burning. If you’re familiar with these films, I hope that’s enough to get you excited. For everyone else, just know that there will be an enormous body count with lots and lots of blood. There will be no reaction shots followed by a cut to a wall with blood spraying on it. None of that. You’re going to see everything. We’re going into this not expecting to get an “R” rating.

The absolute number one priority with Hunters is to give the fans something to be excited about. Horror is not dead. There are still great horror films being made, and we are dedicated through and through to make sure Hunters will be another film to help progress the genre.

I hope you enjoyed the trailer. Know that this trailer is literally the tip of the iceberg. A lot of insanely talented people came together to make it happen. Please take a moment to check out their credits below. And if you’re planning on making your own horror movie, stay away from my crew. They’re mine!

Hello, hello. This could be interesting. Check out the official website for more information and concept art.. There's links to facebook and Twitter though. If you like what you see you can certainly keep up to date on this baby. I know I will be.

HUNTERS from HUNTERS on Vimeo.

Rubber (that movie about a killer tire) coming to DVD/Bluray

Thanks to a friend of mine (FUCKING THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH CG) I had the opportunity to view this movie. And it was awesome. It's bizarre (obviously) but it does something that very few movies do. I'll be reviewing this movie in full soon but for now I'll just have you know that this movie KNOWS that it's a bad movie. And I loved it.

Plus the tire has telekinetic powers that enable it to blow up things/animals/people's heads. Fuck yeah.

Rubber hits DVD/Bluray on JUNE 7, 2011. Save that date. Buy it. Love it. (In the meantime, it should still be On Demand for your viewing pleasure)

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Hatchet II (2010)

Adam Green, you magnificent bastard. You’ve done it again. Who’s Adam Green you may ask? Get the fuck out of here. You aren’t allowed to read my blog until you watch some Adam Green. (just click that link, that’s good enough)

Hatchet II. The only place you get to see gratuitous nudity, violence, a gas power belt sander, a six foot chainsaw that gives an all new meaning to “two birds with one stone”, and crotch Hatchet. (It’s just as amazing as it sounds.)

Adam Green is a writer/director that I really believe needs better exposure. Some people are vaguely aware of him but its just shocking how unfamiliar some people are with him. I think he’s awesome. And with films like Spiral under his belt, he proves that he isn’t just a master of splatter and slashing but of suspense and psycho-horror as well.

Hatchet II would be the former of course. The original Hatchet (and this sequel) is a homage to 80’s slasher movies. It uses the same formula while being as absolutely ridiculous and over the top with its kills as possible. Hatchet’s main bad guy is Victor Crowley. A horribly disformed backwoods baby that was murdered but (somehow) came back to kill anyone that sets foot in his swamp. And of course, nobody heeds the warnings of the townspeople and they go in on a midnight swamp tour.

Fuck yeah, this is awesome.

But the sequel takes it a little further. It ends at the same moment the first one left off. And it also does something that a lot of 80’s slasher sequels did as well (and I have no idea if this was intentional or not but), they kept the main character but replaced the actress. (You see this a lot with A Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th) And a better actress in my opinion, Danielle Harris. She’s awesome. And she’s got the slasher experience behind her so she does a wonderful job in this movie.

And she's got a shower scene. (No nudity though.)

But anyway, the woman escapes Victor and returns to town. She revists the man (Tony Todd bitches) that sent them on the boat tour (kinda) and he agrees to help her kill him (and also to bring back her dead family’s bodies). So they gather up a bunch of expendables and venture off into the swamp again…where everyone proceeds to die horribly and awesomely.

Thank you Mr. Green. You fucking get it. It's like your in my brain and making movies that I want to see so badly. Thank you.

The story was a bit slow at first. It starts out pretty fast…then slows to a crawl for 30 minutes. It really isn’t until the last 40 minutes that anything awesome starts happening. But unlike a lot of movies…the payoff is so worth the wait.

Six foot chainsaw anyone?

The Millenium Bug: Giant Bug Hillbilly Horror.

I don't care if this movie is over a decade too late to cash in on the Y2K Insanity. This is AWESOME!

Synopsis:

When the Haskin family seeks refuge from Y2K hysteria in the isolated forests of the Sierra Diablos mountains, madness and terror find them there. Abducted by a vicious hillbilly clan, the Haskins fight for survival, but neither they nor the hillbilly Crawfords can comprehend the monstrous nightmare about to erupt from the bowels of the earth.

That's...that's just awesome. Simple plot. I can pretty much imagine how this will go. Starts off with them in the car going to the mountains, they get to the cabin, everything is cool, then the hillbillies show up, everyone is terrorized, and around the 45 minute mark we will get some sweet sweet giant bug action.

And I'm ok with that. We need more giant bug movies. And this one looks like it has a bit of originality to it. I like it. I'm looking forward to it. I really appreciate the practical effects used here. Even with the giant bug crushing the house like godzilla. Thank you.

No idea on a release date. I couldn't even find a website. Or a production company website. So...I guess we're left salivating until we hear more.

I think I just found movie of the year...if it were 1967.

HOLY SHIT.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

That fuckin T-Rex was awesome. And Robo-Kong...fuck yeah!

I just found this on Amazon packaged with King Kong vs Godzilla. HOLY SHIT. I used to own KKvsG on VHS way back in the day...and lemme tell you it is awesome. But the ending is disappointing. BUT THIS! King Kong Escapes ON DVD WITH KKvsG. HOLY SHIT.

I must own this.

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Bad Channels (1992)

BAD CHANNELS! YOU ARE MY SALVATION! YOU ENCOMPASS EVERYTHING THAT IS FULL MOON AND CHARLES BAND! WITHOUT YOU MY LIFE HAS BEEN A MEANINGLESS VOID SPINNING IN A CIRCLE OF MANIACAL MELANCHOLY! HOW MY LIFE EVER COULD HAVE EXISTED WITHOUT HEARING AND SEEING THIS BEAUTIFULLY BLISSFUL SCENE PUT TO FILM IS BEYOND WORDS I AM CAPABLE OF DISCRIBING:

Scenes like this happen THREE OTHER TIMES in this movie.

Bad Channels is a really fun movie. If you want to let loose and get back to Full Moon basics...Bad Channels is where it's at. The plot could be no simpler than: An alien and his sidekick robot invade an AM Rock-n-Roll Radio station to kidnap Earth women using the power of ROCK!

Fuck yeah.

You just can't go wrong! Everything about this movie is amazing. The opening credits even blew me away. It was actually nothing more special than seeing normal titles...but it was when it said the musical score was done by BLUE OYSTER CULT that I really perked up. I knew I was in for some awesome shit.

The music in this movie is amazing. I love rock n roll... I love metal...and I love full moon. And that little ditty up there captures all of that and so much more. As does the rest of the movie. The story is out of nowhere...and that's how I like it.

So the effects are a little dumb...the rock is a little quirky...but I'll be damned if this isn't an 80s movie right out of 1992. It's all the fun you could ever want. I mean...this rock DJ chains himself to a wall listening to nonstop polka until someone calls in with the right combination to set him free. Then when it happens...it rock-n-alien time. Some people die. It's awesome.

Oh man, this review is as convoluted as Bad Channels is. I really don't know what else to say other than its really awesome. If you just want to lay back and give your brain a rest...watch this movie. You..and your brain...will enjoy it.

I tear the asterisk a new a*shole.

To further prove my point of how f*cking stupid the asterisks looks, this article has been censored.

This has been building for awhile. And its coming out now because I just read an article…on a HORROR WEBSITE where they censored the word A*S. Holy F*CK! Really? A*S is censorworthy? F*ck you.

All the time I’m on facebook and I see people put the f*cking asterisks in the middle of curse words. “F*ck me! I locked my dumb c*nt a*s out of my f*cking car again!” Oh really…asterisks. I have no f*cking clue what that sentence is. No way could F*CK possibly be anything other than F*CK.

Does the letter “U” offend anyone? Anyone out there, are you U-ist? Have you built up death cults in order to commit mass genocide against the letter U? “Oh F*ck. I’m so glad that “U” isn’t in there. Sh*t, it makes it so much more socially acceptable. It’s censored, so it’s ok. F*ck, we better add the letter “I” into your cult too…sh*t.”

Are people afraid that someone they know is going to catch them cursing on the internet? THE F*CKING INTERNET!? The internet is 3 things. Porn, Cats, and Curse words. Nothing else. Stop littering my internet with your asterisks. Your parents aren’t f*cking so stupid that putting an asterisk in there will fool them. They did have to f*ck to make you. Probably on dr*gs.

I can understand wanted to clean up your language. People have a reputation to uphold. I get it. They have standards (and kids) and really just want to present themselves in the best possible way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But using and asterisks in the words, F*ck, Sh*t, A*s, P*ss, B*tch, C*nt, G*y, R*pe, and Sl*t is not the way to go about it. Just say things like…oh darn or shoot! Twiddley dee…I’ve punctured my jugular. That will require medical attention. See, perfectly fine. No need to use the asterisks.

And further more. It requires 50% more EFFORT to type the asterisks. You have to f*cking reach over there and hit that shift key and then f*cking reach up there and hit the number 8 so that asterisks shows up and then you have to remember where the f*ck you are in the word to finish typing it. Really? You’ve wasted nearly 4 times as long just trying to censor your curse word rather than just saying something cleaner. I guess you could just reach over to the number keys and hit the “multiply” key, that’s only typing one f*cking key but then you’re moving your right hand off the home row and spending more time j*rking off your keyboard rather than just f*cking typing the curse.

So in short: Quit it. It’s stupid. You’re not fooling anyone. Everybody cruising the internet knows how to read. Even the porn sites have “words”. People got to know what they’re getting into before they click on it. (Very bad sh*t happens when you don’t) It doesn’t look good, you look like a stupid f*ck, and you’re not fooling anyone. We know what it is. You know what it is. Why use the asterisk? WHY? Society? Does it make you feel better? Well is shouldn’t.

Dumb*ss.

Infestation is awesome.

This movie is a couple years old but I just got around to watching it. I don't really ever see anyone talk about it so I wanted to just slip in and say a couple things. I don't really feel like doing a full on review because its kind of hard with a movie like this. Everything about it is so simple and mindless that...that's all it is. But it's so good at it that you love it.

Basically this guy starts out his day at the office and within 5 minutes he is inexplicably knocked out. And when he awakes the world has been taken over by giant bugs. Where they come from and why they're there is a complete mystery and is never revealed. But it doesn't fucking matter. It's a movie about giant awesome bugs. Lots of fun. Lots of ooey gooey goodness. And jokes.

The trailer does this movie quite a bit of justice. The pacing isn't quite as fast as it makes it out to be but there is never a dull moment. Rent it from Netflix or just buy it. It's awesome. And I'm a fan of Chris Marquette. I've loved everything I've seen him in. I love his comedy and he definitely brings his A game to the screen once again. Don't try to figure it out, just enjoy it.