The Bad Movie Battle Royale returns in 2012 with matchups so explosive that they will ignite the fuse of our imminent destruction! Last year I reviewed 12 movies. I then created characters in the Nintendo 64 video game: WWF: No Mercy. Why that game on that ancient system? Because I haven't really caught up with the times and I like that game. So I create characters that look ridiculous and give them attributes that somewhat mirror their movie. (So let's say ORCA: THE KILLER WHALE. He used his tail and mouth a lot in the movie, so I gave a lot of his offense to his head and legs.) After I had reviewed all 12 movies, created all the characters, I put them in a King of the Ring bracket style match up and let them go wild. It came down to Panman vs TerrorVision and TerrorVision brought home the gold.
Relive the chaos from last year in Round 1, Round 2, Round 3, and Round 4.
This year, I'm doing basically the same thing...but better. Looking back on last year, there is definitely room for improvement. First: There will be 16 contestants in the Royale. No First Round Bye's this time. It's a free-for-all and there will be no handicaps given. Second: There will be 2 Royale's. What I mean is, it isn't just enough that these bad movies get one shot at the title of supreme champion. They need 2. So...we will be doing the King of the Ring brackets AND there will be a Royal Rumble as well. The winner of the KotR and the RR will face off in a championship match to decide which is the greatest piece of shit of 2012! Third, it's going to be all computer all the way. I will control no characters this time. Last year's computer match ups were much more interesting then the one's I played in and I don't want there to be any disputes over who is the greatest of them all. And finally, this year I'm going to be filming this thing. Last year, I typed out all the matches and spiced it up with some of my own commentary. This year, you'll get to SEE the action take place. It's just going to be me recording the computer screen with my camcorder BUT that's ok because I'll be right there behind it shouting and cheering and drinking heavily. So it'll make for excellent entertainment.
That being said, keep it here tomorrow to see your first 4 contestants. I'm changing it up this year. I've decided to keep the contestants a secret and instead first reviewing the film THEN creating the characters.
WHO DO YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE ROYALE?
I'm going to give you the chance to put a favorite in the Royale. Is there a personal favorite you'd like to see go toe to toe with histories finest junk films? Perhaps you'd like to see the fighting power of Troll 2 or the grappling styles of Manos: The Hands of Fate? Sound off in the comments and we'll put them up for a vote!
(Feel free to choose any movie I have already reviewed, the only exceptions are all of the contestants from last year.)