Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Room Report with Tromeric

Reality Friends! Give a handy round of applause to my brother of bad, TROMERIC! He's the man behind the maniacally freaktastic blog Guts and Grog Reviews and he was kind enough to drop a line about his experience watching The Room, a movie so fucktastically terrible that you can't possibly believe that it both exists and is cherished by people around the world.

Here's what I mean:

That being said, here is Tromeric's in-theatre experience with The Room and also his account of meeting the genius behind it, Tommy Wiseau. Enjoy!

Bad movies. Why do we enjoy them? There are plenty of bad movies that are just bad and you get angry just hearing about them but then some reach this level of awesome that you could never plan for. I have watched many movies in my life some that blew my mind, and some that made me want to blow my mind right out my brain. I am suborn and will pretty much make myself sit through anything I start. I have sat through some Troma movies that were a sheer test of endurance, I have sat through slasher movies without one kill that put me on the brink of killing. I have sat through Glitter, that wasn't easy. I watch more made for SyFy killer animal movies than the the execs at SyFy. In all honesty, the only movie I ever remember turning off was Forrest Gump. That is for a different article though. What I am saying is a lot of movies are just awful, whether it be because of the acting, the editing, the script or just because the producers don't know what the fuck they are doing. Then there are the films that try and be bad, they call it an homage or a satire but it is just bullshit. If you try and make a bad movie it will suck and it wont be fun and no one will want to watch it. You can't plan these movies. They are made with the same passion and care as the newest Terrence Malick film but for whatever reason whether it be budget restraints or lack of knowledge they just don't work on a technical level. They do however work on a this movie is fucking bad ass level and no matter how bad they are you see the passion and its beautiful, not to mention it is a lot of fun to have some drinks and mock the shit out of them. You mock them out of love. Its like the love Bobby Brown felt for Whitney. Throughout the years I have sifted through tons of shit to find the few shiny turds. I have what I like to call the five turds in the golden toilet. This consists of the grandfather of garbage Mr. Ed Wood's masterpiece of shit Plan 9 from Outer Space, everyone's favorite goblins in the title only sequel Troll 2, the Turkey Monster that craves junkie blood in Blood Freak, the most recent entry full of animated gifs Birdemic: Shock and Terror, and of course the film I am writing about (eventually) Mr. Tommy Wiseau's The Room. So lets get to it. My night with Tommy. No Homo (OK maybe just a little).

I woke up this morning instantly excited, and no I am not just talking about morning wood I am talking about knowing my brain was gonna be raped by Tommy Wiseau. What to do with the afternoon as I knew I was gonna be watching the clock all day. I did what any self respecting horror nerd would do to keep myself occupied...I sat on my porch for five hours and smoked a pack of Cigarettes, drank a pot of coffee and read the new issues of Rue Morgue, Fangoria, HorrorHound, and Famous Monsters of Film Land. I knew that I couldn't focus enough to watch a movie so I figured fuck it. Turned out to be quite the peaceful afternoon anyways. I then went downstairs and grabbed Peter, my friend not my dick, and we ran to the bar down the street to have a quick beer and some food before we began our journey of insanity.

Insanity: Personified

We arrived at Cinema 21 at roughly 6:30 and there was a decent size line which we got into and watched as many pedestrians tripped over a random leaf blower left under a sign. All of a sudden I look to my left and see Tommy walking down the street giving high fives as if he was entering a wrestling match. This guy has charisma. You could just sense it. He may lean to the left on the sanity scale but God dammit does he have a presence. He walked all the way to the end of the line which was down the block and around the corner by this time. When he got back to where we were and some kids that haven't seen a vagina since their mom gave birth had some footballs. Tommy started playing catch. I mean this is Tommy Wiseau standing on 21st throwing a football and it was one of the highlights of my life. I am that awesome. He then preceded to go out into the intersection and give it a little more power, at this time a cop drives by and almost hits him. They exchange words and I assume the police did not know the level of brilliance they were dealing with. It was now time to go in and start the show.

You're next on the High Five list Motherfucker.

Copsucker almost hit me.

We got inside, bought some merch and found our seats. After a few minutes the crowd began cheering and Tommy came down and did a quick Q and A. This is one of the most entertaining Q and A's I have been to. Half the shit he said made no sense at all but it was always entertaining. He constantly would just stop and say "Move on, next question." Someone asked where he was from, his response "I grew up in the world called earth." He was then asked if he ever developed feelings for the girl that played Lisa, his response, "to many beautiful girls here, why would I think of Lisa. "During the Q and A, I also found out that The Room is coming to Blu Ray (Necessary) and he is releasing it in 3D next year. He also states that in one of the scenes there is a ghost that showed up in a mirror. He stated that "The Room is not about Murder, its about expressing yourself." His best response came when asked the difference between men and women. His response, aside from the penis as he stated is "When boys go to the bathroom it sounds different than girls." Now that is deep. Next up he had a bunch of people that dressed up come up on stage and had them act out a scene while he directed it. I assume that this was an accurate look into how he directs so I felt privileged to say the least. It was now time. Curtains drawn.

Say the line, SAY IT! Fuck it, I'll show you...

I have seen The Room a few times, always at mine or a friends house and 4 out of 5 times with the rifftrax. It is always fun but I was more than excited to get the chance to see it with hundreds of people and be involved in all the audience participation. It is like watching Rocky Horror but with no musical numbers and acting that made Meat Loaf look like a Shakespearean trained actor. It was a blast. Hundreds of plastic spoons being thrown throughout the theater, constant yelling at the screen, cancer jokes and clapping to the love making scenes that seemed to be directed by the same guy that does all the sketch comedy love scenes.

It ended so we made our way out and got our pictures taken and our shit signed which was more work then one would think. He misspelled my name by putting Erc, he then went back just added another C and dotted the first one. I had him sign some things for some other gurus of bad and he fucked that all up as well. I am not complaining it was a very fitting ending to the evening that almost made my brain explode.

 Trmerrc meets Tomy Woseaow

If you are a lover of bad cinema you must seek this movie out, and if possible see it with a crowd and Tommy as it is a night I will never forget.


1 comment:

  1. Hahahahahaha Of COURSE he fucked everything up, that's what he does best! Man I'm so jealous I wish I could have gone to this.