TRANCERS WEEK! Day 5: 2002

So here we are. We've made it all the way down the line: Trancers 6. So The Final Chapter wasn’t enough was it? I know that, you know that, we ALL know that. You just can’t STOP that much fun without fans BEGGING for more. So here we have Trancers 6…8 years after Trancers 5. That’d probably be ok (Hell Rambo returned after a longer hiatus and kicked more ass then ever before) if it weren’t for two things: In 2002 when Trancers 6 was made, it was a dark time for Full Moon. The budgets were pocket change and the quality was just not what it once was. I can only assume that Trancers 6 was a last ditch effort to pump a little life into the company. (Which in all honesty, I think it did)

The other, more important reason Trancers 6 is a bad idea: THERE’S NO TIM THOMERSON!

God save us.

God that’s just painful isn’t it? That trailer just makes you want to throw yourself out of a window doesn’t it? (More on that in a minute) This movie is a like a half decent fan film. Like some guy just LOVES fucking Jack Deth and decided that hey! Jack just inhabits his descendents right? So Tim doesn’t really have to be there. Let’s just splice in some cuts of Tim from the first 5 movies to get our plot moving (which this movie did) and then we’re off!

FUCK!

Let’s just get this out of the way: This movie is rancid. Everything about it is awful. The actors felt like they were pulled out of a homeless shelter and given a bottle of Karkov to act. (Most of them having this movie as their only credit) My camcorder at home can pump out better quality than whatever the fuck they used to shoot this thing. The lighting is terrible, the effects are hardly there. I’ll give the people who did the make up effects some credit: I’ve seen a lot worse. But when compared to what we’ve already seen: it’s just bad. And the SOUND, oh lord the sound. Un-fucking-forgivable. And the worst part is that its so fucking terrible that you can’t pay attention to the story because you’re too busy shaking your head and throwing up!

*tear

So what we have here is that some guy is checking on the past and sees that someone is trying to kill Jack’s daughter. So he has to send Jack back to 2002 (I think, I wasn’t really paying attention to that) to save her. He’s transported into the body of his daughter and has to deal with the fact that he’s a girl. (They try many failed attempts at humor with this angle) Eventually the Trancers catch up with Jack and Jack (actually it’s Jo. Jo Deth) traces the REAL origins of the Trancers to a meteor that crashed onto Earth. Some EVIL bitch hooked up a laser gun to it and when you shoot people in the eyes with it, it turns them into Trancers. So it’s up to Jo Deth to whoop some ass and save the world once again.

You know what’s really funny? This story actually fits in BETTER in terms of continuity then Trancers 2-5. Like Jack going back in time into his daughter’s body…it’s his daughter that we see with Jack’s personality. The way it’s supposed to be. He makes mention that the things he’s doing now risk his life in the future. The way it’s supposed to be. So…in a weird way this is a well written movie?

But well written isn’t what Trancers is about. We’re all about FUCK IT! FUCK THIS MOVIE! FUCK EVERYTHING! I want recklessness. I want ridiculousness. I want things that make you want to laugh because its so inconceivable. I want JACK DETH! (The Tim Thomerson one)

The Jack Deth Way.

But there is one redeemable scene in this movie. It ALMOST makes the entire effort worth watching. It happens somewhere around 20 minutes into the movie when Jo Deth has her first encounter with a Trancer. The following epicness ensues:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Almost worth it.

(Check back tomorrow for a little redemption movie that in some small way fits in with what you’ve seen this week. It’s something I discovered a few months back and I never see anything about it anywhere. And I refuse to let Trancers week end this way. Tomorrow’s movie isn’t Trancers exactly, but it’s close enough so…fuck it.)