Tuesday, January 17, 2012

DOOM'D Review: 2012: Supernova (2009)

2012: Supernova is what happens when you have a bad idea and then follow through with it. Such is the case with my decision to watch this movie.

I watched this movie for a couple of reasons. First, I wanted to get a good start on some destruction movies for 2012. Second, the cover art was kinda cool. Third, this movie stars Brian Krause: Star of Loch Ness Terror and Camel Spiders. (Also the TV show Charmed HAHAHAHA) So, I was like, what the hell. There could be some merit in this thing.

Press Play.

“The Asylum Presents…”

Ah, Dammit! Not again.

The Asylum has always been hit or miss with me. Mostly miss. But 2011 and 2012 have been racking up some fun titles so I’m still going to keep my eye on their product. But never again with 2012: Supernova.

2012: Supernova tells the story of a small group of international scientists working together to stop a global threat. Several million years ago some star went supernova. Now, the radiation from the supernova explosion is on a collision course with Earth. The only way to stop it is to blow up a fuckton of nuclear devices around Earth’s Mesosphere (?), the layer of atmosphere that protects the Earth from radiation. These nuclear explosions will aid the atmosphere in deflecting the radiation and saving everyone from a grisly amazing death.

Well, that premise is pretty original I guess. I’ve certainly never watched a movie with that stupid premise before.

The thing is, they don’t have enough nuclear bombs to do this thing properly. Here’s where I get a little confused. I could have sworn they’ve been working on this problem for a long time. Why are they just all of a sudden putting bombs up there last minute? Whatever, doesn’t matter I guess. Stop thinking Gable, just fucking stop thinking.

This movie is ass. The cinematography is terrible. The lighting guy must’ve been on vacation because everything is way too dark. (or he was given a $20 gift card to Home Depot and told to "make it happen") The director must’ve failed geometry because he can’t figure out more than one angle to shoot a scene. Oh man, it’s just rancid. I have seen worse and I have reviewed worse, but I expect a liiiiiiiitle more from my Asylum movie.

This movie makes me want to start a petition to let ME direct an Asylum movie.

There are some good things about this thing. Brian Krause…is actually pretty terrible. But he does add some to this movie. I think he needs a competent director to tell him how to do things or he can’t portray a character very well. He was amazing in Loch Ness Terror, he had that shit down pat. Not so much here. But I can’t fault him for that, that’s the fucking director man. Anyway, back to the good things about this movie. You know the phrase good things come in small packages? This movie’s good things come in mini-scenes. The “story” will happen for a few minutes and then a 5 second clip of the radiation wave destroying a planet will show up on the screen. The CGI, the sound, the look, the feel, the all around manly destruction of it all is very intense. And then they cut back to the cardboard warroom and we, the audience, grab another tissue to cry in.

Brian Krause: Acting...or shitting his pants. I can't tell.

This movie could’ve been better. And if it had been worse, it would have been GREAT! But there just wasn’t anything redeemable about it. There was nothing fun about it. There wasn’t anything bad enough to be good. The characters were bland and uninteresting. Everything felt like it was shot in my basement. With my camera. And there just wasn’t enough AWESOME destruction going on to keep it going.

But if you need a movie to watch while you’re cleaning the house or doing laundry, this movie is PERFECT!


  1. If I directed this, I would've revealed that Brian Krause was an alien creature capable of ingesting radiation and having the ability to fly and it would've ended with Krause flying in front of the radioactive shockwave absorbing it through his nipples and then releasing it betwix the legs of some attractive woman which gives birth to Godzilla.

  2. Does this movie have Luke Perry in it? If it does, then I think I've seen it.

    Also, have you seen the Asylum's 3 Musketeers?

  3. No, Luke Perry's Supernova is an entirely different movie (one that will most suredly appear here on the blog at somepoint) But looking at the cover I can see how you would be mistaken, the colors are the same, the title is pretty much the same, but it's somehow different.


    I have watched the first half of 3 musketeers but i was at a friend's place and he couldn't take any more so he shut it off. I plan to finish it sometime, I thought it was pretty funny.

  4. It certainly looks better than Paul W S Anderson's Three Musketeers (which looks like The Asylum's Sherlock Holmes...only crap!).

    Also, have you ever seen a Brian Bosworth film, Spill? It's hilarious! Full of stuff from hilarious death poses, villain exploding via baazookas, and immortal drunks who live way past their life expectancy!

  5. Have NOT seen Spill but you just say 2 of my favorite words: Bosworth and bazookas. This must happen. Thank you!