Welcome one and all to the BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE! Today we will see 4 fighters battling it out in 2 Round 3 matches. First up, Orca: The Killer Whale vs TerrorVision. After what these two powerhouses did in their last matches, this will be a rumble not to be missed. And finally, Panman goes up against Rumpelstiltskin. This is a match up only dreamed up by the bad movie gods. Both of them have equal parts action/comedy/and romance. These two definitely have a lot in common but not today. Today, only one of them gets to move onto the 4th and final round. Let's begin.
MATCH 1: Orca: The Killer Whale vs TerrorVision
FIGHT!
Orca comes out strong, gets TV in the grapple, side suplex. TV is up on his feet...BIG SLAM! HOLY SHIT HE JUST LIFTED ORCA OFF THE GROUND! He's reaching down and around Orca....BIG GERMAN SUPLEX OFF THE MATT!!! OH MY GOD, HOW IS HE DOING THIS? WITH ALL THAT WEIGHT THIS JUST ISN'T POSSIBLE! (He is out of this world you know)
TV is taking this outside the ring. ANOTHER BIG SLAM! ANOTHER GIANT GERMAN SUPLEX! HOLY FUCK! ORCA'S HEAD IS SPINNING! HIS EYES HAVE GLAZED OVER! SOMEBODY CALL A DOCTOR TO FIX THIS GUY'S EGO...TERRORVISION IS DOMINATING!!!
TV takes it back to the ring. He has Orca in a fireman's carry....SIDEWAYS DDT!! SPECIAL! TV HAS HIS SPECIAL!!! He's managed to get Orca up to his fins...grapple...HE HITS THE TRASH COMPACTOR!!
TerrorVision wastes NO TIME.
TV rolls him up for the pin and 1...2....3!!! HOLY SHIT HE GOT IT! ORCA...HE HAD NO CHANCE!! HE JUST GOT DESTROYED!! ORCA! ORCA! MY MONEY?? I LOST SO MUCH MONEY ON YOU!!!!
TerrorVision advances to Round 4! THE FINAL ROUND!
MATCH 2: Panman vs Rumpelstiltskin
FIGHT!
And now, I would like to announce your guest commentator for this evenings main event: MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE!
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooYYYYYEAAAHHHHH!!! Let's see what these Macho Man WANNA BEEEEEEEES can do.
Panman charges out of the gate. GET HIM! He grabs a hold of Rump and hits him with a quick suplex. They teach you to do these things in wrestling school as it quickly takes them down and out of the picture but THAT AIN'T HOW THE MACHO MAN PLAYS THE GAME. MACHO MAN WOULD'VE ELBOW DROPPED THAT MOTHER FUCKER.
oooooooooooooo YEAH!
Rump counters with a BIG KICK. Panman spins and counters with a knockdown. Rump is on his feet.
This is fucking boring. I need to get in there and whoop some ass.
(Mr. Gable) WOAH WOAH WOAH Not to worry folks. I called in the authorities to take out the Macho Man before he could interfere with this match up. Must have been all that coke he had earlier. Back to the match:
Panman lays out Rump with a shoulder breaker. Rump is rolling around screaming A LOT of profanities. Did he just say FUCKETH ME? HAHAHAHA HE DID!! Panman drags him to his feet, fireman's carry....SLAM on the matt. Rump is not looking too good.
Panman pulls him up and throws him into the corner. He charges....RUMP DODGES! PANMAN IS IN THE CORNER, HE TURNS AROUND!! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA RUMPELSTILTSKIN JUST GAVE HIM THE BIGGEST BITCH SLAP I'VE EVER SEEEEEEEEN!!!
Panman staggers forward, Rump gets a hold of him...KNEE BREAKER! OH SHIT I HEARD SOMETHING BREAK! Panman is up...he's limping. This isn't good. Panman gives Rump a couple of chest chops. Rump retaliates with his own brand of chest chops. Back and forth. OOOHHH That's gotta fuckin hurt. Panman punches Rump in the face, whips him into the ropes....SIDEWALK SLAM! He picks up Rump and....POWERBOMB!
OH NOOO!! Panman is down! Rump is down! Panman's leg gave out under him. Oh fuck! Rumpelstiltskin is up...he's got Panman.......PANMAN HAS HIS SPECIAL!!! OUT OF NOWHERE PANSLAM!!!! PANSLAM!!!!!
Panman rolls over on top of him....1.....2.....3!!!!!! PANMAN WINS IT! PANMAN WINS IT!!!!
Panman advances to Round 4! THE FINAL ROUND!
Well that certainly was exciting. TerrorVision had some kind of bloodlust towards Orca. He competely lost his shit. Orca barely was able to do anything. Poor bastard. And Rumpelstiltskin...he did everything he could do bring down the mighty Panman but in the end Panman found it within himself to bring him down. But I'm worried about that knee, will it be healed enough tomorrow to make it through TerrorVision?
Check back here TOMORROW for the FINAL ROUND in the BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE!!!
oooooooooooooooooooooooo YEAH!
Daaaang! Orca went down like Future Kill. I was expecting a big back and forth between TV and Orca not whale sushi! Mmm... so tasty : P
ReplyDeleteLove the Macho Man. I always shock and amaze my wife when I happen to slip into a "Macho Man Moment", paraphrasing his Rasslor speech at the end of that Dexter's Lab episode.
I'm pretty ripped up about Orca getting totally pwned. Lost a LOT of money on that one. But at least it was to a worthy opponent like TerrorVision, and not frickin Birdemic or some shit!
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