Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Bad Movie Battle Royale: Round 2

Welcome one and all to the BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE! Today we will see 8 fighters battling it out in 4 Round 2 matches. First up, Orca: The Killer Whale will be taking on Quest for the Mighty Sword. Orca is clearly the better movie...but after seeing what Quest has up her sleeve in Round 1 this will make for a great match up. Next, it's TerrorVision vs Birdemic. This time Birdemic is the fan favorite. Does TV have what it takes to take down easily one of the best/worst movies ever made? After that, Panman returns to take on Alligator. Alligator and Panman are great movies and well paced so I can only assume that this battle will be no less. And last we see Alienator vs Rumpelstiltskin. Rumpelstiltskin takes it when it comes to watchability but can he avoid the Cyborg Stunner? We will see in ROUND 2 OF THE BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE!

**I would also like to note that from this point on, the only character I have control over is Alienator. I thought the game allowed the option for me to play as any character during any round. This is not the case. So for the most part what happens from this point on is all up to the computer.

MATCH 1: Orca: The Killer Whale vs Quest for the Mighty Sword

Quest meets Orca in the middle of the ring and they grapple. (THIS IS SO FUCKING EXCITING) Quest tries for a side suplex...but Orca is just too damn heavy. She limps away holding her back. Orca rushes towards her...BULLDOG! He just bulldogged her!! Something I've heard she's quite used to.
Quest gets up and...BIG PUNCH TO ORCA'S FACE! ORCA IS BLEEDING! There's a river of blood flowing from his face. This is insane. Actually...it looks like Orca has gone insane. He comes back at her with a quick punch...but Quest counters and punches him....but ORCA COUNTERS AGAIN AND....hits the big punch to the side of her face. Orca picks her off the matt, in the grapple...side suplex. Quest gets up...struts up to Orca....OOOOHHH!!!!! SHE JUST BITCH SLAPPED HIM!! HAHAHAHA

Orca does not seem happy about that. She rushes her and....CLOTHESLINE. He just knocked her head off!! That's gonna hurt in the morning. Quest is up, she's staggering....SPEAR! ORCA JUST SPEARED HER! If she were an ocean front town she would be ON FIRE right now. Orca has his special, Quest is staggering...HE HITS IT! He lands THE KILLER WHALE!

I think she's enjoying that a little too much.

Orca goes for the pin....1....kick out. WHAT? HOW DID SHE DO THAT!!! Orca is OUTRAGED! He throws her outside. His face is all business right now. He grabs her head, throws it between his legs....POWERBOMB! Powerbomb on the outside! He picks her up...NECKBREAKER! OH MY GOD! How can her head take any more punishment??? He jumps on her for the pin...1....2....3!!!!

Orca advances to Round 3!

MATCH 2: TerrorVision vs Birdemic
These are both fan favorites but I'm thinking most people are rooting for Birdemic. He looked very good in try outs and here he comes. He throws a punch, TV retaliates with another punch. Punch Punch Punch. TV grabs Birdemic...Side suplex. TV picks him up...it looks like he's going to try it again...REVERSAL! Birdemic reverses with his own suplex. TV is down on the matt. He goes down for the pin....1 count.

TV gets up...gets ahold of Birdemic...side suplex. It would appear that this is TV's trademark move. He picks up Birdemic for what can only be ANOTHER side suplex but...BIRDEMIC REVERSES INTO AN ANKLE LOCK! Oh my god, he's going to snap his fucking ankle! TV is writhing in pain! It's horrible. He releases it and waits. TV gets to his feet...FLYING KNEE! Birdemic practically flew across the ring with his knee extended outward! OWN'D!

TV IS DOWN, Birdemic is on top of him delivering big punches. Birdemic gets TV up to his feet, throws him into the ropes....SPINNING DDT! Birdemic is just dominating this match up. He gets TV up to his feet, goes for a big headbutt and...TV REVERSES! BIG PUNCH TO THE FACE! BIRDEMIC IS BLEEDING! BIRDEMIC IS BLEEDING!

TV comes back BIG. While Birdemic is staggering around clueless to what just happened, TV rushes behind him and BULLDOGS HIM right into the matt. TV picks him up, throws him into the ropes...SIDEWALK SLAM. He picks him up one more time...PILEDRIVER! Dear god no, what is TV doing? He's up on the top ropes...OH MY GOD! HE'S GOT BIRDEMIC. TV JUST FLEW FROM THE TOP ROPES FOR A... SOMERSAULT STUNNER!! 


1...2.....3!!!! It's all over! TV WINS THE UPSET! BIRDEMIC LOSES! BIRDEMIC LOSES!!!!!!!!
TerrorVision advances to Round 3!

MATCH 3: Alligator vs Panman

Panman ain't takin any shit from Gator. He comes out swinging. Alligator stops him in his tracks...BIG PUNCH! OH SHIT! Panman is BLEEDING! PANMAN IS BLEEDING! Gator gets the grapple and Panman reverses...and kicks Gator right in the face. Alligator is up, he's in the ropes...he's back...Panman doesn't seem to be paying attention...OH!! RUNNING CLOTHESLINE!!! PANMAN IS DOWN! PANMAN IS DOWN!

Seizing this opportunity, Alligator busts out his ghettoblaster and places it in the corner. The following is played throughout the rest of the match:

WHY? Because Alligator is fucking badass, that's why!

OH SHIT! PANMAN JUST HIT HIM WITH A CHAIR! HAHAHAHA Stupid Gator. Shouldn't have been playing awesome music. Now he's got him up and....CHOKESLAM!! Panman just chokeslammed ALLIGATOR! Do you realize how fucking HEAVY HE IS??? He's driving him into the ground. He's stomping a mudhole in his ass! How can Gator be taking it!?

Alligator wipes his foot away. He's up! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!? (you see...the alligator has a very tough outer skin capable of withstanding large amounts of ass whoopin. to truly defeat the alligator you must attack its underside or its mouth.)

Alligator whips Panman into the ropes. Panman......PANMAN DODGES THE CLOTHESLINE! HE'S INTO THE OTHER SET OF ROPES AND...SPINNING DDT!!! SPINNING DDT!!! Alligator is face down. Panman reaches down and scoops him up...AND OVER HIS HEAD! A MASSIVE GERMAN SUPLEX OFF THE MATT!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT. You guys really should've bought tickets to this thing. That was amazing.

Alligator is staggering. Panman gets him in the grapple...he's lifting him onto his shoulders. AIRPLANE SPIN! OH FUCK HE'S DOING AN AIRPLANE SPIN!!! THIS IS SO FUCKING AWESOME!! AAAAANNNNDDDD....he spins him into something similar to a diamond cutter!! Panman rolls him over...picks him up....INVERTED DDT!

I really hope this is what happens in Panman 2: Panman vs A GIANT FUCKING ALLIGATOR.

He goes for the pin...1....2....3!!! OH MY GOD HE DID IT! NO SPECIAL! NO SPECIAL!!!!! Panman is so badass he beat him with normal moves. Amazing!!!!

Panman advances to Round 3!

MATCH 4: Alienator vs Rumpelstiltskin


6 seconds later...fucking WIN.

Rump...snap suplex to Alienator. Alienator...to the top rope. Rump runs up AND TOSSES HER OFF THE TOP ROPE! WHAT THE FUCK!!! HAHAHAHA That was awesome! Rump runs up and hits her with the DOMINATOR (I'll leave your imagination figure that one out)

Rump gets Alienator up on his shoulders...AND SPINNING NECKBREAKER! Jesus man, that's a woman, take it easy. OH SHIT! SHOULDER BREAKER! HOW MANY OTHER THINGS ARE THERE LEFT TO BREAK!!! Alienator retaliates...punch left, right, kick, grapple...she sends him to the corner. She rushes him...AND MISSES THE CLOTHESLINE! Oh fuck, her shoulder is really hurting now! Rump hits her with a big punch....SUPLEX! Rump is going to the top rope...oh dear god no...he wouldn't....FLYING LEG DROP!!! OH MY GOD!!! ALIENATOR IS BROKEN IN HALF!!! Rump picks her up, has her in his grasp...what is he going to do now? Somebody call the morgue and let them know they have incoming...Rump hits her with the SPINNING PILEDRIVER! OH DEAR GOD PIN HER ALREADY!!! 1....2....3! Rumpelstiltskin win! Thank god its all over, I'm gonna need a beer after watching that.

Rumpelstiltskin advances to Round 3! Panman...look out. You have a psycho on your hands.

Keep it here at Mr. Gable's Reality for ROUND 3 of the BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE! Round 3 will see TWO EPIC MATCH UPS. First Orca: The Killer Whale takes on TerrorVision. A battle that will most assuredly end very badly for one of them. After what TerrorVision did to The Amazing Bulk and Birdemic, does Orca have what it takes to bring him down? And our second match...Panman vs Rumpelstiltskin. These two powerhouse wowed audiences during tryouts. Both were extremely impressive and highly underrated. They really need to see more action. But after the pummeling Rumpelstiltskin gave Alienator, can Panman survive the brutality long enough for the win?

Find out tomorrow in Round 3 of the BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE!


  1. Rumple is gonna beat panman's ass so i can have the movie

  2. FACE!!! That was a HUGE upset for Birdemic! If this were on WWE, that would be the part where the entire crowd boos and hisses. And I would be the manager for TerrorVision, mugging for the camera and loving all the hate.

    What an unexpected turn of events, with you being locked out and the computer deciding most the matches. That's pretty cool, really mixes things up.

  3. It's pretty crazy. At first I was kinda pissed cuz I wanted to play and I was forced to sit back and watch. But that was alright because the computer did better than I thought it would. I was waiting for matches to run over 10 minutes. But they went pretty quickly and they even did a few moves that I didn't know were possible. Plus it gave me time ot write notes while they fought instead of pausing every 10 seconds.

    And also it gave everyone, myself included, that added anticipation...no one gets any real handicaps. It's all up to the fighters.

  4. I strongly disagree with the Birdemic/Terrorvision match. I am the guy booing and hissing.

  5. OH! I'm upset with the Alligator turnout but at least he has great taste in music. And Orca is still my champion. Woohoo!!

  6. I can't believe it either. Alligator and Birdemic. Both of them had higher stats then both Panman and TerrorVision. I don't know what the computer was thinking!

    But Birdemic put up a hell of a fight. It was one of the longer matches I got to watch. And Alligator...I really expected more out of him. He was not all that impressive as a fighter. It's probably his speed that killed him. And he was probably too busy chomping on young girls to care that he was gettin his ass whooped.

  7. Panman and TV for the FINALS!! go go go!

  8. PANMAN is going to win the whole f'ing show! I'm winning like Charlie Sheen and I owe it all to Panman!