Friday, April 6, 2012

Your final batch of contenders for The Bad Movie Battle Royale 2012!

The Royale Train is nearing its destination! And here's the final leg of the trip. Your last 4 Bad Movie Battle Royale contenders! There's some old and some new faces here but they all deserve the chance at winning the title. So without further bullshitting, your final 4 contenders!


Santa Claus. From Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. When Santa Claus found out that Spaced Invaders was in the Royale, he told me that he needed to be in it as well. Something about the "one that got away." And fortunately the Featherweight position was open, he may be big and fat but he's as light as a feather. Or a bowl full of jelly. Either way, he's a force to be reckoned with. He's fast, he's magical, and he'll pull you in with his happy go lucky personality then STRIKE! He's conquered an entire planet of Martians (save one ship) and now he's setting his sights on the iron circle.

Finishing Move: The Murder Clawz


Frankenhooker. From the movie Frankenhooker. This is one woman with great power. She hot, she's sexy, and she's DEAD. Undead to be more precise. That means she doesn't feel PAIN. You could beat on this ragdoll for hours and she wouldn't even feel it. Her power comes from her body (for obvious reasons). She may not have the greatest to offer offensively but she can go the distance.

Finishing Move: The HJ


The Wraith. From the movie The Wraith. This sumbitch has come back FROM THE DEAD. He's so badass he fought his way through hell to get back to Earth to participate in the Bad Movie Battle Royale. I know nothing of his defenses as I've never seen him defend himself. He's always on the offensive, bringing the action right to the forefront. He's always killed his opponents before they even had a chance to retaliate. This is one contender that all the others are going to have to practice for.

Finishing Move: The Thug Exploder


And now it's time for our special guest contender. He approached me last week after seeing that Yor: The Hunter From the Future joined the Royale. He says to me, he says, "Gable, that Yor punk has been running his mouth about being the baddest mother fantasy movie out there. I'll show that foo just what's what." And I told him that I hadn't yet reviewed him on my blog but he still holds a special place in my heart for making our first Twitter event such a massive success. But before I could finish, I stopped and said ok because he started to threaten...

To throw me into Outer Space.

That's right, from parts unknown it's...

Seen here fighting a Mecha Hydra

Hercules. How could I resist Hercules? He was the movie that kicked off an entire series off Bad Movie Twitter Marathons for me and my fellow bloggers. This movie is so epic it doesn't even need my having a review on this blog to participate. It's MY FAULT for not writing a review. It'd basically go something like: FUCKYEAHFUCKYEAHAWESOMEWINHAHAHAHA for 6 pages. But anyway....HERCULES. He's big, he's strong, and he has no problem with throwing you into outer space. (It happened 3 times in the movie) He's a very quick problem solver, he'll catch on to any opponent's attacks immediately and figure out how to divert them. He has very little weaknesses as he's technically a god. It'll make for an extremely interesting match up.

And if you haven't seen Hercules, you must do so immediately. It's still available on Netflix Instant.

Finishing Move: The Bear in Space

There we have it folks! The last batch of contenders. Now that all 16 have been named, now we can start getting down to business. Look out next week for the draft and the Bad Movie Battle Royale CONTEST! That's right, another contest is in the works so start going over all the contenders with a fine toothed comb to see who you think will win it!

This year has really shaped up nicely. A lot of the contenders are evenly matched. Even the Featherweights and the women have a very real chance at winning this. I put together a few mach-tournaments to see who it'd turn out and everytime I was surprised at the results. It's going to be an incredible tournament. We have the possibility of Hercules vs Yor, Santa Claus vs Spaced Invaders, The Wraith vs Robowar, Tammy vs The T-Rex, Gamera vs a 2-Headed Shark! HOOOOOBOY! This is gonna be fun.


  1. What did you think of Trash Humpers and Daniel the Magician?

  2. I haven't had a chance to see either of them. I put them on the poll for everyone to vote on and if it had won I definitely would have watched them. I'm sure I won't get around to Daniel for awhile but Trash Humpers has me intrigued. It looks just so hilarious.

  3. O MANO MAN! Great choice throwing Herc into the super heavyweight division. I'm really looking forward to the Royale this year : D

    And speaking of Lou Ferrigno, the wife and I saw the latest CGI super hero movie trailer the other night and we were like, "Back in my day if you wanted The Hulk all you had to do was paint some guy green have him throw shit at the bad guys!"

  4. HAHA So true. Or put someone in a full rubber suit and have them throw shit at the bad guys. Like Swamp Thing! I miss those days. Even though I mostly grew up in the CGI induced era, I still love the practical side of film more. Corman's Fantastic 4 was so much greater than the big budget one. :D