Last night I embarked on a journey. A sudden and poorly planned upon journey. But it was there...and it was awesome. For those of you that joined me...thank you. For the rest of you...next time. We will do this again. I'm totally planning some kind of Instant Watch Bad Movie Night for all of us. I don't know how it'll happen but dammit...it's happening.
So here's what happened. I watched a couple movies...and I commented on them via twitter while I watched them. It was a little frustrating at first because I was trying to eat, drink, get situated, and pet 3 cats and a dog at the same time. But once everything calmed down...I had a blast. It actually added to the experience. Like I was watching this movie with the world or something. I'm sure nobody was reading...but fuck it. You're reading this now so that's what matters.
First up was Shark Attack (the one with Casper Van Dien...I kept spelling it Diem all night) I chose this because I'd seen Shark Attack 3 (which is amazing) and some screen shots for Shark Attack 2 (which looks equally as amazing) so I wanted to watch the first one. And it also said on Netflix that it is only available until today...so I wanted to catch it before it went away.
After that it was Monsturd. A fucking shit-monster killing people. How can I resist!? Its been in my Instant queue forever and I've been really looking for a reason to watch it...but somehow I keep passing it up. But yesterday I finally cracked the seal on that bitch and watched it. And let me tell you....well I'll let my tweets tell you.
[anything in brackets I added here in this blog post.]
So without further introductions. Here! Is! SHARK ATTACK!
It's amazing I got past this cover art.
Alright everyone, SHARK ATTACK begins now!
Nu Image logo. Fuck yeah. Time to get my pizza on.
That guy is struggling to laugh. OH! Stock footage
With the openeing scene out of the way...i can only assume an hour of story is ahead [pay no attention to spelling errors...this was on the fly]
Really casper. Your shocked that there's shark attacks. Wow
After that shark gutting scene, this pizza doesn't look all that great.
Oh great.foreign stereotype. I'm thinkin he'll be taking over the comic relief position as well [and he did]
Its ok casper, there's no need to act too hard
RANDOM BAR FIGHT!
Yeah! Shark attack!
That was lame. It wouldve been cooler if it ate that kid [I stand by this statement]
Gotta love it when characters ignore warnings
HAHAHAHA THAT SHARK IS AWESOME! I'm surprised the paper meche held underwater
I see your tribe is filled with several angry mike tysons [comment of the night]
I bet if they looked in that guys freezer we could finish this movie right now
So they threw out bait on a chain...and the shark clearly attacked bait on a rope. Lulz
Ah yeah. Come on baby. Let's see dem boobies
Goddamn shark. You ruined everything [I fucking HATE YOU!]
With that disappointment....its rum time
So sharks cure cancer now eh?
Geez lady, you got some purdy lips. He'd better fuck her.
Nope
What the fuck was that all about [They went out into the water and were attacked by sharks. FOR NO REASON]
Shower scene...come on nudity.
SUNOFABITCHINFOREIGNERS!
Why does this movie keep avoiding sex!
ANOTHER missed opportunity Casper! Whatre you...gay!?
Hahahaha that geo metro just exploded [actually I think it was a VW Golf]
This bad guys acting is so amazing.
RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE ON A WINDOW [I stole the RAOV bit from badmovies.org]
It took em an hour and a half but by god someone swore [hour and 15 actually]
There is NOTHING in those files. Hahahahaha
Wow. This movie is about oil and NOT shark attacks.
This sharkless climax is infuriating
Is shark attack some kind of casper van diem metaphor
Finally! Sharks! Eat ernie hudson
OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH IT JUST BIT HIS ASS!!!!!!! This epic climax music is priceless!
Well that wasn't that terrible. Not good by any means but I'd watch it again.
[FINAL THOUGHTS: I liked it. I thought it was going to be a lot slower. They spiced up the pace with lots of random action that really had nothing to do with anything. But I'm ok with that. If it wasn't for Random Acts of ANYTHING this movie would've blown REALLY HARD. So thank you for that.]
Fuck yeah.
NETFLIX INSTANT USERS: Up next it's MONSTURD! Get your bad movie devices ready. The shit hits the fan in 10 minutes! [hahahahahaha]
MONSTURD BEGINS NOW! Thank you netflix instant. This movie is gonna be so shitty.
Jesus christ. Did I make this movie? [the picture looked like my handheld camera]
Butte county heh
Shark attack could learn a lot from this movie in regards to pacing
HAHAHAHA this sound is terrible! Did they record this off the camera!? Hahahaha
This guy stroking his chin is awesome
If I could say anything...id say this movie is off to a craptastic good start
Hmmm...lets dump these shit inducing chemicals down the storm drain. THIS IS AWESOME
HOLY SHIT! (just wanted to say that)
This overacting is so AWESOME
Chili contest, fuck yes
Shit monster yeah! 1 cop down.
RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE ON A PUPPET! [that scene was so damned funny]
"youve got to be shitting me"
These effects are actually really good. Thank you for using practical effects. Fuck cgi. Also...these guys have been throwing up for 2 min.
That chick just said macho man. OOOOHHHHH YYYYEEEAAAAHHH
Monsturd just killed some guy. Anyone else see the smile on my face?
"youve been watching too many crappy horror movies sheriff"
I can't imagine this script being over 10 pages. This has to be amazingly adlibbed
This bartender is AWESOME
Holy shit. I need to own this movie.
Alright! Send in some expendables...the shit monster will take care of them [and he did]
Ewww, nasty. Tarantula. Blech!
Girl cop/guy cop drinkin in the office. I like where this is goin...
HAHAHAHA THATS AN AMAZING SOUTH PARK RIP! Mr spankey the easter turd! HAHAHAHA
Shit everywhere.
Wow rum is aweome. I didn't even notice the overdub on the audio [IT WAS SO OBVIOUS]
This went the way of shark attack and avoided the sex scene. There was even booze involved. At least the budget is an excuse
This cop with the megaphone kicks ass
I get it. This is a really shitty Jaws ripoff.
This needs to be remade with robert englund starring [they even mentioned Hollywood should remake it at the end]
"Where there is chili there is bowel movements!" "flies hurt the shitman!"
Hahahahaha pepto bismol! That's so awesome
Whoever wrote this is a damned genius
This suiting up scene is better than the entirety of batman and robin [everything is better than B&R]
This movie is the shit.
I love how the shit monster sounds like a T Rex
NO! Shit monster! NNNNNOOOOOO!!!!!!!
That ending was epic. Monsturd was fucking amazing. Watch it now on netflix instant
I'm very much looking forward to the follow up to this: RetarDEAD. Also available on netflix instant
[FINAL THOUGHTS: Monsturd far exceeded my expectations. I knew I was in for some shit but what I got was some SHIT. And I loved it. The pacing was very well done and it looks like they just got a bunch of wise guys together and let 'em loose on set to do whatever the fuck they wanted. It was hilarious. The random scenes and jokes were amazing. I recommend this to EVERYONE]
Thank you for reading, thank you to anyone who participated. I'm definitely doing this again. Have a great Friday everyone!
It was a little frustrating at first because I was trying to eat, drink, get situated, and pet 3 cats and a dog at the same time.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like a typical Friday night at our house!