Monday, January 17, 2011

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Troll 2 (1990)

The videos in this review are full of spoilers. Not that it matters...

For those about to Troll 2, I salute you.

HAHAHAHA HOLY SHIT YOUTUBE! I'VE NEVER SEEN THE RANDOM FLY BEFORE! HAHAHAHA That is so AWESOME. Everytime, I swear to god, EVERY TIME I watch this movie there's something even more random and terrible that I missed before. I love Troll 2.

The plot of this movie, if you must know, is that there's a bunch of Goblins in the town of Nilbog (go figure) that disguise themselves as humans and get real humans to drink broth so they melt into a plant goo so they can be eaten. Although there's one little kid and his dead grandpa that have something in store for those pesky bastards. And it ain't Miracle Grow.

Troll 2 IS THEE bad movie experience. Bad acting, OVER acting, no acting, bad effects, horrible direction, great direction, confusion, blissful irony, consistent WTF moments, hilarious quotes, and just unexpected twists and turns. It is truly a movie that has to be seen to be believed. And once you see it....well lets say its like a virus...once you've caught the Troll 2, you spread it around to everybody.

Our first victim.

This is probably the only movie that I'll ever review several times. This is the first but I'm sure I can do better. I just love this movie so much. What isn't to love, I mean...

How can you not fall in love with that? I own THREE copies of this movie. Two on DVD and one on Bluray. And I don't even own a Bluray player yet. But when I do, you can bet there'll be another sweet sweet High Definition. It's a thing of beauty, let me tell you.

There isn't one Troll in this whole movie. Not one. Lots of Goblins, but no Trolls. And that poster up there at the beginning of this review...none of that shows up anywhere in this movie. That kid isn't in this. He looks more like the Silent Night Deadly Night Part 5 kid. And there's no Trolls. With axes. Actually there isn't any axes at all.


God dammit this movie is awesome. I just watched it last Saturday and I already want to watch it again! And as a bonus for all you folks out there that have can watch this on Instant Watch. So please, it, love it, add some of the actors on facebook (you know, Deborah Reed and Darren Ewing are fucking awesome to talk to), and then buy SEVERAL COPIES of this movie. Because if you do, and I'm BEGGING you to spend money on this movie because...

...Troll 2 Part 2 is coming. The script is done and the last I heard it was in 3D. Nilbog 3D, fuck yeah! But the more money and hype they get out of this release then all the more likely I'll be watching Troll 2 Part 2. (There is also a documentary on how amazingly bad this movie is called Best Worst Movie. Watch that's really good)

In all honesty, these videos in this review don't even TOUCH the amount of greatness in this movie. There are so many many more scenes that deserve attention but I'd rather leave them for you and your friends to see on your own. Scenes like...the bologna sandwich scene! The nut eaters scene! AND The greatest sex scene in all of cinema!

It is second to none.


  1. I will try to watch Troll 2, schedule permitting. Your enthusiasm always gets me!

    Don't even own a Bluray player yet. You spaz! : )

  2. I've been meaning to hit this one on my site for a long time. It's on Netflix Watch Instantly, so that's a huge bonus. Definitely excellent.

  3. You guys have never seen it!? Oh man, I wish I could drive to where you live and sit there and watch it with you!

    Honestly, from those videos I'm sure you've figured out how bad this movie is, but just don't expect ANYTHING and pay attention to the dialogue and you'll have a good time. The dialogue is where its at. Pay special attention when the dad comes down the stairs asking for breakfast. It's hilarious.

  4. I did see this a long time ago (like maybe fifteen years now!), but I have a rule about movies I review: I have to see them again instead of try them from memory, because in 15 years I can miss a lot. It is a movie I should've gotten to much sooner, though, because it is too sweet.

  5. Can I just say that the cover for troll 2 has no correlation to the actual story line or plot

  6. The TITLE for Troll 2 has no correlation to the actual story line or plot, either!

    I just watched Troll 2 for the first time a few weeks ago... and it totally blew my brain off. It was so horrible and nonsensical and cheezy and awful that I absolutely loved it. I watched it with the RiffTrax commentary which was hilarious. My brain felt like scrambled jelly afterwards. This is THE EPIC BAD MOVIE of all time and space.

    I followed it up by watching Best Worst Movie which is a must-see whether you love or hate Troll 2. Surprisingly poignant and inspiring.

    I blogged about the entire experience at if you want to check it out.

    I CAN NOT WAIT for Troll 2 Part 2! Just the title makes me squeal with glee.

  7. Nurse Betty, guys rule. So true, so true.

    MD - I love the Rifftrax on that one, it adds even more hilarity to it all. And I was fortunate enough to see Best Worst Movie in the theatre when it was here locally. SO worth it.

    Reading your

  8. Panman, we need to get together and watch Troll 2...on bluray. It's more beautiful than you can possibly imagine.

    Also, you kick ass. Anyone that Troll 2's is a friend of mine.

  9. Troll 2 rocks! oh my godddddd! Still have to watch Best Worst Movie.

  10. Best Worst Movie is an amazing film Ty. You need to see it. I'd actually give it a 10 out of 10.

    And if you love Troll 2, check out its (kinda) sequels: Contamination .7 & Quest for the Mighty Sword. They both have connections to Troll 2 (productionwise) and are just awful movies. And awesome. Very awesome. I have reviews around here somewhere...

  11. Now that I've seen the movie (ow, my brain still hurts!) that Bringing Sexy Back video is fucking hysterical!

    For those of you who doubt, Best Worst Movie is a MUST-SEE after you've seen T2, trust me, it enhances the whole experience.

  12. Just watched Best Worst Movie. It was great! George Hardy and Michael Stevenson are cool guys. Felt bad for Margo and Connie. She should keep Troll 2 on her CV.