R.O.T.O.R. is bad beyond any scale known to man. Even the bad-o-meter has a hard time registering this movie. (Although, IMDb has somehow calculated a 1.9 out of 10. WWOOOO!!!) But its so epically bad that its AWESOME. It’s like discovering Troll 2 again. Everything about it is just painfully awful but you can’t help but smile the entire time. I mean when one scene shows an alarm clock going off at 5:00 am and then not more then 1/1000 of a second later the clock says 4:50…you know you’re in for a good time.
The things I love about R.O.T.O.R. nearly equal the things I hate about it. On one hand, this movie is awful. On the other, I’m laughing hysterically. So does this movie win or lose? You be the judge.
On a sidenote before I continue…I have to thank the Direct to Video Connoisseur for this find. I passed by it on Netflix Instant (it’s still there for everyone’s viewing pleasure) and I think someone made the passing comment that R.O.T.O.R. was amazingly bad so…of course…my internal bad-o-meter tweaked and I need to watch this movie.
R.O.T.O.R. is a ripoff of Robocop…and possibly Terminator. Perhaps even Frankenstein. More or less. R.O.T.O.R. stands for Robotic Officer Tactical Operation Research. Hahahahaha what the fuck is that? Oh well, whatever man. Anyway, this rancher…who also happens to be an amazing scientist…helps to create this thing. Well the rancher ends up quitting because production on the android has been pushed up from 5 years to 60 days. (A reasonable amount of time). Well it turns out that was a bad idea because once R.O.T.O.R. is programmed with one single prime directive: To judge and execute, he comes to life and murders anyone who’s committing any kind of crime. And then its up to the scientist…blah blah blah…save the girl…blah blah blah.
And let the badness ensue.
It’s been a full 3 days since I viewed R.O.T.O.R. for the first time and I’m still in shock. It’s like somebody beat me over the head with a bad movie baseball bat. I’ve struck GOLD! This movie…I must show it to everyone. Friends AND enemies.
Allow me to demonstrate the greatness of R.O.T.O.R. If you have the time to burn, feel free to watch this entire scene. It’s pretty amazing. But if you’re short on time like I am…just fast forward to the last 20 seconds or so. It’s just so awesome.
Wow. That still makes me laugh really hard.
And you know, it’s not even R.O.T.O.R. that I’m all that impressed with. You have to check out their prototype Robocop. Or maybe they just invented it to cruise around the lab and make wise cracks about everything. This thing is what makes this movie all that much better.
So this is R.O.T.O.R. Mark 1, huh?
Not to mention that this movie has more montages than the entire Rocky series combined. My god, it’s like this movie KNOWS I’m drinking and puts in a montage just in time to mix another one. And long enough so I have time to piss AND mix another one. It’s one of the most amazing things I have ever witnessed.
I’d also like to mention another scene. There’s this scene when the woman in distress and the rancher scientist get away from R.O.T.O.R. and shack up in a hotel. (I think it’s a hotel anyway) Once they get inside all it does is dissolve while the scientist has some kind of mental philosophical moment. “Did we play God? Was man meant to do these things?” That kind of shit. It’s just so out of the loop on everything. I know that the filmmakers were trying to put a point across about technology and stuff…but its like it all happened in post production. Like they fucking forgot all about it while writing and filming this movie and somebody in editing just asked the director, “Say, when does the guy have his epiphany that technology is evil?” and the director is all like, “AH FUCK SHIT DAMMIT, I knew I forgot something.” And just kinda…slipped it in there at a convenient point in the movie.
That’s R.O.T.O.R. baby! I sure hope a sequel surfaces someday.
And it looks exactly like this.
And now, for the dozens in attendance...LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!
Allow me to explain the Bad Movie Battle Royale for those of you that missed my original post or are reading this review many months down the road. I am pitting 10 movies against one another in a death match of doom! This is the third of the ten. Each time I watch one of them I will create a wrestling character from the Nintendo 64 game: WWF No Mercy that coincides with the film. Enter: R.O.T.O.R.
Notice his trademark Mustache
Strength: 10 (He's a robot. I doubt anyone can hurt him that badly. Unless your a rancher scientist)
Speed: 2 (For some reason he can't fucking RUN.)
Edurance: 10 (He's a robot. Nothing can stop him)
Agility: 2 (Stiff as a board...if it were made of steel)
Offense: 10 (This guy is ALL Offense man)
Defense: 1 (This guy can't stop ANYTHING that comes at him)
Recovery: 5 (Mildly quick to recover...but he always lays around long enough for people to escape)
Bleeding: 1 (Again...he's a robot. Not much blood.)
Overall, R.O.T.O.R. rates an average: 5.13 (What a loser. R.O.T.O.R. is going down)