Alright, that is just a teaser. It doesn't show much. And it really avoids the REAL reason this movie is amazing. There are exactly THREE reason's I am salivating all over this movie. (4 if you include a ghost shark in the hood)
That is THREE STARS from THREE of the WORST MOVIES EVER MADE....IN ONE FUCKING MOVIE! HOLY SHIT! This is going to be insane. I only thought this happened in dreams. This is awesome! Can you fucking believe this!? I need to see it. I hope to holy hell they are all in one scene together. That would be like the Expendables (the scene with Arnie, Sly, and Bruce) of Bad Movies.
I have a huge hardon right now. Sorry to be blunt but MAN! This is just too much for one Bad Movie lover to endure. And I have to WAIT! COME ON! Grace me with your presence already!
A quick look at the website has a few updates about going to festivals and stuff. Hopefully they make quick work of it cuz I need this. WHY ARE THESE KINDS OF MOVIES HEROINE TO ME! WHY!? I'm fucking shakin', I need my fix man. I NEED IT!
Alright calming down...
You can also find Ghost Shark 2 on facebook, YouTube, and Twitter. I'll be sure to update you with any new developments. This is the event of the YEAR!
Welcome one and all to the BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE! Today we will see 8 fighters battling it out in 4 Round 2 matches. First up, Orca: The Killer Whale will be taking on Quest for the Mighty Sword. Orca is clearly the better movie...but after seeing what Quest has up her sleeve in Round 1 this will make for a great match up. Next, it's TerrorVision vs Birdemic. This time Birdemic is the fan favorite. Does TV have what it takes to take down easily one of the best/worst movies ever made? After that, Panman returns to take on Alligator. Alligator and Panman are great movies and well paced so I can only assume that this battle will be no less. And last we see Alienator vs Rumpelstiltskin. Rumpelstiltskin takes it when it comes to watchability but can he avoid the Cyborg Stunner? We will see in ROUND 2 OF THE BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE!
**I would also like to note that from this point on, the only character I have control over is Alienator. I thought the game allowed the option for me to play as any character during any round. This is not the case. So for the most part what happens from this point on is all up to the computer.
MATCH 1: Orca: The Killer Whale vs Quest for the Mighty Sword
FIGHT!
Quest meets Orca in the middle of the ring and they grapple. (THIS IS SO FUCKING EXCITING) Quest tries for a side suplex...but Orca is just too damn heavy. She limps away holding her back. Orca rushes towards her...BULLDOG! He just bulldogged her!! Something I've heard she's quite used to.
Quest gets up and...BIG PUNCH TO ORCA'S FACE! ORCA IS BLEEDING! There's a river of blood flowing from his face. This is insane. Actually...it looks like Orca has gone insane. He comes back at her with a quick punch...but Quest counters and punches him....but ORCA COUNTERS AGAIN AND....hits the big punch to the side of her face. Orca picks her off the matt, in the grapple...side suplex. Quest gets up...struts up to Orca....OOOOHHH!!!!! SHE JUST BITCH SLAPPED HIM!! HAHAHAHA
Orca does not seem happy about that. She rushes her and....CLOTHESLINE. He just knocked her head off!! That's gonna hurt in the morning. Quest is up, she's staggering....SPEAR! ORCA JUST SPEARED HER! If she were an ocean front town she would be ON FIRE right now. Orca has his special, Quest is staggering...HE HITS IT! He lands THE KILLER WHALE!
I think she's enjoying that a little too much.
Orca goes for the pin....1....kick out. WHAT? HOW DID SHE DO THAT!!! Orca is OUTRAGED! He throws her outside. His face is all business right now. He grabs her head, throws it between his legs....POWERBOMB! Powerbomb on the outside! He picks her up...NECKBREAKER! OH MY GOD! How can her head take any more punishment??? He jumps on her for the pin...1....2....3!!!!
Orca advances to Round 3!
MATCH 2: TerrorVision vs Birdemic
FIGHT!
These are both fan favorites but I'm thinking most people are rooting for Birdemic. He looked very good in try outs and here he comes. He throws a punch, TV retaliates with another punch. Punch Punch Punch. TV grabs Birdemic...Side suplex. TV picks him up...it looks like he's going to try it again...REVERSAL! Birdemic reverses with his own suplex. TV is down on the matt. He goes down for the pin....1 count.
TV gets up...gets ahold of Birdemic...side suplex. It would appear that this is TV's trademark move. He picks up Birdemic for what can only be ANOTHER side suplex but...BIRDEMIC REVERSES INTO AN ANKLE LOCK! Oh my god, he's going to snap his fucking ankle! TV is writhing in pain! It's horrible. He releases it and waits. TV gets to his feet...FLYING KNEE! Birdemic practically flew across the ring with his knee extended outward! OWN'D!
TV IS DOWN, Birdemic is on top of him delivering big punches. Birdemic gets TV up to his feet, throws him into the ropes....SPINNING DDT! Birdemic is just dominating this match up. He gets TV up to his feet, goes for a big headbutt and...TV REVERSES! BIG PUNCH TO THE FACE! BIRDEMIC IS BLEEDING! BIRDEMIC IS BLEEDING!
TV comes back BIG. While Birdemic is staggering around clueless to what just happened, TV rushes behind him and BULLDOGS HIM right into the matt. TV picks him up, throws him into the ropes...SIDEWALK SLAM. He picks him up one more time...PILEDRIVER! Dear god no, what is TV doing? He's up on the top ropes...OH MY GOD! HE'S GOT BIRDEMIC. TV JUST FLEW FROM THE TOP ROPES FOR A... SOMERSAULT STUNNER!!
OWN'D
1...2.....3!!!! It's all over! TV WINS THE UPSET! BIRDEMIC LOSES! BIRDEMIC LOSES!!!!!!!!
TerrorVision advances to Round 3!
MATCH 3: Alligator vs Panman
FIGHT!
Panman ain't takin any shit from Gator. He comes out swinging. Alligator stops him in his tracks...BIG PUNCH! OH SHIT! Panman is BLEEDING! PANMAN IS BLEEDING! Gator gets the grapple and Panman reverses...and kicks Gator right in the face. Alligator is up, he's in the ropes...he's back...Panman doesn't seem to be paying attention...OH!! RUNNING CLOTHESLINE!!! PANMAN IS DOWN! PANMAN IS DOWN!
Seizing this opportunity, Alligator busts out his ghettoblaster and places it in the corner. The following is played throughout the rest of the match:
WHY? Because Alligator is fucking badass, that's why!
OH SHIT! PANMAN JUST HIT HIM WITH A CHAIR! HAHAHAHA Stupid Gator. Shouldn't have been playing awesome music. Now he's got him up and....CHOKESLAM!! Panman just chokeslammed ALLIGATOR! Do you realize how fucking HEAVY HE IS??? He's driving him into the ground. He's stomping a mudhole in his ass! How can Gator be taking it!?
Alligator wipes his foot away. He's up! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!? (you see...the alligator has a very tough outer skin capable of withstanding large amounts of ass whoopin. to truly defeat the alligator you must attack its underside or its mouth.)
Alligator whips Panman into the ropes. Panman......PANMAN DODGES THE CLOTHESLINE! HE'S INTO THE OTHER SET OF ROPES AND...SPINNING DDT!!! SPINNING DDT!!! Alligator is face down. Panman reaches down and scoops him up...AND OVER HIS HEAD! A MASSIVE GERMAN SUPLEX OFF THE MATT!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT. You guys really should've bought tickets to this thing. That was amazing.
Alligator is staggering. Panman gets him in the grapple...he's lifting him onto his shoulders. AIRPLANE SPIN! OH FUCK HE'S DOING AN AIRPLANE SPIN!!! THIS IS SO FUCKING AWESOME!! AAAAANNNNDDDD....he spins him into something similar to a diamond cutter!! Panman rolls him over...picks him up....INVERTED DDT!
I really hope this is what happens in Panman 2: Panman vs A GIANT FUCKING ALLIGATOR.
He goes for the pin...1....2....3!!! OH MY GOD HE DID IT! NO SPECIAL! NO SPECIAL!!!!! Panman is so badass he beat him with normal moves. Amazing!!!!
Panman advances to Round 3!
MATCH 4: Alienator vs Rumpelstiltskin
FIGHT!
Alienator runs up and PUNCHES RUMP RIGHT IN THE FACE! HE'S BLEEDING! 3 SECONDS AND HE'S BLEEDING! RUMP IS UP AND....OH!! KICK TO ALIENATOR'S FACE!!! ALIENATOR IS BLEEDING!!! 9 SECONDS AND THE BLOOD IS RUNNING THICKER THAN THE MISSISSIPPI!!
6 seconds later...fucking WIN.
Rump...snap suplex to Alienator. Alienator...to the top rope. Rump runs up AND TOSSES HER OFF THE TOP ROPE! WHAT THE FUCK!!! HAHAHAHA That was awesome! Rump runs up and hits her with the DOMINATOR (I'll leave your imagination figure that one out)
Rump gets Alienator up on his shoulders...AND SPINNING NECKBREAKER! Jesus man, that's a woman, take it easy. OH SHIT! SHOULDER BREAKER! HOW MANY OTHER THINGS ARE THERE LEFT TO BREAK!!! Alienator retaliates...punch left, right, kick, grapple...she sends him to the corner. She rushes him...AND MISSES THE CLOTHESLINE! Oh fuck, her shoulder is really hurting now! Rump hits her with a big punch....SUPLEX! Rump is going to the top rope...oh dear god no...he wouldn't....FLYING LEG DROP!!! OH MY GOD!!! ALIENATOR IS BROKEN IN HALF!!! Rump picks her up, has her in his grasp...what is he going to do now? Somebody call the morgue and let them know they have incoming...Rump hits her with the SPINNING PILEDRIVER! OH DEAR GOD PIN HER ALREADY!!! 1....2....3! Rumpelstiltskin win! Thank god its all over, I'm gonna need a beer after watching that.
Rumpelstiltskin advances to Round 3! Panman...look out. You have a psycho on your hands.
Keep it here at Mr. Gable's Reality for ROUND 3 of the BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE! Round 3 will see TWO EPIC MATCH UPS. First Orca: The Killer Whale takes on TerrorVision. A battle that will most assuredly end very badly for one of them. After what TerrorVision did to The Amazing Bulk and Birdemic, does Orca have what it takes to bring him down? And our second match...Panman vs Rumpelstiltskin. These two powerhouse wowed audiences during tryouts. Both were extremely impressive and highly underrated. They really need to see more action. But after the pummeling Rumpelstiltskin gave Alienator, can Panman survive the brutality long enough for the win?
Find out tomorrow in Round 3 of the BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE!
I have found the Nexus.... and it is "Birdemic". Watching that movie was like... being wrapped inside Joy.
-My friend Truck
Forget everything I have ever said about "this movie is the greatest movie I have ever seen" or "this movie is so awesomely bad that I just can't express my love for it". Forget it. I often times say these things because it just so happens that at that time...it really is the greatest thing I have ever seen. But I am far from ever seeing EVERYTHING. Until this. Birdemic. This is it my friends. Every couple generations something comes along that is so awful, so atrocious, so poorly done...that it takes your eyes and your ears witnessing it...experiencing it...to believe that it is there. First there was Manos: The Hands of Fate...then there was Troll 2...now there is...
BIRDEMIC!
HAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD! Seriously...this happens for 90 minutes. Well actually the first 45 minutes is spent setting up....nothing. Nothing at all. The only reason it is epic is because of how poorly directed and edited the scenes are. There are huge delays between conversations, the sound is all fucked up...like you'll see the guy talking and there'll be a ton of background noise...and then you'll see the chick with absolutely NO background noise. And the shades of day are all messed up during conversations. Scenes constantly drag out 20 seconds longer than they really ought to. And all of these things...ALL OF THEM...will make you laugh until your eyes bleed and your gut explodes.
Oh yes. The last 45 minutes. Well you see...the poor direction and editing continues except now there are a shitload of .GIF vultures floating on the screen. And then we witness the group of people attempt to escape the terror filled invasion...while the rest of the world seemingly goes about its business. HAHAHAHA oh man, they're shooting out on busy highways and during traffic. Nobody else on the roads seems to give a shit about the .GIF birds. It's just so awesome.
Did I mention that they also explode?
The story revolves around this salesman that runs into a woman while eating alone at a restaurant. They have an awkward exchange and then the swap "cards." CALL ME! They do call each other...after about 10 minutes of watching the main character get in his car and drive places. Anyway, they hook up and have a hilarious date. Then they go back to this hotel for some sweet (no nudity) lovin...
I think the entire budget went into getting this chick in her bra and panties.
Money WELL SPENT!
Honestly, this movie is a huge WTF. All of us, right here, right now, could churn out something better than this movie. But for whatever insane reason...Birdemic is total fucking WIN. Everything about it is so bad and so wrong that you can't help but laugh. You'd really like to think that maybe this was done on purpose...but I just don't know how that could happen. But I don't care either way because this movie made me laugh more in 90 minutes than any other movie I've watched so far this year. Combined.
And now, for the dozens in attendance...LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!
Allow me to explain the Bad Movie Battle Royale for those of you that missed my original post or are reading this review many months down the road. I originally started with 10 movies that I was going to have fight one another in a death match of doom! But I recently saw 2 movies so full of win that now I've upped the stakes and there will be TWELVE contenders in the Battle Royale. This is the sixth of the twelve. Each time I watch one of them I will create a wrestling character from the Nintendo 64 game: WWF No Mercy that coincides with the film. Enter: Birdemic
Since this movie is ridiculous, so is his character.
Strength: 8 (They fly into things and explode a lot. I really hope that is an option)
Speed: 2 (I want to say they're fast but most of the time they're just kinda "hovering" on the screen)
Edurance: 10 (THEY JUST KEEP COMING!)
Agility: 10 (They're birds, they can do whatever the fuck they want)
Offense: 10 (All offense baby. They attack and attack and attack...)
Defense: 1 (...but die so easily.)
Recovery: 1 (Nope. They fly and explode. Not much recovery from that)
Bleeding: 5 (I saw some blood, not a lot, but some.)
Overall, Birdemic rates an average: 5.88 (Whoa. I was certain it would do worse than that. And I even did a trial match with him and he faired pretty well actually. Looking forward to seeing him in action.)
Awhile back I posted that there is a Birdemic sequel in the works. And there really is but the director has no idea what he's gotten himself into and now needs our help. He's looking for lots of money to make a sequel to one of the wildest damn movies to hit the scene since Troll 2. Currently donations are at $125/$100,000 so he's running a bit short. But I'm sure he could make the sequel with that kind of money anyway. I would think that he'd get more money if the bare minimum pledge was smaller than $50...but that's just me.
From the director, begging the fans to help him out. (It's worth watching, this guy is the shit)
A letter from the director which is more or less the same thing as the video:
Dear Friends and Birdemic Fans,
My name is James Nguyen and I am the movie Director of cult sensation hit movie, BIRDEMIC - Shock and Terror. Birdemic, a romantic thriller, was produced for less than $10,000 and it made to the front cover of The New York Times! CBS Morning News, ABC World News with Diane Sawyer & BBC World News did a story on Birdemic and me. Birdemic was also mentioned in Entertainment Weekly, The Hollywood Reporter, Variety, The New Yorker, Los Angeles Times, USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, San Francisco Chronicle, Associated Press and many other major media outlets. And there were endless sold out Birdemic screenings worldwide! Birdemic was the cult sensation hit movie of 2010! There are a lot of Birdemic fans worldwide.
Birdemic is about the harms and threats of global warming.In Birdemic, the eagles and vultures are the heroes and good guys.The attack from the eagles and vultures is a global warming metaphor:an abnormal force of nature like Hurricane Katrina or Giant Jellyfish that attacked people on the beach.
Because of the success of BIRDEMIC – Shock and Terror and the many requests from Birdemic fans for the sequel, I am directing and producing the sequel, BIRDEMIC II - The Resurrection 3D which has a great storyline that compels and motivates me to want to direct it.
The news on this has been out for a little while but I was swamped in October so I'm posting it now. Birdemic, that intensely magnificent bad movie that came out last year...is getting a sequel. If you have never heard of this movie...then allow me to introduce you to its greatness...
Oh my god, are you laughing? I'm fucking laughing. That was AWESOME!
I have not actually seen the movie yet, (partly because its not FOR SALE ANYWHERE!!!) just heard about it on the net and have seen a few scenes like that one on YouTube. But its because of its horrible superimposed .gif images that have elevated this movie to cult status. Every decade seems to have its own "that movie is so god awful terrible that I love the shit out of it" movie. Manos: The Hands of Fate, Yor: The Hunter From The Future, Troll 2, and now Birdemic.
A platoon of eagles and vultures attack Hollywood, California.
Why did the eagles and vultures attack? Who will survive?
Wow. This is going to be the greatest sequel ever made. AND IT'S GONNA BE IN 3D!! Those .gif vultures are going to blow MY MIND when this thing hits theatres...I mean my living room.
Fortunately, I have a friend. And my friend, CG, has a copy of Birdemic and it is our plan to watch it very soon. You have no clue how excited I am. Expect a review in the near future.
