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This really needed to happen. I've watched A LOT of amazing movies over the past year and this really needed to be updated with some of those...along with past favorites.

(Also, I totally fucking lost my OLD banner when I posted the new one for the Netflix Instant Party. Fuck.)

But that's ok, it needed a facelift anyway. I somehow managed to get this one WAY clearer so I'm very happy with it.

The greatest dinosaur movie in the new Millenium.

I can't believe I kept passing this up.

Look at that poster. Really look at it. I’m sure we’ve all come across this movie at the rental store (when there was rental stores) several times and I’m also sure that we’ve all been like…that looks like shit. Honest to god, a huge steaming 2-story tall pile of cattle shit. But it has Jeff Fahey in it so maybe it won’t be so bad…but still, that T-Rex looks an awful lot like a photoshop of The Lost World: Jurassic Park. WHAT DO I DO? And then you glance over at the “F”s and see there’s the latest Fast and the Furious movie sitting there and you’d rather sit through 90 minutes of pointless car chases and close up butt shots then chancing it with old Photo-Rex over there.

But then, then you come to my blog. And I set you straight. I have NOT seen this movie. Actually I’ve only seen roughly 1 MINUTE of this movie (below) but I’m CONVINCED that we all need to see this masterpiece.

Now, looking at that poster, my first thought is, “This looks like it came from SyFy. This is probably like all the rest of that SyFy made for TV shit that is full of terrible acting, stupid dialogue, and BAD BAD BAD CGI.” And I’m sure that’s what you’re all thinking too. (and for all I know, it is a SyFy movie)

But we would be WRONG. (about the CGI) Not ONLY does this movie have practical effects but it has probably the greatest T-Rex I have EVER SEEN in a B movie. I mean, this thing is truly horrifying. So horrifying that your balls will recoil in terror.

If you know me then you know that I love practical effects, no matter how cheesy. I’d rather sit through an entire movie full of shit props then have to deal with computer generated images.

Enter: The EdenFormula. Directed by John Carl Buechner, the mastermind behind the original Troll. Starring Jeff Fahey, Tony Todd, and Dee Wallace: Bad Movie Legends at their finest. (although sadly, this clip does not show Jeff Fahey or Tony Todd…so I can only assume they are dead prior to this scene)

Enjoy the fuck out of this. Have yourself a GREAT FRIDAY! We’ll see you HERE (actually on Twitter) TOMORROW NIGHT for the first ever joint triple-billed BAD MOVIE TWITTERTHON!!! (starting at 8:30e/7:30c/6:30m/5:30p time)

 I need to own this movie.

Check out the trailer here. It looks amazing, kinda like it rips off Carnosaur 2, which rips of Aliens. (Actually in some circles this movie is referred to as Carnosaur 5 because it rips off footage from the Carnosaur trilogy) YES!

REB BROWN IS BACK!! Night Claws Trailer is HERE!!!

I can't contain my excitement for this movie. (So much so that I've already blogged about this once before) FUCKING REB BROWN IS BACK! (This is epic because he hasn't been in a movie for over a DECADE) Along with Ted Prior, star of Deadly Prey! AND FRANK STALLONE! Fuck yes. This movie is definitely one that should be on your radar. It's going to be so amazingly bad:

The director of Deadly Prey is also the same director of this movie. And if this movie is anything like that movie: there's going to be well over 50 people dead by the end of this thing. I believe in David A Prior. He knows what we want, especially when it comes to Sasquatch movies. No story, no plots, just 90 minutes of Bigfoot TERROR! And god willing: A Reb Brown/Sasquatch boxing match.

Please someone give Reb Brown and automatic weapon. Amazing things happen when he has an automatic weapon.

The FP is gonna OWN you!

Sometimes in movies people do good things and other people do absolutely batshit crazy things. This is one of those batshit crazy things. THE FP is what happens when you take the post apocalypse, like say Mad Max, and combine it with the ever popular arcade game, Dance Dance Revolution. What happens is unadulterated WIN!

Be warned, there's titties in this trailer. (for a brief second)

Can't. Stop. Loving. This. TRAILER!

This movie proves 2 things: 1, In the apocalypse Ford Taurus' will survive and 2, Everyone has decided that instead of kickboxing the shit out of each other like Jean Claude Van Damme, they've decided a more civilized form of ass whooping: Dance Dance Revolution Muhfuckas.

I can not WAIT to see the training montage in this movie. Those fucking tires are gonna get PWND. I love training montages so much. This movie is going to have an epic montage. Fuck yes.

I still can't believe someone made this movie. I really wish I could track down the filmmakers and buy them a beer. You know these bastards are awesome. Because really, this is like one of those concepts that are invented at a party. Everyone's drinking, someone has their PS3 version of Dance Dance. Then someone mentions Mad Max and then someone else is like holy shit! Wouldn't that be awesome if Dance Dance was the kickboxing of the apocalypse. HAHAHAHA Like the way disputes are settled in Robot Jox, with giant robots? HAHAHAHA We need to make this movie.

And then they follow through for SEVERAL MONTHS, never losing sight at the epicness of Dance Dance of the Apocalypse. Amazing.

I can't thank Tromeric at Guts and Grog enough for introducing me to this movie. I can't wait for it to come out. Speaking of: I can't find any information on where this thing is currently. That trailer up there was for SXSW, so I assume it's making some rounds at conventions. Hopefully we'll see this shit by year end. We need this. It's the movie we never knew we wanted.

THANKSKILLING 2 needs our help!

Whip out your wallets, we need to make this happen!


Thankskilling 2 needs our help. If you haven't seen the first one, you need to go to Netflix Instant and watch that shit immediately. It's the greatest Thankgiving movie ever made. It's funny, its cliche, its GOBBLE GOBBLE MOTHERFUCKER!

They promised a sequel in outer space at the end of the first one...I hope to fuck that is what they want to do here. Actually, it doesn't matter. I just need more jive-talking, face ripped-off wearing, psycho turkey!

They're asking for $100,000 budget from us. It looks like they really want to do this thing right this time. Not that what they did last time was wrong...but from a filmmaking standpoint its going to cost a little more. They are raising funds via KICKSTARTER, a fundraising website popular with movie makers nowadays. Go there now and donate something. If you donate $5, the turkey will rip on you in the DVD special features! THAT'S WORTH IT!

Check out this AMAZING video pitch for this movie. Even though it doesn't say anything, you get an idea about the awesomeness that is about to transpire.

Fuck yes. Mecha-Turkey.

Check out the Kickstarter page for a long winded article about how awesome the first Thankskilling is and what they want to do with the sequel.

Gobble Gobble Motherfuckers!

Epic Win Friday!

Hey all! I have to apologize for the shittastic quality of my blog for the last couple weeks. Spring work inside and out has been kicking my ass. But I'm getting a lot done so that's good. But that also makes it a little harder to get up in the morning to blog...and to make it actually something decent. But that's what happens when it gets nice out, know what I mean?

But anyway, I was all exhausted last night from working again so in lieu of a real post, here is a bunch of random assed amazing videos from YouTube! ENJOY!

First up...a scene from DEATH WISH 3...that has lasers.

And now, time for a little EPIC MEAL TIME! The fast food lasagna!

A friend of mine loves to do a little ranting. TAKE THIS CRAYOLA!

Star Trek TNG: Data Raps. It's the motherfuckin' D.A.T.A!

And finally, here is all of those McBain clips from the Simpsons edited together...they actually form A FULL MOVIE!

The Room Report with Tromeric

Reality Friends! Give a handy round of applause to my brother of bad, TROMERIC! He's the man behind the maniacally freaktastic blog Guts and Grog Reviews and he was kind enough to drop a line about his experience watching The Room, a movie so fucktastically terrible that you can't possibly believe that it both exists and is cherished by people around the world.

Here's what I mean:

That being said, here is Tromeric's in-theatre experience with The Room and also his account of meeting the genius behind it, Tommy Wiseau. Enjoy!

Bad movies. Why do we enjoy them? There are plenty of bad movies that are just bad and you get angry just hearing about them but then some reach this level of awesome that you could never plan for. I have watched many movies in my life some that blew my mind, and some that made me want to blow my mind right out my brain. I am suborn and will pretty much make myself sit through anything I start. I have sat through some Troma movies that were a sheer test of endurance, I have sat through slasher movies without one kill that put me on the brink of killing. I have sat through Glitter, that wasn't easy. I watch more made for SyFy killer animal movies than the the execs at SyFy. In all honesty, the only movie I ever remember turning off was Forrest Gump. That is for a different article though. What I am saying is a lot of movies are just awful, whether it be because of the acting, the editing, the script or just because the producers don't know what the fuck they are doing. Then there are the films that try and be bad, they call it an homage or a satire but it is just bullshit. If you try and make a bad movie it will suck and it wont be fun and no one will want to watch it. You can't plan these movies. They are made with the same passion and care as the newest Terrence Malick film but for whatever reason whether it be budget restraints or lack of knowledge they just don't work on a technical level. They do however work on a this movie is fucking bad ass level and no matter how bad they are you see the passion and its beautiful, not to mention it is a lot of fun to have some drinks and mock the shit out of them. You mock them out of love. Its like the love Bobby Brown felt for Whitney. Throughout the years I have sifted through tons of shit to find the few shiny turds. I have what I like to call the five turds in the golden toilet. This consists of the grandfather of garbage Mr. Ed Wood's masterpiece of shit Plan 9 from Outer Space, everyone's favorite goblins in the title only sequel Troll 2, the Turkey Monster that craves junkie blood in Blood Freak, the most recent entry full of animated gifs Birdemic: Shock and Terror, and of course the film I am writing about (eventually) Mr. Tommy Wiseau's The Room. So lets get to it. My night with Tommy. No Homo (OK maybe just a little).

I woke up this morning instantly excited, and no I am not just talking about morning wood I am talking about knowing my brain was gonna be raped by Tommy Wiseau. What to do with the afternoon as I knew I was gonna be watching the clock all day. I did what any self respecting horror nerd would do to keep myself occupied...I sat on my porch for five hours and smoked a pack of Cigarettes, drank a pot of coffee and read the new issues of Rue Morgue, Fangoria, HorrorHound, and Famous Monsters of Film Land. I knew that I couldn't focus enough to watch a movie so I figured fuck it. Turned out to be quite the peaceful afternoon anyways. I then went downstairs and grabbed Peter, my friend not my dick, and we ran to the bar down the street to have a quick beer and some food before we began our journey of insanity.

Insanity: Personified

We arrived at Cinema 21 at roughly 6:30 and there was a decent size line which we got into and watched as many pedestrians tripped over a random leaf blower left under a sign. All of a sudden I look to my left and see Tommy walking down the street giving high fives as if he was entering a wrestling match. This guy has charisma. You could just sense it. He may lean to the left on the sanity scale but God dammit does he have a presence. He walked all the way to the end of the line which was down the block and around the corner by this time. When he got back to where we were and some kids that haven't seen a vagina since their mom gave birth had some footballs. Tommy started playing catch. I mean this is Tommy Wiseau standing on 21st throwing a football and it was one of the highlights of my life. I am that awesome. He then preceded to go out into the intersection and give it a little more power, at this time a cop drives by and almost hits him. They exchange words and I assume the police did not know the level of brilliance they were dealing with. It was now time to go in and start the show.

You're next on the High Five list Motherfucker.

Copsucker almost hit me.

We got inside, bought some merch and found our seats. After a few minutes the crowd began cheering and Tommy came down and did a quick Q and A. This is one of the most entertaining Q and A's I have been to. Half the shit he said made no sense at all but it was always entertaining. He constantly would just stop and say "Move on, next question." Someone asked where he was from, his response "I grew up in the world called earth." He was then asked if he ever developed feelings for the girl that played Lisa, his response, "to many beautiful girls here, why would I think of Lisa. "During the Q and A, I also found out that The Room is coming to Blu Ray (Necessary) and he is releasing it in 3D next year. He also states that in one of the scenes there is a ghost that showed up in a mirror. He stated that "The Room is not about Murder, its about expressing yourself." His best response came when asked the difference between men and women. His response, aside from the penis as he stated is "When boys go to the bathroom it sounds different than girls." Now that is deep. Next up he had a bunch of people that dressed up come up on stage and had them act out a scene while he directed it. I assume that this was an accurate look into how he directs so I felt privileged to say the least. It was now time. Curtains drawn.

Say the line, SAY IT! Fuck it, I'll show you...

I have seen The Room a few times, always at mine or a friends house and 4 out of 5 times with the rifftrax. It is always fun but I was more than excited to get the chance to see it with hundreds of people and be involved in all the audience participation. It is like watching Rocky Horror but with no musical numbers and acting that made Meat Loaf look like a Shakespearean trained actor. It was a blast. Hundreds of plastic spoons being thrown throughout the theater, constant yelling at the screen, cancer jokes and clapping to the love making scenes that seemed to be directed by the same guy that does all the sketch comedy love scenes.

It ended so we made our way out and got our pictures taken and our shit signed which was more work then one would think. He misspelled my name by putting Erc, he then went back just added another C and dotted the first one. I had him sign some things for some other gurus of bad and he fucked that all up as well. I am not complaining it was a very fitting ending to the evening that almost made my brain explode.

 Trmerrc meets Tomy Woseaow

If you are a lover of bad cinema you must seek this movie out, and if possible see it with a crowd and Tommy as it is a night I will never forget.

Tromeric

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Demonic Toys 2 (2010)

Well it's about fucking time we got a Demonic Toys 2. The first Demonic Toys was so full of amazingness that I am absolutely SHOCKED it took this long to make a sequel. (Not counting Dollman vs Demonic Toys and Puppet Master vs Demonic Toys but a true straight up SEQUEL to Demonic Toys)

The original takes place in a warehouse full of toys...that get possessed by demons...demonic toys...crazy one liners...90 minutes of sweet toy murdering action. The original is amazing in my opinion and very worthy of the Full Moon brand name. It is one of a select few titles that are almost always recommended when somebody comes to you and asks...Full Moon, huh? Where should I start? Demonic. Toys.

But can part 2 stand up to the original?

Yes. Yes it fucking can.

The story goes basically like this: Group meets up at a castle to investigate a new toy. Dr. Lorca, a collector of oddities, is in search of his latest greatest toy for his collection. The oldest toy ever made. Well this toy happens to be possessed...by demons. So this toy gets loose and reanimates Baby Oopsie Daisy and Jack in the Box from the original Demonic Toys...which Lorca had recently acquired during the opening credits of the movie. And from there its a miles long race full of murder, mystery, an evil plot to steal the ancient toy, ONE FANTASTICALLY GREAT BABY OOPSIE DAISY ONE LINER AFTER ANOTHER, and demons. Fucking demons.

I honestly felt like I was back in the 90's watching this sequel. The story was classic Full Moon. There were recurring characters from OTHER Full Moon movies in this film. (Dr. Lorca from Hideous! RETURNS!) The plot progressed at about the same speed as its original...kinda slow in the beginning but it fucking kicked ASS the longer it went. The setting/mood/lighting/music/effects/EVERYTHING felt like 90s Full Moon. God how I loved it.

I didn't think they could do it...but they did. Somehow they made this movie almost 2 decades after the original and (CGI aside) made it seem as if it takes place right after the original. Thank you Full Moon. Please do this again...with Bad Channels! (And Dollman)

The effects were great. Mostly puppets...but I was actually quite surprised at the frequent use of CGI in this movie. It brought it down a little bit...but just a little bit. There were a couple scenes where it made some sense...like those scenes shown in the trailer. Otherwise the use of CGI is mostly to enhance the ridiculousness of the kills. (extra blood, know what I mean?)

I definitely recommend this...to the Full Moon fan. (just your casual observer probably won't appreciate it as much) Demonic Toys 2 is classic Full Moon and it just PROVES that the company is on the rebound. The new era of Full Moon is picking up steam, you'd be best to hop on the train before it speeds away, leaving you in the dust.

You can find the original on Netflix Instant and Demonic Toys 2 is available to rent on DVD. Or you can buy it from Full Moon Direct. or Amazon.