Monday, June 27, 2011

MANEATER WEEK: 4th of July Survival Tip Day 1: Hiking

I bet this Fourth of July weekend you are looking forward to doing some hiking. Getting out on the trail, trudging up and down hills, being one with nature. Think again. Behemoth is waiting for you.

Behemoth is the story of a small town nestled near a dormant volcano. Suddenly violent tremors disrupt this peaceful little town’s life and some geologists come out to check it out. Well one geologist and a team of government super secret geologists that are sure that there is a very large SOMETHING under the mountain. As the movie progresses the creature inside the mountain gradually wakes up and then it explodes out of the mountain and everyone’s fucked.

And so could you if you dare to go hiking this weekend. I promise you, if you go hiking this weekend, BEHEMOTH WILL EAT YOU. That’s what this movie taught me. Don’t let the lessons of the Maneater series pass you by.

I can smell your fear. It smells like raspberries.

Behemoth is a blend of Dante’s Peak, Cloverfield, and the Sarlacc Pit from Return of the Jedi. I actually really enjoyed this movie. Yes, it’s a CGI monster, but it wasn’t even lackluster CGI. The effects in this movie are REALLY GOOD. I’d probably compare them to really good video game movie effects. It’s not perfect but I thought it looked pretty damn good.

The pacing in this movie is…ok. People are dying left and right, hell even in the first 10 minutes there’s 3 kills but…it’s not really the monster doing the killing. ACTUALLY, the WHOLE monster doesn’t even show up until the final moments of the film. Behemoth IS the climax.

(Behemoth climax, heh heh heh.)

Basically, most of the movie is earthquakes and a shady government guy trying to retrieve a mystery case lost in the woods near the mountain. People die from CO2 inhalation, falling branches, craters, etc. These earthquakes are in fact the monster waking up. But then in the last third of the movie the creature finally starts to show up a little bit: an eye, a tentacle. That kinda thing.

I did like the movie. It’s pretty much a copy of Dante’s Peak with a monster. The volcano becomes threatening, the sheriff of the town refuses to adhere to the warnings of the geologist, bad things happen.

There was one side story with an old man and a girl trapped in a sunken diner that was really annoying. They seriously could not climb this 6 foot ladder to escape through the roof. It took them like 4 tries. The music really tried to make it seem epic when in fact its just fucking stupid. JUST GET UP THE FUCKING LADDER ALREADY! Geez.

But in the end, it’s a SyFy Saturday movie. It was fun. It was crazy. The effects were actually good. And it’s available on Netflix Instant. You just can’t go wrong!

Except this weekend, when Behemoth is eating you because you didn’t listen to me.


  1. Behemoth climax, heh heh heh.

    LOL. You still got The Taint on the brain! : )

  2. Once you have witnessed THE TAINT you can never be rid of it. It's like a bad case of mental AIDS. Everything just gets infected with it.

  3. I love hiking, and a buddy actually wanted to go today but I couldn't-- thank God! That decision may have just saved my life!