Tuesday, June 28, 2011

MANEATER WEEK: 4th of July Survival Tip Day 2: Boating

I bet this Fourth of July weekend you are looking forward to doing some boating. Getting out on the lake, skiing, swimming, tubing, enjoying all the freedoms of skimming across the surface of the water. Think again. A giant fresh water squid is waiting for you.

Although the artists must have thought it was an octopus. 
Eye of the Beast is the story of a small fishing town nestled quietly next to a ginormous lake. Suddenly a boat is missing and 2 people are found dead. (Hint: The squid ate them. Just like its going to eat you if you go boating this weekend) A scientist shows up to do some research for a government institution. He has some suspicions that there may be a giant squid in the lake after finding the wreckage. There is also a legend on this lake of a sea monster waiting to bring down any boats that get out of line. Turns out the legend is true. After ridiculing the scientist and this other woman who believes him, the town is met face to face with the dangerous creature and then ONLY TWO BOATS decide to go out and kill the colossal creature.

If this movie has taught me anything, it’s that lakes are not safe. No lake is safe. Especially the lake you plan to go boating on this weekend. THAT lake is GUARANTEED to be swarming with giant fresh water squid. And they all want to eat you. I mean, this movie showed what just ONE squid could do, can you imagine what an entire FLEET of them is going to do to you? What with their tentacles and beaks. Just imagine.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

According to the film's title: THIS is the entire plot.

When I first decided to watch Eye of the Beast I noticed on Netflix that James Van Der Beek was the star. I thought to myself…”I know that name. Where the hell do I know that name. Oh well, I’ll find out whenever he shows up.” So the movie gets going and its not until around 20 minutes until a bearded Van Der Beek shows up. And that’s when I smiled. Oh yeah, I remember that guy. Varsity Blues.

How the Might Have Fallen.

Oddly enough, that made it a little more watchable. He gave a lackluster performance. I don’t think he really wanted to be in this movie. You could just see the embarrassment in his eyes. But the guys gotta eat right? Once the movie got going and more towards the end he actually lightened up and was enjoyable.

I know what you want to know. You want to know more about the squid. There really isn’t much to tell other than you don’t see it until THE LAST 5 MINUTES OF THE MOVIE. It’s on screen for about 30 seconds until…well I don’t think I have to spoil it for you. The majority of the movie is just tentacles. And you know what…normally that’d be really shitty but in this case the tentacles did an awful lot of ripping: Ripping off limbs, ripping off faces, it was GREAT! And on the plus side: the tentacles were half CGI tentacles (when they came out of the water) and half practical tentacles (when they’re pulling someone into the water). I gotta give props to the filmmakers for making rational use of CGI.

It’s a SyFy monster movie. All the Maneater movies are. (That’s what I’m told anyway) But I’m really liking this brand of movie. HOLY SHIT, WHY DIDN’T I WATCH THESE BEFORE! Sure they’re predictable but you know what? That’s what I expect. That’s what I get. And I like it. You should too.

I should also point out that squids don’t have a skeleton so that means they can crawl through drains into your toilets and bathtubs. Have a great Fourth of July weekend everyone!


  1. I saw "Croc" a few years ago I think -- and I am pretty sure I only watched it because it was on at around the same time as the "Chupacabra: Dark Seas". Anyway, I didn't remember it being very good, but I watched my Maneater movie last night and I have to say it wasn't that bad! I'm like you, I don't know why I didn't watch more of these.

  2. Lovin' the bloody poster art. Too bad there wasn't more full frontal squid. I hate it when they save the monster for the last 5-10 minutes. Don't wanna see bad acting, wanna see bodies ripped apart and a squid laughing and nom nom nomming on them.

  3. Yeah this movie needed more beak action.