Thursday, January 20, 2011

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Mega Pirahna (2010)

"This is better in both effects AND story than Pirahna 3D" - Alcohol Paul (paraphrased)

No words can express the amazingness of this movie, only this video can:

(NOTE: If you honestly have any intentions on watching this movie...skip this video and continue with the rest of the review. I would really hate to ruin the greatest part of the movie. You know what, just go to Wal-Mart and find this on DVD for $5 and buy it. Actually fuck that, rent it off Netflix. OH WAIT! WATCH IT ON INSTANT WATCH RIGHT NOW. Then come back to this review)

Because this movie is amazing.

Holy shit, that. just. happened. This actually happens a few times during the film where you'll be watching and you'll be like, "It sure would be awesome if that pirahna exploded out of the water and ate that guy" and then IT DOES!

Asylum, (the company that made this movie) I deeply apologize for every shitty thing I ever said about you. Your company always put out just awful awful movies and then you put out just awful awful rip offs...but now...I see the light. It was all working up to something bigger. Something...original. Something...MEGA!

TIFFANY! (Note: This is not in the movie anywhere...sadly)

Oh yes, my friends. There's an all star cast at work here. 80's pop legend Tiffany makes another feature appearance during Mega Pirahna. Also there's one of the Brady Bunch kids and an Aslyum movie veteran. But who gives a shit about them.

The story...doesn't need any explanation. Just go ahead a try and guess what this movie is about...I'll give you a few seconds...Go....1.....2.....3.....4.....5 - if you said...genetically mutated piranhas that grow large and eat people so the military has to blow them up...then you are correct. It's your standard Mega Creature Feature formula. It's been tried, it's been tested. Don't fix something that's not broken I always say.

Yes, this is more or less what you'd catch on SyFy on a Saturday night....but it's worth everything. If I were you, get the DVD 2-pack (like me!) that has Mega Pirahna AND Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus on it. So much amazing giant animal can't beat it. (Plus there's all that sweet nudity on the DVD) The pacing in this movie (and more or less with MSvsGO) is actually pretty good. Things happen fast, people are eaten at a remarkably fast rate, things are exploding constantly (organic or not), and the CGI helicoptors look like something out of Mosquito. Just so much bad that you can't help but love the shit out of it.

Now what could possibly be better than all of this?

Coming soon.


  1. New on ESPN8 "The Ocho": Fish Kicking!

    Lol, that was great. These Mega-Movies are no end of fun!

  2. Poor Tiffany, the outfit they gave her made her look like a soccer mom-- and not a hot one either! That was very nice of you to show what she looks like when she's hot.