Monday, January 24, 2011

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Troll (1986)

Ah, the original classic that started a complete revolution in terrible movies. Who knew this innocent little horror/fantasy film could blossom and bloom into something so convoluted, unrelated, and confusing that people from all ages over the span of 20 years would LOVE IT.

And it's all Charles Band's fault.

Charles Band, one of my (many) heroes. A true maker of amazingly bad movies, Charles Band brings some of his best 80's work together in Troll. I like to think that this is the high period of his career...although things seem to really be picking up steam over at the Full Moon front these days so I will let that comment kind of sit there on the edge of the cliff for awhile.

So Troll, you know right from the start that you're in for something bad.

Oh god damn it.

No worries, he dies a pretty brutal death. It's actually pretty awesome. Just push through his shit for a few minutes and it'll be worth it.

Troll is THEE original Harry Potter. You know why? Because the main character's names are Harry Potter and Harry Potter Jr. Several years before J.K. Rowling ever tainted that name. This movie is greater than the entirety of every book and movie associated with J.K. Charles Band for life bitch.

And its got Julia Louis-Dreyfus (mostly) naked.

This is the feature film debut for dear Julia. And WHAT A DEBUT. Naked little butt just prancing around...mmmhhmmmm...that's how you make movies my friends.

Troll is cool for a variety of reasons. (besides those already listed) Troll starts out as a horror film and switches gears in the middle into a fantasy sorcery musical. It's really fucking weird...but it works so well. I remember seeing the VHS sitting on the rental shelf as a kid. Someone had accidently mixed it in with the kids section. Well I forced my mom to rent it for me. And I was scared shitless. Cuz I was a little pussy when I was young. Well later on in life I rented it...and realized if I would have just stuck with it ANOTHER 10 MINUTES it wouldn't have been scary anymore. Because the first half hour or so is the Troll sneaking around turning people into Trolls and turning apartments into its home world. But then the next hour is spent figuring out what the Troll is doing and discovering there's an old princess that lives upstairs that used to go out with the Troll when it was human so then they have to defeat the Troll before he can transform all the apartments and destroy the world.

*catches breath* wow, it sounds so awful when I say it.

But besides having a bit-shit crazy Charles Band plot, the effects are very excellent. I really really appreciate practical effects and puppetry...and this movie is chock full of it. The director of Troll, John Carl Buechler, is also a special effects guy, who also designed the Troll for Troll. I like when effects guys direct movies...its like watching fight choreographers direct fight movies...there's just so much amazingness going on for one movie. And there's been talk of a be remade by John Carl Buechler.

I'm fine with that.

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