Wednesday, February 23, 2011

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: She (1982) [Bad Movie Battle Royale Contender]

I really had no idea what I was getting myself into with She. Once it began though, my eyes exploded with mindless joy. Post Nuke, Nazi biker gangs, mutants, vampires, SCANTILY CLAD HOT CHICKS!

God bless the 80’s.

I really only watched this because I think I read somewhere that this movie was kinda crazy awesome. And this proves that yet again, the internet was right. I really had no clue that it would be THIS insane. But it’s a pleasant insane. A wonderful visual feast even.

Even though I could understand people being completely put off by all the bullshit that happens in this movie, "She" is the kind of movie that I live for. It has more originality, more creativity, more…what I’m trying to say is that I’d take this over Transformers 3 anyday.

"She" is a goddess. She rules her clan of hot chicks that make men their slaves. (pick me! pick me!) Sometimes sex slaves who are killed after climax. (Every man’s dream) Well these two guys lose their sister to this gang of biker Nazis. The symbol is a little different but you know what the director is trying to do with it. Well the guys end up in the hands of "She", who ends up kind of falling for the hulkier of the two, and decides to help them on their quest.

And their quest pits them against Mutant mummies, Frankenstein, Vampires, a dude with telepathic abilities, a guy that talks like the radio from “A Brave Little Toaster” (or Bumblebee from Transformers...take your pick) who also clones himself everytime he is cut in half, AND a fat bearded man in a tutu.

It's still better than Masters of the Universe.

Uh…wut? Yep, that all happened and so much more. I love this one scene when a woman forces this guy to be a slave and his friend comes back to rescue him. Then the woman shows up and she’s all like, “Hey what are you doing? You can’t leave with him, he’s mine!” and the dude just looks at her for a moment…and then punches her right in the face. HAHAHAHA man that’s awesome.

"She" is everything. Every kind of movie that you could ever imagine. I really hope this gets a DVD release someday. It truly deserves it. If for no reason other than the lovely Sandahl Bergman. She’s so HOT in this movie. I swear, one mild breeze and that piece of paper she calls pants is gone. And I doubt there’s anything underneath. Plus she get’s naked…and bathes herself. Oh yes, my diabolical nerdy friends, she is an exquisite woman. (And as an added bonus...she appears in other Sword and Sorcery films: Conan the Barbarian, Red Sonja.)

So when you’re sitting around some Saturday looking for something fun to watch OR you’re baked outta your gorde and need to laugh really hard at ridiculousness, check out "She". "She" will never, ever disappoint you.

And now, for the dozens in attendance...LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!

Allow me to explain the Bad Movie Battle Royale for those of you that missed my original post or are reading this review many months down the road. I am pitting 10 movies against one another in a death match of doom! This is the fourth of the ten. Each time I watch one of them I will create a wrestling character from the Nintendo 64 game: WWF No Mercy that coincides with the film. Enter: SHE

This thong still doesn't show near enough skin as the movie.

Strength: 3 (She is the master of the power)
Speed: 8 (She moves pretty quickly...but still seems to keep getting cut by enemies)
Edurance: 10 (She can go ALL NIGHT LONG!)
Agility: 10 (She moves like the mighty puma)
Offense: 9 (She never backs down from a fight)
Defense: 3 (But She sucks at fighting)
Recovery: 1 (Always getting her ass handed to her)
Bleeding: 2 (She bleeds a lot. But it's pretty sexy so she deserves an extra point)

Overall, SHE rates an average: 5.75 (Not too bad. I really hope the game doesn't screw her over for being a woman. I think She really has what it takes to win this thing)


  1. I love the three swordsmen doing their little synchronized marching dance at the beginning. I almost expected them to starting singing Camelot!

  2. I think I forgot to mention that this is on Netflix Instant Watch. So everyone go watch it.

  3. How did I not know this was on Watch Instantly? I haven't seen it in years. I'm still pulling for R.O.T.O.R. in the Battle Royale, but I think She is my new dark horse favorite. I can't wait to see the rest of the contenders.