Friday, December 17, 2010

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker

The Silent Night, Deadly Night series. We started out on a high note with Part 1 and the Psycho Santa, Part 2 slid into the eyebrow shifting Garbage Day killer, and then we revived the comatose killer in Part 3 for a 90 minute bore-a-thon, then in Part 4 we were introduced to “The Lesbianing” (Thank you Alcohol Paul for enlightening me to this term), and now Part 5.

Mickey Rooney is…

The Toy Maker. Ah fuck yes. Thank you SNDN Part 5 for existing. I was so fucking worried about this series until Part 5. It’s insane, it’s crazy, it’s ridiculous, it stars Mickey Rooney, and yes it has nothing to do with the previous installments, but you know what?


Finally! A movie in a series of CHRISTMAS HORROR MOVIES that actually has something to do with CHRISTMAS! Parts 3 & 4 were extremely light on old St. Nick but Part 5 is all about the Christmas. And I applaud it for that.

SNDN 5 is basically a twisted take on the Pinocchio story. There’s quite a few obvious references to the original story…character names: Giphetto, Joe Petto; Pinocchio, Pino; that kind of thing. But that’s more or less the entire subplot. Which turns into the main plot by the end of the movie. Worked for me! Something CREATIVE came out of this series. Wow. My mind is blown.

The main story is about this kid that wakes up and sees his dad murdered by a mysterious toy that ends up at his house one night. And from that point on the kid is unable to speak or refuses to. And THANK GOD! I hate when they get kids into these horror movies and they try to act cuz we all know with low budget movies like this these kids are annoying as hell. SNDN 5: Not the case. But anyway…the widow and her son press on and try to make the best of Christmas. They go to the toy store where we meet Mickey Rooney and his son. (The aforementioned Joe Petto and Pino) And we also meet some stranger that’s buying up crazy toys. A lot of pointless stuff happens over the next 20-30 minutes. The plot develops a little, the stranger’s purpose becomes clear and then the cool shit happens.

It’s from this point that I felt really made this movie shine. I love absurdity and here it is. There’s a babysitter scene where she’s getting busy with her boyfriend. They were supposed to be watching the silent child. Well, Mickey Rooney shows up and drops off his evil toys and they come to life and start murderin’. It was so stupid but at the same time I couldn’t turn away. It almost felt like a Puppet Master sequel for a few minutes. Just watching that fucking superhero action figure fly through the air and punch that chick in the face repeatedly was simply…awe inspiring.

And I kept imagining Mickey Rooney springing from the closet and screaming:
"Jiminy Jilickers Radioactive Man!"

And the movie comes to a creepy creepy close and we’re all the better for it.

I was pretty satisfied with this movie. There were quite a few times where I was like “what the fuck” and laughing hysterically. And that’s the way I like watching these kinds of movies. If I can’t just dissolve into nothingness and enjoy some mindless fun then it’s not worthy of my time. And that’s pretty much what this is, mindless fun.

Brian Yuzna…you may remember him from Part 4. He directed and produced Part 4 (he may have even helped write it). He also produced and directed some of the Re-Animator series along with other amazing horror movies. Well he sits back in the producers seat with SNDN 5, which apparently is a good thing. I know Yuzna and he loves gore and decent effects…and that’s what we get with SNDN 5. There’s a pretty fucking sweet scene where this guys face is penetrated by a toy. I won’t say anymore but let me tell you, it was awesome.

This isn't it but I just thought I'd point out how this movie loves to
keep showing how "cockless" Pino is. Over and over and over again.

So overall…I’d recommend this movie. It stands alone but they all pretty much do. I don’t understand why the main characters from Part 4 (Kim and Ricky) make an appearance in this movie. Even though Ricky is supposedly dead...again. Maybe Yuzna just liked them and wanted them here for some reason. But other than that it was a pretty enjoyable Christmas horror flick. I’d recommend putting this one into your holiday shit-o-thon as well. It was worth it.

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