Here's the second batch of combatants in the Bad Movie Battle Royale!

Welcome. Over the past few weeks I've been reviewing some films. Some of them were geared towards the DOOM'D Reviews I promised for this year and others were just plain old amazing Bad Movie Reviews. But out of the reviews that I've done so far, 4 of them stand out as contenders for supreme champion of the Bad Movie Battle Royale. They've earned a spot in my heart and a spot on the board. So, without further delay, here are your second batch of contestants in the Bad Movie Battle Royale 2012!

FEATHERWEIGHT DIVISION

The Martian Pilot. From the movie Spaced Invaders. He's lude, he's crude, and he's one bad ass mother from the Red Planet. For having such a large cranium he sure is a whole lot of stupid. But where he lacks in brains he makes up for in intuition, instinct, and skill. He may not understand books or school but he can put together a Quad Vectored Hypo Thermic Cosmo Blaster without a manual. His main offenses and defenses lie within his body. He's small and can easily run away from bigger, slower opponents.

Finishing Move: The "When I say whoa, I mean WHOA!"

WOMEN'S DIVISION

Tammy! From the movie Tammy and the T-Rex. She might not look like much, just another slutty teenager dancing around in lingerie for a brain sitting in a jar BUT she's much more than all of that. It all comes down to this fact: She had sex with a Tyrannosaurus Rex. That kind of endurance and strength is astounding. Tammy's main offense and defense comes from her body...offensively her body is nice to look at and will be a distraction to other fighters. Defensively: Her bod can take abuse...and I think that's the way she likes it.

Finishing Move: The Rex Sex

HEAVYWEIGHT DIVISION

The Robot. From the movie Robowar. Robowar is one tough cookie. He's a cyborg. He has barely any emotion. If he is beaten down enough his human side may begin to show through but for the most part its all robot. Whoever his opponent is will need to be smart and on the move, because Robowar is always on the offensive. Never resting. Never stopping. Until someone is dead.

Finishing move: The BAM. (Bad Ass Motherfucker)

SUPER HEAVYWEIGHT DIVISION

The T-Rex. From the movie Tammy and the T-Rex. In an unprecedented move here at Mr. Gable's Reality, we've allowed TWO combatants out of one movie. The movie was so bad and so awesome, and had a title that pronounced TWO combatants in it's title (Tammy AND the T-Rex), so after much contemplation it was decided that they BOTH will be allowed in the Royale. Does that give the movie an edge? A bit. Does it also give the possibility that Tammy will have to fight her lover, the T-Rex, in the Iron Circle? YES. And that's why they are both in the Royale.

The T-Rex is another tough cookie. Not only is he a T-Rex but he's a robotic T-Rex. He has the mind of a jocky high school student so that will be his biggest disadvantage. He's easy to outsmart and outrun but his stamina and strength are no match for no man.

Finishing move: The Big and Rexy.

There you have it! The second batch of contenders in The Bad Movie Battle Royale 2012: It's Bigger, Better, and Badder! It may be only the second batch but things are already starting to get interesting. We have two lovers, two robots, the possibilities are almost endless...and there's still EIGHT MORE to be announced! Until then, From the domed roof of Gablestadium, I'm Mr. Gable and this is...THE BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE! We'll see you soon for the next round of combatants...

You voted! You're next contestant for the Bad Movie Battle Royale!

Last week you voted for your favorite to entire the Iron Cage at the Bad Movie Battle Royale 2012 and here is the results:

The Top 2 leaders were Robowar and Yor: The Hunter From the Future with 7 votes each. After considering what to do about a tie I just gave up and decided that they are both worthy of a shot at the title for Supremely Bad Movie. Since I already have reviewed Robowar, I made a character for him. Look out soon for the Yor review and his eventual creation. Thanks to all who voted and we're this much closer to the Bad Movie Battle Royale!

 

Description, strategy, and finishing move to follow in the next list of combatants.

One day left to vote for YOUR favorite to enter the Bad Movie Battle Royale!

Only one day left to vote for your favorite in the Bad Movie Battle Royale! Get your votes in now! Currently, Robowar is leading with Yor: The Hunter from the Future, Black Devil Doll, and McBain trailing. Tell your friends, family, and anyone else with a computer to go to Mr. Gable's Reality and VOTE!

Vote for YOUR favorite to enter the Bad Movie Battle Royale!

The Poll is up! Look over to the upper right of this blog and you'll see it. These are the choices YOU wanted to see in Royale. The response was quite awesome and I really want to thank everyone who participated. This year will be epic.

If it comes down to a tie, I'll leave it up to the wheel of destiny to decide. (That thing I used for Roulette last October) Hell, there might even be one or two of these that'll make it in anyway. Just because they deserve it.

Now vote! And feel free to vote for more than one if you'd like, there's a lot of greatness over there...far too much to pick just one. (You have until 7 pm Central time next Friday (2/24) to decide)

The Bad Movie Battle Royale: Your first 4 contestants!

Welcome. Over the past few weeks I've been reviewing some films. Some of them were geared towards the DOOM'D Reviews I promised for this year and others were just plain old amazing Bad Movie Reviews. But out of the reviews that I've done so far, 4 of them stand out as contenders for supreme champion of the Bad Movie Battle Royale. They've earned a spot in my heart and a spot on the board. So, without further delay, here are your first 4 contestants in the Bad Movie Battle Royale 2012!

FEATHERWEIGHT DIVISION

Robert. The Killer Tire from the movie Rubber. He's one mean mother as he has telepathic abilities (that will sorely have to be contained for this tournament) and the ability to runover whomever he wishes. His attributes are geared more towards his head and his body on the offensive and his head and body on the defensive. Why his head and body? Because that's really all this tire has to offer.

Finishing move: The Drive By

WOMEN'S DIVISION

Tank Girl. From the movie...Tank Girl. She's a vicious little brute. She knows how to use her body to her advantage but don't let those good looks and quick wit fool you, she has a tank and she's ready to stuff it in your face and yell FIRE! Her attributes are geared more towards the offensive side. Head, Body, Arms, Legs. She uses these things to get the job done. Her defense lies mostly in her head and body as either one of those can get her out of a jam.

Finishing move: The Bombshell

HEAVYWEIGHT DIVISION

Poolboy. From the movie Poolboy: Drowning out the Fury. Poolboy is an interesting character. He's a Vietnam Vet...so he's not all there mentally. BUT he has a surprisingly large amount of skills and knowledge in the ways to kill people that clearly give him an advantage. His offense and defense lie within his Head, Body, and Arms as those 3 things get him INTO and OUT OF every jam he finds himself in.

Finishing movie: The Cleaner

SUPER HEAVYWEIGHT DIVISION

Gamera. From the movie Gammera The Invincible. Gamera is a 200 foot tall flying fire breathing turtle. It's going to be a brutahl fight for every other contestant to even bring this colossal giant to his knees. His strategy appears to be lose first, let his opponent build up confidence and a false sense of security...and then STRIKE! Ending the match quickly and awesomely. His attributes center around his body and arms. His main offense comes from his mind and the way he comes up with a solution to bring down an enemy and his main defense is with his body of course. When all else fails, he crawls up into his shell and flies away. Look out when Gamera climbs the ropes, he might just be looking to end this thing.

Finishing movie: The Shell Shock

There you have it! The first 4 contenders in The Bad Movie Battle Royale 2012: It's Bigger, Better, and Badder! I've been looking over the possibilities for fan favorites from Twitter/Facebook/and right here on Blogger and I'll be posting a poll later this week to see who we want in the most. I like a couple so much that I might just throw them in anyway...because they deserve it. Until then, From the domed roof of Gablestadium, I'm Mr. Gable and this is...THE BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE! We'll see you soon for the next round of combatants...

ANNOUNCING: The Bad Movie Battle Royale 2012 (You Pick a Contestant)

It's BIGGER! 

It's BETTER!

It's BADDER!

It's...

The Bad Movie Battle Royale returns in 2012 with matchups so explosive that they will ignite the fuse of our imminent destruction! Last year I reviewed 12 movies. I then created characters in the Nintendo 64 video game: WWF: No Mercy. Why that game on that ancient system? Because I haven't really caught up with the times and I like that game. So I create characters that look ridiculous and give them attributes that somewhat mirror their movie. (So let's say ORCA: THE KILLER WHALE. He used his tail and mouth a lot in the movie, so I gave a lot of his offense to his head and legs.) After I had reviewed all 12 movies, created all the characters, I put them in a King of the Ring bracket style match up and let them go wild. It came down to Panman vs TerrorVision and TerrorVision brought home the gold.

Relive the chaos from last year in Round 1, Round 2, Round 3, and Round 4.

This year, I'm doing basically the same thing...but better. Looking back on last year, there is definitely room for improvement. First: There will be 16 contestants in the Royale. No First Round Bye's this time. It's a free-for-all and there will be no handicaps given. Second: There will be 2 Royale's. What I mean is, it isn't just enough that these bad movies get one shot at the title of supreme champion. They need 2. So...we will be doing the King of the Ring brackets AND there will be a Royal Rumble as well. The winner of the KotR and the RR will face off in a championship match to decide which is the greatest piece of shit of 2012! Third, it's going to be all computer all the way. I will control no characters this time. Last year's computer match ups were much more interesting then the one's I played in and I don't want there to be any disputes over who is the greatest of them all. And finally, this year I'm going to be filming this thing. Last year, I typed out all the matches and spiced it up with some of my own commentary. This year, you'll get to SEE the action take place. It's just going to be me recording the computer screen with my camcorder BUT that's ok because I'll be right there behind it shouting and cheering and drinking heavily. So it'll make for excellent entertainment.

That being said, keep it here tomorrow to see your first 4 contestants. I'm changing it up this year. I've decided to keep the contestants a secret and instead first reviewing the film THEN creating the characters.

WHO DO YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE ROYALE?

I'm going to give you the chance to put a favorite in the Royale. Is there a personal favorite you'd like to see go toe to toe with histories finest junk films? Perhaps you'd like to see the fighting power of Troll 2 or the grappling styles of Manos: The Hands of Fate? Sound off in the comments and we'll put them up for a vote!

(Feel free to choose any movie I have already reviewed, the only exceptions are all of the contestants from last year.)

Bad Movie Battle Royale CONTEST WINNER!

First I would like to say a big thank you to everyone that participated in the contest. It was fun setting up the characters and watching them duke it out in the squared circle. But now its time for business. Your WINNER of the 2011 Bad Movie Battle Royale BETTING CONTEST IS:

VINCENT!

Out of the dozen or so people that voted, only a couple placed their bets on TerrorVision. One was my fiance...and she wanted her winnings delivered to her in inches (OH SNAP) so Vincent is your Bad Movie Battle Royale Bad Movie Giveaway Mega-Amazing FUCK YEAH! Contest Winner!

What did he win?

THE SPECIAL EDITION OF CARNOSAUR ON DVD! And do you know what makes this edition so special? Is it the inkjet printed coverart? Is it the "Play Movie" option on the INTERACTIVE menus? Perhaps your ability to choose a scene? Or maybe, just maybe, the option to see the credits from the DVD menu. Abridged. No, it's the fact that Carnosaur is on DVD motherfucker. That's your special edition! But I am really jealous because this is presented in 16:9 widescreen and all I have is my crappy VHS tape. Soon I will own the Carnosaur Special Edition...very soon. Fuck you Jurassic Park, Carnosaur rules.

So Vincent, email me at mrgablesreality@hotmail.com and send me your address so I can mail this (among other things) to you immediately! You must watch CARNOSAUR!

And when you're done with Carnosaur, track down Carnosaur 2 and Carnosaur 3: Primal Species. Trust me....these things keep getting better!

The Bad Movie Battle Royale: Round 4 (FINAL)

Welcome one and all to the BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE! Today we will see our final 2 fighters battling it out for supreme victory as Bad Movie Battle Royale 2011 CHAMPION! It's been a hell of a battle. We've seen disappointments and dominations. Now we see the top two fighters in the IRON ARENA. Panman, the no holds barred fighter from the west coast who murders people with Pans in hilarious ways. And TerrorVision, the giant trash monster from parts unknown that enjoys eating people in hilarious ways. These two fighters really had what it takes to get this far. Let's see which one is the REAL champion.

FINAL MATCH

They're heading down to the ring now. TerrorVision's music resonates over the speakers:

I listen to this song on a regular basis. How badass is that?

Any man that carries a scale to the ring means business.

TerrorVision started out as the fan favorite among many people but it kinda looks like the crowd may be turning on him. He's really been beating the shit out of people in the last couple matches. The crowd seems really divided by his actions.

Then again, Panman has an injury and when it comes to situations such as these...people like to root for the underdog. And speaking of...here comes PANMAN!

CRANK THAT SHIT! LET EVERYONE KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!

U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

EVERYONE'S ON THEIR FEET! THE PLACE HAS GONE INSANE! PEOPLE ARE DYING FROM THAT BAZOOKA! THE ROOF HAS LITERALLY BEEN BLOWN OFF THIS PLACE! GOD BLESS YOU PANMAN!

For truth, justice, and the American way!

DING DING DING!


They're sizing each other up. Neither one is particularly interested in being the first to attack. Panman has a slight stagger in his step from that match yesterday but he otherwise looks fine. They circle each other, mentally wrestling each other.


TV advances. Shoulder breaker. Oh thank god, he's not going for that leg. Panman is up on his feet, OH SHIT! HE IS PISSED! He just threw TV out of the ring. He's taking this outside! He's climbing the ropes, he wouldn't dare....HE DOES! HE FLIES OFF THE TOP ROPE TO THE OUTSIDE.....AND MISSES! TV rolls out of the way. Panman is staggering, clutching his chest. TV is damned lucky he got out of the way, that would have been DEVASTATING.


TV picks up Panman. Back in the ring...TV drags him up...grapple...SIDE SUPLEX! This guy just never ends with the side suplexes. I don't think Panman is doing so well. He's holding onto those ribs like something is broken. TV picks up Panman and whips him into the corner. BIG HEADBUTT! PANMAN IS BLEEDING! OH DEAR GOD PANMAN IS BLEEDING! AND HE'S DOWN!


TV goes to the top rope. It looks like he's about to finish this. TV JUMPS....aaannnnddd.....MISSES! PANMAN MOVED! HOW DID HE DO THAT!? Panman is on his feet, it looks like he's gaining back some momentum. TV is up, he looks confused and shocked. Panman comes at him with the punches, left right left right. TV is backed in the corner. Panman retreats and charges the corner....AND MISSES! TV DODGES! OH DEAR GOD! He just rammed those damaged ribs into the steel corner. THIS IS INSANE!


TV gets the grapple, TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER! HOLY SHIT WHERE DID THAT COME FROM!? He has his special. He's got Panman on his feet...Panman is staggering...struggling to stand...TerrorVision...HITS HIM WITH THE TRASH COMPACTOR! THAT HAS TO BE IT! TV rolls him up for the pin...1....2....3!!!



IT'S ALL OVER! TERRORVISION WINS! TERRORVISION WINS! TERRORVISION IS YOUR 2011 BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE CHAMPION!

Panman, if you're reading this. Please don't kill me.

That is all she wrote. TerrorVision, after one domination and several big upsets, is your 2011 Bad Movie Battle Royale Champion! It was a long journey for TerrorVision...and Panman for that matter. I was happy to see someone who had the long road take the win. Let's have a round of applause for your winner: TerrorVision.


And who knew? I certainly liked the movie, I thought it had a lot of power but I didn't think it had THAT much power. I was certain Orca was going all the way. Or Birdemic. But I knew Panman could do it. I was hoping for an Orca/Panman showdown. But TerrorVision vs Panman was equally as exciting. Obviously I stuck the injury in there for entertainment purposes...that doesn't happen in this game. But who cares? It was fun.

And speaking of fun...I would like to thank everyone who took part in the Battle Royale. What started out as a cool reason to watch movies turned out to be WAY more fun than I thought it would be. I loved creating the characters, creating their profiles. I loved reviewing the movies. And the Royale was a BLAST. Sitting here and watching the computer battle it out was actually like being at a pay per view or some shit. I loved it. And I will definitely have to do this again. Maybe even before year end? BMBR 2011 Part 2 anyone?


And I'd like to remind everyone to head on over to the Loser Bracket post and let your voice be heard if you want more of this Battle Royale. If 10 people want more, I'll give you more. If you're guy lost, this is your chance at redemption.


And another contest.

The Bad Movie Battle Royale: Round 3

Welcome one and all to the BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE! Today we will see 4 fighters battling it out in 2 Round 3 matches. First up, Orca: The Killer Whale vs TerrorVision. After what these two powerhouses did in their last matches, this will be a rumble not to be missed. And finally, Panman goes up against Rumpelstiltskin. This is a match up only dreamed up by the bad movie gods. Both of them have equal parts action/comedy/and romance. These two definitely have a lot in common but not today. Today, only one of them gets to move onto the 4th and final round. Let's begin.

MATCH 1: Orca: The Killer Whale vs TerrorVision

FIGHT!

Orca comes out strong, gets TV in the grapple, side suplex. TV is up on his feet...BIG SLAM! HOLY SHIT HE JUST LIFTED ORCA OFF THE GROUND! He's reaching down and around Orca....BIG GERMAN SUPLEX OFF THE MATT!!! OH MY GOD, HOW IS HE DOING THIS? WITH ALL THAT WEIGHT THIS JUST ISN'T POSSIBLE! (He is out of this world you know)

TV is taking this outside the ring. ANOTHER BIG SLAM! ANOTHER GIANT GERMAN SUPLEX! HOLY FUCK! ORCA'S HEAD IS SPINNING! HIS EYES HAVE GLAZED OVER! SOMEBODY CALL A DOCTOR TO FIX THIS GUY'S EGO...TERRORVISION IS DOMINATING!!!

TV takes it back to the ring. He has Orca in a fireman's carry....SIDEWAYS DDT!! SPECIAL! TV HAS HIS SPECIAL!!! He's managed to get Orca up to his fins...grapple...HE HITS THE TRASH COMPACTOR!!

TerrorVision wastes NO TIME.

TV rolls him up for the pin and 1...2....3!!! HOLY SHIT HE GOT IT! ORCA...HE HAD NO CHANCE!! HE JUST GOT DESTROYED!! ORCA! ORCA! MY MONEY?? I LOST SO MUCH MONEY ON YOU!!!!

TerrorVision advances to Round 4! THE FINAL ROUND!

MATCH 2: Panman vs Rumpelstiltskin

FIGHT!

And now, I would like to announce your guest commentator for this evenings main event: MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE!

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooYYYYYEAAAHHHHH!!! Let's see what these Macho Man WANNA BEEEEEEEES can do.

Panman charges out of the gate. GET HIM! He grabs a hold of Rump and hits him with a quick suplex. They teach you to do these things in wrestling school as it quickly takes them down and out of the picture but THAT AIN'T HOW THE MACHO MAN PLAYS THE GAME. MACHO MAN WOULD'VE ELBOW DROPPED THAT MOTHER FUCKER.

oooooooooooooo YEAH!

Rump counters with a BIG KICK. Panman spins and counters with a knockdown. Rump is on his feet.

This is fucking boring. I need to get in there and whoop some ass.

(Mr. Gable) WOAH WOAH WOAH Not to worry folks. I called in the authorities to take out the Macho Man before he could interfere with this match up. Must have been all that coke he had earlier. Back to the match:

Panman lays out Rump with a shoulder breaker. Rump is rolling around screaming A LOT of profanities. Did he just say FUCKETH ME? HAHAHAHA HE DID!! Panman drags him to his feet, fireman's carry....SLAM on the matt. Rump is not looking too good.

Panman pulls him up and throws him into the corner. He charges....RUMP DODGES! PANMAN IS IN THE CORNER, HE TURNS AROUND!! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA RUMPELSTILTSKIN JUST GAVE HIM THE BIGGEST BITCH SLAP I'VE EVER SEEEEEEEEN!!!

Panman staggers forward, Rump gets a hold of him...KNEE BREAKER! OH SHIT I HEARD SOMETHING BREAK! Panman is up...he's limping. This isn't good. Panman gives Rump a couple of chest chops. Rump retaliates with his own brand of chest chops. Back and forth. OOOHHH That's gotta fuckin hurt. Panman punches Rump in the face, whips him into the ropes....SIDEWALK SLAM! He picks up Rump and....POWERBOMB!

OH NOOO!! Panman is down! Rump is down! Panman's leg gave out under him. Oh fuck! Rumpelstiltskin is up...he's got Panman.......PANMAN HAS HIS SPECIAL!!! OUT OF NOWHERE PANSLAM!!!! PANSLAM!!!!!

Panman rolls over on top of him....1.....2.....3!!!!!! PANMAN WINS IT! PANMAN WINS IT!!!!

Panman advances to Round 4! THE FINAL ROUND!

Well that certainly was exciting. TerrorVision had some kind of bloodlust towards Orca. He competely lost his shit. Orca barely was able to do anything. Poor bastard. And Rumpelstiltskin...he did everything he could do bring down the mighty Panman but in the end Panman found it within himself to bring him down. But I'm worried about that knee, will it be healed enough tomorrow to make it through TerrorVision?

Check back here TOMORROW for the FINAL ROUND in the BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE!!!

oooooooooooooooooooooooo YEAH!

Bad Movie Battle Royale Loser Bracket?

8-Bit Reviews stole an idea from me and now I will steal an idea from them. (well it's technically not stealing since we're all on the same team but fuck it. When something's awesome, it's awesome. 8-Bit is awesome and I love their Bracket Brawl. It's gonna be awesome and I'm totally gonna win.)

That being said:

What do you guys think of a Loser Bracket? With all of these upsets and this craziness with (supposedly) great fighters getting beaten out in the first round, what do you think of a loser bracket? Winner of the loser bracket faces the champion of the Bad Movie Battle Royale in a special event for supreme victory as...without a shadow of a doubt...the greatest bad movie (of the 12 that I chose to participate in the royale).

I'm asking for 10 PEOPLE to post a comment here and let me know that you want to see more. Just 10. If not, we'll let it go and get on with our lives. If you're enjoying what you've seen so far, let's take it a little further. But ultimately, its up to you.

And this time it'd be different. I'd do the loser bracket all in one post, a mini-synopsis of the match and the victor. I wouldn't draw it out for an entire week.

Unless you ask me to.

Also, this does not effect the contest or the winner of the Bad Movie Battle Royale as it stands this week. The loser bracket would simply be the...rematch to determine just exactly WHO is the REAL bad movie in this place.

You have until Friday.

The Bad Movie Battle Royale: Round 2

Welcome one and all to the BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE! Today we will see 8 fighters battling it out in 4 Round 2 matches. First up, Orca: The Killer Whale will be taking on Quest for the Mighty Sword. Orca is clearly the better movie...but after seeing what Quest has up her sleeve in Round 1 this will make for a great match up. Next, it's TerrorVision vs Birdemic. This time Birdemic is the fan favorite. Does TV have what it takes to take down easily one of the best/worst movies ever made? After that, Panman returns to take on Alligator. Alligator and Panman are great movies and well paced so I can only assume that this battle will be no less. And last we see Alienator vs Rumpelstiltskin. Rumpelstiltskin takes it when it comes to watchability but can he avoid the Cyborg Stunner? We will see in ROUND 2 OF THE BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE!

**I would also like to note that from this point on, the only character I have control over is Alienator. I thought the game allowed the option for me to play as any character during any round. This is not the case. So for the most part what happens from this point on is all up to the computer.

MATCH 1: Orca: The Killer Whale vs Quest for the Mighty Sword

FIGHT!

Quest meets Orca in the middle of the ring and they grapple. (THIS IS SO FUCKING EXCITING) Quest tries for a side suplex...but Orca is just too damn heavy. She limps away holding her back. Orca rushes towards her...BULLDOG! He just bulldogged her!! Something I've heard she's quite used to.

Quest gets up and...BIG PUNCH TO ORCA'S FACE! ORCA IS BLEEDING! There's a river of blood flowing from his face. This is insane. Actually...it looks like Orca has gone insane. He comes back at her with a quick punch...but Quest counters and punches him....but ORCA COUNTERS AGAIN AND....hits the big punch to the side of her face. Orca picks her off the matt, in the grapple...side suplex. Quest gets up...struts up to Orca....OOOOHHH!!!!! SHE JUST BITCH SLAPPED HIM!! HAHAHAHA

Orca does not seem happy about that. She rushes her and....CLOTHESLINE. He just knocked her head off!! That's gonna hurt in the morning. Quest is up, she's staggering....SPEAR! ORCA JUST SPEARED HER! If she were an ocean front town she would be ON FIRE right now. Orca has his special, Quest is staggering...HE HITS IT! He lands THE KILLER WHALE!

I think she's enjoying that a little too much.

Orca goes for the pin....1....kick out. WHAT? HOW DID SHE DO THAT!!! Orca is OUTRAGED! He throws her outside. His face is all business right now. He grabs her head, throws it between his legs....POWERBOMB! Powerbomb on the outside! He picks her up...NECKBREAKER! OH MY GOD! How can her head take any more punishment??? He jumps on her for the pin...1....2....3!!!!

Orca advances to Round 3!

MATCH 2: TerrorVision vs Birdemic

FIGHT!

 

These are both fan favorites but I'm thinking most people are rooting for Birdemic. He looked very good in try outs and here he comes. He throws a punch, TV retaliates with another punch. Punch Punch Punch. TV grabs Birdemic...Side suplex. TV picks him up...it looks like he's going to try it again...REVERSAL! Birdemic reverses with his own suplex. TV is down on the matt. He goes down for the pin....1 count.

TV gets up...gets ahold of Birdemic...side suplex. It would appear that this is TV's trademark move. He picks up Birdemic for what can only be ANOTHER side suplex but...BIRDEMIC REVERSES INTO AN ANKLE LOCK! Oh my god, he's going to snap his fucking ankle! TV is writhing in pain! It's horrible. He releases it and waits. TV gets to his feet...FLYING KNEE! Birdemic practically flew across the ring with his knee extended outward! OWN'D!

TV IS DOWN, Birdemic is on top of him delivering big punches. Birdemic gets TV up to his feet, throws him into the ropes....SPINNING DDT! Birdemic is just dominating this match up. He gets TV up to his feet, goes for a big headbutt and...TV REVERSES! BIG PUNCH TO THE FACE! BIRDEMIC IS BLEEDING! BIRDEMIC IS BLEEDING!

TV comes back BIG. While Birdemic is staggering around clueless to what just happened, TV rushes behind him and BULLDOGS HIM right into the matt. TV picks him up, throws him into the ropes...SIDEWALK SLAM. He picks him up one more time...PILEDRIVER! Dear god no, what is TV doing? He's up on the top ropes...OH MY GOD! HE'S GOT BIRDEMIC. TV JUST FLEW FROM THE TOP ROPES FOR A... SOMERSAULT STUNNER!! 

OWN'D

1...2.....3!!!! It's all over! TV WINS THE UPSET! BIRDEMIC LOSES! BIRDEMIC LOSES!!!!!!!!

TerrorVision advances to Round 3!

MATCH 3: Alligator vs Panman

FIGHT!

Panman ain't takin any shit from Gator. He comes out swinging. Alligator stops him in his tracks...BIG PUNCH! OH SHIT! Panman is BLEEDING! PANMAN IS BLEEDING! Gator gets the grapple and Panman reverses...and kicks Gator right in the face. Alligator is up, he's in the ropes...he's back...Panman doesn't seem to be paying attention...OH!! RUNNING CLOTHESLINE!!! PANMAN IS DOWN! PANMAN IS DOWN!


Seizing this opportunity, Alligator busts out his ghettoblaster and places it in the corner. The following is played throughout the rest of the match:

WHY? Because Alligator is fucking badass, that's why!

OH SHIT! PANMAN JUST HIT HIM WITH A CHAIR! HAHAHAHA Stupid Gator. Shouldn't have been playing awesome music. Now he's got him up and....CHOKESLAM!! Panman just chokeslammed ALLIGATOR! Do you realize how fucking HEAVY HE IS??? He's driving him into the ground. He's stomping a mudhole in his ass! How can Gator be taking it!?


Alligator wipes his foot away. He's up! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!? (you see...the alligator has a very tough outer skin capable of withstanding large amounts of ass whoopin. to truly defeat the alligator you must attack its underside or its mouth.)


Alligator whips Panman into the ropes. Panman......PANMAN DODGES THE CLOTHESLINE! HE'S INTO THE OTHER SET OF ROPES AND...SPINNING DDT!!! SPINNING DDT!!! Alligator is face down. Panman reaches down and scoops him up...AND OVER HIS HEAD! A MASSIVE GERMAN SUPLEX OFF THE MATT!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT. You guys really should've bought tickets to this thing. That was amazing.


Alligator is staggering. Panman gets him in the grapple...he's lifting him onto his shoulders. AIRPLANE SPIN! OH FUCK HE'S DOING AN AIRPLANE SPIN!!! THIS IS SO FUCKING AWESOME!! AAAAANNNNDDDD....he spins him into something similar to a diamond cutter!! Panman rolls him over...picks him up....INVERTED DDT!

I really hope this is what happens in Panman 2: Panman vs A GIANT FUCKING ALLIGATOR.

He goes for the pin...1....2....3!!! OH MY GOD HE DID IT! NO SPECIAL! NO SPECIAL!!!!! Panman is so badass he beat him with normal moves. Amazing!!!!


Panman advances to Round 3!

MATCH 4: Alienator vs Rumpelstiltskin

FIGHT!

Alienator runs up and PUNCHES RUMP RIGHT IN THE FACE! HE'S BLEEDING! 3 SECONDS AND HE'S BLEEDING! RUMP IS UP AND....OH!! KICK TO ALIENATOR'S FACE!!! ALIENATOR IS BLEEDING!!! 9 SECONDS AND THE BLOOD IS RUNNING THICKER THAN THE MISSISSIPPI!!

6 seconds later...fucking WIN.

Rump...snap suplex to Alienator. Alienator...to the top rope. Rump runs up AND TOSSES HER OFF THE TOP ROPE! WHAT THE FUCK!!! HAHAHAHA That was awesome! Rump runs up and hits her with the DOMINATOR (I'll leave your imagination figure that one out)


Rump gets Alienator up on his shoulders...AND SPINNING NECKBREAKER! Jesus man, that's a woman, take it easy. OH SHIT! SHOULDER BREAKER! HOW MANY OTHER THINGS ARE THERE LEFT TO BREAK!!! Alienator retaliates...punch left, right, kick, grapple...she sends him to the corner. She rushes him...AND MISSES THE CLOTHESLINE! Oh fuck, her shoulder is really hurting now! Rump hits her with a big punch....SUPLEX! Rump is going to the top rope...oh dear god no...he wouldn't....FLYING LEG DROP!!! OH MY GOD!!! ALIENATOR IS BROKEN IN HALF!!! Rump picks her up, has her in his grasp...what is he going to do now? Somebody call the morgue and let them know they have incoming...Rump hits her with the SPINNING PILEDRIVER! OH DEAR GOD PIN HER ALREADY!!! 1....2....3! Rumpelstiltskin win! Thank god its all over, I'm gonna need a beer after watching that.


Rumpelstiltskin advances to Round 3! Panman...look out. You have a psycho on your hands.


Keep it here at Mr. Gable's Reality for ROUND 3 of the BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE! Round 3 will see TWO EPIC MATCH UPS. First Orca: The Killer Whale takes on TerrorVision. A battle that will most assuredly end very badly for one of them. After what TerrorVision did to The Amazing Bulk and Birdemic, does Orca have what it takes to bring him down? And our second match...Panman vs Rumpelstiltskin. These two powerhouse wowed audiences during tryouts. Both were extremely impressive and highly underrated. They really need to see more action. But after the pummeling Rumpelstiltskin gave Alienator, can Panman survive the brutality long enough for the win?


Find out tomorrow in Round 3 of the BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE!

The Bad Movie Battle Royale: Round 1

MS Paint baby.

Welcome one and all to the BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE! Today we will see 8 fighters battling it out in 4 Round 1 matches. First up, Quest for the Mighty Sword vs R.O.T.O.R. Both movies are extremely terrible but at the same time hilarious. This should be an equally entertaining match up. Next, it's The Amazing Bulk vs TerrorVision. TerrorVision is everyone's fan favorite in this bout but he will have his hands full with the overweight, underdressed AMAZING BULK. After that, Panman will faceoff against She. Is he a man's man who refuses to hit ladies or will he pummel her into the ground? And SHE, we know she takes shit from no man having built an entire civilization of man hating women so this should be an interesting fight. And last is Alienator vs Future-Kill. A match that everyone will be able to tolerate because they're so wasted. Nobody fucking likes either of them. So...whatever.

MATCH 1: Quest for the Mighty Sword vs. R.O.T.O.R.

FIGHT!

Quest comes out swinging. Rotor is backed into the corner, Quest hits him with a right jab and he's locked in the turnbuckles. Quest backs up and runs....OH! CLOTHESLINE! Rotor is knocked down. Quest faces the crowd for a quick taunt and....Rotor has her grappled from behind. Quest, with a smile on her face, kicks back between her legs and delivers a devastating low blow. Rotor is down again. The look on his face is not one of joy. Pain. That is the look of pain.

Rotor is up and comes flying at Quest with a roundhouse kick...and Quest deflected it. She has his foot in her hands and...and...Rotor flips through the air, kicking her in the face. He pulls her up to her feet and delivers a snap suplex. Quest gets up and whips Rotor into the ropes. He comes back into A SIDEWALK SLAM. OH SHIT! He just got DOMINATED.

Rage swells in Rotor's face. He whips Quest into the ropes and...SPEAR! HE SPEARED HER RIGHT INTO THE MATT. HE'S UNRELENTING. He's on top of her pummeling her face. Bruises are swelling up everywhere. He's got her up on her feet now and...he's taking it to the outside. He's got the ringside steel steps and...HOLY SHIT! RIGHT IN HER FACE! That's going to require medical attention. After what he's done to her face today, there's no chance she'll ever get a date. Not that she was ever that hot to begin with.

Quest returns to the ring, fleeing in terror. Rotor...dear god no....he's got his special. He gets Quest in a grapple and...HE JUST LAID HER OUT WITH THE ROTOR SPINNER. TWICE! Quest is down...but Rotor isn't pinning her. What the fuck is he doing? I guess he wants some more. Quest gets back to her feet. She....dear god she's....HULKING UP. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? She is gaining momentum. She's coming at him with the jabs, left right left right. Into the corner. She's got him right where she wants him. She looks like she's about to finish it. She's got him between her legs...a place all of us have been...and...and... POWERBOMB INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!!! I THINK HIS FUCKING NECK IS BROKEN!! She takes the pin and 1...2...3!!!!! PINFALL!!

Quest for the Mighty Sword advances to Round 2!

MATCH 2: The Amazing Bulk vs TerrorVision

FIGHT!

TV charges out of the gate. He is RELENTLESS! He's got Bulk on the ground. He is slapping him around like a red headed step child! Bulk has no choice but to head out of the ring and grab an equalizer - a stop sign. He's in the ring and...TV knocks it out of his hands and lands him with not one but TWO SIDE SUPLEXES!!! OH MY GOD!! TV HAS THE STOP SIGN!!

Man, I suck at this game.

TV is UNFORGIVING. He keeps beating the ever loving piss out of Bulk. His eyes have glazed over. His soul is no longer of this Earth. BUT WAIT! Bulk is up. He's knocked the stop sign out of TV's hand and he's got him in the corner. He hits him with the big head butt. And again. And again. AND AGAIN! How can TV take it!? Bulk takes a swing with the big right hand and...TV REVERSES! He lands a giant fist to the face and...

DEAR GOD THE AMAZING BULK IS BLEEDING!!! BLOOD IS EVERYWHERE!!! TV has his special meter...he's got Bulk in his grasp...and...and...HE HITS HIM WITH THE TRASH COMPACTOR!!! BULK IS DOWN! BULK IS DOWN!!! 1...2...3!!!!

TerrorVision advances to Round 2!

MATCH 3: Panman vs She

FIGHT!

She attacks Panman wildly! This is worse than that time my wife caught me cheating on her sister! THIS IS A MILLION TIMES WORSE! EYES! SHE'S GONE FOR THE EYES! Panman knocks her hands away and PUNCHES HER RIGHT IN THE FACE! SHE IS DOWN! Oh my god, this is a SLOBBERKNOCKER.

She comes back with a running spin kick. Panman is down. She takes it to the top rope. She jumps and...PANMAN MOVES! She lands hard. Her gut has been BUSTED. Panman takes it outside. She flees to the opposite side of the ring and takes aid from an audience member. She grabs their...bouquet of roses? Here she comes. SHE HITS HIM WITH THE ROSES! The thorns! THINK OF THE THORNS! She is beating him with the bouquet of roses. Panman is....slightly annoyed. He gets to his feet and heads back to the ring.

She enters the ring and knocks him down with another spin kick. She attempts the top rope again and...MISSES! SHE MISSED AGAIN! Panman is on his feet. He tosses her into the ropes and...SPINNING DDT! OH MY GOD! SPINNING DDT! She is down. Panman is on top of her punching the shit out of her face. His fists are coming down like Asteroids of PAIN! He rolls She to the outside. Panman...what the fuck is he doing. He can't be...he wouldn't...

He's climbing the turnbuckles! From the top rope....FLYING HEADBUTT TO THE OUTSIDE! He has his special. He gets her to her feet...in the grapple...PANSLAM! He takes her down with the Panslam on the outside! He rolls her up for the pin...1....2...........3!!!! He's got it!

Panman advances to Round 2!

MATCH 4: Alienator vs Future-Kill

FIGHT!

Alienator charges FK and lands a clothesline. FK is down within 2 seconds. Alienator climbs the ropes. What is she doing? No way can she land this...SHE LANDS THE FLYING ELBOW! OH MY GOD! FK is crying like a little bitch! HAHAHAHAHA This is awesome!

FK is down. Alienator goes to the top rope and does it again. THREE TIMES! This is pathetic. FK is about as useless as a one legged man in an ass whoopin contest. Alienator has her special. She's got him in her grasp and...SHE HITS IT! The Cyborg Stunner!

But what's this? She's not pinning him. She's going for the tap out! She's at his feet...and...PUTS HIM IN THE SHARPSHOOTER! A move made famous by the great Bret "The Hitman" Hart. But he doesn't tap out. She lets him go. She couldn't stand his whimpy little screams. She's got him on his feet and...SUPLEX. SUPLEX. SUPLEX. SUPLEX. Wow. Alienator is but a cat with its toy. She takes him to the corner and gives him not one, but three headbutts. FK is down. She's got her special again. FK is on his feet, Alienator gets the grapple...and STUNNER! But wait, she's getting him back up again...ANOTHER STUNNER! Wait, she can't be. She's got him up one more time....dear god no, let the man live! STUNNER! SHE LANDS THREE STUNNERS! He's tilting his head forward...can he take any more? NO! He's out! He's out cold. Alienator has just knocked Future-Kill THE FUCK OUT! TKO! TKO!

Alienator advances to Round 2!

Keep it here at Mr. Gable's Reality tomorrow for ROUND 2 of the BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE. Round 2 will see Quest for the Mighty Sword vs Orca: The Killer Whale, TerrorVision vs Birdemic, Panman vs Alligator, and Alienator vs Rumpelstiltskin. So until tomorrow...take it easy. And watch bad movies.

The Bad Movie Battle Royale Draft Picks!!

WELCOME TO THE FIRST EVER BAD MOVIE BATTLE ROYALE DRAFT! This is truly an exciting time. We have spent the last month and a half meeting our contenders and sizing them up. They've had ample time to train and now its showtime!

I have in front of me a bucket and 12 slips of paper. Written on the paper are the names of all 12 contenders. If you need to see them again...refer to this post. Now, let's review the bracket one last time.

Lucky contenders 1, 6, 7, and 12 will each receive a first round bye. 2-5 & 8-11 will have to fight it out in all 4 rounds. That being said. Let's pick the order:

1-Orca: The Killer Whale
2-Quest for the Mighty Sword
3-R.O.T.O.R.
4-The Amazing Bulk
5-TerrorVision
6-Birdemic

7-Alligator
8-Panman
9-She
10-Alienator
11-Future-Kill
12-Rumpelstiltskin

Orca, Birdemic, Alligator, and Rumpelstiltskin will all receive a first round bye. Fuck. I wanted to see ALL of those go all 4 rounds. Oh well. It will still be a good match up because the first round will see Quest for the Mighty Sword against R.O.T.O.R. - Both of them EPICALLY BAD movies. That's pretty amazing that fate would put them together. Next up, TerrorVision is going to have a fight on his hands against The Amazing Bulk. I think this is the best match of Round 1. The Bulk is a big nasty bastard but I think TerrorVision has what it takes to bring him down. Next up is Panman vs She. Both amazing films and deserving of one another but only one can go on. And I really can't decide which. If it's anything like the beginning of Panman, She is going down. And finally, the most pathetic match in this entire deal...Alienator vs Future-Kill. I had no preference over each of them. I kinda hated both of them. But I at least tolerated Alienator so that'd be my bet.

What do you think? I would've matched them up much differently but I think this will make for an entertaining conclusion. We have the possibility of see Alligator, Panman, & Rumpelstiltskin in the final round against Orca, TerrorVision, and Birdemic. (These would be the fan favorites I believe) So I think this will be an amazing fight.

Keep it here MONDAY for Round 1 of the Bad Movie Battle Royale. SEE YA!

Happy Friday! Get your bets in for the Royale!

Remember to head over to the contest page and bet on who you think will win the Royale.

BETTING ENDS AT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT (3/18/11).

I wish I could've posted something more awesome today but you know...it was St. Patties day yesterday. I am nursing a rum/mariokart hangover. It was pretty brutal let me tell you. BOTH of them kicked my ass. Lots of swearing transpired.

Remember to check back tomorrow morning for the Bad Movie Battle Royale DRAFT. I'll be hand picking the contestants out of a bucket to see where they will be placed on the brackets. And then monday the royale begins.

I'd also like to wish everyone a Happy Friday and have a great Weekend! We'll see you here tomorrow. Until then, enjoy this clip from Deadly Prey, a movie I sincerely wish I get an opportunity to watch this weekend.

The Bad Movie Battle Royale Rules and Contest Reminder

We are on the home stretch friends. T minus 5 days until the ROYALE!!! It’s been WAY too long since I first started this thing. You’d think watching a dozen movies and reviewing them wouldn’t be all that hard but when you’re juggling around work and life it has it’s challenges. But that doesn’t matter now. What matters is that the reviews are done. The contenders have weighed in. Let’s have one final look at the them…

Featherweights

Rumpelstiltskin, Future-Kill, & Birdemic

Heavyweights

R.O.T.O.R., Panman, & TerrorVision

The Lovely Ladies

Alienator, Quest for the Mighty Sword, & She

Superweights

The Amazing Bulk, Alligator, & Orca

This is it! This is the Battle Royale! A month and a half in the making. It's all come down to this.

THE RULES

Event: Wrestlemania (obviously.)
Time Limit: Unlimited (I'd do a time limit but experience with the computer suggests that they may go over)
Count Out: Hardcore (This means no count out, back room accessibility, and use of weapons)
Pins, Submissions, & TKOs: Yes (This can happen anywhere)
Ropebreak & Disqualifications: No (What are we, pussies!? NO!)
Bloodshed: Can I get a HELL YEAH! (but no First Blood matches. Those always end too soon)

This is what the brackets will look like.

Saturday morning will be the Bad Movie Battle Royale DRAFT. I will put the names of all 12 contenders into a hat and they will be chosen at random to fill all 12 slots. The lucky 4 that get 1, 6, 7, and 12 will get a first round bye while contenders 2-5 & 8-11 will have to fight it out all four rounds.

So the first round will consist of 4 byes and 4 matches. The winners of the 4 matches will go on to face the first round byes in round 2. Round 3 will pit the top 4 contenders against one another in 2 semi-final bouts. And finally round 4 will decide who the ultimate victor is.

This is how the gameplay is going to work. In round 1 I will be controlling characters 3, 4, 9, and 10. This doesn’t necessarily mean that I will win…I’ve already tried a few “trial” bouts and this is hardly the case. Especially with so many different skill levels and fighting styles intermixed. In round 2, I will control the bye characters. 1, 6, 7, and 12. I do this to get the maximum effect from playing the game. And for fun. In round 3, I will take control the of underdogs. In the two matches, whoever’s average score during tryouts was lowest is the character that I will take hold of and do my damndest to get to the top. A minor handicap, not necessarily a sure win though. And for the 4th and final round, I will let the computer decide. I’ll sit back and enjoy the show.

And an interesting show it will be.

CONTEST REMINDER

Click here to go to the Bad Movie Battle Royale Contest Page. You still have time to get your bets in!

CONTEST IS CLOSED FRIDAY NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT.

The winner will receive a free bad movie DVD from me! What is it? Who knows. But it’ll be awesome, I guarantee it! (You can also find links to all the reviews where you'll find stats for each character) And if you aren’t into contests but would still like to get in on the fun, leave your comments here on who you think will be the winner! At the very least you can have some bragging rights.
Good luck to the contenders and good luck to the contestants.

3/21/11: The Bad Movie Battle Royale 2011 begins…

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Quest for the Mighty Sword aka Troll 3 (1990) [Bad Movie Battle Royale Contender]

Quest for the Mighty Sword is…is…it’s pretty terrible. I was so looking forward to it but it’s just not what I wanted. Granted, I knew full well this was gonna blow. I think we all knew that. BUT it just wasn’t entirely full of “good/bad” moments. I guess I was looking for another Troll 2. Which happens to be connected to this movie. But I'll explain that later.

Sure, there were still a few memorable scenes. This movie isn’t a complete waste of time. Like there’s this scene where they’re on their way through this palace and these guards show up and Ator (that’s the lead character) and his sidekick are weaponless. Ator looks to his sidekick, smiles, and reaches out his left hand. And suddenly a wrist weapon appears OUT OF NOWHERE and he blows the guards away. That was probably my biggest WTF moment. There’s several but that one just made several of my brain cells commit suicide.

Here, take this line delivery for example.

Epic Win at 0:35

HAHAHAHA! WOW. That’s just awesome. But can you really watch 90 minutes of this? I did. If you really REALLY enjoy bad movies and watch them for their ultimate shittiness, Quest for the Mighty Sword is for you. But for everyone else…pass on it.

The story starts out with Ator’s dad…ironically played by the same actor as his son…Ator. So old Ator must do battle against a couple of rapists.

SOUND THE RAPE HORN!

Ator loses and dies. He gives his broken sword to be kept so that one day when young Ator grows up he may forge it back together and defeat the evil bad guys. And then...several years later Ator is all grown up and trying to find himself. He learns of the MIGHTY SWORD and decides to go on a QUEST for it. This lasts almost exactly 30 minutes. From the start of the movie. Ator’s ACTUAL quest probably only took 15-20 minutes. And WHERE does he find this MIGHTY SWORD you may ask? In his own. fucking. cave.

You could stop there. The quest is over. But why not press on? You've already wasted 30 minutes of your life. What's another 60?

He gets the sword and goes on a journey to rescue this chick that has been frozen in time since he was a baby. And also to find his mother. Who it turns out had sex with one of the Goblins from Troll 2. (Click that link, amazing Goblin make out scene) And ever since she had sex with said Goblin…she’s been a whore. For some reason she needs to keep boning guys to stay alive or something. I really didn’t care. Well Ator finds her…releases her from her curse…and she turns to dust. The End right?

Come along Robin! We still have 30 minutes of people's lives to waste.

WRONG. 30 minutes to go. Fuck, what do we do? Oh the time chick. She gets captured by a dude with horrible gonorrhea of the face who happens to have a statue fetish. He really fucking loves statues. And Goblins from Troll 2. So now it is up to Ator to save her. Ator uses his not-so-MIGHTY SWORD, his sidekick whoops ass with his boomerang of doom (that thing rules), and the day is saved finally ending the fourth and final Ator film.

Uhh....what?

Holy shit. There’s FOUR? Yes. And ironically…this one is actually titled: Ator III: The Hobgoblin. That’s THREE as in the NUMBER 3. The fourth film is the THIRD ATOR. WOW. Italian filmmakers are fucking awesome. You see…(I also detailed this out in the OTHER Troll 3 review I did)…The first 2 Ator films, Ator: The Invincible & Cave Dwellers (on Netflix Instant!), were done by Joe D’Amato. Then some other guy took over the third one…Iron Warrior. And it turns out Joe was so appalled with it that he refused to acknowledge its existence so he went out and made the “real” Ator 3 using some props from Troll 2, another film he had just wrapped up around the same time Quest for the Mighty Sword was made. Just you try and make sense of it.

So when all is said and done…eh. I’m sure I’ll own it just because its so terrible and I’ll need to have it. Because I need to own everything. But for now I’m content to leave it sit in my Netflix Instant Queue (for any of you that feel the need to test your endurance…have at it). I’m in no hurry to watch it again.

And now, for the dozens in attendance...LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!

Allow me to explain the Bad Movie Battle Royale for those of you that missed my original post or are reading this review many months down the road. I am pitting 12 movies against one another in a death match of doom! This is the twelfth AND FINAL of the twelve. Each time I watch one of them I will create a wrestling character from the Nintendo 64 game: WWF No Mercy that coincides with the film. Enter: Quest for the Mighty Sword.

So what if he's a woman. Did you see the picture up there?

He shows more skin than the women in this movie.

Strength: 3 (He looks built...but meh.)

Speed: 10 (He can run from place to place with the flick of a cut scene)

Edurance: 10 (He's ALWAYS RUNNING)

Agility: 5 (meh.)

Offense: 2 (sure he's got the big sword but he can't use it very well.)

Defense: 3 (He's always in trouble)

Recovery: 10 (but he always bounces back extremely fast)

Bleeding: 1 (PG-13 bullshit)

Overall, Quest for the Mighty Sword rates an average: 5.50 (impressive. I've picked him (her) to win and I'll stick by that. I think ignorance will get this one through)