Saturday, October 23, 2010

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Charles Band #9


It's October and with it comes a huge list of epic greatness. In case you haven't read the intro to this thing, I'll be counting down 31 of the greatest Charles Band movies. Keep your internet dials tuned to Mr. Gable's Reality DAILY for new and exciting Charles Band goodness. I began this countdown with TEN Charles Band movies that I have yet to see, then I explored ELEVEN films that personally learned the art of Kick Ass! from Charles Band, and now I present to you, the loyal Reality fans, THE TOP TEN CHARLES BAND MOVIES OF ALL TIME! Let's do this thing...

The Greatest Bad Movies Charles Band Has Ever Produced #9

Ah hahahaha the poster's enough guys right? You don't need a trailer do you? Oh wait, the trailer's way better!

The Trailer:

I'm gonna make so many dick jokes.

Dollman. That's what I've named my cock...because it's 13 inches of attitude. (nobody? not funny? I know. Had to do it)

So Dollman is epic for several reasons. #1 being Tim Thomerson. This guy makes bad movies AMAZING. I know the premise to this movie is pretty crazy...really crazy...but Tim Thomerson somehow manages to make it seem like it's a good god damn movie. It's absolutely magical how he does it. I love Tim Thomerson. If I was 40 years older and gay I'd do him.

Can you just imagine a 13 inch dude jerkin me off? AH HAHAHA that was awesome. Bad images! BAD IMAGES!

Now besides having an insane plot and some general out-of-this-world craziness...including a mortal enemy that is just a hovering head...there is one scene in particular that...PROPELS this movie onto the Top Ten. I couldn't find it on YouTube but basically it involves Dollman leaping from an apartment window and clinging onto the side of a getaway car. It's so god damned funny. You need to see it.

So for having unfindable YouTube scenes and starring pre-Freddy Krueger Jackie Earle Haley, I give Dollman the #9 spot on the 31 greatest Charles Band movies of all time!

Also my dick is huge.

If you liked this movie then check out: Femalien & Femalien II: The Search of Kara


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  2. I was just repeating this to my wife earlier. I hate poo jokes, pee jokes and fat jokes but I love dick jokes! I'm selective in my low-brow humor.

    Btw, just re-watched Re-Animator tonight. You gotta admire a movie that gets completely out of hand in the first 60 seconds and never looks back. I also just wanted to give Herbert West the biggest hug, as he is the most adorable, insane little fucker I've ever come across.

    (P.S. Sorry for the erasure, wanted to get all of this in one comment)

  3. lol that's alright.

    Re-Animator is so fucking awesome. "I didn't kill him...I gave him LIFE!"