Saturday, October 23, 2010

I'm up really late. This is not good...for Fright Night.

A REAL American Hero.

I don't know what I'm doing. It's almost 3 in the morning and I'm burnt out. My brain is elsewhere and what's being typed right now is coming from the lost empty shell of a man. But that's alright, it'll probably make for better writing.

But anyway, I've wanted to say this for awhile and I just could never get around to it. But it's late, I'm out of my mind, and I think it's time to clear the air here. Just get it all out and let it be.

The Fright Night remake.

We know it's happening. They're probably done shooting. Who knows, who cares. But what's important is that they remade Fright Night. FRIGHT NIGHT. This movie is 80's horror GOLD. The original Fright Night has charm, class, and a perfect blend of humor and horror. It is the alpha and the omega of vampire movies. In short, it kicks ass.

But they're remaking it. Oh well, another remake right? It's not a big deal. Everybody pisses and moans about remakes. All over the internet people are complaining about the next remake but they'll go see it anyway. It's quite tiring actually. And I hate it. But here I am...doing it myself. I wasn't going to say anything. I really wasn't. But that was until I read something that just sent me over the edge. Here is a quote from an Interview MTV did with Dave of the "stars" of Fright Night.
"The original is very campy, very 80's in an awesome's a cult classic. That movie would not work today. It's obviously the same concept, but a lot has changed to make everything make sense now."
The original is CAMPY? How the fuck is it campy? Could it be the kid next door finding out his neighbor is a vampire so he seeks out the help of his favorite TV vampire killer? Is that campy? Oh's THE FUCKING PREMISE OF THE MOVIE. It's not campy, it's the movie. Dumbass.

Cult classic? I guess you could walk a fine line with this one. But what movie isn't a cult classic? And remaking a cult classic is a terrible idea. Nobody would fucking know what it is and the people that love the original are going to HATE your fucking movie. So what's the point?

That movie would not work today? I just made my fiance sit through it because I was hyping it up how amazing it is. And you know what? SHE FUCKING LOVED IT! You know why? Because it's AWESOME! There's a charm and connection you make with Fright Night. You watch it and Fright Night hits you in the heart. It's like watching family movies. It brings you back to the good old days when shit was REAL and AWESOME.


The concept is the same but a lot has changed to make it make sense now? What does that even fucking mean? So you took out EVERYTHING that made Fright Night, FRIGHT NIGHT. And you changed it all and made something shitty. Because it'll somehow make more sense. This new Peter Vincent looks like a douchebag. He's supposed to be a representation of Epic Horror legends Peter Cushing and Vincent Price. Not some fucked up Vegas magician douche. UGHN I can't stand it.

Why would you do that? Fright Night is genius and immensely entertaining. You want to take that all away and replace it with something sparkly. It just doesn't fucking make sense man. NO SENSE!

Fright Night 80's: Directed by Tom Holland, director of Child's Play.
Fright Night 10's: Directed by Craig Gillespie, director of...several TV commercials.

Fright Night remake, your movie is gonna blow so hard. I can't wait to watch it burn.


  1. Truer words were never spoken, my man. I think Franco was probably just tickled that he got to say "campy" and "cult classic" in the same sentence (herrrr, I can use cliches!). I can definitely see how that set you off. Some douchebag pretending to know something about a topic that you've so diligently schooled yourself in.

    Personally, I'm waiting for the remake of Citizen Kane by M. Knight Shamalamafuck.

  2. You can have a worse record than directing TV commercials and coming out with a remake of a movie no one wants remade where they've screwed with the characters. Dawn Of The Dead was remade by a commercials/music video director and they dumped popular characters from the original (personally I can't see why people were upset that "Flyboy" wasn't going to be in the new version, but this somehow seemed important at the time). They completely changed it and managed to get it right...

    But for those of you who've made it this far, I'm not saying this to defend the Fright Night remake.

    I'm defending TV commercial directors. Gillespie has left behind a a track record as a movie director, and it's literally all downhill.

    -Lars and the Real Girl - I've actually heard good things about this bizarre comedy about a guy dating a blow up doll

    - Mr. Woodcock - Straight down the crapper went the career. Out went the offbeat premises and in came the single entendres. This movie sucked.

    - Demotion to TV episodes - There are several guys in Hollywood who've done only one or two features before transitioning into being "the best" TV director out there. Daniel Attias springs to mind. In theaters he brought us Silver Bullet (granted, SB is great, but not in any way it was intended). On TV he works on House and Big Love, easily two of the biggest and better written shows on TV.

    Gillespie's TV work... FAG!

    So yes, Fright Night will be horrible, rated PG13, and what have you. At least Columbia will finally put out a decent disc of the original to cash in on the remake's publicity (DVDs of movies that were mixed for Dolby Pro Logic surround are easy to produce with 5.1 soundtracks, so when they don't do an upgrade on the sound and want 15-20 dollars for it you know they're just fucking with you).

  3. And getting a special awesome edition NEW DVD of the original Fright Night is the only reason a remake IS a good thing.

    That's really the only defense I have with a lot of remakes is that we usually see a kick ass version of the original appear with the release of the remake.

    An obvious moneygrab but for us it's a good thing because it makes for better DVDs.