Friday, August 6, 2010

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Creature (1985)

Do you like Horror? Do you like Science Fiction? Do you like ridiculous space stories that make absolutely no sense? Are you sick of watching Alien (1979) and looking for the next best thing? Well my friend, Creature is the movie for you.

Move over Alien because Creature is here. Well it was here... 25 years ago. But regardless it was there and kicking ass. Now to be completely honest, Alien was obviously an influence on this film, as it was multiple others throughout the 80's but Creature actually ends up being pretty entertaining and not a complete waste of time. Like I always say...its always good for a lazy saturday night when your dateless, friendless, and you just can't stand to watch any more porn on the internet.

So I bet you want to know if its gory right? I mean, a movie of this calibur absolutely has to have the gore factor if its going to reel anybody in to watch it. Oh yeah theres some fair gore here. I'll tell you its nothing new or outrageous but there's plenty of blood. The opening kill was the best I thought. Just a huge rush of blood inside the dude's spacesuit. It was great. But mostly the alien creature just likes to grab a hold of its victims and naw on their neck awhile. That's really all it does. The other, and more creative angle to this movie, is the little brain suckers. They look kind of like scorpion things that attach to your face somehow and they control you. So they can lets up your buddies and give you the all clear when in actuality...the scary monster is waiting for you. Genius I tell you, nobody and I mean NOBODY could have ever thought up something so great. *cough* sarcasm *cough*. I'm kidding, it was kind of cool though. As far as some other gore...torn limbs, shredded faces, and big teeth. That's some good stuff right there.

So what makes this movie so awful is the sheer stupidity of all the characters. Honestly found myself yelling at them for being so dumb. *SPOILER* Alright so this guy gets knocked out for a spell, wakes up and his girlfriend (who just died horribly 2 scenes ago) is standing outside, IN SPACE, without her helmet on, waving him to come outside. After he foolishly seeks her out, she proceeds to get naked for some reason, IN SPACE, then walks over to him and wants to take his helmet off. This guy is either delirious or a complete moron...probably both. Well anyways he dies and a lot of other dumb shit happens *END SPOILER*

There's some familiar cast members here. Wendy Schaal, who is completely adorable and extremely hot, is part of the main cast. You probably know her better for her voice...Francine of American Dad. Also some others that I can't decipher right now. But they're there. They spout off some good lines once in awhile. The creepy german guy macking on the female security chief was pretty hilarious. Also the apparent psychic chick looking off into space, "We aren't coming back, I can feel it. Make love to me." hahahaha awesome. Unnecessary sex scene with NOTHING to look at. What the hell man!?

So in the end I guess I liked it. The effects were very well done. According to the box it won some awards for its effects. The alien creature itself wasn't there all that much but it didn't look so bad. It's more or less a lot of dumb characters portrayed by a lot of crappy actors thrown into a stupid situation trying to survive the super badass alien creature. But I guess in the end all that matters is that this film, for better or worse, is FILLED with lot and lots of expendables.

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