Thursday, August 5, 2010

BAD MOVIE REVIEW: AVP: Alien vs Predator (2004)

Alien vs Predator is ok for your average mindless moviegoer, but for a fan of any Predator or Alien movie it is a massive disappointment. Such though that I'm writing this review while I'm watching the movie. It's almost over, but I doubt I'll need to finish it to display my anger towards it.

The first problem with it is Paul W.S. Anderson. What the hell is wrong with you? Stop making movies in your own vision, cause it doesn't work. Example...Resident Evil. It's an ok movie on its own, but to the fans of the games, its complete shit. Now we have AVP which is basically a Resident Evil adaptation within the AVP world.

I never had high expectations for it, but I had higher expectations than what they delivered. Lets take everything about the original films and forget the facts and make this damn thing. My biggest complaint is the Predators. I always thought they hunted alone, and WHY WHY WHY did it combine forces with that woman? I think he was just trying to show some honor in it, but come on, they've been hunting humans too. Or did we forget? Also the blades attached to their arms, they're at least 5 feet too long....and how the hell do you fuck up one of the greatest lines in all of cinema. A predator takes off his mask, you look at him in disgust, and say "You're one ugly motherfucker!" But no, lets say it about an alien instead, and cut off the motherfucker to get a PG-13 rating. Dicks.

I can't count the amount of times I rolled my eyes in the film. Everytime somebody said something or the Predators did something I was just like...What the Fuck? Its like the Predator has a new friend with this chick. There's so damn many things wrong with it that its hard to write them all down. They didn't even show the Predator repair himself. When he did take off his mask...yikes. That's the worst rubber job of all the Predator movies. Fucking Halloween masks are better.

The story itself is just stupid. Nothing coincides with events of the other movies. I'm a detail person and I hate it when they don't take the time to get the facts straight or make it even remotely believable. The one guy seemed to be a copy-cat of Scotty from the original Star Trek. When I closed my eyes I could just picture it.

The only good qualities of the movie are Lance Henrikson and the special effects. It was a joy to see ol Lance in an Alien film again. That in itself is a double edger, with the exception of the Alien franchise, every horror sequel that stars Lance Henrikson is just terrible.  I assume they write a shitty script to an alright movie and while they're trying to figure out a way to market it to the horror fans, they just say fuck it and cast Lance Henrikson.

There were a few "inside" things that fans of the original films would pick up on, but not enough to make it good. The special effects in the movie were pretty decent. The creature effects were well done aside from rubberface and even the CGI was pretty good. I always get a little tingle inside seeing the Alien and Predator face to face on the screen. First with the mask on, and second with the Queen and mask off. But that's really the only joy I get from watching this movie.

If you've never seen it, its worth a watch. If you're a die hard fan of the original series you will be disappointed but chances are you have watched it or will, just because you have to. Its just a lot of flashy action sequences and vague references to the films. It may have been a good movie if it wasn't the Alien and Predator creatures facing off, but since it was, I didn't much care for it.

Maybe they'll redeem themselves in AVP:R...or not.

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