Sunday, October 2, 2011

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Survival Log Day 2

Today, October 2nd, it's Gable's Pick Sunday. I have had this movie on my shelf for near 3 years. I bought it for obvious reasons but every time I picked it up and thought about watching it I just kept remembering what terrible things I've heard about it. That all changed today...

Nail Gun Massacre is what happens when you try to do something original, completely fail at every aspect of it, and still come out making one of the GREATEST MOVIES EVER!

NGM starts out with a suggested rape scene. You don't see anything other than a bunch of rednecks holding down a woman and acting really hillbilly. From there we cut forward awhile and I guess the audience is supposed to forget that happened. Well, this killer is running around murdering EVERYONE with a nail gun. I guess if your short term memory is gone, there's no way you could solve this mystery. (and it gets more obvious when the real killer gives a scowling look) But that doesn't matter, what does matter is this:

Nail Gun Massacre has everything that makes a bad movie good. Terrible, terrible, acting. The director has little to no patience, he just gets 'er done in one take or less. (and with an entire cast of rednecks) There are many sequences that drag on for minutes and never cut away. (The director of Birdemic must have learned everything he knows about directing from this movie) Actors stumble over their lines and we, the audience, just need to give it a pass. The most notable is when a group of teens is out in the woods and one of the girls is left at the campsite to wait for everyone to return. Well a couple minutes goes by and the camera focuses on her and she just starts talking to herself, "oh god, you said you'd come back. I'm going to die," uncontrollably crying, "you said you'd come back" blah blah blah. This goes on forever until some dude stops by and she freaks out (never once the camera leaves her or cuts away) and then the guy just has no idea what to do so he's trying to reassure her that everything is going to be ok. And then its not. HAHAHAHAHA

Gratuitous nudity. This happens THREE TIMES. Now that's a good movie. This movie almost transitions between sex scenes by killing other people. That's awesome!

ALL of the kills are awesome. My favorite is when some dude goes out to check on the grill and the killer is HIDING IN THE POOL. The killer jumps up and just machinenailguns the fuck out of him. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! God, that's awesome. AND every kill is accompanied with some amazing one liner, "Stick around." Some dude pisses on the killer, "Now you've pissed me off." HAHAHAHAHA

So yeah, check this shit out. But be warned, you gotta love shitty movies. This movie is bad....but its so good at it.

Oh yeah, and it added 15 kills to the Kill Counter. Thank you Nail Gun Massacre!


  1. Dang, this looks like the caliber of RetarDEAD but with a nail gun. Woulda been neat if they'd ramped up the nail gun to shoot railroad spikes instead. THAT woulda been cool.

  2. That's a GREAT idea! Maybe some FANatic will fund a sequel and do that. Rail Gun Massacre. That's just too awesome NOT to make.