Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Survival Log Day 18

A note to the Big Blue Bowl of Destiny-
I thought we had an understanding. I thought you cared about me. I know we had our differences yesterday. I deserved that Ulli Lommel movie. It was my fault for reaching down deep into your cavernous opening and pulling out that piece of paper. I'm sorry that I put it back and reached in for a different one. I can understand how you may have saw that as cheating...but honestly, I didn't see what it was. The tape is still there, it's still sealed. I'm sorry for taunting you last week. Your choices were amazing and I really shouldn't have gotten all cocky with how GOOD they were. You were doing me a favor and I was very unappreciative. But please, dear god PLEASE, stop making me watch Ulli Lommel movies. I think going INSANE will be the least of my problems.  Thank you and have a pleasant day.

I'm going to say something that I don't entirely believe: Zombie Nation isn't that bad.

What I mean by that is compared to the last 2 Ulli Lommel movies I've watched this month, this one is ALMOST tolerable. I haven't sat here in front of the TV begging for mercy. There seems to be some kind of story. I think the reason it isn't as bad as the other ones is because Ulli doesn't spend the whole fucking movie shooting in slow mo and overdubbing his own voice. That helps.

But mostly, this movie sucks harder than a Dyson in a carpet factory.

The story is a fairly simple one. You'd think that there'd just be some zombies running around eating people. No. Not the case. The first hour is devoted to this psycho cop who has a fetish for killing girls. (Does Lommel hate WOMEN or something? His main focus with all the movies I've watched so far is either making the woman out as the bad guy or there's just a lot of woman brutahlity) But, he drags women out at random (cursing their sluttiness under his breathe), and then he brings them to some warehouse and kills them. The thing is, he isn't methodical about it at all. He has a rookie partner with him everytime he does this. EVERYTIME. He just tells him to stay in the car while he brings this girl he's been mad at into this abandoned factory. And then he comes out empty handed.

What the fuck man.

And then around the one hour mark, all the ladies he's killed come back as zombies to get their revenge.

Pffffftt....whatever man. Nobody cares.

I think Ulli was trying to go for some kind of social commentary with this movie but I honestly have no idea what the hell that is. Like we're a Zombie Nation of bloodsucking women haters? Whatever, fuck you Ulli.

Chris Hewson over at Not This Time, Nayland Smith has been wanting me to watch this movie. I can understand why. That poor bastard has suffered (willingly mind you) through all of Ulli Lommel's work. So all of you should probably follow him. He is truly better than I. But he asked me yesterday about my thoughts on the actor that plays the psycho killer cop. His name is Gunther Ziegler. I LOVED that guy. I thought his general German hate really transferred well to kill happy psycho cop. He had a very powerful presence on screen. He also had a Christopher Walken-esque type presence. That's what I loved most about him.

Other than that....meh. If you REALLY REALLY want to kill some time, watch this movie. There's about ten thousand other movies I could recommend over this one but compared to the other Lommel works, this one is a cut above the rest.

I don't mean that as a compliment.


  1. Thanks for the mention!
    Also, I'm glad that it's not just me who LOVES Gunther Ziegler, the man is awesome! (Which is something I totally forgot to mention in my own review for Zom-Bie Nat-Ion)

    And could you beleive that David Hess was in this movie?! And he was the co-producer or something! And this isn't the only Lommell film that he's been in and co-produced! What's so strange about his performance is that Ulli thought about his star who was meant to be playing an American having a German accent, so when the character's father appeared, he decided to make (nonsensical) continuity and have David Hess's character talk in an even thicker accent...and the character's meant to be a southern preacher! Haha!

  2. Good review! but once again, I'm so sorry you had to watch another Lommel film.

  3. Chris - HAHAHAHAHA

    Ty - Thank you. I know you mean that.

  4. Your Welcome. I really mean it.

  5. You're a brave man. Braver than I could be.

  6. Sad thing is...I just happened across ANOTHER Lummel film that I actually fucking own. It's going on the Roulette wheel tomorrow.