The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Survival Log Day 11

So I was having a pretty wicked dream about zombies last night. I think we were partying. They all wanted to eat me but they wanted me drunk first. So we were drinking, music was loud, and they kept looking at me and licking their chops. I didn't entirely figure it out, I was just really excited to be drinking with zombies. And free booze, how am I supposed to say no to that!

"I like to think of Ted Raimi as a superhero. Killing all those dirty prostitutes."

What goes around, comes around. This movie was up for a vote last week and was defeated...but that's ok. The Bowl knew that I needed to see it.

Ted FUCKING Raimi as a serial killer. That's just to epic to pass up.

This movie follows in the footsteps of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Silence of the Lambs. Ted Raimi goes around stabbing prostitutes and skinning them. Then he wears their skin like a suit. The best was when this black guy pissed him off so he put on his skin and went around harrassing white chicks. It was full on Raimi Racism. Loved it.

In the beginning, Raimi moves in with Ricki Lake. She needs a roommate and I guess serial killers are the only ones applying. Also, there's a subplot with Traci Lords. She's mangled and hunting Ted Raimi. I assume because he attacked her before and left her that way. But the thing is, they meet up around the 45 minute mark, she actually confronts him, but never follows through. She just swears at him a couple times, he runs away, around the block, and attacks HER from behind. HAHAHHAAHA Stupid Traci. What were you thinking?

And then out of NOWHERE, Ted bangs Ricki Lake. She has one fight with her boyfriend because he's a truck driver and always leaving her home alone, so Ted takes that opportunity to get him some chunky lovin. I guess Ted actually falls in love with her because he shows her his "true" side. That side being Skinner the Serial Killer. (Simpsons...this should be your new direction for Seymour) Ricki freaks out, Ted gets mad, and all hell breaks loose to a thrilling conclusion.

This movie's pretty slow. If these epic actors were not in this movie, I would surely hate it. But just the fact that Ted Fucking Raimi is a serial killer blows my mind. It's so much fun watching his sadistic side. He's just the coolest. They are all trying their hardest to make this movie "dramatic" and "scary" but it's just not happening. It's actually painful.

That's A-Pix Entertainment for you. (at least when it comes to non-monster movies)