Today, October 3rd, the Big Blue Bowl of Destiny chose my horrible fate. It decided that it was SCREAMTIME!
Last night I had my first case of ACTUAL insanity. I'd watched horror movies half the day (Nail Gun Massacre/Stake Land/Army of Darkness (ON BLURAY MOTHERFUCKERS)/and Prom Night) I don't really think that has anything to do with it (other than the fact my kill counter shot through the roof) but when I was falling asleep I had this vivid "dream" (I was in that state of sleep just before actually falling asleep) and there were some people and one of them was this old lady with an ostrich type head and her bloody red eyes began to swirl clockwise and she said "I HAVE YOU NOW". I knew I was just dreaming, I knew that this wasn't real, but my fucking body was stuck in a state of terror. I couldn't move. It took a few moments but I snapped out of it.
That's the COUNTDOWN TO INSANITY BABY!! WWWWOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
October, you can try but you will not beat me.
Anyway, let's check out Screamtime.
"This is exactly how I wanted to spend my morning: Watching a living hand puppet talk through a kazoo and beat people to death with a 2x4."
"ah bullshit. it's just a 2x3."
Screamtime is an anthology movie. Three shitty slasher flicks shown back to back. They work mostly on atmosphere and less on murdering. All three are british flicks with britich actors. Each one isn't entirely unwatchable. I wouldn't go so far as to say they're the most amazing thing I've ever watched but it wasn't a complete waste of time. And quite honestly, the best part of this anthology isn't the brit horror but the wrap around story...which is 3 no nothing New Yorkers drinking Budweiser, having promiscuous sex, and watching these 3 movies...which they stole from a video rental place. HAHAHAHA After the first one the guy sits up and pulls the VHS tape out of the player (top loader!) and says, "I know theys british because da way dey talk." HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
First Segment: An old guy is a hand puppet entertainer and his entire family hates him. Eventually the hand puppets go on a murder spree and start killing everyone with a 2x3. It's kinda like Puppet Master to the effect that the hand puppets attack people that've wronged their owner. Then there's a big reveal (I'm sure you can about guess) and the REAL killer goes the way of the Shredder into the back of a garbage truck.
Second Segment: A couple is living in a new house. The woman keeps hearing things and seeing blood everywhere. They try again and again to find ANY clues but there's nothing. They call in a psychic to check out the house for ghosts: Nothing. Eventually she sees a gigantic slaughter in the house that turns out to be in her head. Or is it?
Third Segment: Some guys go to rob these old ladies....doesn't matter. Killer Garden Gnomes.
A nice little anthology. Check it out on Netflix Instant. The wraparound and ending are worth the watch. And I guess the anthology movies aren't half bad either.
Me and kitty laugh in your face October. Bring it.