Monday, October 24, 2011

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Survival Log Day 24


I've experienced several brain aneurisms over the course of the last few weeks but we're on the home stretch. After today we are down to 7 days left to drive myself insane. I've managed to keep my cool with the lady. No outbursts. No nothing. Her happiness is my pain. It's awesome.

Speaking of....have any of you ever put peanut butter on a hamburger? It's fucking awesome.

I would like to know what your expectations for this movie are. Are you expecting some thrill a minute excitementathon where you are on the edge of your seat completely enveloped in the story and emotionally attached to the characters? Or are you like me and just looking to see a group of teen nobodies get their freak on and get murdered VIOLENTLY!

God bless America. That is exactly what happens.

The basic underlining story is a guy has to go to his old man's cabin to close it down for winter. He tells his friends and they all decide that they're going to go there with him for the weekend to get a little R&R. They get there, play a riveting game of Monopoly, and start getting killed in awesome ways. Like this one chick for example, he captures her and hold an axe to her throat...but that's not enough. He drags her into the toolshed, puts her on the workbench, jams a huge hook into her vagina (see hook above), THEN takes the axe to her. WOW.

This movie fullfilled every expectation I had for it...which was absolutely none. I just really wanted to see lots different kills with different weapons. This movie delivered. I don't care about the characters, I don't care about the killer, nobody fucking cares. At least the filmmakers knew that. They just wanted to put out a sweet little slasher movie that will gross out your girlfriend.

I guess what I didn't care for is they didn't conceal the killer at all. I guess it doesn't matter but I always loved that obvious "twist" ending. They think they're so clever but they just aren't. Oh well, whatever.

And the Mutilator took too fucking long to kill the teens. There was a good half hour there where he just let them live. WHAT THE FUCK! That's ok, in the end it was worth it. Most of them got their just desserts. Because they're teenagers...and teenagers need to die. (I say that with confidence because I myself am not a teenager and don't plan on being one ever good riddance)

The Mutilator. I completely forgettable movie but a great time waster. I suggest watching this with a group of people that like talking during movies. There's no need to listen to the story, just pay attention when someone dies.


  1. I love the opening song. Amazing. A bar right down the road from my house has a peanut butter burger and and fucking fantastic. By Sword.. By Pick...By Axe...Bye Bye.

  2. Ah dude, I wonder if they use those weapons to MAKE the peanut butter burger. That's probably why they're so good.

  3. I too share your disdain for teenagers. Every time I see one I'm like, "Gimme that youth, YOU'RE WASTING IT!"

  4. Your sanity will be restored in less than a week! Yay!