Saturday, October 15, 2011

The 31 Baddest Days of Halloween: Survival Log Day 15

I might need a nap today. My motor functions are just shit this morning. When I got up, I was putting away some dishes as my coffee was brewing...I nearly dropped everything. HAHAHAHA But that's ok. After I got going, I'm doing better. Whatever. I am bad, I'll survive.

Let's see what the Bad Movie Roulette wheel has in store for me today.

Try not to look 1 inch below the video. There's a huge spoiler there. Lulz

The best part about this cover is that all of this happens.

This movie is a huge surprise. Look at the poster. This movie is obviously going to blow. Looking at the back you're kind of expecting this ultra low budget movie filmed with a camcorder. And the cover of this movie is fucking awesome so that only means that this movie is going to suck. I learned that lesson from Battle Queen 2020.

I'm in a complete state of shock here. This movie was really enjoyable.

Later in the movie, he wears a flaming metal indian headdress.

The story goes something like this: A few hundred years ago there was this priest. (above) Him and his fellow bible thumpers are burning witches. The priest tries to talk them out of burning them because burning these particular witches would be akin to martyrdom and things would spiral out of control fast. So the other priests, getting burnhappy, burn the priest with the witches. While in the after life, the priest makes a deal with the devil. He would be given his own kingdom in hell if he were to collect 100,000 souls. He would rule over them for all eternity. The catch is that he has to kill them all himself. No matter how many lifetimes it takes. So he starts cults, murders everyone, collects souls. Once he's reached his goal, he purposefully gets captured by the police. The police immediately execute him. His soul is transferred to his kingdom...which is empty. Fucking devil kept them all for himself! Asshole.

So naturally, the priest is pissed off. Where's his legion of lost souls to rule over! Well, back on Earth there's an underground goth party. These 2 girls are at the goth store and get invited. They go there and its run by these poser vampire dudes. They spike the people's drinks and start shouting some mystical shit from a book they had purchased earlier that day. (this is done so the people experiencing this think this is actually happening...and they also want to get laid) But turns out...the book he had bought was the real shit and it unwittingly puts the soul of the priest into the girl. She wakes up and...long story short murders everyone in the building. He then hangs himself, goes back to his kingdom, and rules all of them.

The one thing this movie did right, and this is something ALL severely underbudget movies need to learn, is that this movie is just a hair over an hour long. They didn't try to pad running time with meaningless subplots or stretched out dialogue. They just fucking got right into everything, did it all over the top, and ending the movie as it should quickly as possible. It fucking blows my mind, this movie is AWESOME!

I can't believe this. I was so sure this was gonna be torture. I'm so glad I was forced to watch this. I'll be watching it again. (And Vincent, if you want it back just lemme know.) There were two montages in this movie. TWO. I fucking love montages. They're probably my favorite part of any action movie, any movie in general. This movie had fucking two of them. The first was a "trying on goth dresses" montage. Pretty awesome considering the hotness of the girl trying them on. And the final montage, my favorite, the 17 deaths long murder montage. HOLY SHIT that kicked ass. They just cut from one death to another. Slice, slit, stab, snap, rip, cut, tear, burn, WIN!

I was a little surprised by the director. I thought he did a pretty amazing job. Not all of the time...but I really liked his "vision". There was one particular scene that really shocked me. This chick exits a building and she walks into the street. The camera pans over just a little bit as a car screeches to a halt. You don't see her get run over but the last thing you were expecting was a fucking car to suddenly show up. I thought it was going to pan off to the side and dissolve...nope. Somebody died. Awesome.

The other thing this movie has going for it is the copious amounts of nudity. There was a reviewer on IMDb that said there was a lack of it in this movie. FUCK YOU. There is not. There's nudity in the beginning, there's nudity in the flashbacks, there's nudity in the satan chair (above), there's some nudity in the murder montage, and there's a SHITLOAD of nudity in the final scene. Not just topless nudity either, full blown bush nudity. And all the chicks are looking mighty fine I might add.

I should also mention that while I did love this movie, there is also a lot of bad to it. The acting is hammed up, the effects, while good, are not always great. The parts that could be considered "bad" are the parts I loved the most. They just add to the overall amazingness of this movie. I love when actors overact, it's just so much fun to watch. And honestly, how much are you expecting from GOTHKILL? As long as there's Goths, Killing, and Nudity (and there's copious amounts of ALL THREE) then you can't go wrong.

So needless to say, I recommend this movie. It's epic.

How the hell am I supposed to go insane when all these movies are fucking AWESOME!!!


  1. Are you going to be watching/reviewing the other Ulli Lommell films?

  2. I have put them in the Big Blue Bowl of Destiny. So if at anytime the rest of the month, Mon-Thurs it should decide that for me, then yes. But as far as Roulette's and Voting goes, he's done.

    Unless...there's big support for doing a special Lommel Round 2 edition. Then I'd do it.

  3. I love your videos, your voice just exudes this to-the-bone weariness about the movies that are potentially going to suck so hard. I'm glad Goth Kill didn't suck! From what I've heard, The Bloody Ape is pretty good, but we never got around to watching it. (Bloody Good Horror said it was "shot on Super 8 for half the price of a root canal at Western Dental," which makes me laugh every time.)

    I love montages, especially 1960s pop movie montages that look like they were filmed for an episode of The Monkees. A couple days ago we watched The Jazz Singer with Neil Diamond and even it has 2 montages, which are the best parts of the film. That probably goes without saying.

  4. Go ahead and keep the movie, dude. I'm glad you enjoyed it! I also agree with Stacia about your videos, you should consider making them a regular feature on your blog after October.

  5. Stacia - thank you. I was a little nervous about ACTUALLY talking to people who read the blog. But you know, it's all in the name of AWESOME, so I'm glad I did it. Doing it has been helping me with my podcast problem. I've been trying forever to do a recording but I always get so nervous because I'm trying to be relaxed and perfect about it...but all I need to do and just hit record and fucking do it. The videos help.

    Vincent - That's a great idea! I'll have to put my mind to work and figure out a way to make a spectacle of it. It'll for sure transfer over to podcasting.